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House swaps

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Original poster

Would you swap a 3 bedroom house for 4 bedroom flat

93 replies

samjade · 10/09/2022 20:16

Hi all would really appreciate some opinions.
I am living in a 3 bedroom house with a beautiful garden in a lovely quite cul de sac in Thames ditton. It is a very pretty area. With woods behind the garden. Very spacious but needs a new bathroom and kitchen.
Me and my son currently sleep downstairs due to there being no space. It is really getting me down and is hard to get him to sleep and hard to sleep with people banging around above me and very squeaky floorboards!
The 4 bedroom flat is in chessington on a main road not a very nice area to look at with not much there but not the worst area as far as I know.
It is ground floor with a very slim long patio overlooked by the two floors on top who have a balcony.
Much more updated than my home which would be a relief as this house is endless amount of work!
A nice kitchen with room for table two toilets a shower which I don’t have!
I would still be in the living room on sofa bed but the living room has its own door unlike here so would feel more like a bedroom and privacy for myself.
My son would have his own room which is very important.
A very small communal garden that i would not be able to put a pool or trampoline in for my 6 year old who has autism who loves his private garden very much.
I have been looking for somewhere for 5 years to swap with and this is the only one who wants to swap as my rent is £270 a week. The rent there is cheaper £180 and cheaper council tax.
It also has under floor heating not sure if that is a good thing if anyone knows?
my children would like to leave this road as one has a ex boyfriend and I also have a neighbour who has done some appalling things to me and my family. I am sad to leave here as I know everyone and have been around these ways forever!
Has anyone found living in a flat has helped them to get out more or does it make you feel depressed not having your own garden. I do find my garden very calming and use it a lot but at the same time it does take a lot of time and work having a garden. Being a single working mum I would have more time and energy not having one!
sorry for the long post please help!
I’m really stuck! As much as advice as possible would be really valuable
thank you all in advance

OP posts:
2pinkginsplease · 10/09/2022 21:23

I’d stay put however the 3 girls should share the biggest room, your ds has the smallest room and you have the other.

Ponderingwindow · 10/09/2022 21:24

Are your older children in education or are they working? If they are working, but they are still living at home, it is time for them to double or triple up. If you don’t have a bedroom, there should be no compromising on that issue. If they are in education it’s more complicated, but they could still share. Then you do need to balance schedules and study needs so maybe someone still ends up on sofa, but there should be a conversation at least.

if you have a child who burns off energy and decompresses on his trampoline, I wouldn’t give that up lightly. Also he might be more sensitive to the noise in the flat.

Isaidnoalready · 10/09/2022 21:25

If you do decide to move get a folding trampoline they have wheels and you can store it on the patio wheel it out to the grass then put it away after if I'm remembering correctly toys are allowed in communal areas as long as they are put away at the end of the day but check on your rules and regulations

TheDressinggownofdoom · 10/09/2022 21:28

I agree. Your older children need to move out above losing the garden.

Make them share a room and start charging them rent.

VeganCow · 10/09/2022 21:30

I would ask for an appointment with your housing officer. All housing associations have them.
Tell them your living situation.

Your son having autism sleeping downstairs with his mum, that's absolutely unacceptable.

In the meantime the girls share. If they don't like it, tough. They are totally disrespectful of you as their mother and their needs do not come first. Especially the one who moved out and is now back! Does she have her own room?

Libertyqueen · 10/09/2022 21:32

samjade · 10/09/2022 21:07

The older ones are 20 18 and 17 One moved out but came back and now my son is back down here! i just can’t wait anymore for them to go we talk about it all but they say they need to save up for there own place as they don’t want to rent and waste money! But not much saving happening.
I could try and talk about one sharing with my son again he could get to bed earlier and I could have alone time at least! But ideally he does need his own room doesn’t he? the patio is only 100cm wide but very long so I don’t think a pool would fit at all or that would be great!

Personally I’d put bunk beds in the biggest room for the girls and then you have a room and son has a room.

felulageller · 10/09/2022 21:40

The oldest 2 need to move out!

Ridiculous that they are getting a room while you and D's suffer!

TheSoundOfMucus · 10/09/2022 21:45

I agree, don’t give up your peaceful home and garden. You don’t need to make it so comfortable for your older daughters, it may give them the impetus to move on!
4 daughters - oldest, who could move out, on sofa, next three sharing and the two other rooms for you and your son.

I know Greater London rents are high, but they could rent a room and share it; i lived in some right holes in my late teens and twenties, it is a rite of passage!

wherearebeefandonioncrisps · 10/09/2022 21:47

If you're currently living in Surbiton/Kingston/Richmond then yes, Chessington is considered a bit rough .
However, compared to the vast majority of the UK it is actually a really expensive place to live and is very yummy mummy for much of it.

As to your accommodation, do not underestimate the value of a garden, honestly.

EwwSprouts · 10/09/2022 21:48

Agree all the girls in one room. Also they can help with the gardening. No way would I swop for a flat.

Wombat19 · 10/09/2022 21:48

I once swapped a 4-bed flat for a 2.5 bed wee house.

Whilst it was nice to have space and it was a very big flat, the house was better. Garden, own front door and no noise from above, tho some from the side as it was a semi...

Original poster
samjade · 10/09/2022 21:48

Wow really strong responses here I know I am a soft on them i think I feel guilty for having another child without providing properly as they for older I thought they shouldn’t be denied there own space. Their dad was very authoritarian with them which made me softer he also had an affair with my sister which made me unwell and the children seem to have taken his place with ruling my life so it’s my fault it’s got like this.
we also live in posh area all of their friends have lots of money and cars ect bought for them so they always feel hard done by!
thanks for all your opinions I will be showing them when we have this conversation!

OP posts:
Original poster
samjade · 10/09/2022 21:53

@Wombat19 was yours a council exchange perhaps I could swap back to a house when the older ones leave but I feel I will never find someone who would swap a house but if they really needed the extra space
but if there was next to no chance of this happening would be sad to never have a garden again!

OP posts:
Original poster
samjade · 10/09/2022 21:54

@Isaidnoalready thats a great idea will have a look into that if we do move

OP posts:
Original poster
samjade · 10/09/2022 21:55

Also just to add I will struggle with gas. My house has a lot of windows and doors and has is going up so much. It cost a lot already to heat this home even before the rises and ones to come!
the flat has under floor heating and small windows just one door to patio. So would save and be warmer

OP posts:
2pinkginsplease · 10/09/2022 21:56

What is mumsnets obsession with children moving out in their early 20’s and late teens?

dh was 26 and I was 24 before I moved out,

my children are 18 and 21 and still live at home.

houses are extortionate whether it be mortgage or rent, where do young people find the money to move out at such a young age?

Original poster
samjade · 10/09/2022 21:58

@VeganCow the housing officer says I need to find an exchange myself. The council has a bidding system but I am not priority as I have alot more than people who are homeless and even more crowded than me.

OP posts:
Original poster
samjade · 10/09/2022 21:59

@2pinkginsplease i have no money to help them move on and I do wonder how they will ever have a chance to own their own place if they have to spend on rent

OP posts:
rosamacrose · 10/09/2022 22:02

berksandbeyond · 10/09/2022 21:21

I don't want to believe that this is real and that these 3 young women are that selfish to be honest

This.
Cant believe your daughters have so little regard for you.

Original poster
samjade · 10/09/2022 22:03

@berksandbeyond you guys I’m crying they literally make me feel so bad and I need to toughen up!
At least my son should be able to go back upstairs.

OP posts:
itsgettingweird · 10/09/2022 22:04

I would put 18/20 yo in the double. 17yo in one single and ds in the other.

Then use kallax units or something to have your own space in the lounge if you really want them to have bedrooms.

Have a look at the ikea website that has so many pictures of ideas for space saving.

But I wouldn't move from the house and garden that your ds needs as he's the only one who is really a child (your 17yo is almost an adult). I'd speak to the adults and tell them they need to share and if you can afford it reduce their rent accordingly.

Original poster
samjade · 10/09/2022 22:08

@wherearebeefandonioncrisps Im not a snob but when we pulled up to look at the flat there were a few boys some looked about 8 with tops off and those man bags the crossbody ones and they looked a bit naughty I shouldn’t judge I feel judged by posh people myself but couldn’t help thinking would my son be getting into trouble!

OP posts:
Original poster
samjade · 10/09/2022 22:10

@itsgettingweird i will look at ikea thank you for that. Some organising would help the situation all my stuff is I’m here currently trying to save for a sofa bed which will help as well

OP posts:
Hiphophippityskip1 · 10/09/2022 22:12

Why can the older kids bot move out and find a place together? You have made it too easy for them? Do they work? Do they contribute or are they all living rent and lodgings free? If they aren't contributing they should be the ones to rough it in the lounge. Why should you and the the children who of an age they need to live at home be the ones to suffer? Make some changes

GrowThroughWhatYouGoThrough · 10/09/2022 22:13

I think it's time for the older ones to stand on their own two feet or suck it up and share! Personally I think you should stay in the house for the outdoor space heaven forbid we have another covid episode or something along those line and you don't have a garden for your little one it would be even more hell!