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Original poster

A Rant about daft old buggers making interfering half witted remarks

76 replies

FrannyandZooey · 09/01/2008 20:44

Oh god I don't know how many more years I can be doing with smiling brightly and saying "oh actually we home educate" to strangers who seem OBSESSED with the fact my son is about 5 so muct be starting school. It seems the ONLY topic of conversation any stranger or half-acquaintance wants to bring up with us in the past 12 months, and some people's slack-jawed expressions when I say he is not going to school just make me want to say rude things to them.

One of the best ones today, old woman in the hospital "oooh you will be starting school then won't you?" DS: No
Woman: Oooh but you will be starting SOON won't you
DS: No
Me: we are home educating him, he isn't starting school
Woman: Oooh but you will go ONE DAY
Me: Well maybe
DS: No
Woman: well when you DO go it will be lovely, all the girls and boys to be your friends, ooooh, school is lovely
Me and ds: have other conversation not listening to woman as she is clearly not listening to us

Does it ever stop? I know I shouldn't get so irritated but I do.

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edam · 09/01/2008 20:48

It's just people trying to make friendly conversation. The equivalent of 'Oh, she'll be walking before you know it!' or 'You've got your hands full, haven't you?'

I can imagine it is irritating if you explain and someone ignores you. But at least she didn't get into an anti-home schooling rant!

Original poster
FrannyandZooey · 09/01/2008 20:55

yes it was almost worse that she just completely ignored everything we were saying

but you are right of course

it is so TEDIOUS and dull though, even if he was starting school I find it such an uninspiring topic - and people really are ruddy obsessed, it is all anyone ever wants to talk about and people talk to us quite a lot in town or whatever

I mean PLEASE just ask ANYTHING other than boring old school

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stripeymama · 09/01/2008 21:00

We get this - dd is not actually HE though she is old enough to be at school - she is doing three mornings at Steiner kindergarten and will be HE when the money runs out!

People in shops "Oh, no school today?"

"Is she poorly"

My db was HE from 12 - 15 and I think it gets worse as they get older. For example, some shops in town (and I believe the entire out of town shopping centre) will challenge school age children who they see there in school hours. My db was asked by the police once why he was not in school - my mum was furious.

EO do cards that you can sign for them to carry, stating that they are HE and the law on HE.

sis · 09/01/2008 21:01

It is a strange obsession that people seem to have. I remember when ds started school, people kept asking him if he had any friends at school to which he replied yes. They'd then ask for names of his friends and he would say he couldn't remember. The thing is, in his infants school the teachers referred to all the children as 'friends' instead of 'children'. So ds was aware that there were about 30 friends in his class alone but he didn't really know their names!

Runnerbean · 09/01/2008 21:56

I find that when I'm with my 'schoolie' friends (although that seems to happen a lot less now) that 'school' is the only topic of conversation.
I just smile sweetly and ooh and aah in the right places but feel uncomfortable as I often can't join in.
When I'm with my He friends though we talk about soo many other things, I know so much more about them and their lives, past and present.
I guess this must be the same for people without kids in the company of people with them, you just don't realise how much we are bonded with certain individuals purely because we just have one thing in common.
I agree with Edam some people do just mention the school thing when they see a child 'just to be friendly' because for most people it's the one thing all (they think) children have in common!
You are right though FaZ people do seem to be obsessed with it, why don't they say something like,

"Going anywhere nice today?"

Think about it would ypu go up to a complete stranger and ask,

"No work today then?"

or to 'daft old buggers'

"No Bingo today then?"

Elf · 10/01/2008 14:25

LOL at Runnerbean.

I partly blame strangers for my DD's not liking school when she started. (But then we wouldn't be HEing now so maybe I should thank them). For about six months before she started school that's all anyone talked about. I reckon in her mind she built up school to be BLOODY AMAZING because that's all anyone went on about. Of course she got there and it wasn't half as nice as her nursery, I bet she wondered what all the fuss was about and was really disappointed.

pagwatch · 10/01/2008 14:34

You have made a choice and are living a situation which is slightly outside mainstream so ( from bitter experience) you kind of need to get over it or you will end up very cross all the time.

People like to make converstaion ( which is nice) and people have pro-forma type issues that they feel safe talking about so they reach for those. Its like "how are you " and "isn't it cold". They are just social niceties.
When you are different ( for want of a better word) it throws them and people all react diiferently.
I used to get told all the time to stop carrying DS and would have to explain he had special needs. I get tutted at about a lot of things he does. And I have realised over the years that people kind of argue with you because they are wrong footed and it makes them diffensive.
When you do something outside aminstream ( like we haven't vaccinated DD) people feel uncomfortable and challenge you but if you are happy with your choices then just let it be water off a ducks back.
I found I was more annoyed when I felt I needed to justify myself. Now I am totally 100% happy with what we are doing i don't really care what others say. At times I can even manage to find it funny
I expect you will find it gets easier. In the meantime deep breathing helps

bundle · 10/01/2008 14:37

@ "daft old buggers"

she judged you

now you judge her

Original poster
FrannyandZooey · 10/01/2008 14:39

LOL at "no bingo today then?" I may use that

yes of course you are all right, getting cross is pointless but I think I would still find it dull and tedious even if ds WAS at school, that people only seem to be interested in this one aspect of life. Exactly as if (mentioned earlier) people only asked dp 'how's work?' Some people DO only ask that and the kind of relationship you can have with them is so limited. It's frustrating I think.

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Original poster
FrannyandZooey · 10/01/2008 14:40

yes I do judge her and she was a daft old bugger

I don't care if she judged us but I wanted her to LISTEN to us

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pagwatch · 10/01/2008 14:41

Franny
Its cos its safe !

try askingthe next granny how her sex life is . It may make you wish for 'safe' again !

bundle · 10/01/2008 14:42

you're getting yourself frustrated about it though. surely if you do have an "alternative" view of life, you could explain to her what it means.."we'll be learning things at home and we're very excited about it" instead of ignoring her and talking amongst yourselves. if you don't bother, then obviously she'll carry on thinking that mainstream ed is the only way.

Original poster
FrannyandZooey · 10/01/2008 14:43

I know IAB slightly U

it is just dull dull dull and makes me depressed that people can't think of one more interesting thing to strike up conversation about

even what we had for breakfast is more interesting

do 4 year olds really get excited about talking about school? not many of them do IME

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Original poster
FrannyandZooey · 10/01/2008 14:44

bundle she wasn't listening to a word we said

she had a little flow chart in her head that said child ----> school

we both said no he is not going to school

it did not compute and she just carried on with her flow chart

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bundle · 10/01/2008 14:46

how understanding of you

mrsruffallo · 10/01/2008 14:46

She was just trying to make conversation, I don't know what all the fuss is about. Strangers remarks are usually inane if you scrutinise tham. I don't see what's wrong in being polite and then having a giggle about it afterwards.

batters · 10/01/2008 14:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bundle · 10/01/2008 14:46
TellusMater · 10/01/2008 14:46

She was talking to your ds rather than you though wasn't she? And when my ds started school it was a pretty big thing in his life. If I found the subject dull her certainly didn't. And yes, she should have got the hint after his "no" and your explanation, but she is old. Give her a break .

Get your ds to explain about HE. That'll shut them up I reckon.

Original poster
FrannyandZooey · 10/01/2008 14:50

not sure why you have got so irate about this bundle, but I assume you won't see this post so I guess am talking to myself

oh! like the woman in the hospital was

I think if you are bored and want to talk to strangers then you should have the decency to talk to them about something they might be interested in and not just bang on about what you want to say when they have indicated it is irrelevant to them

just my opinion

I had no desire to have a conversation with her in the first place and am buggered if I am going to listen to a load of crap from a stranger, when I am trying to sit quietly and talk to my son just before I go in for a medical procedure

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Original poster
FrannyandZooey · 10/01/2008 14:52

Tellus was your dd really keen to talk about school? That is good. I haven't had that experience with most children, more that their parents / other adults want them to talk about it and they either want to keep it to themselves, or perhaps find it a dull subject, I don't know which

Ds is actually very reluctant to talk about HE now. He has gone from being very confident and voluble about it, to being embarrassed and hiding behind me when people ask. I believe because of people's reactions.

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bundle · 10/01/2008 14:53

"bang on about what you want to say"

"I had no desire to have a conversation with her in the first place"

sigh

you are rude

Original poster
FrannyandZooey · 10/01/2008 14:54

Did your hide button not work the first time bundle?

I was not rude to this woman at the time - I am saying rude things about her on this thread - but I feel she was rude to ds. People often are rude to children and it annoys me.

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Original poster
FrannyandZooey · 10/01/2008 14:57

don't get why it is rude of me to not want to have a conversation with a stranger? I DID have a conversation with her, but I didn't want to. I would have rather sat quietly with ds, as I said. Am I obliged to be enthusiastic about conversation with strangers at all times? I have taught ds that if the other person he is talking to doesn't say much, they probably don't want to have a conversation right now and that he should leave them alone. It isn't hard to understand that I don't think.

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FranSanDisco · 10/01/2008 14:57

She has probably never heard of HE poor old love