my daughter wants to go to school

[powpow]

she will be 7 soon and keeps insisting that she wants to go to school. she went to nursery for a year and still talks about all the time.

i swing back and forth with it.
i truly love home education and what it can offer your child and their future.
but at the moment, i also feel like she isn't getting what she needs.
she's incredibly organized and needs a structured day and unfortunately i am terrible at giving it to her.

she also has a little brother that she really cannot stand at the moment.
they are constantly fighting and he is always following her.
it has recently become physical with them, which is another challenge i wasn't prepared for.

i'm worn out and not sure if i can keep it up.
sometimes i think school will be great for her (maybe for me?) even though i know it isn't ultimately what i want for her.

anyway, i was wondering if anyone else has had these problems.
what did you do?

To quote OP:

'she will be 7 soon and keeps insisting that she wants to go to school.'

Insisting is a very strong word and it has keeps in front of it.

If you just take that one sentence it tells you that she should be listened to! If you ignore her, are you going to ignore her at 9, 12, 15? I don't think she will change her opinion, unless she tries it and doesn't like it. I knew that I wanted to go to school-I couldn't wait at 5 yrs.

I must admit that I was always open to the possibility of HE but my dd (nearly 6) absolutely LOVES structure. She devours Enid Blyton books about dreadful boarding schools and spends ages playing SCHOOL type games. I think that school is not for everyone, but some children are ideally suited to it.

Your ideas about schools might apply to some schools but certainly not to the one my DD goes to. It is a bog-standard church of England school but it is more creative than I would have imagined (in fact I would much prefer a more formal academic approach). For example, the entirity of the last term was spent learning about Carnival - they had lots of visitors from the Carribean doing drum and music workshops and costume and mask workshops, they had several carnivals at the school and one where they all paraded through town in full Carnival costume. There is really not a times-table in sight.

Good luck with your decision making.

There are some odd ideas about school here. DS2 and ds3's schools is currently building a tree-house for the children to use. And contrary to popular HE myth they have friends across the year groups. DS2 (just about to go into year 2) had some year 6's at his birthday party and swapped phone numbers with a year 6 leaver so they can stay in touch.

If your dd wants to go you should let her try. I would have hated not going to school- I loved it. DS2 is the same - he adores structured lessons and what I call 'institutions' (so he loved Stagecoach at 4, he asks to do extra classes- speech next year). Ds3 is less keen on school - he wouldn't miss it as much, although he doesn't seem to dislike it he doesn't need it in the way ds2 does.

I any of my children were desperately unhappy at school I would HE them. I wouldn't assume that because I enjoyed school they should too. Yet it does sound as if you are doing that. You talk about your experiences, not your dd's. Let her try it. If she hates it she can leave and she'll understand why she's getting a better deal with HE. Give her space away from her brother and the structure she's craving. Or at least a chance to try it.

MP, project work is back 'in' in primary and has even cropped up in the new KS3 curriculum.

Mine go to quite a formal C or E school and they do this. papier mache out tha arse.

If my kids were unhappy in school I would have to consider HE is that is what they wanted. I'm not sure if I could make it work, but I would have to consider their veiws.

I'm mildly amused that in a HE thread, where we are often told that children can and should make decisions about what and when they study.....because it is educationally better, all views are considered valid unless a child wants to go to school.

So whatever reasons the parents of school-ed children have for not home-edding they are considered valid reasons but a home-edding parent who is philosophically opposed to school doesn't have a valid reason?
I don't believe you can take negative views of school out of the equation. It's that negative view which plays a part in the decision. I've had 'I don't think that would be a good idea' moments with my children over things apart from HE where my decision on whether to let them do something or not has come from me weighing up the pros and cons and using my judgement (having more life experience than my children) to decide. Obviously taking the child's views into account. Why would deciding on educational provision be different?

And yes, I agree, you can have children at school and home-ed all at the same time.
I have 4 being home-ed at the moment. One wants to try secondary school next year and probably will.

Nursery is totally different to Y2. A child who wants to go to school based on a nursery experience isn't really making an informed choice imo.

Powpow sounds as though she is going through a tiring stage of parenting. It might be temporary.
While it's possible she might be worried that her dd would take to school like a duck to water, I think it's quite likely that she is worried that she is seeing school as a break for her and is worried that this is clouding her perception of whether school would be best for her dd or not.
Which is possibly why she is looking for someone else who has been in the same situation to see what they did to resolve the uncertainty.

I think if a child is still talking about nursery three years after they left then there's something about the experience they're missing. Yes nursery is different from year 2, but the sense of belonging to a school/class (which is the sort of thing ds2 laps up) is still there.

I was determined to HE ds1 as I thought school couldn't begin to meet his complex needs. In fact the school he is at now is providing experiences that I couldn't begin to - and is providing far more than would be possible for me- and a broader, better education.

I was terrified about sending him to school- but I would have done him a huge disservice keeping him at home. I didn't know that until I tried it though. I'm also aware that his school is under threat and if it does close and at any time I feel he would be better out of school he will be taken out.

Powpow - if you are still around, I'd just like to say that I have found that school is a completely different experience once you have discovered home-ed. It becomes more of an additional resource rather than a life consuming event. I have found my children at school have a different outlook in that they know they are there voluntarily. They go because they want to. I am more relaxed about them being there because I feel that should things start to go pear-shaped I could get them out and do something about it before things got too bad.
Home-education as a choice can change your whole perspective of educating your children, school included.

I am on the fence here about HE but just interested as a teacher- those of you who have had DCs go back into mainstream education after HE- are they generally up to the standard of their peers academically, behind or ahead?

The dc of a friend of mine went back to school in Y7 and after intial assessments was put into top sets for all subjects.

I'll find out next September if my dd still wants to return to school for Y7.

i have 3 ds im currently home educating the youngest one middle ds has been in secondary school for year after 3 years h.e eldest child had 3 years h.e too (whilst middle son was at school) - ds1 didnt really want to get back into the school system after a truly traumatic experience which led him to be home schooled but i helped ease him back into school to prepare for secondary school-ds2 was raring to get back (ill health had led to his h.e)ds3 is almost 8 all his friends are schooled and he is often asked would he like to try school,visit schools etc etc he doesnt want to hes happy at home our home ed report has just been returned we are doing very well weve never had a negative comment despite some heavy handed visits i think you either need to organise your day effectively for her to enjoy the challenges h.e offers or t lest give her the opportunity to experience 'school'- altho i h.e ,im of the opinion that for many children schoolis the best place to be educated and if you have child that thrives on routine that you find difficult to maintain maybe just maybe she is the child that the one size fits all will fit perfectly.

riven i read your posts on h.e and how your son has settled in with great interest .

The parent of a home edded DC doesn't have a valid reason if the DC wants to go to school. Unfortunately the other way around just often can't be done not won't.
Children are not blank pieces of paper, they are very astute when it comes to how they learn etc.

I am amazed that HE is about DC choice until the choice is contrary to the parent's choice!

The whole argument is not about HE/school. There is only one fact-the DD in question keeps insisting that she wants to go to school. I can't see a valid reason not to let her at least try.
You have to accept the DC you have. I hate team games and loathe watching football. I can't tell you how many times I have stood on a muddy wet field in pouring rain watching DSs play! I have not loaded my negative feelings about it onto them.
My mother was very sporty and a team game player, I think she was most likely disappointed that I wasn't but she never showed it -thankfully she accepted that I would rather read a book!

By smartiejake on Fri 15-Aug-08 09:31:17
I am on the fence here about HE but just interested as a teacher- those of you who have had DCs go back into mainstream education after HE- are they generally up to the standard of their peers academically, behind or ahead?

im sorry for monopolising this thread (and apologise for typos im blaming the keybord ) but my middle ds was at primary was receiving band 2 funding as they were claiming SEN (i wasnt happy with this)i had him at home for 3 yers he went to a very good secondary last sept is middle stream no problems whatsoever never hd a hint that he might need support or help - how can this be??

my theory??? band 2 funding was payable to almost 25% of that school equating to at least 2 sen children per class this equates to at least one classroom support assistant wage!!

the same school has been employing a mum to work 1-1 with a statemented sen child offering personal and social care-and it has just come out this mum has NO qualifications whatsoever to be doing such a job - because the head teacher believed her clims she had a nvq level 2

"I am amazed that HE is about DC choice until the choice is contrary to the parent's choice!"

While it may be the dc choice in some cases, it's not the dc choice in others. Just as school is not the choice in some cases.

Not sure why you are amazed that some parents would insist on HE if they consider it in the best interests of the child even if the child thinks they would want to go to school.
Although I should imagine a child who is unhappy being home-ed would be difficult to provide an education for just as it's difficult to educate a child who is unhappy at school. So obviously the child's opinions should be taken seriously whether school or home ed.

Chapstickchick- I am horrified by this!

In the case of a dc who is unhappy with home ed it is very easy to provide a school ed.
Many children like the boundries and structure that school provides and thrive on it. The person that I wrote about earlier who left home at 16 had a mother who thought childhood should be all about idyllic freedom in the country-what she failed to realise was that it was not what the DD wanted! (Very unfair as the DD told her loud and clear-just as powwow's dd is telling her).

I keep getting back to the main point(in fact the only valid point)the DD in question keeps insisting she wants to go to school. I believe that you should listen to the quiet people when they are telling you something important. What does the poor DD have to do to get listened to?
I can't see the problem-it is not a decision that can't be changed. Give her a trial.

MOst LSA's providing 1:1 work in mainstream school have no qualifications.

thank you for all of those who offered genuine advice.
i'm curious though how many of you who are telling me to honor her wishes would do the same if their 7 year old said they wanted to home educate.
come on - be honest!

i also want to state - because i obviously wasn't clear enough - that children do not have all of those freedoms within school hours. i am perfectly aware that you can go places after school and weekends and school hols - but yikes, who wants to go to the science museum during the school hols? or on holiday TBH (rip off prices and still you are stuck to a schedule of time), it's not as nice outside of those hours IMO.

i know that some schools provide all sorts of nice things for the kids and mix it up. but not the ones near me, and they still don't offer the freedom i am looking for for our family. And let's be honest, there is hardly a choice in school these days. the schools around us are so oversubscribed she will get in to the crappiest one the furthest away, as she did straight after nursery.

people who school can get really defensive about our choice to home educate and the reasons why. i am not dissing your choice, it just isn't the choice for our family.

but listen, i'm not interested in a school vs. home ed. debate. really i'm not.
i don't believe that school is the best way for a child to learn, and neither does my husband.

we have a very active HE community and are constantly out meeting up and taking classes.
i do think i am in a low period TBH.
the summer takes it's toll because we generally don't have as many meet-ups, funny that eh?
i really don't think she has any idea of what school will be like, and i am just not sure i am going to allow her to make that choice just yet.

academically she is doing really well, socially she is happy. i think the major problem is the structure to the day.
but see, i say this and right now she upstairs directing a play with her brother that she has been working on for a week.
all led by her without me having to structure anything. she's even written out the script.

I DO want to support her and her interests.
But i also want whats in her best interests.
don't we all? and we all have different ideas of what that is.
some of us may not want our children to eat meat. i know plenty of parents that don't support their child's wishes to eat it although they support everything else.
it is a life decision that overrides what the kid wants.
we make decisions everyday and not always give our child what they want.
this is my struggle.

ultimately i do want my children to have freedom, to make their own decisions and not dictate to them.
but this decision is so difficult because i have so many beliefs wrapped up in it.
it isn't on the same scale as allowing them to pick out their own clothes.

If my child was repeatedly asking me to be home educated then I would.

Very well put powpow
I wish we had such an active home ed scene near us!
We shall see how our son goes in Sept[he is 9]But we see it more as a social thingI think if taht was sorted he wouldn't want to go.But I have a feeling he will be disappointed with school,as he was a few years ago.
Best of luck to you and your family.

Oh fgs let her go to school and stop being so uptight.

Wouldn't we all love to go to museums, the beach etc when they are quiet!!!

I hope that you are going to review the situation if she is still saying it in 2 years time.

'Oh fgs let her go to school and stop being so uptight.'

thanks, that was ever so insightful and helpful for us all.

juule said

"So whatever reasons the parents of school-ed children have for not home-edding they are considered valid reasons but a home-edding parent who is philosophically opposed to school doesn't have a valid reason?hmm "

and this is something that people who believe school is the only way truly feel.
my philosophy is not valid, but theirs is.
aND I DON'T BELIEVE FOR ONE SECOND THAT (OOPS CAPS)parents who have kids in school would listen to their child and take them out if they asked.
i was one of those kids, and it wasn't because my parents couldn't take me out.

abbey you seem to have taken a real interest in this thread. i appreciate your views.
i AM listening to my child.
I DO want her to be happy and well.
I TALK to her all the time.
I spend more time with her than anyone so I think I know her pretty well.
She doesn't really know why she wants to go to school, so why 'just let her go' if i feel so strongly that school is not what i want for my kids?
regardless of whether you can or not, let's say you could, would you let your child HE if they kept asking.
does your philosophy as a school teacher allow for this?

and WHY OH WHY did I put this up on a public board!!!!

anyway, I am not one for candy coating our experience with HE. It has been great in so many ways, this is an obstacle, and not something i am willing to just sweep away.
i am honest in that fact that we have this problem.
i find it interesting that so many schooling parents aren't being honest in the same way.
so many of you have such perfect schools it seems.
must be great for you.