The Hoarders Anonymous Thread. Sorting It Out.

[Solo]

There was a thread that I was involved in some time ago which was started by someone trying to understand why her Dh kept so much 'stuff' and couldn't throw anything away.

The thread quickly turned into a support thread for many MN hoarders and there was a large support network that evolved from that thread.
Eventually, the thread died and with it, certainly my 'support and encouragement mates' circle...

From other threads where lovely Mumsnetters have supported and given rl help, there have come other hoarders, untidy people and those who are just plain stuck in a rut admitting they have a problem. People like me that have become emotionally attached to stuff and it has taken over their homes and their lives. People that cannot cope after loss of different types (parent, relationship, job etc) and it just turns into one big nightmare ~ it certainly did for me following my relationship breakdown, my Dad dying and another nine people in my life passing away inside 11 months.
Personally, I feel that being unable to let anyone in through my front door means that no one can hurt me; I've pulled up the drawbridge, so no one can get to me and shoot me again.

I've always been a bit of a collector of things. I'm a make do and mend type and I can make something out of nothing. Trouble is that once I started to lose important things (people mainly) from my life, I felt unable to let anything made of something go...what if I could never get or have another?! that'd be terrible right?

So! that is a part of my story and here is a thread of support and encouragement (I hope) for others feeling overwhelmed by their hoarding, clutter and stuff. I am hoping that I can get my life sorted out and that there are others that will come along on the journey and perhaps also sort out their homes and lives.
I want to raise my drawbridge and invite friends in. Anyone else? :)

[nickeldonkeyonadustyroad]

bloob I think that's a big part of my problem - easier to put something down than put it away..
purr - your dh really needs to srart filing his stuff. if he can't do it, give him x days to do it or you bin it. it's totally wrong that he should force you to live in shit

[Bloob]

Definitely nickel. And then it gets so bad it's overwhelming and harder to tackle. Harder to keep tidy day to day so you just chuck things down on top of the piles and it gets worse!

I am inspired by your plastic box buying. Think I will be off to buy some tomorrow.

Toys are my big thing. I don't know how to get rid of them! We have far too many. But they play with them, and the ones they don't I have 2 more dc to potentially play with them so I don't chuck it. Help! I need motivation!

[Busyoldfool]

Reading your post Solo I heard echoes of my own situation. My house is full to the brim of things I dare not let go "in case"... I love collecting, I love books, I hate waste, I fear that if I do get rid of something I'll need it/ won't be able to replace it/ will regret it - etc.
I am sentimental too and overwhelmed by rooms that I cannot get into because of the piles and boxes of stuff. I know that I need to get rid of it - but it is hard.
I will be following this thread and trying to make some progress.

[nickeldonkeyonadustyroad]

do what I did and give some of the plastic sturdy (non-noisy) toys to your local church. :)

plastic boxes are brilliant.
I'm now obsessed. but they look much nicer than the cardboard ones.

[StarsAbove]

A little progress this evening, I have managed to get rid of some cards! Christmas cards from school friends, at least 20 years old and I'm not in touch with anyone from that time so it was easy to throw them away when I really thought about it. It's a start.
Hope everyone else is doing well, or at least planning!

[Solo]

Welcome new Hoarders Anon :)

Busy it's horrible isn't it? :(

StarsAbove really well done! :)

A small bit of inspiration for you all (Nickel may remember as I think I told this before). I got married 1st time in '84 and I still had the beautiful silk bouquet in the loft. It was a big one and I couldn't bear to get rid of it. However! my exh committed suicide 4 years ago and something made me snap 2 years ago (was having all kinds of emotional grief), I pulled the bouquet apart and it is no more!!

[Shnickyshnackers]

Hello, I've just read this thread and no I am feeling inspired. he plastic tubs sounds fantastic and I have found some locally that we want to buy, we're going to go on Saturday and get some to go in the laundry and maybe one or two to go under the bed. My Linen cupboard has become disorganised and over full so I want to put some bits into a box and store it in the laundry room.

I am torn between finding better storage or throwing stuff away. I like to hang onto things that will be 'useful'. I hate the thought of wasting good money on replacing something I got rid of.

I am seriuosly thinking about getting rid of some clothes - I have a fair bit that doesn't fit anymore and I should just charity shop them. I find I am best when I just say to myself "I will fill one carrier bag with clothes and give it to the charity shop" so that it isn't too emotional. I feel daft saying that it is emotional but it is sometimes

[CheerfulYank]

I'm CheerfulYank and I'm not really a hoarder, as in I don't have problems getting rid of stuff etc.

But I'm really bad at organizing and it's like I don't really know how to clean, I just know how to stuff things in cupboards and baskets if that makes sense. I get new storage containers all the time but they just end up being filled with stuff. AndnDH and I are terrible at finishing projects so we have paint cans etc sitting out all the time.

I've decided I need to do a major declutter and be really firm...for instance if I want new clothes but they won't fit in my armoire then I will have to get rid of some.

[Shnickyshnackers]

I have just offloaded two items, I listed them as free on my facebook buy/sell page. They are unwanted gifts and to be honest I'm glad they've gone, they can clutter up someone else's life!!

[Solo]

Hello :) Happy New Clutterfree/getting organized Year!

That's good news Shnicky well done!!

Hello CY it's nice to see you too!

[cloutiedumpling]

Oh I know that feeling of not wanting to get rid of things incase they become useful in the future.

[nickeldonkeyonadustyroad]

have to say my wedding dress is one thing that I keep wondering about.
I'll never wear it again! (except to put it on on our anniversary)
but I made it myself, so who would buy it - it was made to neasure!
it's green.

but I am happily married so there's no risk

[nickeldonkeyonadustyroad]

I tell you what's the worst thing about this, it's the forcing myself to put things away when i've used them, or taking pots in to the kitchen, or to put dirty stuff in the bin (I'm okay with putting recycling in the box because I don't have to lift a lid!)

I can't even hoover regularly because dd screams and cries when I get it out (even as far as going hysterical when I get the Bissell out!

[missmakesstuff]

I have been reading with interest and trying tonuse my holiday to get some decluttering done, I have managed to throw out a load of clothes, some toys if dds have gone to a friend on loan, and when we take the tree down the decs will get a purge. I find myself getting increasingly annoyed with dh though, he is terrible for hoarding, bits of broken thing he will fix 'one day', tools, diy bits, clothes. His side ofbthe bed is a moubd of books, clothes, boots, etc, every so often I make him sort it out and ifvthings are in my way they get thrown in his heap. I have to be ruthless, if his stuff gets ruined or creased then it isn't my problem, hes a grown man.

I have a bowl for all the bits of crap lying around everywhere, ypthen every so often I just tip it all out, mend stuff, throw stuff.

I am thinking of scanning things like dd's artwork, that way I can make something with it, and keep it all that way. I actually think having a good clear out is quite theraputic....

however, all thisvgoes out the window when I start trying to sort my studio, all the things I would like to keep as they coukd come in useful....

[Bloob]

Missmakesstuff - I have a dh like that. He would keep everything. Bits of broken cup to glue "one day", broken toys, t shirts with holes in. God it drives me mad. I have to say though, he doesn't notice when I throw it all out. He just doesn't like the feeling of wasting it / throwing it out. It doesn't bother him when I do (if I told him first he would moan though!)

Cheefulyank: I'm like that. In my case it's laziness, I know how to do it, I just don't bother. I am determined to change it.

Did a bit more today: sorted out Dds too small clothes and emptied the bits above her wardrobe to sell. Cleared out 5 toys, an old printer and some sheets for bed sizes we don't own. Now just need to actually take them to the charity shop. Along with the books i cleared to the back of my car a month ago.
Made a small start on ds's room but didn't get very far. Made the mistake of telling dh about a few things I'm getting rid of and he convinced me to keep them. Damn. Rookie error.

What does everyone do with children's summer clothes during the winter? I'm sick of them clogging up drawers when we don't wear short sleeves as its too cold! I haven't packed them up though. Should I?

[BigWellyLittleWelly]

Please can I join in? My name is BigWelly and I have two little wellies and a hairy bearded welly husband. I also have a house full of

STUFF

Just so much stuff. The trouble was that DH and I both owned houses when we met, we both had good jobs and bought loads of things, mostly technology and clothes. Books. The toys came later once we had the babies. We moved to a tiny house, filled it. The week we were due to move and do a huge sort out our dc1 was hospitalised, so everything was packed by well meaning friends and relatives. Junk and all. Three years and two house moves later we haven't got rid of anyof it!

I have piles of clothes everywhere. Unfinished DIY. Tools and toys. Kitchen appliances and paperwork all . mixed up. We have one room in the house whoch is full of boxes. Floor to ceiling. Sorting rhrough them inevitably causes arguments. There are so many memories attached to everything I can't bear to just chuck stuff. And the money. However much did we foolishly waste on these things? A camera used twice. A telescope unused because we live in a city. DH has so many pairs of shoes. I had a white stuff addiction. The DC have bags and bags if secondhand clothes traded on selling pages. We keep everything just in case.

Sigh. I need order.

[Busyoldfool]

It sounds as if you are all doing quite well and it is very encouraging to read.
I find this really hard but I unpacked some storage boxes today. Got rid of some rubbish and some paper but no actual things. However - it is a small step in the right direction.
Also saw that there is a local, (indoor), car boot sale that operates in winter so have promised myself that I will do a sale in a couple of weeks.

[Solo]

Welcome! :)

I put Dd's summer stuff into an Ikea duvet bag and store them in the loft. Do the opposite during summer with winter stuff, plus all the too big stuff that have been passed down from cousins and friends.

Nickel I have two wedding dresses. 1984 and 1994 styles. Thinking of cutting the first one up to make Dd's First Communion dress in 12 months time, but it was a very unhappy and abusive marriage that ended 24 years ago, so I don't know...the second one is gorgeous but the decoration on it has gone a funny peach colour despite being cleaned and stored away and no light getting to it, so it's probably good for nothing now :), bad marriage too...
Could you make your Dd a pretty dress out of yours? I remember the pictures of your dress I think :)

[nickeldonkeyonadustyroad]

I think it's a good idea to make it into her communion dress - it's going through a religious service of cleansjng and new life, which will effectively nake it all brand new and take away the bad attached to it. :),

[nickeldonkeyonadustyroad]

oh, I couldn't chop mine up! the only part that's big enough to be reusable is the skirt, and in my mind it was "just tacked on tk make it a dress".
the bodice was the main part of the dress and the most significant.

I did look at making it into a quilt, but again, it's the bodice that's stopping that (it's also proper stiff - no boning, all te shaping was done by stiffening and stitching!) if I made it into a quilt, it'd be like having a blanket with a bosom

[Busyoldfool]

I like the idea of making the Fist Communion dress from the wedding dress - agree with Nickel about new life. I certainly find it easier to get rid of stuff if it is being re-used/transformed.

I went to the tip today - only, (a lot of), paper and fairy lights but I still had to tell the man at the tip that some of the bulbs were working and all the plugs and fuses were, (so that he could recycle and not waste them!) - I told you I had a problem ! - He laughed at me!

It's a start though.

[StarsAbove]

Starts are good - as Mary Poppins said, well begun is half done!

I sorted through another handful of old cards this evening, this time mostly postcards from sixth form. No idea why I kept them so they have gone! Also found my school report from upper sixth form, it is really bad... and I got terrible A levels. I should throw it away really but haven't yet. It made me a bit sad as I was capable of much more.

[Solo]

Hmmm, well don't forget, this was not Dd's father that I married in this dress. And thank God for small mercies! but yes! it would be easier to remake it than get rid of it.

Excellent goings on for the rest of you! :)

[Solo]

I'm off to see Charlie and Lola today at Bluewater with Dd. Tuesday the Dc's are back at school, so it'll be time to start. I am hoping to find some size 18 clothes for someone in need, but I'm not sure I have any...:(

[Shnickyshnackers]

I have bought some large plastic boxes to put some bits in. I want to sort the linen cupboard, so it's not as crammed full. I will try and get rid of some bits as I go.