If your children have never been to school and you have always said...

[mychildrenarebarmy]

"of course if they wanted to go to school we would let them" What would be your criteria?

We HE our DD who is 6yrs and plan to do the same for her brother. She has never been to school and has a mix of friend in schools and HE world. She has started saying she would like to try school. I have always said the above but now she is saying it I am not happy with the idea for many reasons. I was expecting it to happen at some point but not quite so soon.

She has a grass is greener idea of school.
If she went to school none of the ones within walking distance are ones I would send her to so we would have to drive.
I dislike the education system in general.
I don't think she is old enough yet to make that decision for herself.
I think it would not necessarily be good for her. I think she would struggle with the structure of it (we are semi-structured but not in a school type way) which I think would have an adverse effect on her.

I don't think I put that very well but I hope you get the gist.

I can only speak from my own experience of the home edders I know that really dislike school, and they are mostly the ones whose children have been hurt by school, and it's not just the hurt, it's been the school's inaction on that, for months, even years despite their best efforts. Then those parents, feeling angry and guilty about their children meet up with other parents who have had the same experiences some in the same schools, some in different schools. And it's a shock, because a lot of those parents have felt so alone, have wondered what was wrong, were they over-reacting and it's been like a light switch. Then they see the massive and positive changes in their children. It's no wonder they can come across as anit-school and be rather evangelical. I have great sympathy and empathy for them.

Oh and I totally agree with Summat's light bulb moment.

I can see the problem juuule but I still think that the answer is to be positive about your choices. Perhaps your post explains why HEers seem so insecure.
They seem to think that they are the only ones who get critical remarks about their choice-and yet you don't escape if you send them to school!

When DS1 was a baby we moved into an area that I knew well, I knew the local school had a good reputation and school seemed a long way off so I just vaguely thought it would be OK. Nearer the time I went to look at it and hated just about everything! I cast around for an alternative that we were likely to get a space in. I went to look at the school where parents tried to get them into the school in my catchment area instead. The infant teacher was very good IMO although I was more unsure of the other 2 clesses (3 class village school)since he was going to be with one teacher for over 2 yrs I wanted a good one. I thought I would worry about the rest later. (As it happened the teacher in the next class moved on and of the best teachers I have ever known arrived). A lot of people thought I was mad as the movement was the other way-I certainly got comments.
It was 11+ area, I didn't like the reputations of secondary moderns, and I wasn't too keen on stories from the grammar school and I don't agree with selective education anyway. It fitted into a job move to get away from the area. Another cue for being a mad parent! i.e grammar schools are best.
I thought that this time I would send DS to local school, so looked at it before making offer on the house. I knew no one in the area so had no idea on reputations. I liked the school. He started there and I then discovered that certain people were very 'snooty' about it and wouldn't touch it with a barge pole. So had to put up with remarks like 'Head of nursery school is sending her DD to Xschool, I would have thought she would have chosen a good school! Or 'I am surprised that Xschool got an outstanding Ofsted-I thought they were rough'
They then went onto a comprehensive, so you then get the fact that it must be 'bog' standard and DCs can't get to Oxbridge and that parents don't push for the best and it is a second class school!

I am just putting all that to show that it isn't just HEers who get people questioning their choices. It really doesn't matter to me, because DCs have been happy and are all doing what they want to do (as long as DS3 gets the results-fingers crossed!)

I am sure it is better to be positive and smile throughout-even if it is sometimes through gritted teeth!! People are more likely to respect your choices.

You possibly had the support of the school and other parents at the school so had some counterbalance to the criticism you were receiving.
For a lot of home-educators there is not that much support for their choice. Most people don't understand why or how they do what they do. So some can feel a bit beseiged at times. Add to that the feeling that the some local authorities are not happy with the situation and it can make people a bit defensive.
I keep putting some because it's not in all cases and personally apart from some negativity when I first brought my children out of school I haven't really experienced much so far.
I agree with Summat, though, that it would be very difficult for someone to feel kindly to schools if the experiences they have had with their children have all been negative. If that's how they view schools how can they be positive about the system when the subject arises?

I would agree juuule except that if I were to HE I would do a lot with HE groups and I would imagine that it would be supportive.

If my DCs had had negative experiences at school it would have coloured my views, and you are quite right-I wouldn't have thought kindly.
However I wouldn't have let them go months or even weeks with school inaction, I would have been down there insisting on seeing the anti bullying policy (I imagine that was the problem)and making sure they stuck to it.
If they wouldn't act on it I would have removed my DCs.

I only had one short stint when DS2 was unhappy, the school weren't addressing his SNs. I phoned the dyslexia helpline, went in to see the SENCO with my suggestions and it was all sorted in an amicable way.
They get one chance at education as a DC and it has to be a good one.

There are very poor schools around-if you get one you will have a negative view, but you can't lump them together.

Not everyone can get to the HE groups or at least not on a regular basis so that's not always a possibility for support. Thankfully there is on-line support although rl support is much better.

Schools can string you along for a long time saying that they are dealing with problems when they are not or are unable to. If you place your trust in them, then you go along with their suggestions for quite a while, thinking they have more experience and know best. Especially if at the same time they are saying reassuring things and making you feel that it's you who is over-exaggerating everything. It can be difficult to trust your instincts when faced with 'professional' opinions that contradict how you feel. People don't just withdraw their children from school at the first hint of trouble. But once the trust is broken it's not easy to have the same level of belief in the system that you might have had before.
Once I brought my children out of the system I then discovered that it's not the be-all of education that I once thought it was.
As has been said on these threads many times there are other ways of obtaining what a child needs without them going to school.

I agree juuule that you don't want to move your DC at the first hint of trouble. I suppose my advantage is that I don't think they have more experience and know best-mainly because my parents moved me, against the advice of the Head (only because I failed the 11+ and it was in my best interests to move when I could-I wasn't unhappy)they also moved my brother when he was being bullied by a teacher-(and that was in the days when you couldn't just move schools). My whole experience is getting the best out of the system.
As a teacher I go to a wide variety of schools and so I know that schools are capable of giving each DC a happy experience. Sadly they don't all, and even as staff I avoid certain schools!
I think as a parent you know what is best for your DC, because you will know them better than any teacher. Some DCs will be far more suited to HE, some are far more suited to school.

Pisces, I suspect that with your background you possibly have more confidence than most to challenge the school system and probably know how things work behind the scenes so know how to get the results you want.

Pos daft question here but have you considered a "soft" alternative to school? I have a 5.5 yo who, despite having lots of friends, seems to like the stimulus of a lot of kids around him. Yet he doesn't want to go to school and I don't think he is suited to it atm. He does quite a lot of sport and music and we do lots of HE groups, camps, playdates etc but we have also found a local very laid back steiner kindergarten where he goes a few mornings a week. Am wondering if something like that might work? We have an utter paucity of alternative education round here-even the kindergarten only goes up to 7. So am not especially recommending steiner-i know some people loathe it-but wonder if something like a small school might be an option? We have found the kindergarten to be very flexible re days/hours etc and of course there is no problem missing a day to go to the beach with the HE group! (its not uncommon for parents to go on to HE, esp as there is no steiner school)