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Housekeeping

Find cleaning advice from other Mumsnetters on our Housekeeping forum.

fledglings falling out of the nest thread

865 replies

IceColdBitchy · 01/01/2012 05:20

Ok So a new year a new thread.
You know the ropes flying the fledgling way.
Decluttering 15mins at a time in each zone.
Babysteps and missions.

Sunday is renew your spirit day and seeing as today is new years days I hope there aren't too many evil hangovers in existance.

Babystep 1: shine you shine. yes we know this one but do you shine it the fat fairy way? cant remember? check here

And for a treat as it is sunday no mission.

Oh and can i just may 2012 bring you productive decluttering and flying so your houses step closer to those of your dreams and house work no longer be that evil monster that dominates.

OP posts:
BitchyKicksAss · 30/01/2012 02:00

Meh dc know exactly what to say to make you feel crap.
Sometimes they dont realise that the stuff like homework helping is you helping them. Especially if they don't like homework.
I know i am lucky in that ds knows i do a lot of stuff with him, but equally i always feel guilty that the practical stuff - homework, swimming lessons, training etc is a priority and getting fun stuff done gets waylaid.

I should perhaps make more of an effort on that front but there is literally only so many hours in the day and I am afraid that during a rather heated discussion about homework and fun stuff i pointed out to ds that if he did his homework straight away without fuss then he would have a hell of a lot more time to get fun stuff done. There is literally only so much that can be done and i feel no problem in addressing this prospective issue.

He might feel we should do tons and tons of stuff but we do do stuff and if he wants more then it is his responsibility to keep his bedroom tidy, do his homework without fuss and go to bed without fuss. thankfully this seems to cure the we dont do anything nonsense as he really doesnt want to do those things.

Monopoly deal is fab though and you can rattle off a few games quickly which makes ds feel like we are doing stuff together. Oh that and a bit of joint tv watching. he likes tbbt. which is nice. especially with e4 replaying various series of it.

Erm flying? shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

night.

CheerfulYank · 30/01/2012 04:35

Sigh...back from my lovely weekend away. The house was pretty clean when I left and is now an absolute tip. :( and Angry

LinzerTorte · 30/01/2012 04:56

Well, I did promise to post the mission first thing this morning, but it still hasn't been updated. In fact, yesterday it said that we're in two zones this week - Zone 5, the living room and Zone 2, the kitchen Hmm - and today it's telling us again that we're in Zone 4.

I'll be back after the school run, when hopefully the missions will have been updated, and to catch up properly. In the meantime, thank you everyone for your kind words and for your PM Toffee, which cheered me up last night (although I didn't find what your DS wrote too awful!). Smile

Lifebeginsatforty · 30/01/2012 07:45

So back at home today. Smooth journey, but still later than I was expecting so didn't unpack last night Blush.

To do:
get DC dressed
nursery run
take DS to CM and attempt to leave him for first time
rush home
pack up boots to send back
fill in urgent form to post
write out rest of today's to do list which needs to include "what's for dinner"
unpack suitcases
go to post office
pick up DS - only leaving for an hour or so today

Think that will do for now. BBL

Lifebeginsatforty · 30/01/2012 07:47

Glad you're sounding so positive Lauren. Hope you manage to come to satisfactory long-term solution.

LinzerTorte · 30/01/2012 07:47

Still no missions.

Toffee I think you're right about me feeling better if I spend more time with the DC. I taught DD1 to play draughts yesterday, which she loved; she got the board out again this morning and had a game with DD2 after breakfast while I was rushing around getting toothbrushes, snacks, etc. ready. She's not great at occupying herself and tends to turn to the TV as the easiest option (although I don't allow it in the mornings before school), so spending that time with her yesterday really paid off.

Blue Good news on the work. I must admit that Flying does get neglected as soon as I have any work to do, but I'm determined to keep on top of things this week despite having quite a large job to get done by Friday.

swan Yes, I was also far too shy to say anything to my mum and agree that it's best to have these things out in the open, as difficult as it can be to hear such comments. I remember having to write a poem about my mum at secondary school; the first verse went something like, "In the kitchen, cooking all day, tidying up and putting things away, that's my mum." The teacher asked me to add something that my mum enjoyed doing (non-housework-related) and I honestly couldn't think of anything! I don't want to turn out the same - although I don't think there's too much danger of the DC only ever seeing me doing housework! - so must start doing something about it now before they don't actually want to spend any time with me.
Btw it sounds like you're doing a great job with your DD; I think that if they know how to behave with (be nice to) other people, then you're on the right track. It's inevitable that they take out their frustrations on you sometimes, but it's good that they obviously feel comfortable enough to do so (I wouldn't have dared with my mum).

WhoKnows I'm getting my parents to record Birdsong for me - I didn't really enjoy the book so was in two minds about whether to have it recorded, but have heard so many good things about it that I'm glad I did.
I also feel a bit hypocritical limiting DD1's screen time when I spend so much time on the computer (the other two are good at switching off when they've had enough, but she isn't), but also tell myself it's for her own good!

Bitchy That's it, so much time gets taken up by practical stuff and they don't realise that you're actually spending time with them when you're supervising homework, taking them to activities, picking up friends, etc. Obviously homework and activities (if you've signed up for them - DD1 just does one after-school activity as that's more than enough for her) have to be a priority, but considering that she's out of school by 12.45 pm at the latest, surely I must be able to find the odd half hour to spend with her, playing a game or doing something else that she wants to do?

Cheerful Glad you had a lovely weekend but sorry to hear about the state of the house. Hope you can get back on track quickly after all the work you've put into it recently.

Must just check if the missions have appeared while I've been writing this essay... The missions haven't been updated, but today's flight plan has. Back in a minute with a separate post!

LinzerTorte · 30/01/2012 07:53

**

Today's links:

We're in the living room for the first two days of this week (last two days of the month).

The mission is a detailed vacuuming session in the living room. It's at the bottom of today's flight plan.

And as today is Monday, that means it's time for the weekly home blessing hour.

**

Lifebeginsatforty · 30/01/2012 08:01

None of us on here are the "worst mum ever" Linzer. After all if we were that selfish and thinking only of ourselves we would hardly be spending our time on Mumsnet, would we? Wink But seriously, sometimes DC say hurtful things because they can only see things from their own very limited perspective. As adults we see the bigger picture.

And as Flylady says, we should take regular breaks, and "treat" ourselves daily too. Doesn't stop me from having the guilt trips at the conflict between getting things done, and spending time with the DC, and having "me" time. But I know the theory is sound. Ok, that was a bit of a ramble, hope you understood.

Lifebeginsatforty · 30/01/2012 08:03

Oooops. X-post with Linzer.

LinzerTorte · 30/01/2012 08:16

Thanks, Lifebegins. I think what hurt most was the DH also saw it from DD1's perspective (i.e. I'm on the computer the whole time and have no time to spend with her). But it's definitely given me the wake-up call I needed: I really need to prioritise spending time with the DC doing things that aren't homework-related or related to afterschool activities (although I often find that driving the DC to activities is a good time to talk to them).

Glad you had a good journey back and hope your DS gets on OK at the CM's.

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes · 30/01/2012 09:15

Linzer - I have had to point out to DH on occasion that while, yes I do spend a lot of time chatting on here, I also spend a lot of time researching DS's special needs and a lot of other stuff that affects us all, such as holidays, writing wills, recipes, you name it. So it isn't all about me. Even if it is, our house is much tidier since I found this thread and that affects everyone too.

Did anyone read that thread about three things you treasure from your childhood? Got me to thinking about mine and what my DCs will remember, they might say now that Mum spends too much time doing housework or on the computer but have a totally different take on it later. My mum worked full time which I didn't much like at the time (shunted off to neighbours after school etc) but it set me a good feminist example and made me always assume I would have a career.

Anyway, better go stuff to do, Ocado shopping has just arrived and needs putting away, then it's home blessing time,

BBL

ToffeeWhirl · 30/01/2012 10:21

Linzer - I second what WhoKnows says and which I have also had to point out to DH. I am often on the computer because I am reading/writing emails to school or medical people re DS1 or I am researching SNs, not to mention all sorts of other stuff that I need to find out about, from recipes to wellies. MN usually answers most of my queries, to be honest. It does make me cross that when DH spends time on the computer that is 'work', but when I do it it is 'time wasting' Hmm. Anyway, I'm glad you are feeling a bit better about it today.

Funnily enough, DH has just come back from work early and discovered me on MN whilst I eat my b/fast, which just confirms his suspicions that that is all I do all day .

Thanks for finding the mission for today, Linzer. I shall borrow your link, if you don't mind, to post on the other thread.

Today's list:

Order new carbon-dioxide detector
Post letters
Post hwk to DS1's school
Home blessing
Wash bedclothes
Sort mountain of washing (ironing required Sad)
Supervise DS's schoolwork
Watch 'Gladiator' with DS to help him with his history (nothing to do with those fit young men Wink)
Lunch
Room rescues (especially our bedroom)
Put out special toys for playdate
School run
Collect DS2 and his friend
Dinner
Usual evening routines, etc.

laurenamium · 30/01/2012 10:43

Good morning!

toffee I clean when I'm stressed/ upset/ angry! There's something soothing about cleaning, I think it's the whole controlling thing, I can't control what's going on around me but I CAN control the house and the mess iyswim! Good idea about the table manners reward chart! But I bet their manners aren't that bad!

linzer you are NOT a rubbish mum!! Like bitchy and swan said your DD will know exactly what to say to push your buttons!

swan I agree that quality time is much more emotionally tiring than house work! I often feel drained and really unexplainably tired after a day with DD and mindees.

whoknows I often think that! DD is only 1 but what she will remember is regularly at the front of the mind!

DP has gone out early and will be out for most of the day so I have some space to clean and work without avoiding each other!

To do:
Ring estate agents - thinking of buying our first home Hmm rather than renting...will still go look as I'm nosey but I'm a bit hesitant generally after all this. On the other hand this house is a once in a lifetime opportunity...
Home Bleugh
Laundry
Did mission yesterday without realizing!
Living room hotspot!
Food shop done
Cleaned kitchen done
Shined sink done
Painting tots with DD and mindee
Put away DD laundry
Wash down doors
Wash down sofas
Paper work later

BBL

BitchyKicksAss · 30/01/2012 11:00

Right i have a long list of stuff that needs to be done this week as having a birthday party in the house friday and the house is in chaos state best bit? the worst case of CBAitis for a while

I have one thing to do that is essential though so going to head into town to do that. Car tax. Will try to coordinate and get banking done at the same time. But cba tbh.

If anyone sees my motivation will you please reunite me with it. Alternatively anyone in the nw who wants to do my taming and sorting out for me? No? didn't think so :( best get on with it then.

feetheart · 30/01/2012 11:57

Oh dear, so many people being made it feel like 'rubbish mums'.
As possibly the most 'senior' person posting on here atm I will assume my usual bossy position of telling you all YOU ARE NOT RUBBISH MUMS. I was once told that as soon as the baby arrived a guilt chip was inserted - multiply that by however many DC you have.
It seems to be part of being a Mum that you will feel bad even when THERE IS NO CAUSE TO. My Mum still feels guilty about having twins when I was 2 and thereby spoiling my singleton life. I am 50 this year and don't remember ever being only one! What I do remember is all the fun, exciting, slightly dubious things the 3 of us got up to (most of which my mum hopefully never knew about :))
Right, lecture over, Biscuit and Brew all round.

Ta Da so far today:

  • Run (first daybreak one I've done for a while, roll on lighter mornings as I do love that time of day
  • All up and out with all relevant kit and no shouting - result :)
  • Room rescues in kitchen and living room
  • Mopped kitchen floor
  • Work - end of month stuff

Now need to:

  • Hoover throughout
  • Quick lunch
  • Dentist (40mins drive away but SO worth it)
  • Dinner
  • Haircut for DS and me
  • Rest of ironing

That should do.
Hope everyone feels better today

DedalusDigglesPocketWatch · 30/01/2012 12:55

Hello. May I (re)join please? I was here around 6m ago, and found it really helpful, but had to stop as I started doing some decorating and the whole house was chaotic. Things have got quite bad again and I have a lot to do through February.

How do you get started again? :o

LinzerTorte · 30/01/2012 13:04

Welcome back Dedalus. Smile A shiny sink is always a good place to start. Or set your timer and do 15 minutes of decluttering in the current zone (the living room today and tomorrow). I'll be starting a new thread tomorrow, so you could always start all over again with the babysteps if you want.

swanthingafteranother · 30/01/2012 13:26

Hi all, just
done
volunteering WOHM till 12.45(bookkeeping type actvity, to which I am not best suited Hmm still, quietly satisfying.

now I am going to fit in a whirlwhind Housebless for 2 hours, no cleaning lady today, which is lucky really as the house is too tip like for anyone but immediate family to fathom.

swanthingafteranother · 30/01/2012 13:41

Linzer x, and I often have to take a step back and think of things from dcs' point of view. I was increasingly exasperated on Sat, by the fact that I had spent the whole of one Sat afternoon shopping with dd for her friend's present, then the whole of another Friday afternoon going back to buy it again [don't ask, we left one of bags behind in the shop due to mixup) then what appeared to be most of Sat morning wrapping adorning, wasting tissue paper said present! And she told me to write the card for her! Ferrying her back and forth from party too. Then, what cheek! complained I was mean to her and didn't care about her later on Sunday.. But I suppose from her point of view, party with friend was rather a stressful if exciting event, into which all her emotions were pitched and v important to look good and have right present. I think she could sense my impatience and she felt upset, and then retaliated.

AARGh must press on and stop rambling. Children visiting this afternoon.

DedalusDigglesPocketWatch · 30/01/2012 16:31

Can I ask when you manage to do your housework? I have a DS who is 17m and capable of making mess quicker than I can tidy! DD was never this bad :o

laurenamium · 30/01/2012 16:56

Hey all!

Just checking in, not done much as been a busy rl day!

Waves to everyone! didilus I do most of my housework when DD is napping or asleep on a night unless it's something she can help with. The kitchen gets done whilst she is eating her dinner and I just chat to her while I'm cleaning! And toys get left til she's asleep as she just gets them out again otherwise!

Ta da:
Laundry washed and dried
DD laundry away
Walked dog
DD and mindee to painting
Cleaned kitchen
Shined sink
Food shop

Still to do
Mop kitchen floor
Hoover round
Home Bleugh
Paperwork

Doors, sofa and estate agents will go on tomorrows list

BB tomorrow

LinzerTorte · 30/01/2012 17:14

Just a quick post as I'm trying to stay off the computer in the afternoons! (Although did manage to do half an hour's work earlier while the DC were playing with friends they had over.)

Dedalus You might find some useful ideas here. I do almost all of my housework when the DC are out of the house in the mornings; I can get a little (but not a great deal) done now with them around, but I remember how difficult it was when DS was a baby/toddler (his older sisters were a breeze in comparison).

CheerfulYank · 30/01/2012 17:38

Hi everyone!

Linzer you're a fab mummy. For sure! I definitely go through the "am I spending too much time on the comp..." thing, but I am a "good enough" mama. That's what I aim for...much better than trying to be perfect. :o

My list for today:
-MOP KITCHEN! I keep saying that and it keeps not happening. I have a tiny little kitchen, too!

  • Fold and put away the laundry heaped on the chair in the living room

-Finally give my friend's DDs their super-belated Christmas presents. Blush

-Dishes and wipe surfaces in kitchen

-Really sweep and vacuum downstairs..the dog hair is getting crazy again.

-Feed DS dinner early so I can make it to work at the theater tonight on time.

  • GO TO BED WHEN THE CLOCK STILL SAYS PM!

Ta-Da!
-Dog fed, watered, and let to romp around
-Ingredients for Cheesy Chicken Chili thrown in slow cooker...house smells wonderful! :)
-DS and I up and dressed and at school/work on time

ToffeeWhirl · 30/01/2012 18:51

Ellie - I hope you pop in tonight because I want to say thank you for recommending the documentary on gladiators. DS1 and I watched it this afternoon and even Mr Cynical ended up enjoying it (actually, I loved it and was totally gripped from the start!). He then dictated his next piece of homework to me (a news report from the Colosseum), using the story of Verus and Priscus Grin. Job done! Thank you!

Cheerful - I think I should adopt that rule too - go to bed when the clock says PM .

Dedalus - good to see you again. I'm afraid the only answer to getting housework done with babies/toddlers is childcare - or a cleaner Wink. Neither of my boys would let me get much done when they were little (both velcro babies).

Linzer - I hope we are not going to be seeing less of you now .

Lauren - glad you sound a bit brighter. Good luck with the house viewing.

Swan - sympathies with regard to ungrateful DC. My own DS2 was unbelievably obnoxious to me and his playmate this afternoon, then turned round and said I was being mean to him (well, I was cross).

Feet - Grin at the guilty chip.

DH has, quite rightly, pointed out that DS2 went to bed a bit late last night and that could be the reason for his obnoxious behaviour, so I'd better get on with bedtime routines. I just want to relax for a bit, but no chance. I started reducing my ADs several days ago and I think I'm feeling the effects of that now because I am so irritable with the DC - not entirely unreasonably, because they really are maddening sometimes, but it's a shame when I was being so patient until now. This is more realistic, but more wearing.

DedalusDigglesPocketWatch · 30/01/2012 20:19

Thank you all for your welcome and advice Smile

DD who is 4yrs is very helpful, will tidy, clean, and put stuff in the dishy but DS is as destructive as an overexcited great dane Grin