Would you swap a 3 bedroom house for 4 bedroom flat

[samjade]

Hi all would really appreciate some opinions.
I am living in a 3 bedroom house with a beautiful garden in a lovely quite cul de sac in Thames ditton. It is a very pretty area. With woods behind the garden. Very spacious but needs a new bathroom and kitchen.
Me and my son currently sleep downstairs due to there being no space. It is really getting me down and is hard to get him to sleep and hard to sleep with people banging around above me and very squeaky floorboards!
The 4 bedroom flat is in chessington on a main road not a very nice area to look at with not much there but not the worst area as far as I know.
It is ground floor with a very slim long patio overlooked by the two floors on top who have a balcony.
Much more updated than my home which would be a relief as this house is endless amount of work!
A nice kitchen with room for table two toilets a shower which I don’t have!
I would still be in the living room on sofa bed but the living room has its own door unlike here so would feel more like a bedroom and privacy for myself.
My son would have his own room which is very important.
A very small communal garden that i would not be able to put a pool or trampoline in for my 6 year old who has autism who loves his private garden very much.
I have been looking for somewhere for 5 years to swap with and this is the only one who wants to swap as my rent is £270 a week. The rent there is cheaper £180 and cheaper council tax.
It also has under floor heating not sure if that is a good thing if anyone knows?
my children would like to leave this road as one has a ex boyfriend and I also have a neighbour who has done some appalling things to me and my family. I am sad to leave here as I know everyone and have been around these ways forever!
Has anyone found living in a flat has helped them to get out more or does it make you feel depressed not having your own garden. I do find my garden very calming and use it a lot but at the same time it does take a lot of time and work having a garden. Being a single working mum I would have more time and energy not having one!
sorry for the long post please help!
I’m really stuck! As much as advice as possible would be really valuable
thank you all in advance

I think 2 girla share the double , another one in the single and your son in a single also
Then at least you can have some time alone in fromtroom in evening
Then when one if your girls moves out you get the single
But at 20 in this day and age its not easy to move out
If not in education they should contribute a little to food and bilks

@samjade
Their dad was very authoritarian with them which made me softer he also had an affair with my sister which made me unwell and the children seem to have taken his place with ruling my life so it’s my fault it’s got like this.
we also live in posh area all of their friends have lots of money and cars ect bought for them so they always feel hard done by!

None of this is your fault.

You've worked hard and done your best. You sound downtrodden and you absolutely don't deserve this.

Your daughters need to step up.

@Hiphophippityskip1 they are only 18 and 20 and in that area rent is very high
Its not so easy to move out now in some areas

@Hiphophippityskip1 thanks for your advice I’m finding it very supportive as they always tell me otherwise and make me doubt myself!
the only other reason I want to move is the decor and would be lovey if it was all done it’s a constant reminder here of how there dad wouldn’t finish anything he started every room has missing pieces of flooring and stuff but I think I would regret losing the garden especially if I was stuck there forever!

I'm sure they'll feel bad about this situation in the future when they mature as this is a selfish age and sounds like they're struggling to digest the inequality of this world/ country at the moment.

If they get all "Woe is me, I'm so hard done by", I'd stick with "Well everyone is different and some people are lucky financially"

Yes but there's absolutely no chance I'd be upstairs relaxing in my bedroom, whilst my mum and wee brother slept in the living room?! That's ridiculous

I'm so sorry, you sound like a lovely mum to sacrifice like this for your kids. I really wish they'd step up and let you have a room to relax in. I couldn't sleep a wink knowing my mum and wee brother were downstairs bunking in the living room?!

@rosamacrose thank you for your kind words i do feel silly getting myself into this situation though

Don't move from Thames Ditton! It's beautiful. I used to live near there and I miss it every day.

Definitely get your selfish daughters to pay rent, AND share a room. If they don't like that, good! They'll move out faster.

Chessington is OK but there wasn't much to do round there (bar the theme park) when I lived in Surrey. I wouldn't rush from beautiful Thames Ditton to move there.

When did you talk to the council about being rehoused? If it was before the girls all turned 16 then you might have a better chance now as their rules state anyone over 16 needs their own room so you are now more overcrowded.

I can't believe people are talking about throwing teenagers out, especially in an obviously expensive part of the country but you do need to look at them sharing to give you and your son more space.

Crikey, Thames Ditton!!! I'd not leave there and I'm not surprised that you feel the way you do about Chessington but living in Thames Ditton and working in Surbiton has clouded your judgment.
Surbiton and its environs are a whole world away from reality. It's not how 99% of the population live.

Chessington is fine and it's also a world away from the majority of the population. Yes , much of it is grey /white rendered 1930s or so but property prices there are way , way above the national average.

@DoingJustFine it is lovely I adore the area and would miss it so much I just feel a bit like beggers can’t be choosers and feel silly for not taking the one I need that and provide Better housing for them instead of staying for the garden

Do you charge the 20 year old and 18 year old rent?
if not, even £50- £100 a month each would give you the money to buy a sofa bed etc to make your situation more comfortable.

we find our underfloor heating expensive and rarely can have it on.

I wouldn't move, you think its noisy having people above you now and they are family members, it will be a hundred times worse with strangers banging around above you.
You really need to get your boy his own bedroom. Make 2 girls share 1 bedroom and 1 sleep in the lounge and you and your son have a bedroom each.

Maybe you should show your daughters this thread.
I don't think they can know how sad and lost you feel.
They come across as very entitled, with their moneyed friends but maybe they just don't know how their expectations affect your and your son's life.

You mentioned one DD had moved out but now moved back. Who is to say she may not choose to move out again in 6 months for a new job/travel/boyfriend? You are thinking of moving to gain more space but you might not need it in a couple of years time without actually showing anyone the door. Don't make a decision for the short-term at huge cost to your long-term happiness. Why should your DS with additional needs be the only one to grow up without a garden?

I hope your DDs are helping with all the household chores and cooking for you and your DS some days.

@Beekindbeehumble they don’t pay there has been talks about it but they always say they need to save to move out but they are not saving. One is in and out of work and the others are studying and struggling to find work? They are quite shy and I wonder if one of them has autism the other eldest really is hard work I don’t know if it’s me who’s made a rod for my own back like someone said earlier

I am so sorry you're in this situation OP. It sounds really difficult. Have you tried applying for a Carers Grant? They're available for thing like household goods (often used for washing machines, etc) so maybe you could use the money to buy a sofa bed? It's worth a try. Here's a link that might give you a bit more info.

carers.org/grants-and-discounts/introduction

I really hope you can get something sorted out.

Thank you all so much you’ve been amazing and really helped put things into perspective. I am going to get ready for bed as work in the morning but will be back tomorrow to reply to you all and hopefully talk a bit more. Thanks again everyone x

I live near both these areas and would never swop Thames Ditton and a garden for Chessington. I agree with the previous posters who are saying that it’s unfair that the older ones are taking all the space in your home! You and your son have to have a room then whatever is left can be given to the others.

Socially, there is no guarantee than if you move you will have an easier time with the other school mums anyway and I would rather raise my kid (especially a son) in the “better” area especially if he has SEN.

The older girls are old enough to share. I'd put them in the largest room. You shouldn't make it too comfortable for them, as they're going to move out soon. I wouldn't move into a flat, my bil did that and he said not having a garden affected his mental health.

I think if the 20 and 18 year old were sleeping in the lounge, and you had your bedroom, theyd start saving faster

No financial contribution is taking the mick. As a suggestion they could pay you an agreed amount each month. You put half towards household expenses and half in an account you hold for them for own home saving, as they are apparently incapable of saving when paying no rent/bills at all.

Then show them this. Plenty of jobs out there. They may not be what they aspire to but a first job is not going to be fancy. John Lewis are hiring for Xmas , barista, warehouse roles, part-time at Escape Room... I am not being unnecessarily harsh. I'm on a thread on here about DC heading off to university. Many are expecting their DC to get p/t jobs as they just can't make up the loan.
uk.indeed.com/jobs?q&l=Thames%20Ditton%2C%20Surrey&vjk=68e390bdd92a0414
Work from home flexibly no tutoring experience required uk.indeed.com/jobs?l=Thames%20Ditton%2C%20Surrey&radius=10&vjk=5b1462b949789388

No too many negative points. X

I'd live in a flat if I was alone, but not with children.

I'd be terrified of making a noise and disturbing the neighbours, and you've said yourself that your son needs his outdoor space.

I'd look to reconfigure the home you have. Declutter, ensure everyone has an upstairs bed, even it that means sharing rooms.