We’ve done the best we can. My autistic daughter had a lot of difficulties in primary school. We eventually took her out to home educate for a year, but only when we felt staying in school was causing real harm. After that year, we tried another local primary with better support.
Her takeaway from that experience was that home education didn’t work. That wasn’t really true. The reality was that I needed to return to work. She was actually much happier at home. We saw a significant reduction in her tics, and she engaged well with the work. Thankfully, the next primary school worked out, and she was able to complete her time there.
Secondary school was a different story. Support dropped off sharply. After battling for a year and a half, we finally secured an EHCP, and she is now looking at a resourced provision for September.
We have already decided that if this next setting does not work, we will return to home education, perhaps through an online school. The truth is, and what many people opposed to home education fail to understand, mainstream schooling is simply unsuitable for a lot of autistic children. This will be her fifth setting. At some point, you have to accept that the system just is not made for every child.
As someone who is probably autistic myself, though undiagnosed, I often thought that if my parents had just done certain things differently, my life might have been easier. That belief weighed heavily on me for years. But having children of my own gave me a new perspective. We have done everything we can and made significant financial sacrifices, yet there is still no perfect solution.
It is hard to make sense of why you feel different. Only now, in my early forties, am I starting to forgive myself and my parents. Everyone really was trying their best. One day, your son will probably see that too. For now, though, he is still facing the hard reality of being seen as different.