It's September so the Fledgings Fly, as we wave our clutter bye bye

[WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes]

Welcome to the ongoing Fledgling Flyers thread for September, thanks to Bitchy who kept us posted through August.

Right, most of you should know how this works. It's a three pronged attack.
Phase one: The babysteps master these and you will be working like clockwork.
Phase two: Adding in Decluttering this will help you keep on top of the amount of stuff contributing to CHAOS.
Phase three: Missions Targeted activities to keep the chaos at bay and starting the deep cleaning.

The golden duster of Flying is stage 4: deep cleaning. This is for most me anyway, somewhat unrealistic and in theory you don't need to worry about it until you have finished decluttering that's never then. Just do it if you want to.

Now for those of you who are completely lost, lets rewind a bit.
CHAOS: Can't have anyone over syndrome. We've all been there

The fly lady approach works by breaking the house down into tiny activities which you do repeatedly until they become habit and don't feel like chores any more. The house is split into zones, each zone is tackled for a week before moving on and comes round again at the start of the next month.

There are lots of experienced Fledglings on here, hence lots of advice and support and chat about anything except housework some days. the main thing is that you can post any time you like even if you haven't lifted a finger around the house that day because with Flylady you just pick up again the next day and off you go again.

We advise against signing up for Flylady emails as they can lead to a great deal of clutter in the Inbox, each days steps will be posted on this thread to save you having to find them yourself.

In the meantime here is a link to the Flylady website for anyone who would like a browse.

Getting started Remember - don't subscribe to the emails!

I'd like to say 'Thank God It's Friday', but with DH away it means that I have to have the DSs on my own all weekend . So not feeling all that particularly glad, actually!!!

Some more paid work in, so that's scuppered my morning plans to get some cleaning done.

To do:
Strip DS2's bedding and put into washing machine done
unload dishwasher
breakfast with DSs
reload dishwasher
school/nursery run
quick cuppa with friend
paid work
kitchen tidy up
nursery run
ironing
be in for boiler manufacturers to arrive (supposed to be giving me 1/2 hour notice)
school run
dinner for DSs
bedtime routine with DSs
bedtime routine for me (following a strict list because I can never remember it!!)

Kitchen tidy up needs to be a thorough one, baking some cakes tomorrow morning for a friend.

Really hope the boiler gets fixed - decidedly chilly here this morning and we have no central heating!!!

(Dammit - have just had some mobile phone try to ring me - suspect it's the boiler man with half hour notice, right on getting ready for school time!!!!! )

(Yep, it's him...... Eeeekkk!!!!!!!)

Morning!

Sorry you are having so many problems with dd4 pa

Hope all the tired fledglings woke up feeling a little more refreshed today. Today I am mostly writing a very big document so flying is going to pretty much go out of the window. Annoying but esential.

Might pop back later.

well I am in a parallel world to SC and Toffee as Ds1 has now been referred to a paediatric dietician (finally, I was refused a referral a year ago) for his weight. He is completely overweight, over 98 centile for both height and more for weight, so kind doctor (who has known him since babyhood) listened to us and referred. Dr started off saying to ds1 so, who do you think has the problem, you or your mum (re: wanting ds to lose weight) but ended up admitting he was overweight and it was not in my head [controlling mum emoticon]

So we've had a rather hectic morning, Dr's appt at 7.30 only one he could fit in for next two weeks , Dh chose this day to go to York on an early train, twins decided they hadn't done their homework and kicked off about that, dd shattered after an Open Eve yesterday, which she attended with a friend and friend's mum.

Good side: Ds2 has started fencing lessons at local sports centre, and he loves it! (Ds1 hated it) There are two other older ASD kids there so it may be perfect for him, in terms of a sport that suits his desire to control but not wrestle! [hates Rugby for example and gets upset over football if he doesn' score...]

Having sudden serious doubts about ds2 and school. He still attends quite enthusiastically, but his social skills seem to be worsening, and his writing is getting worse and worse - he is also refusing to do homework, giving up after 5 mins, screaming his head off over it, and absolutely demotivated about any sort of learning task He wasn't like this in lower years so I am wondering whether it is the effect of finally being put through his paces for SATS. I am going to have an appt with his teacher, and discuss how to think out of the box on this one. Maybe I should fight to take him out for 1:1 sessions a few mornings a week. After school he will do NOTHING. Dd complains like anything, but does her homework unaided and is in top sets for both subjects. He is in the second/bottom set, which is not helping the politics!

PA I am so sorry you are going through this with dd4. I discovered that ds1 had been bullying another child at the beginning of Secondary, and I can remember my emotions, just so and ashamed that this new start (I was hoping his social life would improve) had been blown out of the water. However, it was a blip, he's done his best since (sort of - he is now being mean to ds2 sometimes), we are ploughing on, and it wasn't really suprising in retrospect that the new start was exactly when it went pearshaped. I think we expect children to be much more mature in their responses than they can possibly be. I've been trying my best to show ds1 how proud I am of him, whilst not negating any problems or difficulties he might have to overcome. This morning in the dr's I was just trying to think - this is not about ds failing to lose weight, it was about giving him the tools to help himself (ie: a proper eating plan, with the right types of carbs and proteins) And it is not about me, and me being a bad or good mum, more about him being the weight/fitness he wants to be. So it is hard, isn't it to disentangle what we want/expect for our children, and what they need for themselves.

PA I loved your sensory tour btw! The stinky river sounds like something from John Bunyan...

Something rose to my thoughts the other day about my mum, and how we imprint on our children our expectations for them, very quickly.

I remembered my mum always telling me what a helpful child I was, and thanking me for cooking supper, helping with the table etc, always pointing out how kind and helpful I was with younger cousins, how good I was at singing etc, how clever I was at school work.., reliable at getting my homework done.. These things really stayed with me, and I became very much the person she seemed to expect me to be, it came naturally to trust myself to do those things and enjoy doing them..
BUT BIG BUT, on the negative side, she used to tell me how untidy I was, how untidy my room was, how disorganised and impractical I was, and this used to become a self fulfilling prophesy: I think I just assumed that this was the way I was going to be, however much she beseeched me to mend my ways...

These are all memories I have from about 12-15...those sort of teenage imprint memories. Strangely I had forgotten all those good memories, just the stuff where she was criticial...because of course the criticism stays much longer in your mind, whereas the praise is just part of you..

Anyway, enough rambling.

The How to Talk Book warns about doing that Swan and stresses that you must tell your child (for example) that they have been naughty and not that they are naughty. It's a fine line.

Somebody must have repeatedly told me I was a procrastinator when I was younger then......

Hi all!

Have my friend coming round for a sleepover tonight and some wine and a meal so need to get the house okay, I also have a weekend of parties (children and family) so need to buy some birthday cards after I've waited in for a delivery!

To do:
Put dog beds in dryer
Routines
Walk dogs
Wait in for delivery
DD and mindee to playgroup
Sort DD wardrobe to fit 4 boxes of nappies in!
Clean oven and hob
Clean out my bag
Clean rubbish out of car
This weeks missions- check and make sure they are done!
Girls night!

BBL! Sorry for lack of personals but I have read the thread!

Argh! I just saw a THING by my skirting boards it was MOVING! I Hoover every day some times twice a day but don't always do the edges with the nozzle thingy and something's in there I'm adding

Hoover carpets and edges and move chairs

Right to the top of today's list

ta da
Morning routine as it stands (tbh it is more of a mad shove ds into cloths, throw food and run but hey ho)
About 1/4 of report
15mins of ironing
stick a load of washing on
Important phone call but now worrying about crossed wires.

My head is fried and I have found the bank books that I needed the other day so going to head out and get that done. And take a break.

Oh dear, so sorry for all the fledglings having problems with their DC.

PA - so sorry about DD4. Can't imagine how panicked and upset I'd feel if the only school choice for my DC was being threatened, and it being their fault! Hope things get sorted.

Swan - so very, very true! The negatives really do stay with you. My DM is even worse, she rarely told any of us our good points, never praising us. She would instead praise you to one of your siblings instead, while criticizing them. I grew up feeling as though I was the only failure and that my siblings did everything right, and they felt the same way. Not exactly a way to create sibling harmony!!! I try so hard to avoid comparing my DSs for that very reason.

Hope you and your DS manage to work together to sort his weight and diet.

Bitchy - good luck with the writing! I'm the same, as soon as I have outside tasks, my flying just 'flies' out the window!!! That is something I have to really, really work on. Glad you found your bank books

Toffee - I'm completely with you. If the spiders come inside, then that's it for them!!!

Rowing - ooh, a long weekend at the seaside! You have a very apt name then.

NickNacks - a new laptop? I dread getting new laptops. I hate setting them up!

Mad - how are you finding bootcamp? I'm enjoying kickboxing, at least I'm enjoying it AFTER I've done it!!!

Caballine - Good luck with your DD's weight. I can recommend pancakes for breakfast, my two devour them when I make them!!! (Have a lovely 'fluffy pancake recipe if you'd like!)

Lauren - You didn't get back last night, so I assume date night went well. Another one with creepy crawlies!!!

MsOna - I'm the same at the moment, bit lazy at making meals from scratch. Really must get more organisised. (Gosh, now where did I hear that before???!!! )

Boiler engineer came (and I barely got the DSs to school and nursery on time as a result!! ), boiler is fine, it's either a valve or the wiring, so plumber and electrician have to come and work on it together at some point. And the saga continues.......

Busy working, haven't manage to do anything else other than pick up DS2 from nursery and shove a sandwich in front of him and am taking a couple of minutes break to eat mine

Chitchat your post made me laugh in a rueful sort of way! My poor mum had that from her mother, at least she progressed to the next stage of praising us directly some of the time. My Dad has another technique entirely which is to pretend to each of his four children that they are his favourite child ; I'm sure that's just as bad... Do read Siblings Without Rivalry, it covers every aspect of that and really makes you think.
P.S. we had dust grit in our boiler valve, caused no end of confusion, but very simple once they had discovered it.

Lauren at least it won't be a mouse Hope parties go well..

As ever, real food for thought on this thread...

Really interested in what you have to say about criticism Swan - makes huge sense - and v. interesting to read about your experiences Chitchat too. Has given me real pause for thought because I think I am far too negative and critical around dd (same as my ma but I hope not to same extent) and I can think of two particular examples of things which dd is good at (and consequently we have always praised her for) and she is willing to do them again and again without complaint despite them being pretty boring/tricky, which (despite being rather trivial indiv examples) bears out the theory. Going to try and change tactics so thank you both!

Got caught out the other day though because was telling dd how good she was at drawing (in what I thought was crafty bid to get her to draw a picture for her aunt) and she said immediately "I know you are playing a game with me Mummy"

Also v. interesting re: disentangling our anxieties and expectations re our children, and what they need for themselves. A really difficult one!

Arf at Whoknows repeatedly being told she was a procrastinator as a child

Would definitely love fluffy pancake recipe Chitchat thanks! Managed pain perdu for dd this morning which she scoffed happily. More difficult to monitor her intake while she is at school (she usually comes home with lunch box only half eaten) but trying to be a bit more organised about after school snacks. In fact have spent huge part of yesterday and this morning shopping and cooking for food. Must get more efficient.

Hope you get boiler sorted eventually Chitchat (and not at vast expense) and arf at "glaring" at hotspots. Hope w/e not too onerous without your dh.

[intrigued by thought of Lauren's mystery "thing" in the skirting board- could cope if it was a mouse, but would freak at a slug ]

Swan positive that you have got referral at last but sorry it has been so delayed (and for no good purpose). I am beginning to appreciate the stressful nature of weight problems in dc (in whatever direction) precisely because one can't control; only monitor, support and encourage. Makes one feel pretty frustrated/helpless. Hope referral is useful though and btw - fwiw - dh was v. v. big and tall as a boy and then lengthened out dramatically in late teenage years - had massive growth spurts - so you never know it may all work itself out naturally in the end. In the meantime, I'm sure the tools and strategies + all the encouragement - you are putting in will prove hugely helpful to him. Great news about ds and fencing btw!!

Enjoy the seaside Rowingboat

Enjoy your weekend of parties Lauren

Hope your survived bootcamp madwoman you are a much braver woman than me ...

Huge wing flaps to Bitchy and Nicknacks and everyone else!!

Have do no Flying whatsover today!!

Forgot to wave to PA sorry!!

Have just Hoovered until the Hoover cut out the thing wasn't a mouse though, it was like a beige insect thing and it was quite small! I know it wasn't a flea as both my dogs are treated so I'm thinking a dust mite/ carpet bug thing

chitchat date night went ok, not as good as other date nights had gone though. He has left me with lots to think about regarding his ex (was ringing him and hanging up continuously for 2 hours ) and whether I am in a place where I could take the stress of dealing with her if/ when she found out about us...they have been split up 2 years and he hasn't spoke to her for a year apparently- he sees his daughter through family and contact centers - sorry for the offload I've just got it all whirling round my head!

I know what you mean swan. My parents always referred to 'the way I was' during my teens or calling me 'the madam' throughout my life. SO I basically said 'well if that's what you think of me I will show you what I can really be like...' Not that I take any responsibilities away from the things I did but I do wonder if I would have acted like that if I was approved of/ encouraged (not pressured!!) more. Having said all that, I did need to be held accountable for the things I was doing! Very fine line indeed whoknows

Lauren - EVERY day? Jeesh, superwoman or what? :o Lucky if mine gets once every three days! I don't have dogs mind but I do have a GIANT teddy that sheds fur every where as DS insists on dragging it round the house, and my own hair is very thick and never stops falling out. Still, I only hoover when I really have to :o

Chithcat sorry you're boiler isn't getting sorted. Hope it gets done quickly before you turn into an icicle!!

Lazy day today but the house is nice and tidy (for me) so I don't mind too much. Short list!

To do
Ironing. Lots and lots and lots of ironing. Sigh.
Hour of study or until I finish the current section.
Dinner and dishes
Bed at a reasonable hour

Busy trying to sort my sleeping out as part of my cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT). Have a sleep diary to fill out every night and every morning for two weeks. Trying to get to bed between half ten and eleven. Managed 1 outta three times so far. Tonight I will make it 2!!!

Ah mrson I have 2 dogs a toddler and a constant stream of other peoples children! If I don't Hoover my carpet starts to look like it might get up and crawl off!

No what. Fuck. Fuck it all. I am going to be totally irrasponisble and go have some fun. Just need to throw some food at ds and ds into bed first. Hope you all have good evenings.

urgh I comlpetely meant know what not no what.

'Tis ok Bitchy - we know what you meant!!

MrsOna - well done for flying on a lazy day - that's where I fall down!!!

Well for some reason the boiler has actually been working, have hot water and heating . But the programmer is still doing the weird flickering thing so I think it's only a matter of time before the boiler switches off, so electrician is still coming. No one is charging me so far, because it was only installed 14 months ago so REALLY shouldn't be doing that. Fortunately we had completely rewired and replumbed the house and installed a new boiler system before we moved in, so we KNOW that these are the guys responsible. My builder is keeping tabs on them to make sure they fix it.

Managed to finish my work just before school run, so have let them play a bit on the playground and I'm having a bit of a mooch on MN before I get their tea ready. Flying might have to wait until they're in bed!!

All quiet amongst the Fledglings last night

I had a busy day, tidying and general chores all morning, school gardening club at lunchtime, admin stuff in the afternoon (registered for my next OU module).

Then off to the town hall for the local Town in Bloom awards with the DCs, where said Gardening Club won a gold certificate, which the DCs received on behalf of the school. Slightly spoilt by an evil woman sitting behind DS, they were showing photos of all the winning entries on a slideshow, DS (who is very short) kept bobbing up and down to see them, which raised him to all of two inches taller than most of the seated adults. Instead of tapping one of us on the shoulder politely, woman hissed VERY loudly and angrily at him to just sit down and get out of her way. Anyway, I watched to see what award she won and let me tell you I will be telling everyone what a shithole her pub is from now on. Not that I've ever been to it.

Oh and out last night which explains the lack of links, oops.

Saturday 15th

Babystep - Making your bed.

No mission as it is http://www.flylady.net/d/daily-focus/daily-focus-saturday/ Family Fun Day

so, I didn't really achieve much yesterday, except tidying my bedroom, and changing sheets on the bed, washing etc..

but I did put all laundry away
cook a lasagne
wash up (vaguely)
make some phonecalls of an official nature to choirmasters, fellow SENers, family members
buy catfood

Today I must do a proper food shop, so far I've failed miserably when I had so much free time, so maybe I'll manage when I'm busy
Have made menu plan (sort of) using recipes from food mag which I want to cook

Music school starts again today...ds1has an action packed morning of Strings,
Trombone, Football, Choir, and wait for it, taking over from dd in her violin lesson. She has given up, although her teacher refused to let her go, so we've given ds1 the slot, in addition to his school violin lesson. I told him it was an efficient way to get his practice done (albeit extremely £££) for school violin lesson

I thought about giving up on Sat music school as it is quite a bind, and now ds1 is singing 6 consective Sundays in a row in Chamber Choir at assorted local parish masses (different choir) But Dh said knowing us, we'd still never go anywhere or get anything better done spend most of Sat morning arguing or washing up, so we should stick with it, till ds1 a) has a girlfriend (mixed music school) or has mastered Trombone enough to play in a jazz band

Whoknows I hate it when people are so rude to children at public events, it is so easy to phrase it politely, ie: to child rather than adult, asking for help rather than attacking mode. Brilliant on winning the Gold, and brilliant all the work you have done for school garden. My kids were doing MRS GREN this week (Toffee) you will know what I mean, and to my shame I realised we had never really looked inside a flower or discussed how the whole process of making food, root system worked, whereas if they had spent a bit of time actually growing things, maybe they would have just applied their knowledge. Textbooks really aren't much use compared with experiencing things.

WhoKnows - yes, name and shame her horrible pub! Nasty woman. I hope it didn't upset DS. Congratulations to your DC on winning the gold! Oh, and well done you for registering for your next OU module (what have you chosen? ).

Swan - ahhh, MRSGREN! It's a useful acronym, isn't it? I hope DS1 is learning from it, but I certainly will now never forget the seven life processes. I agree with you about experience re textbooks. The Science course I bought for DS1 for this year is good at providing an overview and lots of facts, but there's no doubt DS1 needs a lot of real-life stuff to make it interesting. Have you seen The Woodland Trust kids' page? Lots of stuff to use there. I printed out their seed dial and took DS1 seed spotting in a local field this week as part of his work on plant reproduction. I'm sure he would rather have been playing Minecraft, but he obliged!

Flying has really fallen by the wayside since I started home educating DS1, but DH is doing a great job at making up for it. Maybe he should be on this thread now instead of me...

Hope you all have a lovely weekend.

I'm back!!! The house move went OK in the end. Lots of cleaning of empty rooms. My hoover was burning hot at one point as it was full of dust bunnies - so I think I'll need to take it apart and clean all the filters etc!

Still only unpacked the basics at this end as we are missing a couple of pieces of furniture we need to buy - but can't afford - so are having to "make do" which is not ideal.

I now have a HUGE expanse of tiled floor in the kitchen which always is covered in dusty footprints as DD runs in and out.