Nothing in common with other home ed parents

[Loonyloopylupin]

My 8 YO DS is home educated and is absolutely thriving both academically and socially (he has both home educated friends and schooled friends). Very happy with that.

However I have one major issue in that I have literally nothing in common with almost any other home educating parents I've met. I don't know if this is partly due to the area I live in but, of the parents I know, several are anti vaxx and into alternative medicine, and even those who aren't anti vaxxers are into things like "sound healing" and things that (to me) are utterly cringe making like "healing circles". At the last home ed meet up I went to where parents attended they all sang songs together and it was honestly like my worst nightmare (lighthearted obviously). I hate anything like that. I don't even like yoga classes that are too hippy (like the prenatal yoga class I recently attended that told me to breathe the golden light in - vomit).

Anyway, I'm not particularly asking for advice as my son is happy and thriving which is the main thing, and I have plenty of friends myself, but do any other home educators feel this way?

Yes trust me, this lot haven't.

Yes I feel similarly although luckily my local group are all on the same page re parenting and education so I find it easier to just tune out the sovereign citizen (aka not paying your bills) and anti vax shite. Mostly I don't care what personal decisions people make if they don't go on about it the whole time but some bloke squared up to my DH for getting a COVID vaccine. Thankfully that one took the sovereign citizen thing a bit far and his kids ended up with SAOs.

Funnily enough here it seems to be those who took their kids out of school who are most vocal about their opinions and those of us who never did school are a bit more tolerant.

I think madderthanahatter makes a good point. Many people use alternative therapies but being anti vax is a bit different I think. My DC went to school but there were one or two anti vax parents and while I have some level of friendship with them there is a limit to how much I felt I clicked with someone who told me that her homeopath had told her that if her daughter got measles it would’ give her immune system a tremendous boost’. Can’t remember now if I said ‘well yes but she might be permanently changed by it and if you were really unlucky she might not survive’ or if I just gave up and thought it. Anti vaxers tend to have a very different view of how we judge something to be true and a distrust of science/scientific method as a way of finding and accrediting knowledge. As OP says these are quite deep values and I think it is ok to have your own thought through values and to sometimes want to talk things over with people with the same values.

Hope you find people you click with OP to share the home Ed/home school journey. Maybe when your DS is slightly older organising a debate for kids based on their research on whether vaccines or clean water have saved more children’s lives globally, would attract a crowd who are ok with STEM. (Slightly tongue in cheek suggestion)

"her homeopath had told her that if her daughter got measles it would’ give her immune system a tremendous boost’. Can’t remember now if I said ‘well yes but she might be permanently changed by it and if you were really unlucky she might not survive’ or if I just gave up and thought it"

Actually even your polite "well yes but" is now known to be wrong. Measles infection absolutely screws your immune memory for some reason, so a child who's had a mild dose of measles will probably be immune to measles in the future, but will go back to square one on a whole bunch of other viruses. Off topic but interesting should you end up talking to other people who are vulnerable to antivaxx misinformation.
https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20211112-the-people-with-immune-amnesia#:~:text=%22Measles%20suppresses%20the%20immune%20system,with%20measles%20is%20measles%20itself.

@AsTheyPulledYouOutOfTheOxygenTent I have to say I'm old, had measles, as did many of my contemporaries and older folk. I know I was very ill for 2 days, though don't remember it. I was not frequently ill afterwards, though, and it's not something other people I know have reported either. I'm all for the MMR, since I know people can be disabled or die from measles. But I am not sure that you will always catch lots of illnesses after it. I'll have a read of your link later, with more time. I think this can't always be the case, and for older people, who have had the illness, it's rather alarming.

It's not particularly worrying for old people because they've had decades since their measles infection for their immune system to relearn all the other viruses

It's only a temporary set back, but you can see it in the data, that as soon as each country started to immunise against measles their childhood burden of other random viruses suddenly reduced.

It's not a huge effect, but it is the precise opposite of the "getting natural infections boosts your immune system" narrative.

@AsTheyPulledYouOutOfTheOxygenTent Oh, I see, I'm glad it's temporary. I can't say it was true for me - constitution of an ox, even in childhood - or anyone I know, and I know a lot of over 50s. However, I suppose if the effect is mild people didn't notice it.

Oh dear this is a bit worrying to read! We live in quite a small town and are pretty mainstream and semi structured, but have a nice little friendship group of a few other families who vary from structured to unschoolers but all very normal!
We're actually discussing moving to Bristol at the moment to give our children more opportunities but not ideal if we don't have anything in common with other home edders.

No please do! We need more of you!

It's a great place to home ed, there's loads going on. You just have to be prepared to make the effort to find the other normal people 🤣

Hi OP. I am in Brighton which is like woke ground zero (but not so much the surrounding areas). I have found other home ed parents a really mixed bag here with lots of normal families forced out because their child has SEN which schools cant and wont accommodate. Its a mix of country people, professionals, religious, earth mum hippies. There seem to be a lot more people doing it and some really lovely groups.

You are doing that.
The LA has no legal right to request samples and no background with which to judge samples.
You do make it difficult for other home Ed families. You are working on the allowances that previous HE parents have fought for (so you can HE like this) and continue to fight for now.
Those people on Facebook advising you not to give samples and allow visits are the very ones you will run too if an LA oversteps or issues a malicious SAO or a random member of your community maliciously and unfoundedly reports you to SS.

That has absolutely nothing to do with someone being antivax or into energy healing.

What rot!!

People gave been happily sending samples of work for a very long time.

It is only more recently when Education Otherwise (with its own definite unschooling agenda) has taken over many social media channels that people have been advising and advised to stop doing so. Before that it was quite normal to send in work.

Fact is, and this is actual rulings, whilst the LEA have no right to ask for work, sending work makes it easier for the LEA to fulfil their duties. Thus easier for home edding parents too.

Personally if I had a problem education otherwise is the last organisation I would be turning too.

This is a very strange argument. It's like saying all those who vaccinate are making it harder for those who wish to opt out. It's your right to choose either way, you aren't obligated to make life easier for the minority to your own detriment. You equally could argue that those opting out are ramping up concerns/suspicions and this is impacting those who do wish to vaccinate/meet with LA.

This is a stupid argument, parents need to consider what's best for their own children. We all have different knowledge and experiences to draw on and make our decisions accordingly.

I have nothing to do with the LA and won't until I legally have to, but I have absolutely no opinion on what anyone else does because they are coming at it from their own perspective.

Don’t fu*king lump me in with the antivaxxers - omg. Lol. I already got ostracised from a group for suggesting immune systems aren’t built by attacking them with pathogens and that the hygiene hypothesis had been misunderstood. Haha.
If we want to carry on with that analogy then it’s more like saying herd immunity is gained when everyone gets the vaccine (or doesn’t give samples of work) and there’s strength in numbers.
IDk - I spend some of my career trying to reach the flakey standards of ofsted so have no want to unnecessarily jump through the LA hoops when the people looking at the samples aren’t even qualified to judge them.

Hi, I often feel the same. We are just outside of Bristol. I am actually wondering if we’ve spoken before over Mumsnet?
This sounds familiar and I think you messaged me over FB but I can’t remember what came of it! It was a while ago. Maybe you were on the other side and it was too far?
Or if this was not you, feel free to message over here. (& even if it was feel free to message over here or over FB again!)
My oldest two are 7&8. We do formal work and can relate to feeling totally out of place and uncomfortable in a sea of unschoolers! They can be quite judgmental towards you which is horrible.
Our largest influences are Charlotte Mason & classical education. I’d really love a homeschool mum friend who values education in a similar way to me.

It's common opinion unfortunately. I was an accidental homeedder (house move) and it was eye opening! I send mine to school partly because I couldn't deal with the hippy home Ed community- ironically my now dp thinks I was pretty hippy/alternative with my kids compared to his ex! (Extended breastfeeding, no junk food, limit screens etc)

We’re also quite local to you and def want to find this sort of ‘tribe’

Please do message if you’d like to! It’s a strange old world to navigate 😬

It feels like I’m stalking all local home edders but you sound so more my tribe than the anti vax brigade. It’s been really hard to fit in with them all - we’re not un schoolers and I’m passionate about a decent education.

This is what I struggle with as I'm not that kind of person. I'm societally normal except that I homeschool. 😂

Also my kids aren't SEN either.