Nothing in common with other home ed parents

[Loonyloopylupin]

My 8 YO DS is home educated and is absolutely thriving both academically and socially (he has both home educated friends and schooled friends). Very happy with that.

However I have one major issue in that I have literally nothing in common with almost any other home educating parents I've met. I don't know if this is partly due to the area I live in but, of the parents I know, several are anti vaxx and into alternative medicine, and even those who aren't anti vaxxers are into things like "sound healing" and things that (to me) are utterly cringe making like "healing circles". At the last home ed meet up I went to where parents attended they all sang songs together and it was honestly like my worst nightmare (lighthearted obviously). I hate anything like that. I don't even like yoga classes that are too hippy (like the prenatal yoga class I recently attended that told me to breathe the golden light in - vomit).

Anyway, I'm not particularly asking for advice as my son is happy and thriving which is the main thing, and I have plenty of friends myself, but do any other home educators feel this way?

We've certainly encountered the types of parents you describe! But as others have said, in my experience they've been one 'tribe' of many.

I've home educated in a few different areas, but not Bristol, so maybe it's a local quirk?

I think a lot of people have the impression that all home educators are very quirky and alternative. My closest home ed parent friends are an ex teacher, a hospital doctor, an accountant, a disability support coordinator for an arts venue, and a data analyst. All very sensible, mainstream people. There are all sorts in the community.

Go to we the curious during school hours, and you will find other science focused HEers. Personally I think everyone has something to bring to a group so I don’t mind parents from a range of backgrounds. You sound a teeny bit like you think your education is superior to other HEers you know which is a VERY common attitude in my experience. If you don’t want to sing say so. Teach by example on how to do that politely and without judgement.

Used to go there all the time but it's still closed after the fire they had.

I don't think my education is superior at all, and I wouldn't mind if some parents were like this. But they all seem to be.

Can totally relate OP. We didn't have a big HE community but the group (yes there was only 1!) was either evangelical Christian (and only wanted to talk about Christian curricula) or evangelical anti schoolers. The one leader who was very domineering and bolshy talked non stop about how schools were akin to sheep farming, everyone in school was just a sheep and needed to be rescued. I didn't fit into either side and just sat in the middle feeling very lonely.
It's since grown much bigger and I'm still on the Facebook groups and things are even weirder than before, can't say I miss it!

I’m in the same position. We home Ed and I am happy to send samples of work to the LA for our yearly assessment and happy to have a 6 monthly phone call and this has made me get banned from FB home Ed groups and the local meet up groups are just full of anti vaxxers who hate formal learning (their choice and I know there are other ways to learn ) but they criticised me so much and told me my dd would end up hating me for setting her a timetable !!!

Hard relate to this!!!

@bythelightofthemoons I'd forgotten about the shunning of those who comply with the LA! 🤣

I was told on fb that me accepting visits and submitting work samples meant that I was directly making other home educators lives more difficult as the LA would think they had the right to go into others homes or see their child’s work. I said ‘but imagine ofsted went into a school and the HT refused to engage ?? Education providers need assessing to make sure they are doing things correctly ‘ these people want to only submit a written report and I’m apparently undermining that right by showing my child’s progress with actual work samples alongside a report

I think I'd start a science group and make the first session 'Vaccinations are Magic!' and go from there...

I found the same in local groups to be honest. I also found a big difference between those who have always gone educated and those who have been deregistered from school. We find it more tricky as mine were teens when they left school and meet ups for their ages are few and far between.

my kids also didn’t enjoy the groups for the same reasons

I wouldn't have minded if the anti vaxxers/evangelicals/unschoolers all just got on with it, but there was this weird performative parenting going on where they were at times literally shouting over each other. There was very little productivity or socialisation at these meetings, the dc were railroaded into watching 'performances' put on by the leaders not-sheep dc and the parents just vented about how the education system was ungodly/unethical!

Christ this sounds worse than ours. At our meet ups the kids just play together nicely, I just object because I'm stuck talking to the parents I have zilch in common with.

I totally relate to this. I think you feel very judged in that community if you do anything that resembles "school" with your DC.

I find it really hard because there are a multitude of things about the current school system that I think are terrible, but I recognise the good things about it too, as well as the fact it is a lifeline for many children.

It just felt to me that there was no mutual respect - I fully accept that there are various ways to educate it doesn’t have to be formal sit down learning - but it didn’t seem to work the other way !! My timetables and way of doing things were ridiculed or criticised. We weren’t home educating from the outset either so we’re not seen as ‘real’ home educators there was almost a feeling of resentment towards those who had tried the school system

We have a very loose timetable but there are certain things which are totally non negotiable for us, and I don't have any issue with my son knowing either he does them at home or he can go to school and do them. That didn't go down well with a lot of people.

I think I'd start a science group and make the first session 'Vaccinations are Magic!' and go from there...

My friend who home eds has found this. In fact I thought you were her until you mentioned Bristol. She makes me laugh when she tells me the latest hippy nonsense she has been exposed to.

@Loonyloopylupin you sound like my people so I'm going to save this post! I am not currently home education but it is very much on the table for various reasons. We are also Bristol, and I am also a 'chronic cringer' (had a terrible experience recently when the yoga teacher started doing some weird throat singing at the end of a session and then everyone else joined in) anyway! Maybe we will meet one day!!

I think this is very true. OP, there is a good chance that families like yours have also attended these groups and felt uncomfortable and stopped going. Sometimes an area can end up with no social groups whatsoever for people from a certain background, and it feels as if there's no one like you, but it's really just that no one like you has started a group! (Years ago, many people in my area maintained that there were almost no HE teens in the area. There were actually loads of them, they just weren't visible. Now there are some families working hard to put stuff on for them, and they have come out of the woodwork in droves.)

I like the idea of starting a science group, or even just organising a few one-off science sessions. That might attract people you have more in common with.

Bloody hellfire. I’m tempted to pretend to be a ‘home edder’ just to join a page and wind them all up.

Have you tried the home ed sessions bristol museums do? Or the Bloodhound (engineering based) sessions? They might be less St Werburghs.

I have obviously don't think you should be banned but sending samples and having six months phone calls helps to set a precedent. It's selfish just because "you a happy" why would you make other home ed parents life's harder?

@DragonFly98 I imagine she does it not to be selfish but to ensure she has her child on the right tract educationally. Those who aren’t happy to do it may have their own reasons but it does make everyone wonder why they’re so keen to hide what they’re doing at home with their children.

@bythelightofthemoons doesn't owe other home educators anything. The whole point of thoughtful home ed is presumably being able to offer your child what works for them. It's an individualistic choice.

By saying that one home ed parent has to do what's considered beneficial to (some of) the home ed community, you're just replacing one obligation (school) with another.

Lentil weaving 😆are you somewhere like St Werburghs where everyone wears shades of green or brown and smells like hemp and wet dog?

Is travelling somewhere slightly further afield worth a shot? South Glos or North Som?