PLEASE HELP! WE ARE THE SMELLY FAMILY! WHAT CAN I DO??

[debka]

My mum just said that my house, me, DH and DDs have a distinctive and not-entirely-pleasant smell. DD1 is 3 and my mum is worried that she will be The Smelly Girl in school :(

I am horrified at this. I had no idea.

DDs are small and I am a SAHM. I probably don't clean enough- probably a good going over once every 3 weeks a fortnight. Clothes all washed frequently. Girls bathed daily, I shower every other day.

DH, however, is another matter. He has a wash and cleans his teeth every day, but only showers about once a month, if that. Underwear changed daily, t-shirt probably twice a week. I don't notice him smelling, but apparently he does :( I will talk to him about it but I doubt he will do anything. If I get the house and linen etc in tip top sparkly condition will he infect it all with smelliness? :(

Please, any ideas, advice, encouragement very welcome.

Off to my smelly bed but thanks again for all your advice. I know what I'll be doing tomorrow.

Has your DH always showered so infrequently?

Debka you have probably had quite a shock between your mum and some of the posts on here but at least you know how to improve things. Good luck with your DH. You really need to get him to shower every single day but I know this will take take. Start with a week and then get it to every other day.

Jesus once a month? Same t shirt all week? I bet he fucking reeks and yes he will be making you all reek. I can't believe you can tolerate sheets for 2 weeks with your stinky DH's stink all over them!
For some reason men tend to smell stronger than women. My DH stinks in the morning, I have to air the room. He makes the sheets smell with sweat and drool (lovely) and I have noticed his smell on me in the morning. This is just his smell though and he washes and wears clean clothes so it isn't a problem.

How can you bear to get close to him? Surely you don't suck that stinky cock do you?

hi debka, i had a look at your profile pics and your house looks very clean! could you get your dh interested in some kind exercise? would help with depression and he would have to shower afterwards?

I am intrigued how anyone has got into adulthood thinking its acceptable to shower once a MONTH. I will admit my parents never really impressed upon me the importance of a daily shower but even at my most student-manky it was never more than 72 48 hrs. A MONTH!! Are his parents still around and if so are they the same?

As others have said, change the sheets every few days, open the windows and make sure that you and your DCs are showering once a day. That way, even if your DH smells, the rest of you won't.

The only day of the week I will have a non shower day is a Sunday if the furthest I am going is the village shop for a paper and bacon.

Debka: our bathroom is cold and we do have a little fan heater (that we plug in in the hallway) and we do put it on while we are abluting in the winter.

Your house (and your dds, too, btw ) look absolutely lovely on your profile pics. I am sure it is an airing/dh personal hygiene issue.

If you shower in the evening- then surely this would heat the bathroom up first and then he wouldn't have the excuse of the fact the bathroom was cold.

If he is still not willing - would a strip wash with imperial leather soap help in all nookes and cranies?

I love the smell of imperial leather soap

bathroom heaters

Your Mum must love you very much to have such a tough conversation with you.

Well done for taking it so well and for taking on board everyone's suggestions.

And yes to daily showers.

TBH I don't get how anyone can not want to smell and feel clean. And a shower doesn't take long - surely as long as it takes him to wash his face and head.

Gosh - yes, I've just looked at your profile photos too. Your house looks very clean & tidy. A house like that really shouldn't be smelly. It definitely must be a heady mixture of dog, mould & unwashed bloke .

Yes, your house is far cleaner than mine. Your DDs are gorgeous, btw. :)

Debka you sound lovely and I really admire the way you are taking all the well meant advice in such a positive way. I am sure all the tips here will help.
Won't repeat all the advice about your DH but you deserve to sleep next to a clean man and he needs to be an example to your children
Good luck with it all and kudos to your mum. She must have been worrying about this

Haven't read the whole thread but you seem to already have the advice I would have given re. daily showers - but one more word needs to be said and that word is deodorant.
Lots of people are clean but they smell by lunchtime because they think soap and water is enough. It isn't.
My DH showers daily and uses my Mum anti-perspirant/de-odorant, but if he's in his tiny cupboard office all day it takes on a 'male' smell. I'd hate that smell to pervade the whole house, but I'm sure you're on track to eliminate it.

Mmm, I'm sorry, but I think your dh could be a big part of the problem here. I'm sure we have all sat/stood/even walked past someone who has a 'whiffy' smell about them. Imagine that smell being cooped up in a warm unaired house? I think you've been very brave to post this on here Debka, and good luck with the changes/especially dh, for your sake if nothing else. Bed time will be much sweeter!

I had a nosey at you too and your house looks lovely (and your DCs are adorable but that's not the point :))

good luck with DP :)

Good luck OP. I hope you manage to make some changes, it must have been hard to hear and you've taken it well.

And I agree, in your photos your house looks very clean and neutral, it doesn't look like a smelly house! Could you afford a cleaner to come and do a one off blitz to get you started, s/he might give you some useful tips?

Sorry if I'm repeating a previous post ... I'm depressed and often get a huge mental block on personal hygiene, etc. I can stab at underlying reasons for it, but the fact is it's very, very common with depression. When I'm down I'm also dreadfully sensitive to the cold (it makes me cry.)

So, on the basis that DH might be feeling a bit like I do, my advice is very simple: Pop a fan heater inside the bathroom door (plugged in outside the door, obv) and run it for five minutes before having a shower. Put towels near the heater, so they will be warm. Keep fan heater on until you're all washed, dried & dressed. If your shower takes a while to heat up, turn it on a minute before undressing. Oh, and use a body wash that smells nice (for encouragement.)

I know this will sound ridiculous to 'normal' people but, honestly, some things just aren't worth fighting! Do what works, as they say in therapee :)

Exactly what NewGirlInTown said... It must have been very difficult for your Mum to tell you this.

Ye gods, his arse crusts must be a sight to behold.

hi Debka, I just wanted to say you are not alone, I am struggling with a smelly house too, so I am also going to be following these tips. :)
I have no idea how I can persuade DH to shower every day, I wish he would (bath twice a week at the mo so not too bad)
I was complaining that my house smelt last week to my Mum, I think I can smell mould/cat/dog/stinky mice :o . She said sheepishly that she can smell my bins. -I usually just empty kitchen bins when full, but think every day will have to be my new routine!
The other thing that helped a bit was to switch washing liquids, I did use a well known eco brand, but finally realised that it smelled rank, and as washing drying in house made house smell. Also I try to regularly run washing machine empty on a hot wash to keep that clean.