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Housekeeping

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The Hoarders Anonymous Thread. Sorting It Out.

955 replies

Solo · 28/12/2013 17:54

There was a thread that I was involved in some time ago which was started by someone trying to understand why her Dh kept so much 'stuff' and couldn't throw anything away.

The thread quickly turned into a support thread for many MN hoarders and there was a large support network that evolved from that thread.

Eventually, the thread died and with it, certainly my 'support and encouragement mates' circle...

From other threads where lovely Mumsnetters have supported and given rl help, there have come other hoarders, untidy people and those who are just plain stuck in a rut admitting they have a problem. People like me that have become emotionally attached to stuff and it has taken over their homes and their lives. People that cannot cope after loss of different types (parent, relationship, job etc) and it just turns into one big nightmare ~ it certainly did for me following my relationship breakdown, my Dad dying and another nine people in my life passing away inside 11 months.
Personally, I feel that being unable to let anyone in through my front door means that no one can hurt me; I've pulled up the drawbridge, so no one can get to me and shoot me again.

I've always been a bit of a collector of things. I'm a make do and mend type and I can make something out of nothing. Trouble is that once I started to lose important things (people mainly) from my life, I felt unable to let anything made of something go...what if I could never get or have another?! that'd be terrible right?

So! that is a part of my story and here is a thread of support and encouragement (I hope) for others feeling overwhelmed by their hoarding, clutter and stuff. I am hoping that I can get my life sorted out and that there are others that will come along on the journey and perhaps also sort out their homes and lives.

I want to raise my drawbridge and invite friends in. Anyone else? :)

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Solo · 24/01/2014 00:01

My Dd has come up in a rather angry looking patch of eczema on one arm and a not so angry one on the other...I'm thinking dust too.

The Hoover thing. They grow out of it. Ds used to scream when I used the Dyson or my hair dryer until he was about 4. So the sight of it was enough to set him off and I actually think it hurt his ears. It's a common problem apparently.

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Solo · 24/01/2014 00:02

The storage company is going to ring me again in a few days to ask whether/when I'm going to actually use them...

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Svina · 24/01/2014 00:59

Hello everyone. Thank you for being here!

I am svina and I hate throwing things away.

I also live in rented accommodation and will be moving in approx 3 months.... To a smaller place so I need to get cracking!

Anybody suggest some good starting points? I have lots of sewing machines, fabric, paints, paintings, clothes useful bits of paper, and so on... It feels overwhelming.

Solo · 24/01/2014 11:49

Hi Svina! welcome!

My first piece of advice is if you aren't already, sign up to your local Freecycle or Freegal sites and start giving away some of those sewing machines. Pick out the one or two that you want to keep (I have two that I use, plus a serger and an antique machine that I love but can't use). I too have lots of fabrics and crafting things and bought a big shed in order to get them out of the house. So if you are moving, will you have the space for well organised craft stuffs? could you box them up and keep them in a spare room or in a shed?
You should find that anything crafty like fabrics and paints will go very quickly if you offer them up on Freecycle. I know how hard it is trying to get rid of them though.

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Solo · 24/01/2014 11:50

And yes to the overwhelming feelings! I am there too which is why I'm Mnetting instead of sorting. I only came on to send an email...

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Svina · 24/01/2014 17:08

Hello solo! (and all)

Oh no! I can't bear the idea of getting rid of my beloved machines! I have 3... One large one I will keep in the new house, one tiny hand machine which is so small I'm sure I can keep it. I guess the third one will have to go..... I may take it to my sisters as she doesn't have one.

Some of the fabrics are family heirlooms.... I wonder wether I was identified as a useful repository for such things years ago.... I guess handing them to me means others can feel good about having avoided throwing them away without having them cluttering up their homes. Hmmmm

I think you are right, I need a space to store stuff. Then I will be able to rationalise without feeling so overwhelmed by the need to squeeze into a smaller space.

In the mean time I think I must rationalise some of the paper clutter I have accumulating...... Slightly less emotive than my artistic clutter!

Svina · 25/01/2014 00:45

P.s. just noticed that I have whined about other people dumping stuff on me in the very next sentence after planning to dump a sewing machine on my sister! Hmmmm

Solo · 25/01/2014 02:18

Haha! yes! I get that too. I get stuff from others and I (sometimes) give stuff to others as it feels better to do so. If they then get rid...well, I wasn't the one to do it!

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nickelbabe · 25/01/2014 22:02

3 machines isn't bad. if you use them all.
my tip for craft/sewing stuff is to get a couple/few boxes of various sizes and sort through everything.
gabric in one/two boxes (large ones•. any fabric that you think you won't use, bag it up gor Phil the Bag or similar.
one box for patterns, one for machine and sewing accessories (scissors/glue/pencils/needles/pattern square /tape measure/pliers/tweezers/pins/sctewdrivers/feet)
one box for haberdashery /notions. (elastic/zips/tibbons/presstuds/bias binding)
one box for threads
one box for buttons

and one box for current projects.

do the same gor other craft stuff.
you must be ruthless though- if it's tatty or incomplete or you won't use it, it goes.

Svina · 25/01/2014 23:31

No, I only use 2 of them.....

I have done a fairly thorough sort out of the fabrics.... I definately need a shed though because when I am doing a project I need to be able to see all of what I have got. ATM I have a box here and a box there... Easy to forget about one.

My aim for next week is to file my paperwork; hopefully relegating much to the recycling in the process.

Solo · 26/01/2014 02:07

Good work already then Svina :)

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Busyoldfool · 27/01/2014 22:23

Just catching up with the thread again.
I have done a few car boot fairs but sold nothing really - just got depressed by it all. DD gave me a really hard time about the mess too. Quite rightly. Put some stuff on Gumtree but no replies. Feeling a bit low today. Will go to bed and try again in the morning. Good to hear that others are doing ok though.

Solo · 28/01/2014 00:30

Busy don't get too disheartened. What about putting a few things up for sale on nethuns? it's free and I sold quite a few of my baby things on there. Worth a try :)

I've got nothing done yet, but am in tomorrow and need to focus!

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Busyoldfool · 29/01/2014 12:28

Thank you for this Solo. Really. It does help to know that someone understands that it is not an easy thing to deal with. Good luck with your sorting. I might have a look at that other site Wink.

Going over to my Mum's today. Might store some stuff at hers but I can see that it is only postponing the problem. If I won the lottery I'd buy a mansion with several aircraft hangars attached - problem solved! Grin

Solo · 29/01/2014 14:17

GrinBusy!!

I have some bits at mums, but she wants them out.

I have been doing a bit at home today , you wouldn't really know it mind!

Be back later...

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Busyoldfool · 01/02/2014 22:40

Just thought I'd see how everyone was.

I was quite down about a lot of things but the mess is making it all worse so I brought down four or five huge plastic boxes of papers - stuff all just thrown in.

I managed two bags of shredded bills and junk mail - but I had to look through them first. Every letter had to be read and worried over before I dared get rid of it. "But what if I need it....???"

Success though as I found several key pieces of paper, two cheques and a bill. I now feel a bit less panicky about what's lurking there.

How did you get on with your paperwork last week Svina?

Solo · 01/02/2014 23:56

Well done Busy! :) I'm like you! I have to read everything too which takes so much time...I'm the same if I'm deciding to get rid of magazines yeah right! I have to check every blinking page first, have a read of anything interesting etc...takes forever!

I'm still lagging behind here. And yes, the mess makes me feel worse too. I get angry. Got to get sorted out!!!

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Busyoldfool · 04/02/2014 19:32

Yep, I'm the same with magazines. Recipes, articles, "design ideas" Ha!Ha! am trying to throw away one or two a week - and just not buy anymore. Easier said than done.

Solo · 06/02/2014 00:40

Been sorting kitchen today. Progress ok, but more to do tomorrow!

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SavingMyselfForLukePerry · 06/02/2014 09:44

Hello. I'm a bit late to the party. I'm a big hoarder and always read these type of threads with interest. My problem was that I had LOADS of stuff (mostly clothes, books, soft furnishings) that I'd bought pre DS when I had too much disposable income. Yesterday I got rid of all of it. Literally. My main problem is that I always want to sell things to lessen the pain of the money I'd wasted on 'stuff'. I booked an online collection from BHF as we have a sofa to get rid of and they collect all your other donations too, so I sent ds to nursery for the day, went into the room of doom and started bagging. I kept a massive pile for 'selling' then I just realised that the room would never be clear if I kept trying to sell shit for next to nothing and took a deep breath and bagged it all for the charity shop. Once it was in the bags and tied up, I didn't give a second thought to the skirt I had agonised over keeping or the expensive jeans I thought I might fit into in some utopian future. Two men turned up in a van, took it all away and I never have to think about it again. I'm now vowing to do a monthly charity shop run to try to keep clutter free. No doubt I won't stick to it, but for now I'm pretty proud of myself. Booking a charity collection and not allowing myself toto try and sell anything worked for me.

SavingMyselfForLukePerry · 06/02/2014 09:47

I did keep all my baby clothes, equipment for an upcoming nct sale though so have cheated a bit!

Solo · 06/02/2014 10:24

Wow! that's impressive!! well done you :)

I don't have furniture to get rid of really. I did do a lot of clothing getting rid of sort of thing though and yes! I am proud too. We have a right to be proud.

Keep up the good work!!

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cricketpitch · 07/02/2014 20:42

saving, that is interesting. I too worry about waste. Things I have bought and no longer need but can't bear to throw away and think that if I sell I will recoup the losses and then not have to feel so guilty. (It is more about the guilt than the actual cash.)

That was brave of you but clearly it worked. Well done.

SavingMyselfForLukePerry · 07/02/2014 22:11

God, yeah guilt was a big factor for me too. Guilt about the money wasted, environmental impact and also guilt associated with items bought for me by my Mum who i don't get on well with and my grandparents who I fear will not be here much longer. We are redecorating and I just decided that I had to cut my losses: the guilt and nagging feeling that I should be ebaying/listing on gumtree/sorting for the loft or keeping or charity shopping has now gone. I just bagged everything i hadn't touched for years and shut the door until the man came with his van. Don't know how i did it, but feel so much better for it. Sorting, selling, storing was never going to work for me: bag all the shit up and vow never to buy so much crud ever again!

Solo · 12/02/2014 00:48

Been sorting today again, but looks a mess still! must do better!

How is everyone else doing?

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