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Original poster

my daughter wants to go to school

153 replies

powpow · 14/08/2008 15:44

she will be 7 soon and keeps insisting that she wants to go to school. she went to nursery for a year and still talks about all the time.

i swing back and forth with it.
i truly love home education and what it can offer your child and their future.
but at the moment, i also feel like she isn't getting what she needs.
she's incredibly organized and needs a structured day and unfortunately i am terrible at giving it to her.

she also has a little brother that she really cannot stand at the moment.
they are constantly fighting and he is always following her.
it has recently become physical with them, which is another challenge i wasn't prepared for.

i'm worn out and not sure if i can keep it up.
sometimes i think school will be great for her (maybe for me?) even though i know it isn't ultimately what i want for her.

anyway, i was wondering if anyone else has had these problems.
what did you do?

OP posts:
sarah293 · 15/08/2008 11:46

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chapstickchick · 15/08/2008 12:14

By gagarin on Fri 15-Aug-08 11:20:08
from school WORK...you know - six weeks of no topic based discussions/no maths embedded in everyday life. Esp at GCSE level. Was just wondering!

well ds3 who is h.e has similr 'holidays' from our schedule as his brothers have school holidays however he stillasks to do written learning work throughout the weeks and i think that spending time with his brothers and friends is as much a part of his learning as his timestables and spellings.

ThatBigGermanPrison · 15/08/2008 12:15

Well, doesn't it say anything to you that she knows what school is like and still prefers to go there than be at home?

HE isn't wrong, not at all, but if you are the sort of parent who will take a drastic step to make sure your child gets the best, how about taking a NON drastic step to make sure your child actually has a choice?

I understand that seeing your child treated this way was distressing for you, but if it had been that distressing for HER she wouldn't now be demanding to go back to school.

Let her have a choice. If my 5 year old was continually asking to change schools (HE not an option here, I don't have an adequate attitude or level of education) I would let him, and I'm quite the dictator. Would you not give your daughter the same courtesy?

AbbeyA · 15/08/2008 12:25

Having been out and come back in it seems reading through quickly that powwow was very unhappy at school but her parents didn't listen to her and she had to endure it. She is now copying that pattern and her DD has insisted she wants to go back to school but she won't listen.
Someone suggested flexi schooling- a good way to 'dip your toe in'. I still can't see the harm in visiting a few schools with DD to see what she thinks. Despite the problems mentioned at nursery the DD is looking back on it fondly.

I think the thing that saddens me most, and it happens at all ages and all walks of life, is that quiet, reasonable people don't get listened to, you only get anywhere if you kick up a huge fuss or have something on your side to force the issue.If your DD was to have tantrums etc you would be forced to take action but it is probably against her nature. I think that at least you could take her very seriously, visit some schools and discuss them with her afterwards.
If you are absolutely set against it then I think you should give her the loophole of saying that if she still feel the same way next summer you will look at it together.

juuule · 15/08/2008 12:29

Maybe it wasn't distressing for Powpow. Perhaps she just felt it wasn't right and not what she wanted for her dd.
Sometimes a parent has to step in to stop something they believe will be harmful (or at least not beneficial) in the long-term.
Her dd experience doesn't seem to have caused any harm but maybe powpow feels that exposure over a longer period might.

AbbeyA · 15/08/2008 12:32

I would actually HE my DC if they continually asked. I could do a wonderful job. We could go to all the places that are crowded in the holidays and do fantastic projects. I wouldn't be worried about the social side, I know that there is a large local HE community and lots of after school clubs etc. However they have been quite definite that they like school.

justaboutagrownup · 15/08/2008 12:34

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AbbeyA · 15/08/2008 12:35

It is most definitely not what powwow wants for her DD, unfortunately her DD may not have the same views. I would be giving my mother hell, as an adult, if she had decided that school would be harmful for me!

sarah293 · 15/08/2008 12:39

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juuule · 15/08/2008 12:40

Why, Abbeya?
If that's what she believed. As parents we can only do what we believe is best for our children with the information we have available to us.

Probably as Powpow's dd gets older and more mature Powpow will continue to listen and take note of her dd opinions and they will be able to have a reasoned discussion. Her dd may well decide that she wants to go to school and Powpow may be okay with that even though she might wish it otherwise, as Riven was. At the moment she knows her 6yo best and isn't convinced that her 6yo knows what's best for her at this stage.

AbbeyA · 15/08/2008 12:42

I love your remark about a thread on mumsnet in thirty years time justaboutgrownup! I was going to say something along the same lines.

I have excellent relationships with family and in laws-I have been struck since reading these threads that I am very lucky. Lots of people are in conflict with their parents. If you discount the ones that are cruel, mad, or whatever it leaves a lot of parents who love their adult DC to bits but are still trying to either control or make them something they are not. E.g driving their adult DD mad by wanting to know what they are doing all the time or phoning to let them know they are safe after a journey.

Powwow hated school, she reads all sorts into children innocently comparing knickers, to see who has the same-this does not mean that her DD takes after her, she may be more like her mother or MIL than powwow!! She won't know until she includes her in decision making.

Original poster
powpow · 15/08/2008 12:44

abbey, can you please stop making assumptions about myself and my daughter and speaking as if you KNOW what is going on here?
it is really NOT ok.

how would you have any idea whether my dd has tantrums or if she is sensible just because she has said she wants to go to school?
How would you know that i am not listening to my daughter?
I am listening to her, i am trying to decide what the best choice is for her, not leaving it completly up to her (she is only 7 after all).
How would you know i was unhappy at school just because i didn't want to go?
i didn't want to go because it wasn't challenging enough.
I wanted to go to an arts school if you must know.

really, you just cannot validate my philosophy at all. do you allow your children to make all of their decisions?
I THINK NOT.

OP posts:
AbbeyA · 15/08/2008 12:45

I am not saying, juuule, that she should immediately send her to school, merely that there is no harm in looking at a few or at the very least telling her that if she still feels the same in an agreed time span then she will look into it.

juuule · 15/08/2008 12:45

Did she 'read' things into the comparisons or did she actually witness a clique forming and didn't feel her dd was ready for that kind of socialising?
I don't know and neither do you as we weren't there.

juuule · 15/08/2008 12:47

Abbey - she has looked at a few. She said so in an earlier post.

By not sending her dd now she isn't saying the situation would be irreversible.

Original poster
powpow · 15/08/2008 12:49

oh, and now i have a conflicted relationship with my dd and not let her make any decisions.
you are really on one abbey.
this tirade is unbelievable and i thank you to stop judging my life from a few posts.
if you want to help, then HELP - stop passing judgment and making this more about YOU and your feelings.
you have no idea what you are talking about.

OP posts:
AbbeyA · 15/08/2008 12:53

I wouldn't take a major decision for my DCs Powwow without listening to them.
Perhaps you should have phrased your OP differently, you said keeps insisting which is very strong language.
I also think you asked the wrong question. You meant 'my DC wants to go to school but I don't want her to go, how do I deal with it?'
The question that you actually asked had a simple answer-you let her try school!
No doubt you will tell me that I have it all wrong-but I will leave the thread now as we will not persuade each other!

Original poster
powpow · 15/08/2008 12:56

And now you know what i 'meant'.
goodness you ARE a teacher aren't you?

"No doubt you will tell me that I have it all wrong-but I will leave the thread now as we will not persuade each other!"

the difference is - I was not trying to persuade you of anything.

OP posts:
juuule · 15/08/2008 12:58

Powpow said "anyway, i was wondering if anyone else has had these problems.
what did you do? "

I can't see anything wrong with the original question. I think it summed up Powpow's thoughts well enough.

juuule · 15/08/2008 12:59

Aren't you glad your dc aren't in school, now, Powpow

onwardandupward · 15/08/2008 14:34

Oh, oh oh roflmao

I adore the assumptions about Powpow and her psychological hangups in all those posts. Oh, oh, oh actually weeping with laughter now, and that's not just a rhetorical statement It's an astonishing example of a fictional construct from a tiny tiny amount of incomplete information, and a lot of confidence in the Teacher's ability to read and judge a situation.

Good luck powpow, in reaching a decision with and for your Dd. Your local HE list might be another place to seek informed support

Runnerbean · 15/08/2008 16:08

Powpow I think I know who you are!
Are you in SE london?

mummydoc · 15/08/2008 17:03

i am probably the complete antititheis of powpow - my children attend a very trad prep school and will go ogn to a trad english boarding school, the op can probably not understand why i chose that type of education anymore than i cna understand her choice, in hte end it is down to what suits individual families. However i always thought HE was chosed because children found school difficult/didn't fit into the mainstreammould or had been bullied or something, i didn't realise ( naive i now know) that people made the choice for their children without the children ever trying school. if you do not like the idea of school for your daughter but your daughter does could you suggest a 1/2 term trial ? It would give oyu both a chance to see what it is like, and give you a breather from the sibling rivally thing ( and boy isn't that a shock - i thought my 2 girls would love each other and play together how wrong)

I can see the point about going to the museams etc when they are quiet but maybe your daughter will get other valuable lessons from being in school - like you have to put up with other people wanting to do things at the same time as you and that life cannot alwys be convieniently organised to make it as nice as possible for you to do things

good luck with your descision

onwardandupward · 15/08/2008 17:21

don't worry mummydoc - it seems just as weird to us that many families go through 13 years of compulsory education with each child without ever trying out home education

Blandmum · 15/08/2008 17:27

I think that we all educate at home. Some of us just use schools are well.

What I can't understand is the huge reluctance to let the child try school for a short time and see what happens.

If my children were serious about HE I would have to consider it. Thankfully, for all our wellbeing they rather enjoy school.

One of the benefits of HE that are mentioned on MN isw the fact that HE allws a child to select the method of learning that suits them best. As a teacher I can't really disagree with this, as HE allows of to teach 1 to 1 or small numbers at any rate.

This particular child is requesting a formal style of education. Why is it do dreaful to give the child the chance too try it out. I would have thought that this was totaly in line with the HE ethos that children will learn in the way that suits them best