Mad Fledglings March through the Spring cleaning

[BitchytheGreat]

So here we are, March already.

So for those who don't know the fledglings is a long running thread. Some of us seem clicky but that is because we have been chatting on these threads for nearly half a decade makes everyone feel old we quite like fresh blood though so feel free to jump in and join us.

Three key points to keep in mind:
(1)No perfectionism allowed - this is harder than you would imagine
(2)You are never behind just start where you are and anything you do is progress.
(3) It didn't get into a mess overnight, it won't get tidy over night - accept it will take time to get on top of things and you will be happier.

If you are new then trying to spend 15mins decluttering and the babysteps is the most. Some of us Bitchy can have scary looking lists. One word of advice ignore them. Do what you can, anything is better then nothing, and don't judge yourself against others.

Engels what are you hoping to see in theatre? Just discussing theatre with my cousin and whether live shows can now compete with sheer brilliance of boxed sets ..we decided yes.

The Globe company are visiting Amsterdam with Hamlet! Really difficult to find good quality English language theatre here so very excited.

ta da
supermarket
2nd load of washing on
watched last week's Gardener's World

Snuggled up with DS on sofa, poor little mite's feeling poorly.

Engels - there's nowhere to sit in any of our upstairs rooms except the beds, so working up there isn't really practical. Our bedrooms are all really small. As are our downstairs rooms

Ta da
Errands: Get photos printed, dentist appointments, library for book options for ds
Other: Coffee with friend, set up a life file, pack clothes and stuff for my wkend plans, Have a soak in bath with last of lush bath bombs, Grab a shower to get clean after, empty upstairs bins, take out recycling, do a test mount of photos for thank you cards.
Online: email, twitter, fb, mn etc, copy new CDs onto computer, play hunt the blank cds (fail)
Kitchen: start packing snacks for later, put away baking stuff from last night,
Laundry: 1 load through washer, 2nd load on
Bathroom: Cover bath in cleaner and leave to soak
ds' room: Put away clean washing
Hallway: remove random plastic bags
Lounge: 5mins declutter,
My room: 5mins decluttering

whoknows I have been known to mark a set of essays on the bed (before we finished converting the attic - which is still a mess but enough room fora tiny corner for me amongst the mess!)

Ta da
2nd load of washing now in td
checked bank
ordered theatre tickets
bought lovely coat online this was the real reason I was chevcking my bank today and why I will probably have to hide my credit card till pay day
replied to emails

DS is too limpet like for me to do anythign else today. bambi and Dumbo all the way here!

I always work on the bed. It is a habbit I have had since a kid. means I can lie on my stomach, sit up, or what ever. gives a good surface for reams of different paperwork that needs to be referred to too.

I am doing stuff but the more i do, the more i see needs doing and the more down hearted I am getting. Not helped by the realisation I either have to go clothes shopping or seriously lose weight. So feeling very :( atm. I don't want to go clothes shopping but not sure I can shift 1/2 stone fast enough so I have clothes to wear.

The SEN stuff is indeed a specialised thing and is a huge reason why some of us have additional housekeeping difficulties, because it takes up so much time and energy, never mind the –carpets of-- boxes of paperwork and filing systems needed.

I feel very guilty that I’ve often used all my time talking to some posters about it, and then have to run, when lots of other posters are struggling with all sorts of other issues that are just as draining, and just hope it’s recognised as un intentioned.

When I first joined the thread I was surprised by how many other posters on a housekeeping thread had children with SEN’s or where a carer for someone, or a teacher, or had/were home ed.

With hindsight it’s not surprising, but I’m ever so glad there are posters who don’t have the same issues, and we’re a slice of all sorts of different lives and experiences on here, united by trying to make housework not take up so much time yet happen anyway.

Whoknows, You sound like you aren’t far behind on finishing the statement. It is a parallel universe. We’ve both SN’s and SEN’s here and the sense of loss, dissonance, difference, desire for ‘normality’ etc, is less obvious to the outside world with SEN’s, but it’s all felt just as keenly.

Honu That’s very tough. I have to do it all for dd, but she can no longer read any of it, which is a silver lining.

Bitchy{coffee] hang on in there. Same problem with more I do , more I see that needs doing! The bed is usually the only place I can work that someone else isn't occupying!

I can barely move, but re-tiling, painting, wallpapering along with an awful lot of cleaning and bleaching have all taken place. Flooring is still a problem, a couple of walls that are still dire, and need to build new frame for salvaged bits of kitchen units.

Still to do
More of the same
Strip last bits of paper from living room wall
Rip out last section of skirting
Rip out last section of flooring
Scrub everything to within an inch of it’s life
Try and get contaminated stuff ready to travel to tip
Draw kitchen unit’s frame
Filing
HE diary
English coursework
Prep out back for wind/storm/hail
Dinner
Work out what I’ve forgotten that desperately needed doing
Plan tomorrow
Listen to friend
sleep

Toffee, Congratulations on getting statement application done!
I’m sorry, no magic answers re school viewing. We stayed too long at junior school, because he ‘wouldn’t be bullied out’ of his school, and at senior school it was only when things had deteriorated so badly, that he was ready to ‘give up.’
For him it was all about accepting defeat, loss of power, control, failure, a sense of failing to belong to where he thought he did/should. For me it was all about turning those things around into knowing when to walk, understanding the balance between smart enough to know when to move on, and not quitting easily, but fear of failure keeping you trapped, being bold, decisive, good sense of self, knowing there would be better places to belong to, who would welcome him, Etc, and accepting that being the incorrect shaped jigsaw piece for that picture, was an indication he belonged to a different, better picture, that the one he was trying to make himself fit.

He told everyone how much he loved his school, while being desperately lost and unhappy and complaining about a high level of bullying, but I realised in the end, he was deeply attached to his junior school building (though they didn’t include him on the millennium wall!) and felt strongly it was his school, so we stayed but with a lot of collateral damage, but with seniors, (by which time a lot of energy had gone into surviving juniors) it was much more about fear of others proved right, fear of failure, and fear of worse than ‘the devil he knew’, happening to him.

Being male makes all of this harder, as well as they’ve spent a lot of time being told they mustn’t give up, and must keep coming because otherwise…, (otherwise is usually not explained but works on anxiety) with hidden sub texts about ‘quitters’, shame, and failure, and what peers (inc disliked ones) may think. Accepting ASD can initially cause conflicts with sense of masculinity too. So you nearly always have to work on all those things as part of helping them move on.

I’m a LP so automatically model male and female values, but depending on character and family dynamics; it might be possible for his dad to help with some of it. (I dress up a lot of learning to be a balanced, but male, individual, within ‘leadership skills’)

I know working on those sort of things doesn’t solve the immediate problem fast enough probably, but it might get him closer and help him be more comfortable in his own skin.

Thanks Just - I've been surprised by how many on this thread are in similar situations, what I like about this thread is that there is always someone to share and empathise with, whether it's SENs, work, problematic DHs, children in general or even housekeeping and those who don't share that particular situation are always kind and supportive anyway.

I had another couple of hours on the appeal paperwork today and got it pretty well finished, have emailed it to a friend for proofreading and need to put together the attachments etc, but it should be in the post on Monday with any luck. Then I can have a break from it for a bit (and get my OU assignment finished).

Anyway, have managed a bit of shopping and a couple of loads of washing today, as well as coffee with friends (this particular group are a real lifeline to me over the SEN stuff too). Also been to school for DD's class assembly. Got to take DS and friend to basketball in a minute.

Honu - sympathies over the paperwork for care, it sounds horrendous. I'm on another forum where someone has described going to tribunal over benefits for an adult child with SNs and it sounds absolutely grim.

Bitchy - I can't work on laptop on a bed, just can't get comfy, it's ok for browsing but not proper typing. I can manage if I'm working from a single document or book, but nothing more. I do use it for sorting all my filing though, it's the biggest flat surface in the house.

done
trip to Gloucester Road, and passports renewed. [hopefully] Nailbiting, I messed up one of precious pre-signed forms (wrote my phone number instead of the witness's), then I forgot the Royal Mail pretracked envelopes, and had to go off again to buy them, only when I came back did I realise how lucky I was to have got a ticket from the machine, queuing system ticket machine broke down, and hordes of patient people waiting not able to sit down for fear of losing their place. Only took 4 hours of waiting!!! Yay!! Toffee I admire you for being able to deal efficiently with invoices and parcels at work too, it is definitely not my forte having to deal with paperwork at all, in any capacity. I was shaking when I left the passport office, just convinced that something was going to go wrong still, some little blip that would mean I had to go back to the beginning again. My name is just slightly different on all the documents as it was registered wrong at birth and contradicts the children's birth certs.

So I've been feeling deliriously relieved since that's been dealt with. Bought dh a strawberry pastry from cake shop on way home. Had a nap, dh had a nap.

He's just picked up ds2 from tube who is in very good mood. We've just been looking at all the jobs you can do if you study science to higher level, including "Park Ranger"! In Science Buddies. I might pin it on the wall in the kitchen to inspire the children.

engelssorry ds is feeling poorly, my ds1 used to love Gardener's world, it was his first grownup programme on Friday night, before we even let them watch Dr WHO! I did Hamlet for Alevel, I loved the way it all fitted together structurally (at least that was the way they taught it) It would be odd to watch it again, and experience it in a dramatic way, now that I've forgotten what it all means

Have been quite productive today (for once!)

Ta Da

• Meal planned and bought food
• Hoovered upstairs, down the stairs and downstairs
• R/R dining room, kitchen and lounge
• Filing
• Swept kitchen floor
• Fed DD and dinner in oven for DH & me

DD has her Swimathon tonight (8pm) so starting to feel nervous. I know she can swim the distance but don't want her to be disappointed with the time (she is aiming for 30 mins!)

Right running really late so very quick dump.

NO missions it is the weekend.

sat - family fun day
Sun - renew your spirits

Babystep for sat
Babystep for sun

If you have any questions there are plenty around who will help you. So ask and there will be an answer eventually. Hopefully will have the computer back sunday night

Byeeeeeeeeeee.

curling up with dad's to watch sport relief

DD finished her swim in 40 minutes! She is really chuffed. There were only 2 swimmers tonight - and the other was a boy from her swimming club!

Well done to your DD dizzyday

Well done Minidizzy !

Another extra-long sleep last night. Fell asleep on DS1's bed around 10 and didn't wake up till 8 this morning. He had put himself to bed on the spare camping mattress we use for sleepovers.

Just - thanks for your thoughts on the school issue - very wise advice, as always. You are right in that it is about accepting defeat and DS1 clearly isn't ready to do that yet. He was so proud of going back to school and went back on Facebook to announce it to all his friends, so it must be so hard for him to admit to himself - and everyone else- that he couldn't cope there. Now that I've finished this stage of the statement application and dealt with DS2's school issues, I'm ready to focus on persuading DS1 that it's time to visit a different school. DH and I will probably do this in very different ways and we never know which approach will work at any time, but we will just grateful if one of us wins him over.

You are so right about the SEN battle affecting housekeeping. The state of our house has deteriorated rapidly over the past two days, whilst I've been focusing on the statement paperwork. And I seem to have files and folders all over the place.

Swan - I don't like dealing with invoices and parcels, but I have no choice at work. I think DS2 is better than me, though. He is incredibly quick at picking up how to do everything - I think he may be running the business for us shortly . Hope the passport application goes through swiftly and without any hitches. I still haven't got round to our passport renewals - was meant to get that done two months ago.

WhoKnow - congratulations on finishing the appeal paperwork.

Bitchy - sorry you're feeling down. Hope you can do something nice this weekend to restore your spirits . Ignore infinite 'to do' list maybe?

Sorry not to mention anyone else - am running out of time. But hope you all have a good weekend.

Think I might be coming down with something, which is especially annoying as we are going up to a concert in London tonight and have been looking forward to it for ages. I shall have to dose myself up with pills and wine might help too.

Mission today is to tidy up the house before MIL arrives to babysit this evening.

done
catechism class, planted [real] seeds, it went quite well
curry from freezer for lunch (pleased with myself for organising that
ds2 went to football training at 11
dses went off to football match with their Dad just now.

At lunch ds2 had a terrible screaming fit over camera; he wanted one to film the match whilst it was in progress
then it was the work of a saint (DH) to get them both out of the house with shoes and woolly garments (tis cold sitting in the stands)
dd has been in a very tiresome mood all morning, some sponsored silence which consisted of her humming and following dh around and ripping bits of newspapers to tell us what she wanted us to get for her
(have organised for her to go round to her friend this afternoon to break the cycle of pj grumpiness)

Bedroom is calling. A total pit again. I think I slept badly last night because it was so so untidy in there. Maybe I'll just throw all my clothes away, I hate all of them! Dh has at least cleared away the Scaletrix, but that was several days ago, and I still haven't attempted to sort the room out.

Also have to take 6 bags of rubbish to the tip, as the dustbin men didn't take it on Wed (too late to reorganise collection now) and the foxes are tearing it apart.

Now dropping dd off, she is looking beautiful!!!

Evening all!

Got a last minute cancellation on a masterclass/workshop/panel discussion thing yesterday so dropped everything and disappeared to London for the day!

This morning our skip was delivered so have been doing loads of garden clearing today. Then undid all the hard physical work by eating masses of cake!

School campaign is being all-consuming at the moment. My brain seems to have 3 modes: work, campaigning and off. I imagine it's the same with statementing and other bureaucratic nightmares. Doesn't seem to leave any spare space for parenting, never mind flying!

Still, definitely wine o'clock. Cheers!

DD s are full of angst and emotion as Dh is away. happens every time. He is only away a week fgs. I miss him too but have to be all strong and smiley for them.

Quiet day here. DD and I played card/board games in the am whilst waiting for my sis & BIL to arrive. We all then went into town for a lunch before I dropped them off at the station as they were off to Reading to watch some rugby. DD and I then just lazed around watching whatever we liked on the TV

Ta Da

• Washing load on and hung out/up to dry
• Tea for DD and me
• D/W loaded and put on
• Bags packed for the morning

As my swim is at 7am I am going to have to get up at 4.30am to have some breakfast before going back to bed for an hour! (This means I'll have to go to bed early for once Toffee ) DH has bottled out of getting up early to come (mainly as he's pissed tonight) so DD and my sis will be my lap counters/timekeepers.

Snuffles round naughty corner to see if Dizzy left any breakfast. Hope it goes well.

Pops in and leaves bagel, yoghurt and on the side for Just and shuffles off back to bed x

Had a good night out in London last night, in spite of feeling under the weather. Wine and paracetamol seemed to do the trick.

When we arrived home, MIL said DS2 had suddenly complained of feeling achy and unwell and taken himself off to bed early - so he's obviously caught the bug too. He says he still feels unwell this morning, but it hasn't stopped him lecturing me on Minecraft (anyone need to know how to make fermented spiders' eyes? I can tell you all about it ).

dizzy - you must be very dedicated to get up so early for the swim. Hope it goes ok.

Just - hope you managed to get back to sleep.

Am going to have to skip DS2's swimming lesson again. It's maddening, as this is the second week he's been unwell. Mind you, now he's at home, I could try to take him swimming myself one day, which might help build up his confidence.

A local film club are showing 'The Railway Children' later today, so I might take him to that, if he's well enough. We've just finished the book.

Hope you all have a relaxing Sunday.

Glad you enjoyed your night out toffee.

what was the masterclass blue?

I've decided that I spend too muc time moaning about not having a social life while curling up on the sofa. Have booked a night at opera/gala in 2 weeks with MIL (I promised to take her to something for her birthday last year) and trying to get some friends together to go and see the glenn miller orchestra in May. I miss music and dancing!

we had a lay in today till 10am! Only managed because ds kept us all awake between 3 and 5.

off for a 5k race today. Hope the swim went well dizzy.

bbl