Deck the halls (or the wine) as the Fledglings head into December.

[GoingGoingGoth]

Huge thanks to Blue for leading the thread throughout November (and to SC for such a copy and paste-able OP )

If you are struggling with C.H.A.O.S. (can't have anyone over syndrome) and S.T.U.F.F. (something that undermines family fun) then this is the thread where we (loosely) follow the step-by-step Flylady housekeeping system (in our own, unique, relaxed style) with lots of chat, support and wine and cake along the way.

Flylady link is here

This little-and-often system is designed so that you can follow a series of steps and routines each day (which gradually become second nature) in zones of the house which are designated weekly; defining and minimising housework, which in theory should leave you with loads more time to do something more interesting instead!

At the same time it is intended to reduce that panicky "rabbit in headlights" feeling when you are overwhelmed and everything needs doing all at once. No problem if you miss a day or two; just jump right back in and it will all come around next month again!

It's up to you, but we advise not signing up to receive the Flylady e-mails as you will be inundated! All the information you need will be linked here on a daily basis.

From the first of the month, we will be following Flylady's steps and routines using a three-pronged approach (dependent on the stage everyone is at):

1. start or repeat baby steps

1. repeat baby steps + do 15 mins a day decluttering in the current zone

1. reinforce babysteps and do daily missions if you have finished decluttering.

[And if you are really enthusiastic and have finished decluttering - you can go on to detailed deep cleaning in each zone.]

More info here on getting started and Flying lessons. Here's the launch pad for more experienced fledglings.

Don't be put off by the barf-tastic language of the site - the underlying system is sound!

Three key points to keep in mind:
(1)No perfectionism allowed - this is harder than you would imagine
(2)You are never behind just start where you are and anything you do is progress.
(3) It didn't get into a mess overnight, it won't get tidy over night - accept it will take time to get on top of things and you will be happier.

If you are new; then trying to spend 15mins decluttering daily and doing the babysteps is a good way to start. Some of us (mentioning no names!) can have scary looking lists but don't let that worry you! Do what you can, anything is better then nothing, and don't judge yourself against others.

If all else fails, a + the power of three technique + a bit of support on here can work wonders!

Oh and don’t let it put you off if we appear a bit cliquey – some of us have been on here for years – but all lurkers, intermittent returnees, oldies and newcomers very, very welcome!

Fab news, *Toffee! Hope he's with you soon.

Helloooo ellie, lovely to see you on here again too! Really sorry to hear about the split; like WhoKnows, I've heard that things do get easier but I know that probably isn't much comfort to you at the moment when you see your DD unhappy. But would it really be better for her in the long term to have two parents who were still together but unhappy in their relationship?

Goth It's heartbreaking just reading about the events on the news, but it must affect you so much more when it's close by.

WhoKnows Your DD's bed sounds just like DS's - he only has a medium sleeper, but it's still just high enough for me not to realise exactly how much he accumulates in there until I change his sheets.

Blue I'm not only confusing Austrian children, I'm also causing trauma to my own DC! Neighbour phoned yesterday to ask whether her DD could come over - DS got very agitated as we have Christmas tree up and presents underneath. But neighbour said, "oh, that's fine, you're celebrating a British Christmas" and her DD didn't even seem to notice (she must be used to it by now, I'm sure). DS was almost in tears about her seeing the tree and presents, though.

SC I do agree with you about Christmas generally being less stressful here - and less commercial (although it's getting more so). To compare DH's and my family (a completely unrepresentative sample), my mother will start cooking for Christmas weeks if not months in advance, whereas MIL does a big spread of cold meats and cheese on Christmas Eve and that's about it. I just find it a little stressful having it all crammed into one evening - particularly having to produce and decorate a Christmas tree without small DC noticing!

A very short to-do list:

1. Finish job no. 1
2. Sort out clothes to take to UK
3. Finish packing hand luggage as far as possible (not flying until Saturday, but am trying to avoid last-minute panic)

Hellooooo!!! In a bit of a rush ...but just wanted to drop in and say "hi"!!

Ellie great to have you back!!!!!!!! Sorry to hear your dd is struggling. Again, no words of wisdom and I'm certainly no expert but probably think it just needs time as you are aldready doing all the things that friends say are helpful in these circs anyway ie being clear and consistent, keeping lines of communication open with your ex/keeping yourself strong mentally etc/having good extended family network/back-up etc. I looked on childline website (only thing I coudl think of!) and they have these links www.childline.org.uk/Explore/HomeFamilies/Pages/DivorceSeparation.aspx (scroll down) for dc which might be helpful ???

Great you have the house to yourself and hope you all have a lovely Christmas (albeit a different one) and here's to the start of a positive new chapter for you and your dc xx

Toffee all hail to British Gas and deffo pursue deposit from other shysters!!!

Whoknows arf at your dd's bed-hoarding tendencies!! Itmight make you feel better to learn that I once found an entire wooden sledge in dd's bed (she said it needed a rest).

Aye Goth can't imagine what that crew are going through and their families

Nine million things to do so had better go! Big feathery waves to Engels (fingers crossed for you!!) Blue Swan Bitchy Alice Mercury Linzer and everyone I have missed!

Ellie no advice, but it's lovely to have you back. It sounds like you & STBXH are doing your best. It may be difficult for DD now, but I'm sure it wouldn't be easier for any of you to stay together if it's not working.

Toffee I hope your heating is fixed and that you are splashing about in a tub of hot water.

Who Knows I seem to have a similar list

Done
Bed
Laundry on
Washed up last nights pots
Dry laundry away

To do
Rubbish & recycling out
Quick vacuum,
Quicker mop
Iron tablecloth (I know where mine is )
Wrap DH's present (when he goes to the shop for milk)
Put stuff in Crackers (get DD to write jokes)
Dry, iron & air today's laundry (will probably end up hiding it in bedroom tomorrow)

x post

Linzer yes, can imagine decorating a tree without the dc noticing could be a little problematic !! Hadn't realised it was meant to appear magically out of the blue!!

I find it hard enough to find a private corner in which to wrap dd's presents and sort her stocking as she is in to everything!!!!

See, this is why I should never leave this thread. Just reading your posts makes me feel a little better. Thanks for the links sc, will have a read when I get a minute.

Ta da:-
Hoovered
Final tidy round
Tracked Santa
Played hide and seek
Bathed dc's

Am now pondering what I can prep ahead of tomorrow and need to get a shower before Stbxh appears and we go present delivering to family (his and mine). As things are amicable we are trying to do xmas together this first year.

Back later. And thank you.

Heating is back on and I'm about to get into a hot bath .

Finally feeling Christmassy!

Hello Ellie I am going to make myself really unpopular. Ds still wants me and his dad back together we have been apart over 8 yrs but kept doing things together with ds because it would be nice for him. It actually has made it much harder for him and if I could do anything differently it would have been to insist separate christmas and special events sooner. Whilst you still do things together there is always hope that things will get back to the way they were. Your dd will find it hard she has to mourn the loss of the family unit she has previously known. It will get easier for her but it will take time. Reframing can help.EG "Ds how are you missing out on christmas? you are going to get 2 christmases. You are gaining a christmas. I am so jealous." Enjoy your christmas as it is. Don't feel guilt or anything else over the situation. It is what it is and you are only doing the best you can. Some families can stay close and do stuff. There is no right or wrong answer. You have to find your own path through this. DD will bounce back but it may take her a while.

Yay Toffee!!!!!!!!!!!

sorry that was a terrible x-post.

Oh, actually Bitchy may have a point there It may just be another typical parenting case of whatever you do you'll always think you're doing it wrong. Ultimately you have to do what feels right for you and not keep second guessing yourself.

Yay Toffee, nice to know BG can do it right.

Yay for heating toffee..enjoy your bath.

I think you may be right bitchy. She says she understands we are not getting back together but I suspect underneath she hopes we will. We have said that it will just be this xmas we do together as it is the first one. And they are leaving me xmas afternoon and going with stbxh for the night and for a family gathering in Boxing Day. We have tried to do everything else separately apart from ds's birthday which was shortly after the split. DS appears to be coping very well. Tellingly, he said the other day that i seem happier since the split which speaks volumes i think. You are not making yourself unpopular at all. I need your wisdom. Anyway enough worrying. Dc's are loved and secure in that love. They want for nothing and have a secure family (both mine and stbxh's) who love them dearly. It will take time, I always knew it would. I am going to enjoy xmas. And when they go with stbxh on xmas day I shall embrace this new version of xmas and settle on the sofa with prosecco and chocolates and know that i can watch downton in glorious peace. Plus i entirely put my incredibly organisational skills this xmas down to the split. Time to wrap and clean etc when they have been at their dad's. Bought presents early as i knew it was purely up to me. And didn't have the worry/stress of a failing marriage/dh to annoy me hanging around.

All will be good.

I think it is easier for older children to rationalise it. Younger children are still very self centred in their view of the world. She will be fine. Christmas will be fine. And ds has been fine since we had our last big conversation about it. Enjoy your christmas Ellie it is all you can do, worry won't change anything. And DD will be fine, just don't put a time limit on the time it will take. It is a kinda grief and thus different for everyone. You are an amazing support and thus it will all be fine.

And as for the fledgling dammit we are all going to have amazing 2015s. Positive thinking and what not.

whoknows - that made me laugh. DD must be a magpie.

Lovely to ‘see’ you. Sorry to hear DD is struggling

Enjoy your day toffee . Hurrah or heating and hot water. I agree totally with making it easy on yourself - We have some ready-made cakes for tomorrow and I just bought some freezer puff pastry snacks to save hassle, but DH is still insisting on making an apple pie and is currently in the kitchen swearing at dough

linzer could you explain the Austrian Christmas to me? Do you really have to get everything up without the kids noticing on a certain day? And why didn’t your DS want his sister’s friend to see the tree?

Ta da
Mw appt – baby engaged and booked for a sweep next week at 40+2
Last minute dash to supermarket for extra supplies
Christmas Eve hamper delivered to a very happy boy – now drinking hot choc with cream and marshmallows while wrapped up in his new blanket. We also have The Night Before Christmas to read later, Mickey Mouse Christmas DVD to watch, crackers to have with dinner, our stockings to put at the ends of our beds, new PJs for me and DS and a new dressing gown for DS.

We’re having cheese and biscuits for dinner tonight with little snacky bits as well. Yum yum!

Merry Christmas everyone!

Long story but FIL is now not talking to DH and I because we didn’t jump when he clicked his fingers this morning and he stomped off in a childish strop. And WE are now hosting PILs and BIL/SIL/DNs in the morning instead of PILs who have decided (yesterday) that they MUST go to the 10 o’clock service at church, thus delaying morning coffee (difficult for BIL because they are driving to see SILs family in afternoon on the other side of the country) . Total power games which will give MIL the opportunity to play the martyr when she only sees 2 of her GC for an hour n Christmas Day. Which is why DH and I made a quick dash to the supermarket this morning to make sure we have enough for guests. Tomorrow is going to be FUN!!!

Just back from church, which was absolutely packed. We arrived 10 minutes before the service and thought we were in good time, but it was already standing room early. Luckily some friends made room for us, but at one point it looked like we were going to have to stand for the whole hour (plenty of people did).

Engels Your family situation all sounds rather stressful - not what you need at 39 weeks, I'm sure.
Basically the Christ Child brings not only all the presents on the 24th but also the Christmas tree. The children have to stay out of the room where the Christmas tree will be until a bell rings and ta da - a tree has magically appeared with all the presents underneath. I'm not quite sure how parents manage it either; I spotted our neighbours' tree in the garage a few days ago and other friends have kept theirs hidden in the cellar. Trees must always be real and always have real candles on them too; I was a bit when I first saw PIL's tree and kept expecting it to go up in flames at any minute (apparently quite a few do, especially after Christmas when the branches are starting to dry out). Health and safety isn't a concept that exists in Austria.
DS was just concerned that our neighbours' DD would be very confused by our tree and presents already being up/out and I think he was a bit worried about how we would explain why the Christ Child doesn't come to our house. Tbh most parents are fairly relaxed about us being a bit "different", although I do remember SIL taking the label off a present that my parents had sent to her PFB as all gifts must come from the Christkind.

I will enjoy tomorrow safe in the knowledge that even though ILs are a bit strange, my own family is not

sounds like a logistical nightmare linzer - I've just lugged all our wrapped presents down from the attic so I can sort them out later when DS is in bed.

Linzer i would have no idea how i would have managed that with ds. It was hard enough with ds not believing in father Christmas.

Ok, to do list all done apart from work out cooking timetable (use the same one every year, just need to work out what time to put the turkey in). The wine glasses haven't been washed yet either.

So, I'm going to say "Merry Christmas Everybody" - I love being on this thread with you lot, it definitely makes my life happier (and sometimes a bit tidier too!).

I think we're all ready (if it hasn't been done by now, it's not that important)

Hope you all have a great day tomorrow, you are a lovely bunch.

Merry Christmas

Ah fuck it, I can peel the veg in the morning. Time for methinks.

Have a fabulous Christmas you lovely ladies.

Merry Christmas lovely fledglings. I hope you all have a wonderful day

Merry Christmas everyone! Got to finish up the wrapping, a nice glass of , and then off to bed.

Awkward moment just now. DD(8) announced in front of DS (10) that she didn't believe in FC and that it was in fact me who fills the stockings. A little chat with DS later and he is absolutely adamant that he believes in it, even though he knows some of his friends don't. He looked quite upset at the very suggestion. And I thought if anything it would be the other way round. Either way I wish the'd hurry up and go to sleep, I'm tired.

Ouch whoknows. Sounds like you handled it well. DD is too excited to sleep apparently and DS is a non believer who doesn't want to go to bed. I just want them to go to sleep so I can out pressies out and go to sleep myself. Sigh.

You could suggest that for every 10 mins later they have to wait an extra 1hr before they get their presents tomo. It has been know to work around here. But then ds knows that I would carry this threat out because I am mean

Fingers crossed all those with excited dc managed to get them to sleep sooner rather than later.

Truthfully I am missing ds and can't be arsed about christmas. But then again I have pretty much slept the last 2 days and am just run down and grumpy anyway.

Also my light bulb blew and in typical sods law there is no spare bulb in the house and the local shops shut hours ago.

Evening all! Cheers everybody

Just want to add to the others in saying a huge "thank you" and "bottoms up" to all fledglings and everyone on this thead!

I hope you all have a really lovely, happy, peaceful, healthy and Christmas!! You deserve it!!

And special and thanks to Goth for posting links throughout the holiday and when everyone is busy and stressed. Really good of you .

Had a very rushed tiring day but it ended in a lovely evening with new arrivals. Cooked a Mary Berry lentil curry for everyone in the end (in to which you stir spinach at the last minute) which sounds very nut-cutlet-ish and worthy but was in fact very tasty and warming and easy to prepare! Even dd liked it (without the green element). Phew!

We then had our traditional Christmas eve (when we don't go to midnight mass - we are going to church tomorrow morning - because the travellers were a bit weary tonight) which consists of dd receiving new post-bath pjs (a onesie in this instance), putting out sherry and carrots and mince pies etc for Father Christmas and the reindeer, reading a lovely nativity book (with carols) which I've inherited from my eldest sister, and watching Tom and Jerry in a Night Before Christmas... .

Everyone has just now trooped up to bed except Santas rather large helper me!

Got to finish the wrapping and pack dd's stocking and then can finally sleep!!

HOpe everyone has a lovely day tomorrow!!

HAAAAPPPPPYYYYYY CCCHHHHRRRRIIIISTTTMASSSS!!!!

PS Love the sound of traditional tree with candles Linzer!!

PPS Keep us posted Engels and Castle!!!!