Dd2 is not coping with secondary school, am seriously considering home edding her

[lou33]

and i am seeing her head of year on weds, during which time i will mention the possibility

dd is 12, year 7

does anyone have any advice for me? she is so miserable it is making her ill (along with other issues i think) and she has had a lot of time off too

[bollockbrain]

we have done it and never looked back good luck with whatever your decision

[lou33]

i will have to explain to the others why i am not home edding them though, but their school set up is v different, though i would do the same if i had to for them

[bollockbrain]

you are exactly the same as me then! Others at school. One may come out in due course and one would hate it so she tells me. She is very happy there so I wouldnt certainly not change things, but my other DS may well join his brother at home in a year or 2 when he says he is ready.

[lou33]

thats good to hear bb, i may well be stalking you for a bit

[bollockbrain]

stalk away..would be more than happy to help

[lou33]

oh you may regret that........!

[lou33]

i just got back from the meeting with dd2's head of year (dd2 now has an ear infection so off school still)

i told her all my concerns, told her i was considering deregistering her, told her why i was upset that dd was not sent home or called by them when she was in pain with her urine infection, and a few other issues

she listened , apologised for making hte wrong decision regarding sending dd2 home, said she understood why i may want her home schooled,and said how wonderful dd2 was generally

i have agreed to give them til half term to try and make efforts to improve dd2's time at school (13th feb) , then i will depending on what the situation is, either take her out or let her stay a bit longer

dd2 was hoping i would come home and say i had removed her, so a bit tearful, but i reminded her that i needed to be v sure that i was doing the right thing for her before i did it

so we have to see what happens now

[lou33]

oh man, i told her she wont be at school tomorrow but should be well enough on friday, and that the head of year is going to tell her what she is going to do to help and she burst into tears

i have asked her to at least try one day, she has to let them attempt to fix the issues she is worrying about

[siblingrivalry]

Hi Lou,

Well, at least the head of year didn't dismiss HE out of hand. That's positive.
I did exactly what you are considering - during Autumn half-term I said I would give it til Christmas and if dd was still desperately unhappy, I would de-reg her.

It didn't work for us - dd ended up being off sick for 2 weeks due to stress and exhaustion, then doing mornings only til the end of term.

I'm not suggesting it will be the same for you and your dd - just a bit of a 'head's up' that your dd may be reaching the point of being unable to cope with even one more day of school at the moment. That's the stage we reached eventually. Again, I can't say that will happen, but it's a possibility.
It's so difficult, because it's a huge decision and we parents want to be sure it's the right one. I went through all sorts of emotions last term, just as I imagine you will be now.

No-one can tell you what is best for you and our family, just follow your instincts and trust yourself.
Very best of luck

[lou33]

yes i am wondering that too

the head of year did say if we got a letter from the gp saying she had been struggling with post viral syndrome, and leaving her more exposed to further bugs, and would benefit from a part time schooling for now, they would do that

dd2 has another appt friday week to check her ear and talk to the doc about it (mentioned it to her today when i was at the gp with ds2)

[lou33]

oh i meant to add that i did say to dd2 i would like her to try even one day, and that the half term thing was not set in stone

i just want to make sure this is right for her

[siblingrivalry]

Yes, I didn't want to take the leap without 'exhausting' my other options, IYKWIM. I also told dd that we would be taking it a day at a time and I think that helped.
x

[lou33]

yes thast what i have said to her

its reassuring to hear you had a similar approach

[lou33]

she wasnt well enough to go in today (nor were my boys), but i did ask the head of year to call me this afternoon wrt sending her in tomorrow, as i had to discuss issues regarding her ear drops and the fact she cant hear properly atm

no call from them, but i had one from the ewo saying they want to see me about attendance levels

so i have called the school to say i am not sending her in until they can call me back to make adequate arrangements for her to be able to hear her lessons and have her drops

am not happy

i am worn out from three sick kids though

[siblingrivalry]

This must be incredibly draining for you, Lou. Apart from 3 ill kids(I have 2, and a dh -so almost 3 )the strain of sorting out the school issues will be taking its toll.

I remember waking up every Saturday and Sunday and thinking "Thank God there's no school" -there were so many issues to deal with.
If it helps, I think you are doing the right thing with regards to keeping her at home til school can provide for her.
Do keep posting, this board will give you some much-needed support.

[lou33]

thanks

i have nothing to hide wrt the ewo, they are off because they havent been well, i havent beeen keeping them off to clean my house or sending them up chimneys to earn money for my party lifestyle

gp says they have post viral syndrome

ds1 has been asleep for 2 hrs now

10 yr old boys dont willingly got o bed at that time (and he is sleeping in mine as he felt he had to be near me)

i really think more and more i will be removing her, possibly even before the half term

[siblingrivalry]

TBH, Lou, once the seed of HE had been sown with me, I couldn't get it out of my head. It all reached its natural conclusion, but I had to jump through a few hoops first (dh in particular wanted to try everything the school suggested before we de-reg).
In the end, we gave them the rope and the hung themselves, so to speak, because the didn't do any of the things they agreed to.

How are things today?

[lou33]

i kept her off because they didnt get back to me abut ensuring she would have been catered for regarding her temporary hearing loss

they called at 4pm today finally but i wasnt able to pick up

[lou33]

ok what do i do? she is beside herself at th thought of going in tomorrow, i keep trying to persuade her to try at least a day but she is making herself really distressed over the thought, even though she is goign to a friends house after school tomorrow

[onwardandupward]

Personally, I'd pull the plug at this point.

What's the merit of keeping going for a few more weeks to the artificial goal of half term? Do you really think that the school are going to be able to do anything to allay her fears and provide an environment in which she can be healthy, happy, safe and achieving? They haven't done so well at it so far, have they?

I think it's time to stop giving the school chances and time to give your daughter a chance. Her well being is your primary concern, not whether you've given the school the full three strikes before they are out.

[lou33]

well thats kind of what i am saying to myself, i just wanted to see if anyone else felt the same

[siblingrivalry]

I'm with onward, Lou, it seems like your dd is at the end of the line.
I know how scary it is -I was terrified - but it is the best decision I ever made.Once the initial break is over with, you will feel tremendous relief and your dd will start the process of recovery. Good luck -I would love you to keep us updated.

[lou33]

ok i think i am persuaded

[onwardandupward]

[lou33]

the letter is printed