my daughter wants to go to school

[powpow]

she will be 7 soon and keeps insisting that she wants to go to school. she went to nursery for a year and still talks about all the time.

i swing back and forth with it.
i truly love home education and what it can offer your child and their future.
but at the moment, i also feel like she isn't getting what she needs.
she's incredibly organized and needs a structured day and unfortunately i am terrible at giving it to her.

she also has a little brother that she really cannot stand at the moment.
they are constantly fighting and he is always following her.
it has recently become physical with them, which is another challenge i wasn't prepared for.

i'm worn out and not sure if i can keep it up.
sometimes i think school will be great for her (maybe for me?) even though i know it isn't ultimately what i want for her.

anyway, i was wondering if anyone else has had these problems.
what did you do?

erm- onwardandupward are any of the HE families you know registered with a GP? If they are, they are known to the LEA- health authorities and LEAs share data in order to help LEAs plan school places provision for 5 years hence.

The wonderful Sandra Dodd on school as choice

Just in case that helps you. There are several relevant comments on the comments thread.

Are you on the Early Years HE yahoo group? There was a discussion thread there pretty recently about a child who wanted to go to school, with lots of informed support and ideas. If you join this group: here and search for "can I go to school mummy", the thread will pop up at you.

I think you are more likely to get informed support from families who have had similar experiences as this, and have resolved it to everyone's satisfaction in a variety of ways, if you go to the yahoo group than ask on mumsnet, TBH...

(or you can always join the home educating mumsnetters yahoo group, and discuss the matter slightly less publicly )

Possibly a less viable decision in some instances. Not always, though.

true...not always...saying that, I don't think I have what it would take to HE....takes a special person, imo

EAchPeach: Yup. I was talking about this with the friend of a 5 year old just recently. And with the friend of a 7 and a 5 year old. All registered with GPs and Health Visitors and, indeed, one of them had had recent HV home visits when her new baby was born. During the school day. With her older children around in the house doing their thing.

None of the three of us really understands how the information doesn't get passed on (maybe we still have some level of data privacy within the NHS and the GPs only tell the LAs how many children there are of a certain age and not their names and addresses?) but since none of us are raring to be known to the LAs, none of us are jumping up and down and saying "me, me, me, over here!" But please don't panic, those of you who think we should all be knownto the State. Despite the fact that, by law, the education of any child is its parents responsibility (Which most choose to fulfill by sending them to school), the State, in its wisdom, has decided that they should be aware of all of us who choose to exercise our legal educational obligation ourselves. Within a year, when the children's database goes live, the LAs are going to be somewhat overwhelmed by the numbers of us coming out of the woodwork...

HE os not alway easily viable...in my case it was more viable as I didn't have to physically get DS to school

well, you see, I am the kind of person who just can't wait for summerholidays to finish so, my lovely dc can scoodaddle of to school again
They are driving me round the bend, and I only got them completely fulltime in holidays, lol...I think if I was to HE, I may commit murder

Hi

i am a HE mum, my dd1 only ever says 'i want to go to school', when she does not get her own way, and we have had an argument about nail varnish colour, or her spending too much time training!!! she only says it because she knows which buttons to push (how bad am i!). but then once she has finished stressing, she says 'mummy please dont make me go back there!', we have altered and changed our plans, we started very school like and now are doing more lapbooks, and following a classical approach which is brilliant. i must say her social life is fab, she is so much fun and has loads of friends, which varie in age etc

my dd had 5 weeks in school, so she has experienced it first hand, but i dont plan on sending any of my younger ones to school either. all my children are very sporty and do hours of sport a day, so HE works really well, and helps them achieve their potential

Let me know what you decide! have you tried alternative curriculums?

Not necessarily, 3andnomore. Lots of HE families talk about the first few months of HE life as being a process of "deschooling", where parents find their children really difficult to live with. And vice versa.

Since it's sandra dodd linkage day, here's her article on it here which has lots of links to other articles describing the process.

The summer holidays aren't long enough for a family to get de-schooled before it's time to go back to school again! So it might not be a matter of you and your dcs being incompatible. It might just be that, within the routine of school life (which is fine, of course, if it suits you all), a few weeks without school is really hard work for everyone.

Interesting article onward, personally I still could not imagine doing it....what if the child wants to study later, etc....!
Anyway, for us it is out of the question now anyway, as I will not be a SAHM for much longer, but will go fulltime to University....

Clearly she feels that home education isn't meeting her needs. Why not give her what she wants with the option to go back to HE if she wants to?

Hi powpow, I HE but am in a very different position as DS was at school till 13, so for us it was always very much a joint decision to HE.

A few thoughts occur to me - obviously at 7 your DD is not old enough to make this decision alone, but she is old enough to have her own wishes and opinions - if this is something she has said a number of times in different circumstances then I think it's worth looking into it very seriously.

You've said why you think HE is the better option, but you've also said that your DD is very different frm you, liking organisation and structure - could it be that she would actually thrive on the things you dislike?

The LEA question I think has been covered - whatever you do, they'll take notice next year so it shouldn't be a big factor in your choices.

Do you have an option of visiting a local school, preferably on an ordinary day? Even better would be if she could join a class for the day and see it first-hand. Then you'd be more confident that her decision is based on experience and not some idealised view.

Finally, even if she does go to school for a while, she does have the mssive advantage of knowing that it is optional. So if she wants to HE again later, she knows that option is there for her.

I guss overal I'm saying you should let her visit the school(s) and make her choice based on that.

i do think that you sound happy for your children to be individuals - as long as they are the individuals you want them to be.

Let her go to school. If it's awful she won't like it will she? What are you scared of?

Hello again, 3andnomore: "what if the child wants to study later" Don't worry. That happens lots! Plenty of autonomously HEed teens go on to college or university (and, because it's something they have really chosen to do, unlike most of us who, let's face it, went to university because that's what nice middle class girls do next, they tend to be absolutely star students)

I just think I would always worry that the Kids wouldn't learn anything...I suppose it takes some selfconfidence, aswell...
I am absolutely not knocking HE...I think if it suits the family etc...then it will be a brilliant thing....just could not ee myself do it

Hi powpow.My ds is nearly 9 and has been thinking about school on and off for 6 months or so.He has been before some years ago when we were in Uk.He is starting in Sept.WE are confident that he is able to 'be' himself and not too easily swayed.He would like to have some more friends as that is our biggest problem with home edding[we are in Ireland]and people are quite far apart[home edders]We shall see how he goes.Haven't read the rest of the thread am just about to do so.Good Luck with whatever you and your dd decide

If you are worried about the LA issue then why not try school at home for a week to give her a real idea about what the reality of school will be like for her so she is better prepared to make a decision. I would personally feel a lot better about whether or not to send my LO to school if I knew exactly why they wanted to go. Having a try at a school environment might help her better verbalise what she likes about school & what she dislikes about HE.

I have just got home-so to answer your question juuule you said:

AbbeyA - When did it happen that "schools have got away from the straightjacket of the national curriculum"?

Therefore I assumed that you had no up to date knowledge of schools or you would know that many have moved back to topic based learning.

mumtoo3, your DD is only saying that she wants to go to school when she doesn't get her own way so you can discount that-it is very different from OP who isn't organised or structured but has a DD who wants those things.

FWIW I don't think that a week or so of very structured HE will show a child what school is like, and more than a week of going to museums with mum will show what HE is like....

Let her go, and if she doesn't like it, de-register

Abbeya - I've had 7 children go through the school system. 1 has just completed Y6 SATs year. Our experience is that NC straightjacket is alive and well.
Even in the lower years work is marked according to sats level. Discussions with class teachers confirm their frustration with it.
Maybe this is not a 'successful' school by your definition but it is according to Ofsted and the league tables.

Having children currently in primary school, secondary school, 6th form college and University, I think I am as aware as is possible for a parent on the outside as I can be of the current school system.

I presume that schools vary as the schools near us all wear uniform.
Our primary school -
Playtimes are at set times.
Structure of the day is such that certain areas of a topic have to be completed that week in order to move on to the next stage next week.
Gardening club is after school.
Theatre group comes in once a year.

And whatever time you say children are in school it isn't the same to take them off to a museum etc, after school when they are tired, want to play with their friends or there's tea to cook.

"I am all for people having the freedom to educate their DCs as the wish but not when the DC in question has asked to go to school and is being ignored."

Would you also say the same for a child who was at school who wanted to be home ed and who was ignored?
The op wouldn't have been posted if powpow was ignoring her dd. Powpow was looking for suggestions from people who had been in a similar position. Hopefully she has now found that advice on a HE discussion list as suggested by onwardandupward.
(apologies to Powpow if you are a 'he')

I may be in a very different position but, have you tried a different approach, we have only been HE for a while, but have tried so many different ways, as not all will work for each child, sometimes they say things as they think it will be easier?

I think you really need to sit down and talk to her, communication is the key especially as if she will be going to school you want her to tell you if theres a problem, my dd took 5 months to tell me she was severly bullied but now we talk so much i know a bit too much info iyswim

Unfortunately juuule, to HE a school child who wishes it is just not an option for many people, either they work long hours or they may not feel confident enough and in many cases, judging from the number of people here complaining about the length of the summer holiday,they couldn't stand it!
I have asked all 3 of mine, because we have close friends who HE,and they have all said they would hate it, so it is not something I have had to explore.
Maybe my LEA is unusual, but primary schools are changing radically.They are stuck with the SATs which no one likes but they are not the be all and end all of education.
I supply teach in a lot of schools. I am lucky-if I don't like the school I don't go back. The examples that I have quoted have all happened. The theatre group comes in once a term, if a DC wants more than that I really think they ought to join an outside club like stage coach. All year 6 children had an allotment and looked after it in school lessons. Of course work has to be finished, I would hope that it would be encouraged in HE. Personally, I am in favour of school uniforms but the 2 schools that I have quoted have never had one and don't intend to.
Powwow asked how to deal with her DD wanting to go to school. If you move emotion out of it and her personal negative opinions on schools you are left with the facts.
Her DD is an organised child who likes structure.She loved her nursery and is still talking about it fondly 2 or 3 years later. She finds it frustrating to always be in the company of her younger sibling who won't leave her alone. Her mother is tired and is not able to provide the structure she wants.
The answer is simple. Seven years is old enough to sit down and have a sensible discussion, especially as DD seems a mature little girl. Visit some schools with her and keep an open mind. Let her go if she wants to, explain to DD and the school that it is a trial and she can leave if she doesn't like it. If she decides that she doesn't like it and wants to leave Powwow has gained a lot, she has a DD who has actively chosen HE and knows that her mother supported her when it mattered, she knows that her views counted for something and it will improve their relationship. I have a very close relationship with my mother, it wouldn't be the case if she hadn't listened to my views when I was young.
You have to deal with the DC you have, not the one you would like. I happen to think the Scout Movement is wonderful and DS1 got an enormous amount from it, so much so that I became a Beaver Leader to get the younger ones in! DS2 left when he was 9 and DS3 didn't give enough of a chance in my opinion, leaving at 8 but I respected their choice. Powwow should listen to her DD, I suspect her reason for not listening is her fear that DD will take to it like a duck to water and love it, which will run counter to all powwow's beliefs. Nothing should be set in stone with children, you can't treat them all the same, her younger DC may love HE. You can have one at school and one HE!

What about a montessori school? Is there one near you? DS1 goes to a great montessori nursery and it's very child led and values the individual child.
I'd love to be able to send him to the primary school too, but we can't afford it.