Dd2 is not coping with secondary school, am seriously considering home edding her

[lou33]

and i am seeing her head of year on weds, during which time i will mention the possibility

dd is 12, year 7

does anyone have any advice for me? she is so miserable it is making her ill (along with other issues i think) and she has had a lot of time off too

anyone?

my friend just told me today that last term was horrendous, lots of "I hate school" the whole friendhips, moving around classes, getting up early, organising stuff she has really struggled with. She aid it is improving now and her dd is one of the oldest in year so was 13 in Oct I think.

Hi Lou

I deregistered dd1(8) a fortnight ago.She has some SN and never settled in school from Day 1.

Eventually, it made her ill too. She wasn't sleeping or eating, was incredibly anxious and withdrawn and her mood was very low.
In the short period of time since we withdrew her, she is rapidly getting back to her 'old' self. She is sleeping, eating, playing and laughing -it's amazing.

There are a lot of people on here with a much more experience than me, who will be able to give you excellent advice. However, I do feel for you and your dd - I know how stressful it is. Be prepared that your dd's head of year might not be supportive of HE (although he/she may surprise you)but trust your own instincts.
You know your daughter better than anyone.

Good luck . Let us know how you get on on Wednesday.

she comes home and bursts into tears every day, and has been ill with a lot of non specific stuff and signed off by the gp once, which i think is connected to school problems

her 3 best friends never followed her to this school, she is being picked on by older kids and has been upset by issues surrounding her father

the change in her is quite upsetting, like i said i am going to speak to the head of year on weds, but this is something i am considering

she gets in such a state about going to school, and she used to love it

thank you sr

i took her to the gp a week or so ago as she just seems run down all the time , and i mentioned school to him , and she promptly burst into tears

i am taking her back tomorrow

can she go on the waiting list to go to the school with her other friends?

That's very hard to be split up from everyone who matters to you

Hi, I home ed my son who is 15 now, though it was for practical reasons in our case, not because of problems with the school. It's certainly something which you should consider if she's miserable at school and they don't seem to have any real way of resolving it.

Do you understand the legal position ok? Basically, assuming you're in England, you are totally free to deregister her from school by sending/giving them a letter and from then on she doesn't have to go back. There are no legal "hoops" you'll have to jump through, and you don't have to ask anyone for permission. You also don't have to be a teacher, or have qualifications, or have Ofsted inspections (apparently schools have claimed that one in the past! totally not true).

You also don't have to follow the National Curriculum, or any set rules, apart from giving her an education which is suitable for her.

they all left the area, went miles away

ty amum, yes i have been looking online at the legal info, so i know i can do it, it's just a case of being sure i am going to be doing hte best for her really i think, and how i would structure a day for her

My dd went part time at school before Christmas, to see if that would help matters. It might be something to suggest, to see if it helps your dd.

We even got a mild sedative to help her sleep because the exhaustion was making her more stressed. She also had lots of non-specific illnesses.

Once I started to think about HE I couldn't stop! There are lots of groups and forums you can join through YAHOO, where you could talk to people in similar situations. I will try to find a link for you.

To a degree, it depends on her personality (and yours!) - does she like structure? or prefer being spontaneous? Has she been put off "school work" with all the negatives of school itself, or is it just the social side which is causing the problem? If she likes structure, and hasn't been put off, then you can look online at the national curriculum to see what things her age group would be covering and get worksheets etc. But if she's as miserable as she sounds, she may well need a break without anything that looks like school, until she gets past her feelings a bit. In the meantime you can always get her doing practical things, going out together, watching wildlife documentaries, anything she finds interesting really.

yes , she is having trouble sleeping too, i will see what the gp can suggest tomorrow regarding that

You could try these two -www.education-otherwise.co.uk

www.home-education.org.uk
Hope that helps a bit. x

amum thatt exactly what i was thinking wrt the less rigid timetable

she has had a lot of time off, so school are on my back, but at the same time she got a card from them in the holidays commending her for her high grades so far, so she works hard and does her lessons, but hates the periods inbetween

shes a good girl, quite , hard working and sensitive, she is not someone who feels can stand up for herself in these situations

*quiet

ty sr i will look at them now

I would definitely start her off with a break - think of it like the long summer holiday between years, a chance to just let go of all the stress. Then you can think about what it is she wants to learn, and how you can go about that. It doesn't need to be a timetable with school subjects etc, there are others on here who can maybe tell you about how they do it much better than me, but home ed allows you to do things in the way that works for her, not how you have to deal with a whole class/school full of pupils. You'd be amazed how much useful stuff people pick up without it ever looking like school.

good idea, she needs a bit of tlc i think

Hi Lou 33
My children were 13, 11 and 8 when we deregistered them (eight years ago this week! )

I'll be very surprised if the Head of Year has anything positive about the idea of your dd being home educated. Generally they are very negative because
they haven't known any home educated children and believe all of the stereotypes about home ed kids missing out.
they may loose funding for your child if she leaves and they can't fill the space.

Have you looked at the 'Books about Home Education' thread? The two books I mentioned earlier today 'How Children Learn at Home' by Alan Thomas and Grace Llewellyn's 'Teenage Liberation Handbook: How to quit School and get a real life and education' would be well worth a read IMHO.
Both really excellent books that will hopefully open your eyes to the freedom that HE can bring and also to the fact that sitting down and being taught is not the only way of getting an education. Autonomously home educating following your child's interests entirely is a very efficient way of learning Then of course you wouldn't have to worry about structuring her day-she will do that when she is ready!

If you do start to home educate her, I would strongly recommend that you allow her a period of deschooling

I agree with siblingrivalry-getting onto the main HE support groups and chatting there with lots of people who do home educate may well help.
You can find links to them from the 'Websites about home education' thread here.

Where abouts in the country are you? Have you investigated local groups to link up with?
Our children ended up with a social life that is the envy of their schooled peers and cousins. They have made friends locally and nationally through home ed meetings and camps and gatherings.

Do let us know how things go for you and your daughter. We'll answer any questions to the best of our ability.
And I'm hoping to be pleasantly surprised by the Head of Year's response

thank you thats all v helpful

i doubt the head of year and i will get on, i have a few tings to say myself, one of htem being that she refused to send dd home or call me last week, despite the office giving her a slip to be signed for permission to leave, as she was unwell

head of year said she was not letting her go as she had too much time off already and she had to sit her lessons out in pain (it was a urine infection)

plus she has tried the ewo wanting to speak to me route, as if that would mae a difference (if she isnt well enough she isnt well enough, any long term health probs dd2 has had, have always included a trip to a gp )

hopefully i wont need to clash with her, but my interest is for my daughter not their funding, so i wont be letting her try to ake me think i am not doing hte best for my daughter

I'd say the first thing is to find local home educators if you can - the national HE lists will be able to help you.

Chances are that there will be people in your area you can hook up with.

Wanted to second what julie and AMIS said about a deschooling period - really important just to give both of you time to recover.

I wouldn't be at all surprised if, once you've got her out of the stressful environment of school, all her physical ailments, including the non-sleeping, just disappear. Humans don't do brilliantly under long term stress.

And another one here who isn't expecting you to have a very supportive response from the head of year... they are likely to take you saying "I'm considering taking her out of school altogether" as a criticism of their own life choices and values. That's how many teachers respond, anyway.

thats exactly what i expect her to think, but she doesnt need looking after, my daughter does, so it will go over my head

i can be v assertive when the need arises

she just asked me if she cold be taken out of school and home edded .....

My heart goes out to you and your dd, lou, because it is only a matter of weeks since we were there.

I'm glad you can be assertive, because I have found the need to be! I heard such rubbish spouted when I first talked about HE- much of it from so-called professionals. The 'socialisation' comment came up time again. What people couldn't understand was that my dd was so withdrawn she wasn't having any contact with her peers, both in and out of school.Now, she is really keen to meet up with friends.

The local HE groups/forums forewarned me what I might face, so that I wasn't 'thrown' by the questions or comments I received.
However, I also found support in unexpected places and a lot of people were positive, once I had spoken to them.

thank you

being assertive is something i have no problem with , am used to dealing with offical bodies over the years, because of dd1 and ds2's special needs for one reason, so that doesnt phase me

will be interesting to see how it pans out on weds