Would you swap a 3 bedroom house for 4 bedroom flat

[samjade]

Hi all would really appreciate some opinions.
I am living in a 3 bedroom house with a beautiful garden in a lovely quite cul de sac in Thames ditton. It is a very pretty area. With woods behind the garden. Very spacious but needs a new bathroom and kitchen.
Me and my son currently sleep downstairs due to there being no space. It is really getting me down and is hard to get him to sleep and hard to sleep with people banging around above me and very squeaky floorboards!
The 4 bedroom flat is in chessington on a main road not a very nice area to look at with not much there but not the worst area as far as I know.
It is ground floor with a very slim long patio overlooked by the two floors on top who have a balcony.
Much more updated than my home which would be a relief as this house is endless amount of work!
A nice kitchen with room for table two toilets a shower which I don’t have!
I would still be in the living room on sofa bed but the living room has its own door unlike here so would feel more like a bedroom and privacy for myself.
My son would have his own room which is very important.
A very small communal garden that i would not be able to put a pool or trampoline in for my 6 year old who has autism who loves his private garden very much.
I have been looking for somewhere for 5 years to swap with and this is the only one who wants to swap as my rent is £270 a week. The rent there is cheaper £180 and cheaper council tax.
It also has under floor heating not sure if that is a good thing if anyone knows?
my children would like to leave this road as one has a ex boyfriend and I also have a neighbour who has done some appalling things to me and my family. I am sad to leave here as I know everyone and have been around these ways forever!
Has anyone found living in a flat has helped them to get out more or does it make you feel depressed not having your own garden. I do find my garden very calming and use it a lot but at the same time it does take a lot of time and work having a garden. Being a single working mum I would have more time and energy not having one!
sorry for the long post please help!
I’m really stuck! As much as advice as possible would be really valuable
thank you all in advance

Being in and out of work and not providing for oneself isn’t an option. You don’t have to throw young adults out on the street, but you should demand they act like responsible human beings. Yes, rents have skyrocketed. That doesn’t mean young adults get to exist in a perpetual state of irresponsibility. That means they find work and work hard just like the generations before them. As a parent you aren’t helping them by letting them live there without a plan. That this has also placed such a burden on you and your youngest makes it especially troublesome. An adult not in education And living at home should be both contributing to the household and saving an extremely large portion of her salary because expenses will be so low.

I definitely wouldn’t move from a house with garden in Thames ditton. No one will ever want to swap back in future.

Housing is super expensive in that area, so I understand is hard for your elder children to move out.
However, changes should be made so you all have own space, and they all Should be contributing towards food and energy bills, it’s everywhere in the news, they cannot not know it’s expensive to heat, electric, eat right now. I would be expecting £50 a week (£200) from each with income tbh.

Three girls in big bedroom
Son in next bedroom
You take smallest.

Then you can explain that that way no one is sleeping in living area, which then frees that space up for everyone to use in the evening. The girls can use bedroom mainly for sleeping. And are welcome to then use tv downstairs to stay up late if another is sleeping already.

Never. It's my dream to have a house with a garden. I live in a first floor flat. The flat above mine is rented. Some years the tenants are fine and I hardly hear them - other years there have been people upstairs that have made living there feel like hell as they were so noisy.

Nope. Wouldn't go from a house to a flat.

Absolutely don't move. Giving up a garden with a young autistic child who needs proprioceptive and vestibular stimulation is madness. Older children need to move out or room share.

The eldest needs to move out or have the living room temporarily, the other 2 share. Your son the smallest room, you the middle room. You'll end up being under occupied if you move to a 4 bed quickly

You sound a lovely mother trying her best with the situation. But you need it to work for you. The breadwinner. If you have a double and 2 singles, 3 daughters and a son plus yourself. A single for you, A single for your son and the double for the 3 girls. Bunk bed/triple sleeper it could be done. Have a declutter and see how much space you have. If your girls don’t want that could they sleep downstairs instead. I wouldn’t move just make it work better by having adult conversations with your adult children. This is not about having their own spaces it is about everyone having a decent bed space in which to sleep and therefore freeing up the rest of your home for living.

This is your situation now but someday when the dc have moved out you'll find yourself living in a flat with no garden.
I'd stick it out until the older ones leave home and then downsize to a cheaper 2 bed house and garden for you and your son, you'll have ample choice because so many people with a 2 bed will need a 3 bed.
I seriously think you'd have regrets later if you swap now because you'd be lucky to get another house once your in a flat.

How do your girls feel about their mother and younger brother not having a room?

Also OP have a look at the charity family fund.

They provide things for disabled children and as you have low income (and I assume you get DLA?) you could get stuff for your sons bedroom or ,Anne even for a sofa bed so he can have a space upstairs.

Worth looking anyway because you can request anything needed for his care needs. My ds had a laptop one year which has helped with his education.

Your 3 girls need to share the biggest room, then you and your DS have a room each.

I know its all been said, but you are making your eldest far too comfy! What motivation is there for them to save up and move out?
3 eldest share. That's the obvious solution here.

You’ve certainly made a rod for your own back. Your poor son. He really deserves a haven at home, his own room.

I agree the girls need to share and you deserve a room.
They have a room each whilst you and your son sleep downstairs? They sound really selfish. Hope they mature some more before being unleashed on to the world, fully.

Planning to move to chessington north. Any idea how this place is. Is it a safe place for my daughters to grow up. Please let me know pros nd cons

Sounds awful, I know exactly what you mean. But, stay at the house if you can if only for the garden and your son. God knows what those kids were up to on their own without parental supervision

The children who have finished their basic (up to year 13) need to move out. I would give them 3 months (give a specific date) by which to find a shared flat & warn them that you will start charging them market rate rent, plus bills and groceries, beyond that date: this will give them due warning to curb their spending and save for a tenancy deposit, especially as they have already supposedly begun saving.. Living in the family home past the beginning of adulthood in order to save money is the privilege of children whose parents have the space & can afford to heavily subsidise their adult children’s lifestyles. Adult children haven’t the right to keep you overcrowded and sleeping on the sofa just because they want to save money (we all want to save money, don’t we? Including you?) and as you say, they’re not doing much saving anyway. Meanwhile, why can’t the eldest sleep on the sofa? You’re the one paying the rent!

I left home & went & got a part-time job as soon as I finished my school certificate, because our family (council) home was overcrowded. I also worked throughout my years at university to pay for my own books and accommodation. Any child who stopped attending school & started earning or receiving benefits was charged full rent & board by my mum.

Don't do it.

Flats, no matter how nice, often have noise problems so it won't help your DS sleep.

It sounds like you both need the garden.

You and your son should have a bedroom each, the girls can share or use the sofa bed.

They need to start looking for their own home(s) or if they stay they need to start pulling their weight in the garden / around the house.