Flinging our way through the chaos: February’s Fledgling Flyers

[LinzerTorte]

Welcome to the February edition of the Fledgling Flyers' thread.

If you're living in CHAOS (Can't Have Anyone Over Syndrome), this is the thread for you! We follow the tips on the FlyLady website in an attempt to restore order to our homes, but advise against signing up for the e-mails; all the information you need is on this thread.

Each day, I'll be posting the links that will enable you to do any of the following:

• start or repeat babysteps

• repeat babysteps and do 15 minutes a day decluttering in the current zone

or

• reinforce babysteps and do daily missions if you have finished decluttering.

More information about the babysteps is here.

So please join us - there's always plenty of chat, , cake, encouragement and the occasional to help us on our way!

Lauren good to hear that you are managing to be strong as well as upset. Your DD will not suffer from this, as you are being calm and making a clean break. Your XP may well not know how to day goodbye to her, if he took over the father's role as you say, he may be finding it really hard to leave her as well as yourself. I second Bitchy in thinking that keeping busy will help you most. Maybe planning a future holiday will give you something to look forward to. But you know best how you work.

Chitchat hope things get better soon. Hope DH gets lots of painting done while you have fun with DC !

lauren ((hugs)) You mustn't think that you're letting your DD down. It's obviously a difficult situation all round but if you and DP aren't happy, she'll pick up on that and that's not ideal either.

ChitChat Glad you're feeling better, grr at your DH though.

swan Hope the headache really is done, i.e. gone. I am surprisingly feeling far more stressed now that the DC are back at school; there just seems to be so much to do... plus various afternoon commitments and, in particular, English teaching is taking up more of my time than I'd like.

Bitchy Have a good trip.

JustGetting Good luck with getting back on top of everything. I feel like I could do with a week like that... sort of like half-term, but without the DC around.

waves to BlackCat

Lifebegins Yes, I think that achieving anything at all - even if it's not FLYing-related - puts you in a more positive frame of mind.

Talking of which, I don't seem to have achieved anything this morning. One lesson almost planned (but still have flashcards to make), one lesson still to do. House more chaotic than calm (not calm at all, in fact). I still have the two school lessons to plan and am feeling a bit frustrated by how much of my "free time" it's taking up. Am gradually starting to wonder whether I should give up all but the school lessons from September. Still waiting for friend to phone about conversation classes, but am sort of hoping she's changed her mind.

Ten minutes before I have to pick up the DDs from their piano lesson, so back to lesson no. 2.

Thanks everyone, the reason I am concerned specifically about c pox is because there is a lot if it at DD's nursery and if she has it DH and I need to do some serious rearranging of projects while she is at home. The nursery specify a two week ban.

However I held to my promise and only spent an hour on housework, before getting DD down for a nap. I was then planning on reattacking the shower glass (mr muscle with vinegar hasn't done the trick yet) and having a but DD woke up and seeing as she so desperately needs a good two hour sleep I curled up with her and dozed a bit myself. When she woke up we had lunch and it's the first decent meal she has eaten for a week. I think a combo of tiredness, toddler frustration and four canine teeth about to break through. We now need to go to the supermarket to replace daddy's lunch for tomorrow which we ate

So.
Up dressed beds made
Dw unloaded
Washing up done
Sink shined
Family bathroom, en suite cleaned
Washing hung out as DH just left it in the basket last night
DD happy after nap, lunch, and in backpack playing horsey - on it's own that is a major achievement!

Back! Well DH lifted his game a bit today. After being ignored by me for a bit he calmed down and tried to be all nice and friendy. Still had to tell him to pull his head in when he got cross with the DC - he thought he could give DS1 a small paintbrush and he could be left unsupervised to do a bit of the undercoat.... seriously, I wonder where his common sense is! Then he suggested letting DS2 (only 2 1/2!!) do some painting with the watered down emulsion paint on the wall - the stuff that splatters everywhere if you're careful - Lord knows how bit a mess a 2 1/2 year old could create!!! Started to get cross with me when I told him that it was NOT a good idea, and how was he supposed to get any work done. "Welcome to MY world!" (you twit!!) was all he got in response - he's lucky I didn't throw my paint brush at him!!!!

I know he's under a lot of stress with work, but he has NO idea how hard it is coping with 2 boys, trying to keep a house with no storage in a state not resembling chaos, AND to be painting and decorating, while having been fighting my and DSs lurgies for the past 4 weeks!!! Grrr..... But I think he got a glimmer of an idea of how difficult it was when he saw just how little he managed to get done today in the scheme of things, and has taken the DSs out to Soft Play to give me a little bit of a break.

But... I did manage to do some flying!!! DH took some of the sorted boxes up into the attic, which has made some more room, and I declutted one of the junk boxes. You'll be proud of me, I only kept about 1/3 of what was in there!!!! Maybe I should do more decluttering when I'm in a bad mood!!! I might go and attack another box while I'm in the right frame of mind.

They really don't have a clue do they chitcat.

car to garage for MOT done
house bleugh donish
change beds done
laundryreboot
buy food done
collect car tomorrow

Also helped ds with a school project and done Ex DVD (with DD).

Now whats for tea .

o, I do love breadpudding (someone earlier mentioned it) perfect to stick to your ribs on a cold day and not too sweet...

We had a good day up till the last moment,
dd party
dcs to Muppets (excellent)
general run around at B & Q, bought bale of compost and some window box stuff
picked up dd (and then all hell let loose...dss snatched her sweets, ds2 started screaming at party hostess that he hadn't been allowed to go on the Xbox (he wasnt invited to party, so we were literally picking up dd and chatting for 10 mins BIG MISTAKE Ds2 is in dd's friend's class so he knows everyone, and they all regard him as difficult, which doesn't help..

I felt so terrible to ruin the end of dd's friend party (also dd's reputation), and so terrible that ds2 gets so upset. And also so embarassed that my 9 year old behaves so badly although adults all vaguely know it's ASD related, still it is a shock to see a full tantrum in a public place I suppose I have to just try much harder to not chat on these occasions but just pick up and run, as letting ds2 into other people's other houses has become a tinderbox situation. Ds1 chatted nicely in corner to a old schoolmate. And no, there wasn't anyone to drop off dd. I always make the mistake of thinking it will work out as they are such old "friends" "acquaintances" but ds2 is gettting much more tricky to handle, as he gets so upset at being excluded and dd gets so upset at his behaviour, vicious spiral..

I have now promised dss that for their birthdays (coming up) we will buy a joint X-box if they contribute half of the money from pocket money too. After the Sky row, I am beginning to feel less resolved about forbidding it.

Just about managed to read through the thread today - hugs, , , , and chocolate in any order you like to anyone in need!

Ta da!
Bathroom grout scrubbed (yuk!)
Morning routines
Swept floor
Slight desk tidy
Laundry sorted
Found where DS2's playgroup shoes were hiding
Project sent off
Other work started
Playdough etc with boys

DS2 is distinctly off-colour today and spent a lot of the day howling. Fortunately DH has got the week off, although I think he's regretting that now...

Off out to Zumba in a minute - haven't been for a couple of weeks. :)

Evening all

I have just done some paperwork that I should have done nearly 8yrs ago! Feels good

TA DA
Everyone up, dressed and fed
Sort clean washing
Washload on
Get ready to go out for morning
Pick friends up
Go to City for museums, but they had unexpectedly closed, so went to JL and library
Horses
Dinner - ham, egg, chips and peas
Dishy on (not enough room, so need to empty when it is done and reload)
Sort out a reward chart for DD (behaviour is slipping)
Both kids in bed
Sort paperwork

STILL TO DO
Empty and reload dishy
Shine sink and wipe down sides
Hang out wet washing on airer
Bath
Do a mission (this is a maybe!)
Put clean clothes away
Put out clothes for the morning (didn't last night and found this morning that all my 'day' pants were in the tumble which hadn't fully dried the load and so I had to do breakfast etc in pyjamas

Hiya all!

XP came to get some of his things today and has found somewhere to live- coming back for the rest at the weekend. Thank you all for your kind words it really dust mean a lot!

swan We split because I asked him to move back out but still be together- he moved in even when I told him I didn't want him to and so we never had the conversation about roles and finances. So he's been living in my house without paying a penny and doing next to no housework despite me nagging and sounding like his mother daily. He refused to live apart but still be together and has left me without another word.

Ta da:
Food shop and food away
mindees all day
had a friend round for tea and found out she's pregnant
cleaned round the kitchen

No flying as such but I will dust and tidy hotspots with evening routine tonight so the house is tidy for the morning.

chitchat I hope you are feeling better and things with your DH are sorted now!

justgettingon I love the positivity of how you are sorting the house and everything in your life. I need a bit of that! I think I might start tomorrow!

swan about the party! It must be so hard to have these tantrums and not everyone realising he has ASD, but I bet he didn't ruin the party and it will all be forgotten!

blue to zumba! I'm having a night off tonight as my legs are aching and last night was a pathetic attempt

Life Begins I don't know how I do it to be honest- todays 9 hr mindee was a 6 mth old baby. I really enjoy my job (most days!) and I guess the household stuff just has to fit around it like everyone else. I'm quite an organised person (despite my appearance on here!) and I just plan errands in to fit around the good stuff. Things such as my children's school being on the (small) high street helps as it means i can get small errands done if i get there a bit early/after drop off. It takes me such a long time to get out of the house with my mindees and/or own children so once i'm out, i get as much done as i can. I'm also a great believer in delegating. Mine aren't great at using their inititive but I insist they help. Mindees are even encouraged to help and pick up toys, sweep under the dinner table, wipe and lay the table etc.

Well I have to be proud of myself today. I went for a long awaited smear test! I posted in Chat a couple of weeks ago and sid how scared I was so i was determind to come back with a success story so feeling very

Tomorrows list

Morning routine
Off to town for shopping
Library with DCs
Charity shop drop (again!)
Do some shredding (I don't have a home office so paperwork is my 'room' for the week)
Bath DCs
Descale shower screen
Evening routine
Valentine's meal with DH
Thin out coats and shoes in hall

That'll do! Toodle do!

Tomorrow is Valentine's Day... wonder what excitement that will bring.
DS away skiing, DD off to supercamp and then a sleepover so I wont see her until Wednesday. Maybe a little night out or a romantic evening in for DH and I.

Will have to wait and see how he feels. The poor soul has a dentist appointment first thing and its a looong one to sort out a back tooth.

Didnt do an awful lot of flying today, but we did go swimming and had great fun together. Laundry done, DW on and bedding changed in our bedroom. Will do DD bed tomorrow when she is away.

laurenamium - I am sorry you are going through the mill, I acn't imagine what it would be like to ahve someone move in without asking, although I was in a sticky situation once where the guy would visit for days at a time but expect to be fed and picked up after and somehow feel that I should be happy to do this because all his other exgirlfriends had. I don't think I have ever been out with anyone that made me so damn angry! Used to insist on seeing the phone bill before contributing, or checking the cost of gas and electric after a week where he showered/washed clothes/charged phones & laptop etc etc at mine. Used to expect me to pick him up when he had been drinking as well. Git. He didn't actually have anywhere of his own and I suspect he used to simply sofa urf between friends and family and me. It was an relatively short recovery from the breakup once I had decided not least because I found myself significantly better off. I hope all ends well :)

We had a very fun afternoon, DD and I wento the Pet shop and she was utterly amazed by the fish and laughed at the bunny rabbits. Significantly nonplussed by the guinea pigs and scared of the rats. Wise child. Even made dinner in peace but that could have been because she was filling up my white wash with items that were niot white - like a darm blue oven glove. Luckily nothing was ruined.

Attempted descaling shower screen 25% done to satisfaction = craving for fish and chips!

Evening all,

slow The DC love going to pet shops - definitely a fun outing.

Jax Hope your DH recovers from the dentist's in time for Valentine's Day.

Nick Well done on going for the smear test. They're recommended every 6-12 months here so must check when my next one is due (probably soon). Another task for anti-procrastination day!

lauren I can imagine that FLYing is one of the last things on your mind at the moment; looking after yourself (and your DD) should be your top priority for the time being.

Dedalus Well done on the paperwork!

Blue Hope you enjoyed zumba. I just don't have the coordination...

swan Sorry to hear about the stressful party pick-up.

ChitChat Glad to hear your DH is finally starting to see things your way. I also declutter best when I'm in a bad mood.

Waves to scatty and everyone else I've missed.

Another late night after feeling I've achieved very little here today. It was 9 pm by the time we finally got to eat - I eat with DH once we've got the DC to bed and have tidied up, which seemed to take ages today. House very neglected as I spent far too much time on the English lessons and I still have to cut out flash cards and finish planning the second lesson by midday tomorrow. DH reckons I'm not even making a profit and he's probably right. I'm still in two minds about whether to carry on next (academic) year.

Right, links... back in a minute.

Tuesday's links

The babystep is to read Kelly's Guide on How to Use a Calendar.

The missions for Tuesday are here. The mission in the bathroom is to wipe down the door facings, switch plates and door knobs, while the office mission is to tackle the pile to the right of the computer.

Finally, Tuesday is planning day.

well, we all had supper together (v nice stirfry Dh cooked) but so fragmented by different problems with children/unfinished homebless....dd sayng she was too tired to eat, first trying to be firm and then me having to take her up to bed, ds1 staying up late to chat, Dh getting cross to find some beds still stripped but unmade (they are all freshly made up now!)

I declare I am knackered. But cleaning lady came today for two hours and did ironing Dh shirts and cleaned kitchen, so despite rest of house being not much better than usual - kitchen is passable. Every other room filled with junk toys clothes AARGH! I must have now deep cleaned the loo and environs three times a day for past week yet it still [draws veil over crashng loo seats and bad aim]

done
stripped beds
two washes
clothes away
remade beds
bag of rubbish from bedrooms
exercise
compost
cleaned loos
newspapers
new book with dd
ds2 calmly to bed
dd calmly to bed
ds1 ditto

lauren I have had dps that liked me to cook supper(this is when we both worked) but only one that expected to live with me rent and utitity free, and he departed for that reason. I would expect someone to have their own place to live even if it was just a room unless they wanted to contribute. I think you were making a very fair distinction.

Ok, jumping back in (Happy half term everyone!)

Have reclaimed the kitchen today, (actually DH did) which spurred me on to dust and hoover the lounge/dining room and clear out the cupboard of doom toy cupboard. Just have the craft box to do and cram fit back in now.

Have shined sink and emptied DW tonight, plan in the morning is to take the dog for a walk early, before anyone else is up (it's been a plan of mine for years ).

Am going to Zumba for the first time tomorrow, so seems like a good day for a fresh start

Not much flying here today. It's the first day of Half Term so DD and I had a lazy morning, then spent 3 (very noisy) hours at soft play before her swimming lesson.

I have emptied DW and put a load of washing on. Sink shined and recycling sorted.

We are off "Oop Narth" tommorrow to spend a few days with DH. He has taken Wed off as leave so we shall visit the aquarium us there which is meant to be fab.

I shall make sure I have tidied round before we go so that things are vaguelly ship shape when we get back at the end of the week.

Lauren - I had a BF like that once who moved himself in after having a row with his parents (he was 19). It was 10 years before I got rid of him!

and for everyone tomorrow - whether single or attached - as we certainly deserve both having to plod on with RL and flying too x

Hmm, I wrote a post last night but don't seem to have posted it. Oh well.

Slow - at craving fish & chips. DH always moans if the bathroom smells like a chippy!

Dizzy - have a good trip!

Neenook - enjoy zumba!

Linzer - Zumba suits me cos I love dancing but DH doesn't. This way I don't need a partner. I've always thought my knees weren't up to running but they can cope with Zumba...

Oh yes, flying. Better get on with the morning routine. Busy day ahead. Waves to all!

Hiya all just a list dump as running late but will be back later for personals and a catch up!

To do:
Home bleugh
DD and mindees to museum for a few hours
Hoover done
Sweep and scrub kitchen floor
15 minute room Rescue bedroom
Bathroom missions for yesterday and today
Bit of paperwork
Zumba
Friend round for big fat gypsy weddings!

BBL

Valentine?s day = only a few days before all the unsold chocolates go on sale half price! (am watching the Thornton?s that didn?t sell at Christmas either, with keen interest. :o)

Lauren I want all sorts of things, and the only person who?s going to make them happen for me (without loads of strings) is me, so sooner I start, sooner I have the things I want. :)
I think you should write out what you wrote about him, up there, and look at it every| time you wonder if you handled things right.

Swan that age is one of the particularly tricky periods for asd. I became very regimented and then had to deal with parents and teachers saying that was what caused the asd symptoms! You can only do what?s right for them and know that in the longer run everyone will wise up.

Today?s list:
Babystep list (half done)
Swish and swipe
mission
Clean out fridge
Remove grit bucket/spade/sacking from car, bag up and store.
Wash car, wd40 big rust patch!
Clear up rest of collapsed stuff in lean to.
Plant onions and spuds (and left over daf and muscari bulbs found in bag!)
Sort out compost
Shopping.
Cook up picnic/ packed lunch for tomorrow.
Shred stuff -bag up for cat sanctuary
Start new subject lesson plan (cryptology maths = major procrastination!)
Write up last weeks work and outcomes
Plan out tomorrows logistics properly. (for exhibition, then de hoarding other house)

eugh the very thought of chocolate this morning! I have a splitting sinus headache(?) well it must be that as no alcohol consumed for ages and I slept in a very "airy" room; I feel hot and cold and shivery.

Justgetting that's reassuring ifysim, about it being worse at this age, I suppose all those elemental drives don't help The irony is that back home he was delightful again, easy to put to bed...said he'd had a good day, friendly, sensible..etc...

Lauren what a positive day!

oh dd's friend has arrived, they've gone upstairs to tidy dd's room
fingers crossed ds2 will play with them without escalating emotions

Oh, I posted earlier but it's vanished?

Todays list: (again)
Strip beds
Tidy, hoover,dust bedrooms
Clean bathroom
Walk dog (and DS's)
Sort craft box (and poss make something too)
Zumba! (excited and a bit nervous too - been years since I've done an exercise class!!)

swan - that must be so hard for you and your DD. I can?t imagine what it is like!

Blue - I?ll have some of the chocolate and thanks!!! If I take on top of the plethora of medication I?m taking at the moment I?ll be tripping the light fantastic!

Dedalus - well done on that paperwork!!!

Lauren - well done you for being strong with XP. The lack of respect towards you is not nice!

NickNacks - well done you on being brave enough to go for the smear test!!!

Linzer - do you just teach children English or adults as well? Adult classes can be quite profitable.

After feeling a bit better yesterday morning I crashed into a heap early evening. I am coughing so much my throat and chest are so incredibly sore- my mouth feels yeuch because of all the stepsils I?m sucking on trying to reduce my coughing. I?m trying to be careful because the way my chest feels I don?t think I?m far off having bronchitis. I took the DSs out for a couple of hours today, and that?s all I?ve managed, back home now and put a DVD on so that I can get some rest ? I feel like an appalling mother right now but I?m completely fatigued, still having chills and sweats and without pain relief am an aching mess.

DH pulled his weight with the DSs yesterday and this morning. He?s just not used to doing it because he only ever has weekends with them, and because he has such ridiculously early starts I usually let him sleep in so that he can catch up on some sleep. But when I?m feeling so utterly rotten, then that trumps him catching up on sleep and he doesn?t quite know how to deal with it, especially when the DSs are constantly crying out for mummy and making him feel unloved and unappreciated .

I have left off decorating in an attempt to get some strength back ? but I must say the bits that are done in the bedroom look really nice, especially the wooden floor. I think when I have more decorated I will have more inspiration to keep the place neat, tidy and organised. The newly painted lounge room is certainly the neatest room in the house!! At the very least I will have the chance of organising some proper storage.

Chitchat - have you been to the Dr? You poor thing. Hope you start feeling better soon.

Lauren - well done on staying form as regards DP. I had the DP moving in by stealth experience in my 20s too, started seeing someone who still lived at home when I had just bought my first house, he gradually moved himself in but didn't contribute much, we never set out to have a live-in relationship (well, I didn't). I moved him out again after a year or so and never looked back.

Swan - feel for you re DS and the party, I'm forever trying to anticipate and head off possible flash points with DS, it is draining and I still misjudge completely sometimes.

I'm just having a quiet half hour between work and heading out to start rounding up the DCs, DS is at football camp which ends at 3, then I've got to pick up DD and her friend from Drama workshop at 3.30 and transport all of them to the sports centre for DD and friend to go to more extra ballet (why oh why did I let her enter this exam?). A bit behind with Flying this week. I have decided to laminate my detailed zone stuff and put it in my Filofax diary that I use for to-do lists as I am in need of a bit more help in getting on top of the detailed stuff.

Had a row with DS this morning about time spent on electronic gizmos, it is hard in the holidays. I don't mind him having a little go on the DS or Ipad in on non school mornings, but I find it hard to agree with him how much is too much. Whereas in term time the boundaries are clearer.

firm I mean Lauren - not form.