The Hoarders Anonymous Thread. Sorting It Out.

[Solo]

There was a thread that I was involved in some time ago which was started by someone trying to understand why her Dh kept so much 'stuff' and couldn't throw anything away.

The thread quickly turned into a support thread for many MN hoarders and there was a large support network that evolved from that thread.

Eventually, the thread died and with it, certainly my 'support and encouragement mates' circle...

From other threads where lovely Mumsnetters have supported and given rl help, there have come other hoarders, untidy people and those who are just plain stuck in a rut admitting they have a problem. People like me that have become emotionally attached to stuff and it has taken over their homes and their lives. People that cannot cope after loss of different types (parent, relationship, job etc) and it just turns into one big nightmare ~ it certainly did for me following my relationship breakdown, my Dad dying and another nine people in my life passing away inside 11 months.
Personally, I feel that being unable to let anyone in through my front door means that no one can hurt me; I've pulled up the drawbridge, so no one can get to me and shoot me again.

I've always been a bit of a collector of things. I'm a make do and mend type and I can make something out of nothing. Trouble is that once I started to lose important things (people mainly) from my life, I felt unable to let anything made of something go...what if I could never get or have another?! that'd be terrible right?

So! that is a part of my story and here is a thread of support and encouragement (I hope) for others feeling overwhelmed by their hoarding, clutter and stuff. I am hoping that I can get my life sorted out and that there are others that will come along on the journey and perhaps also sort out their homes and lives.

I want to raise my drawbridge and invite friends in. Anyone else? :)

Not cancelling, just postponing as I am not anywhere near ready for it ...so fed up with everything now.

Bumping this up a bit!

I am new to this thread, May I join please? I am not a hoarder but I am married to one and its getting me down. I get stressed by all the clutter and paperwork and no,amateur how hard I,, try to keep it looking a little bit tidy it just falls apart. He doesn't see tea mess and isn't bothered by it at all but I am fed up of having to move clutter just to find a space to eat at the table.

Sorry rant over. I don't want to offend anyone, I just need to offload. I am upset because I went to make breakfast & discovered a pile of papers strewn over the table from last night. It took me 2 hours to clutter it on Thursday because it had a load of rubbish on it from before Christmas & it was affecting me mentally. Just tired at the moment.

Should read two hours to declutter.

Hello MsAD you are very welcome to join this thread :)
Unfortunately, hoarding is an illness and as a hoarder myself, I don't know how you will deal with it. I do know that your Dh is the only one that can sort it out and find a way of dealing with it and getting out of it himself. You can only help and support him. How long have you known your Dh and is his family thais way too? Do you know if he has any underlying thing that has triggered his hoarding? or is he 'just' disorganised/lazy or a collector or procrastinator? I don't ask these questions lightly btw. Do you think he would benefit from some counselling?
I will come back later...

Solo You are spot on, my dh experienced two significant bereavements by his mid twenties & he collects things in case of an emergency. He flits between the whole spectrum, from collecting to procrastinating & everything in between. His whole family except one display varying degrees of the hoarding tendency, it just lately that I am struggling with it and two small dc. We go through cycle of me throwing & recycling to them collecting, even my dd has millions of trinkets which are driving me nuts! ??

It is awful MsAD I completely get it. It is very sad that you are being driven crazy by his hoarding. I feel for my Dc's for the same reasons really. I can't help but worry about the endless waste that this throw away society creates and dumps. I have to be really strong not to bring everything home to save it! but I am better in lots of ways...but not great!

The bereavements could definitely have a bearing on the reasons why. You didn't say whether he has had any sort of counselling...I'm guessing not and I would really recommend it if he can.

I hate the mess and disorganisation I live in. I can't throw the door open to a visitor and ask them in. I can't let Dd have play dates or birthday parties here at home. I can't get things serviced! it's a flaming nightmare!! and I'm going to wake up soon, because it has to end! I'm determined.

I forgot to mention that he hasn't had therapy and he is also on the Autistic spectrum so he doesn't see/process emotions particularly in others. It's not his fault, it's the way he is so he has to be told to do something like take washing upstairs because if he hasn't been asked he won't do it. He is unable to 'see' that the washing needs putting away because a request hasn't been logged iyswim. This is the thing that is emotionally draining as I have to write a job Rota or instructions and if it's not on there then it won't be done by him.

The key difference between the you both is that you hate the hoarding and are actively taking steps to reduce it. He looks for opportunities to increase the clutter, for e.g. he has taken boxes of things off his brother that were destined for the dump in case there is something useful. He hasn't opened the boxes as they are stored in the garage which I can't access because it's too full!

I was very similar until recently. Now, I have to have a conversation with myself to stop me bringing other peoples stuff home.
I do hate the hoarding; it's ruining my life. And the Dc's lives...

My nephew has Aspergers and is much the same as your Dh; you have to instruct him too.

We are a family with OCD tendencies which doesn't help. Shame I can't have the tidy tendency...

Quiet here :)

I have been fairly busy this past week. Went through a heap of paperwork and rubbish that had found its way into my bedroom. Was quite ruthless with most of it. Boxed a fair bit too and got rid of a bit. Need to keep going...

Went through some of the dining room, but that's in need of some serious attention.

Bumping to keep in TIO.

I broke the back of our room last week but haven't done craft stuff or book shelves yet !

I have reduced washing basket of papers to a small pile and more importantly I am keeping on top of incoming paperwork.

Still worrying about my DS but am trying to move forward and find solutions to how he behaves the way he does :(

Today's job is take bags of rubbish to tip, hoover car and sort out old coats and shoes.

Wish me luck. :)

Finished cleaning and hoovering car but will do tip run tomorrow.

Hello Babies :) nice to see you again and well done on your progress.

I have done a bit, but it all seems like so much still to do. I need to get boxes into the storage. I am running out of physical steam and am so worried about it all, but I must keep going! I am out more than in this week which will not help!!

As long as things are staying still or getting better, we are working kn the right direction.

I have to think and get a project straight in my head before I can tackle it in real life.

I take loads of breaks but I work on maintaining during breaks until I am ready to tackle another area.

I am unwell at the moment...bad head for a week and very little sleep. But I will be ready to start another area very soon :)

Today, my two new bathroom cabinets are in place in the bathroom. Almost finished filling them too. Cleaned and tidied the window sill and bath and tiles; need grout whitener though. Looking much nicer! :)

I'm in.

Me too. Cant really say I hoard but clutter, disorganisation, holding on to things, yes. :(

Welcome :)

I am sorting through craft stuff...think I need some sturdy boxes with lids on as this is things I will keep.

Thank u. I wish my stuff was crafty or arty or something. It isnt, its just junk left over from a previous life. Just me now and I dont need or want all this.

My decluttering is on sch an overwhelming scale that I've employed the fabulous Vikki to help me. She's coming back tomorrow and Friday. Just too overwhelmed without her help.

Welcome new people :) excellent news facing your demons. Keep posting.

I have spent years decluttering my life and probably another 6 months to get our room finished (books, crafts, bedding and memory boxes.

Then there is the ongoing decluttering coats, shoes and clothes and hidden storage.

But eight years ago when we moved into this house we had enough junk that it completely filled a double bedroom and general clutter elsewhere but one step at a time and it will get cleared.

My personal checklist is collect all the same type of stuff together and only keep the best, non broken items.

If it is cheap; duplicate or unused throw it (that is hard as I am worried that I will need it bit so far I haven't missed anything)

I am leaving the hardest stuff till last the emotional stuff :)

Old bathroom cabinets gone! plus all the bits and pieces; old chrome plated bathroom stuff past its best ~ gone!! old hair products (bits left in the bottom) gone!!

Yeah, Sounds like your bathroom is getting clearer. Well done Solo