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Original poster

If your children have never been to school and you have always said...

110 replies

mychildrenarebarmy · 07/05/2009 14:36

"of course if they wanted to go to school we would let them" What would be your criteria?

We HE our DD who is 6yrs and plan to do the same for her brother. She has never been to school and has a mix of friend in schools and HE world. She has started saying she would like to try school. I have always said the above but now she is saying it I am not happy with the idea for many reasons. I was expecting it to happen at some point but not quite so soon.

She has a grass is greener idea of school.
If she went to school none of the ones within walking distance are ones I would send her to so we would have to drive.
I dislike the education system in general.
I don't think she is old enough yet to make that decision for herself.
I think it would not necessarily be good for her. I think she would struggle with the structure of it (we are semi-structured but not in a school type way) which I think would have an adverse effect on her.

OP posts:
seeker · 08/05/2009 08:34

And certainly our school doesn't have completely rigid days like that at 6.

piscesmoon · 08/05/2009 08:36

I go into a number of local schools and I know of a few DCs who have been deregistered for different reasons-I don't know of any who have left because of bullying.

seeker · 08/05/2009 08:36

I really should make sure I've finished before I press "post"

The 'school-day' you suggest won't include any of the 'good' things about school, only the "bad". Doesn't seem a very fair test to me!

nickschick · 08/05/2009 08:37

Seeker I dont actually think we are that different.

I loved school I still see the majority of my old school teachers even my infant 1 class teacher (who is still as strict) school for me was the best place, as a nursery nurse employed in school before my dc were born and on a 'relief' basis afterwards my children have experienced a variety of schooling,unfortunately 2 very bad experiences marred my view of school initially I was forced into home ed because my ds1 was bullied by a teacher (hard to belueve but true - she was dismissed after a lengthy battle) a Dr signed ds1 off school and he remained at home for 2 years with a personal tutor and H.E all this whilst ds2 still went to school.

Eventually we moved back to my hometown where my experience of education was so positive and the 2 older boys returned to school,ds2 was H.E through ill health(he has M.E ) fortunately both are now at secondary school although ds1 leaves in 3 weeks .

Ds1 will go to a catholic college to study 4 A level with the intention to study law and become a lawyer [proud]- recently he was asked to write an essay about someone he respected and he chose me, reading it brought a tear to my eye ,in it he explained that although sometimes he doesnt like the decisions I make examples he used were the choice of secondary school,books I encourage him to read,decisions regarding his health etc etc even down to the fact I am strict about breakfast and now he appreciates my decisions were 'right for him' as a parent I dont ask that he treats me as his best friend ,I am the best friend he will ever have (until a wife comes along )Im his mother and sometimes that does mean being the bad guy.

We chose to home ed ds3 from the start as with ds2 being H,E through ill health for us so far it is a success - however ds3 knows about school (through his brothers) but the day he decides school is for him - we will endeavour to start it.

I dont know if ofsted levels are the way to determine a 'good' school certainly they identify 'educationally sound' schools for example a school local to us is mainly used by Asian families a lot of locals will decline that school before even looking at it - the school is well maintained has strong teaching staff anf assistants,its own swimming pool and a rich after school activity list - the playground is full of very happy children- their ofsted levels arent indicative of the happiness behind the school door.

juuule · 08/05/2009 08:40

mychildrenarebarmy, I was in a similar situation with my dd. She wanted to go to such and such school with her friend off the street. She really wanted to go. Then friendship cooled a little. dd didn't want to go to that school anymore, she wanted to go to the other school with her new friend. She had been under the impression that her and her friends could play together all day just as they did at home. She is now older and at the moment isn't interested in going to school.

piscesmoon · 08/05/2009 08:41

I would only use Ofsted as a guide-you need to visit. DCs are individuals and a brilliant school for one DC might not suit another.

juuule · 08/05/2009 08:43

Seeker By mychildrenarebarmy Thu 07-May-09 21:59:56

" as I said a few of her HE friends have come out of school as a result of bullying. She knows what it is because of things they have said to her."

seeker · 08/05/2009 08:45

I agree that ofsted should only be a guide (our school got a "satisfactory" simply because we don't get enough level 4s because of the intake) - I only mentioned them because I was trying to find our why the Op was so opposed to her local schools. I thought ofsted would be a starting point.

piscesmoon · 08/05/2009 08:51

The more I think about it, the more I am sure that you can't replicate a school day at home-it is an impossibility.
I imagine that it will be a question of saying 'right,this is maths and we do this until 10.30' but in school there would be a variety of approaches and there would be a lot of practical work with other DCs, the time would whizz by in a way that it won't in isolation with a work book at home. In school the DC would go onto other things if they finish-they won't be forced to go onto a set time. The point of break is that they play with all their friends.The whole school day is quite fluid.
I think your only way of doing it is to be formal and rigid in timings which wouldn't happen in school with 6 yr olds.

juuule · 08/05/2009 08:54

I agree. Not possible to reproduce a school-day at home.

seeker · 08/05/2009 08:57

And, sorry to bang on, but that suggests to me that possibly mychildisbarmy hasn't been into a primary school recently!

sarah293 · 08/05/2009 09:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

juuule · 08/05/2009 09:01

What does?

And why would she want to? If things are going well at home.
I'd wait a while to see just how much her dd wanted to try school. It might be a passing whim. If she's persistent with it, then might be a good time to look at schools.

seeker · 08/05/2009 09:04

The fact that she thinks that to reproduce a school day at home for a 6 year old she would need to impose a rigid structure.

I think the reason for her original question is that her dd is being very persistent about this. But I shouldn't be speaking for her!

nickschick · 08/05/2009 09:06

In the Easter hols we were still 'at school' when my friends son finished, a situation arose whereby I looked after her child for a couple of days - he was very excited to be coming to 'our school' and enjoyed everything we did ( mostly we do a 'diary' where ds writes about the previous day or makes up a story and then illustrates it,a set page of maths problems,reading then an english activity workbook/creative writing/poetry etc etc practice times tables/telling the time or mental maths,history/geography/science in history we are looking at the 2nd world war/geography local geography-map reading etc/science is supposed to be plants but hes still engrossed with circuits- then we have computer time-no gamesites!!,we do craft or cookery most days too.

Now we can have all this done by lunchtime admittedly if dh is home he will do activities or ds now he is 8 works alone.

Now his friend really enjoyed it and to his mums surprise he did far better here,we had no tears he got on with his work and he enjoyed it you could argue a smaller class (2 of em lol) captured his enthusiasm maybe a different teaching approach but either way he enjoyed it so much he wants to come every day.....

piscesmoon · 08/05/2009 09:09

I agree with juuule-wait and see how persistent she is, quietly shelve it if she goes quiet on it, but look into it if she is persistent.
I really don't think it is fair to reproduce a school day because it can't be done.

titchy · 08/05/2009 09:20

I have to be honest and say I'm pro-school and wouldn't consider HE ever.... However I wholeheartedly support your right to choose.

It seems to me that your dd would be better off trying school now, rather than wait a few years. She is 6, and presumably you feel that school is going to give her an inferior education for a variety of reasons. In which case to lose maybe a term or two or even a year of education will make very little difference at her age. She will easily catch up. But leaving it till she's older and the catch-up may well prove more difficult. Older children tend to be less malleable as well!

juuule · 08/05/2009 09:26

Titchy what will she be 'catching up' with?
And how would her being less malleable cause a problem?

piscesmoon · 08/05/2009 09:34

I was a bit confused by that too juuule. I think the purpose of HE is to educate-they may be far in advance on a one to one at home! Also my whole point is that children shouldn't be 'malleable', their opinions shouldn't be discounted just because they are young.

titchy · 08/05/2009 09:38

By less malleable I mean they younger they are (my dcs at any rate) the easier it would be to persuade that HE is better, whilst still allowing the experience of school.

By catching up the OP mentioned her dd's reading age as being 2 years ahead of her chronological age, and her concern about reading with one of the local schools. My point was that simply a year of a 6 yo not reading/learning much won't do her any harm - she'll catch up very easily at that age. A year of a 12 yo not reading/learning would probably be more of a struggle to catch up. Not impossible though of course.

nickschick · 08/05/2009 09:47

Titchy my ds2 who I h.e for 2 years due to ill health was in school and was being put into SEN (angry) and could barely read.....2 years at home with me and then going to secondary (without his SAT score) put him in the middle-toip sets and even now on 50% attendance hes still maintaining those grades- despite what ytou think school isnt the best place for all children.

Reading ages are misleading but its very important that children read regardless of age fwiw my ds3 hes 8 he has a reading age of a 14.8 yr old.

A child even if left at home with no stimuli would learn bcos its an inbuilt curiousity factor that children learn,whether its actual teaching or learning through play kids are 'learning machines'.

nickschick · 08/05/2009 09:49

Riven please correct me if Im wrong but your dc learnt automously didnt they? they werent earbashed with times tables and stuff yet they are thriving in school now arent they?

saintlydamemrsturnip · 08/05/2009 09:59

You can't really recreate the school day at home because it's in a different context. If you want her to exercise her choice then you have to let her experience both (as she's asking). She's young enough that of course you can just tell her that she's not going to school. But you really can't show her what school is like at home.

titchy · 08/05/2009 09:59

Please don't have a go at me because I've said that I wouldn't HE - I recognise that for some parents and children it's the right thing, but not for me or mine.

And I agree about children having an in-built curiosity and desire to learn. But it's stronger the younger they are - and has positively worn out by the time you reach my age

piscesmoon · 08/05/2009 10:03

'My point was that simply a year of a 6 yo not reading/learning much won't do her any harm - she'll catch up very easily at that age. A year of a 12 yo not reading/learning would probably be more of a struggle to catch up. Not impossible though of course. '

It won't do a lot of good either! Although I am very much 'for' schools I don't see the point of sending to one where she isn't going to learn, just for the sake of it-she is better off at home. A year of being bored at 6 yrs can do a lot of harm and may put her off education for life.

I don't like the idea that DCs are malleable and you are able to bend them to your will-they are not clones of you and they may have beliefs and opinions that are entirely different to yours-I am a firm believer in the poem that I put in my first post on this thread. I don't believe in letting DCs make huge decisions when they have no life experience, but I think it is important to listen to them, discuss issues and take them seriously-especially if it proves not to be a passing whim.

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