Reasons for home edding

[slyvia]

Nosey Question really - but for myself have just found that my son, 9, having been to 2 schools now has suffered at the hands of peer pressure and disruption in the class and general unhappiness at how boring (desk based) school is. Just wondered what other people reasons were

I heard about Education Otherwise as I left school, 10 years Before Children, and thought it sounded like a great idea. I filed it in my head and worked on the basis that that is what I would do when I had children. Never looked back.

School as we know it has only existed for about 150 years, so it is rather an aberration in human history to take children (particularly those aged in single digits) from the parents and home into large groups for a large part of their waking hours. It is part and parcel of the industrialisation of our society. IMO, industrialisation is not an unqualified good.

well we're not HEing yet. I'm unusual in that it's me having the wobbles and DH is absolutely wanting to do it (although at first he was more worried about socialisation... until I told him all the advice from this board!) - really the only thing holding us back is me and our non existent finances! (our DCs are 2.11 and 9m)

Anyway. HE started as something which we wouldn't hesitate to do IF there was a problem - SN, bullying or anything.

But our main reason for wanting to make a positive choice to do it is a distinct lack of faith in traditional schooling. We've seen DH's kids go through school (and I'm 23 so not that long since I was in school!) and would HE one of his DDs if we could.

Don't like the 'coaching' nature of education - teaching 'to the exam' and the obsession with bureaucracy. Lack of discipline in schools. Narrow curriculum. Bloody worksheets for everything. Too much Internet and not enough books. Could write for hours on all these reasons but what it boils down to is we feel she'd get a better education (not just academically) with us than at school.

That said, I'd be fairly happy with DD going to primary school (our local one is good) but am absolutely desperate to HE for secondary.

If you HE for primary, your DD may not wantto come out for secondary. By that time,she'll have had 6 yearsof brainwashing that school is the only sensible option. Personally, I'd suggest EHEing to start with, put her into school if she asks once she is in a position to compare the options and then take her out again when she finds it constrains her too much, LOL.

Seriously, it is a big ask of an 11yo who is not having problems to trust that they can do as well at home when they have spent six years following someone else's instructions. The rule of thumb is that deschooling takes about a month for every spent year in school. That is, an 11yo coming out of primary will take about 6months to re-find self-motivation in learning.

yes SD that's a worry. Arrghhhh I don't know. She's really loving preschool so far and is desperate to go to big school (so far as she can understand what school is!). Anyway I'll shut up now as don't want to hijack!

We took DD2 out, aged 8, because they put her in with a class of 11 year olds and she was very unhappy. She's bright and they said they couldn't cope with her academically in the class below - they said it was making too much work for the teachers as the amount of differentiation they had to do with her was too great. They could not answer what they would do with her when she actually got to 11 and there was nowhere else to put her.

When they realised how unhappy she was, and after lots of discussion they agreed to put her back with her age, but only if she went into the top class for all the academic lessons, like English, Maths and Science. We thought this would single her out just as much. She has absolutely thrived at home, I can't tell you how much (she's nearly 11 now).

A year later our elder daughter, then 12, decided that DD2 was getting a much better deal out of life than she was and decided to be home ed too. She'd enjoyed school in the main, but has preferred home ed and doesn't want to return.

I took mine out because the school said DD2 was too difficult to teach and needed medication .

They're both doing so well at home and so happy doing it this way that I've never looked back though. The day is so much more relaxed without the morning scramble, all the pettiness over uniforms, healthy lunches, PTAs etc. etc. They whiz through the academic stuff and then we get to spend our days visiting museums, parks, shops or doing activities or whatever we want.

I think freedom to schedule your days how you want is a really big reason to HE.

I think 4 is too early to start formal education.

I think schools can institutionalise children and give them a set of rules to live by that are only applicable in a school environment.

I think that schools are all about teaching. Lessons divided into 40 minute blocks, subject of lesson taken from scheme of work, lesson objective, introduction, activity, plenary, homework...This is a very boring way to learn anything so teachers are under increasing pressure to incorporate fun activities just to keep the kids' attention.

I think teaching is not the best way to learn. The best way to learn something is to be interested in something and find out about it. A bottom-up rather than a top-down approach.

I do not agree with the current system of testing and teaching to the exam that has been forced upon teachers by league tables and trying to measure things that cannot be measured.

There are probably as many reasons to home educate as there are home educators

I agree, Peabody. I left school in 1963 aged 15 which was the school leaving age at that time, having being brought up in care, education was the bare minimum and no encouragement to go further.
Since home educating grandson, I've learned loads of stuff, and learned it together with him. It's great fun, and I'm interested in what he's interested in, so it's good now.

Great to hear your comments ladies. I agree with the comment about 4 being too young for formal education - my daughter 4.5 is certainly NOT ready for it - all day as well that's more than many adults work ! Also I today's kids(obviously not all) have spent so little time with their parents that the, as some of you say, are institutionalised and are brought up with the views of other children and teachers only ! Can't help thinking its unnatural to stick hoards of kids together for so long ! Did any of you home educate from the start ? If so, do you think your kids in general differed in any way from schooled kids ?

DS1 flexi-schooled for 2 years but DS2 and DD have never been to school (although they did do nursery).

I find that they are a lot less 'streetwise' and much younger in their outlook than many schooled children but that could be just us!! Having said that they have various friends who do go to school and get along fine with them.

We EHEed from the start (now 18 and 16). They are not so 'streetwise' (especially at younger ages) but are much more open to discussion with adults without embarrassment. So my 16yo DS has no problems discussing sex with his 18yo sister and me.

I know people who say that taking an 11yo out of secondary was great because the DC went back to playing. One girl said that she no longer felt pressure to be "grown up" and conform to teen stereotypes.

It seems to me all kids talk about at school is who has got what and its difficult not to conform and by stuff ie: Electronic gadgets as most parents seem to be buying them for their kids. Just wondered if this can be avoided by home ed

We are HEing because, through church, I got to know several HE families when DS was very young, and I thought it looked fantastic.

I especially agree with CarmenSanDiego about the freedom thing- I think not having to fit into anyone else's schedule has made having DD2 a lot less hard work.

Also, like Marjoriew I'm so excited about learning everything again along with the DC's. No textbooks or (probably) workbooks, just brilliant book after brilliant book. We're reading Alice in Wonderland, which I haven't read before.

I've seen the worry my friends go through about nursery and school places, and all the things that are happening to their children in school, and I think 'we're well out of that!'

As for what DS might be like, my in-laws would tell you his tantrums would be cured if he were in school. I think they'll be cured when he stops being 4! I sometimes feel bad that we don't do as many 'activities' as nursery/reception, but actually I want my DCs with their family rather than cutting and sticking. DS does go to football and Sunday School and there he's no different from 'schooled' children, he can sit nicely, follow instructions, join in etc. I get lots of comments about how well behaved he is! Above tantrums let it not go to my head though!

Grandson has a DS and games [both pre-owned]. I find it helps his concentration but I do monitor how long he spends on it. It's handy if we have a long bus journey going out for the day. I got a little portable telly-DVD at a carboot and put it in his room, and he is allowed to watch a DVD before bed as long as he has done his chores during the day.
He does have his own laptop which we use for HE and other stuff.
I think with these 'electronic gadgets' it's a question of not overdoing the time they spend on them.
He also loves his Lego, K'Nex, etc.

Absolutely agree, Marjorie. We have DS's but limit their usage. Same goes for computers. We have security settings on the computers so they can only access pre-approved educational sites until 5pm (K12, EducationCity, BBC Schools etc.) so they don't play computer games all day.

I agree with the point about not feeling the need to conform with other children. Their influence does still creep in from ballet and other activities but that's fine and healthy - it's not to a point where it is as smothering as it can be at school.

I have 3 dc all of them have been home educated at some point - ds1 through bullying (a teacher bullied him ) ds2 through ill health - Ds3 is 9 and has never been to school- he doesnt want to go, he learns well at home and frankly primary education fails a lot of children imo.

Some children thrive in school some do not -education isnt a 1 size fits all.

I would say, with people I know that they fall into distinct categories

1. those who are ideologically opposed to schools.
2. those who hated school themselves.
3. those with special needs that the schools don't cater for-and this includes the super bright.
4. those whose DC was utterly miserable at school, often through bullying.

5.those whose DCs caused problems through being disruptive and being bullies. This splits into 2, those who worked with the school and failed to find a solution and those who won''t admit a problem with their DC.

1. the very religious who don't like the ways schools teach, or don't teach it.

Nice categorisation, Pisces.

You could maybe add:

1. people (like me) who will happily send their children to school if and when their children want to go, it's just that the eventuality has not yet arisen, and may never arise.

I think that would come under the reasons people send their DCs to school ommmward which would be

1.They don't know there is an alternative.

1. They want childcare so they can work.

3.They don't want to HE-they are not suited to it. 4.They are ideologically pro schools-for a wide variety of reasons.

1. They loved school themselves.

6.The DC is happy at school.

1. The DC has problems and the school deals with them better than the parent.

I think that the DC often gets the choice later, but at 5 yrs the parent makes the choice based on their opinion and circumstances.

We wanted our kids to be kids for a bit longer- not learning machines. We love the freedom of home ed

as a family we're not anti-school- ds attends a comprehensive and is happy and blossoming there. Dds are currently at home and at the moment we're intending for them to go back in a year or so- but who knows. The longer we HE the more we love it so it would have to be a really lovely school to make it worthwhile!

I think a good school where your dc is happy to be is an absolute blessing.

"at 5 yrs the parent makes the choice"

Not in this house. Making a decision about where my child, even if they are only 5, spends 6 hours a day without following their preference would need a really really serious, like, life threatening, justification for me.

Lets be realistic,for most families school is the choice they make whether unwittingly or because of neccesity-it is the 'norm' for children to go to school and even I as a home educator see that I cant be everything to my child.

Its about choice and chance really the choices we make and the chances that enable our choices.....realistically if ds2 wasnt ill then I would be at work and most likely ds3 would be at school - id have never have had that choice,but I do have that choice at this moment and this is where its taking us.

I feel that whilst we as home educators are doing what we can for our dc we must also understand that to other parents who choose school as an educator they make that decision on the knowledge and chances that they have.

nickschick wrote:

for most families school is the choice they make whether unwittingly or because
of neccesity

I agree it is a choice, but many people do not know that there is an alternative, so it is not an informed choice.

nickschick wrote:

realistically if ds2 wasnt ill then I would be at work and most likely ds3 would be at school

• id have never have had that choice

You would have had the choice but you might not have found that out without DS2 being ill, which (I presume) impelled you to find alternatives.

parents who choose school as an educator they make that decision on the knowledge and
chances that they have.

I don't understand what you are saying here, nickschick. Every parent makes their decisions based on their knowledge and situation that they are in.

I think that you will find that most 5 yr olds don't make the choice. I'm not sure they can at that stage because they don't understand the options.
I encouraged mine to like school by talking about it in a positive way and taking them to a library session in school, once a week with a teacher from the age of 3 yrs. I'm sure that if I had wanted to HE I would have told them 'school is something that you can try later, but in the meantime it would be fun to ...... at home.
I don't think you can say to a 5 yr old-would you like to go to school? It is like asking me if I would like to learn to sail-I might love it or hate it, so there would be no choice other than to say I would like to try it before making up my mind. If they are to have an absolutely free, unbiased choice, they would have try school first. They have already had 4+ years of HE so they understand that option. I don't think many people say 'try school for a week'.