A Rant about daft old buggers making interfering half witted remarks

[FrannyandZooey]

Oh god I don't know how many more years I can be doing with smiling brightly and saying "oh actually we home educate" to strangers who seem OBSESSED with the fact my son is about 5 so muct be starting school. It seems the ONLY topic of conversation any stranger or half-acquaintance wants to bring up with us in the past 12 months, and some people's slack-jawed expressions when I say he is not going to school just make me want to say rude things to them.

One of the best ones today, old woman in the hospital "oooh you will be starting school then won't you?" DS: No
Woman: Oooh but you will be starting SOON won't you
DS: No
Me: we are home educating him, he isn't starting school
Woman: Oooh but you will go ONE DAY
Me: Well maybe
DS: No
Woman: well when you DO go it will be lovely, all the girls and boys to be your friends, ooooh, school is lovely
Me and ds: have other conversation not listening to woman as she is clearly not listening to us

Does it ever stop? I know I shouldn't get so irritated but I do.

God yes. He was full of it before he started and is still full of it, even in year 2. Not to me of course. If I ask him what he did at school today, he says "nothing". Random old lady asking the same quesiton would get a full run down .

I'm slightly bemused by your rant though TBH. It's just a standard topic isn't it? Like the weather. It oils the social wheels. I had no idea until I joined MN that people read so much into these things. Somebody on another thread said that "Isn't he tall?" was one of the most insulting things they had ever been asked about their child. I say things like that all the time. And I am tall.

It's a minefield out there.

I'm that your ds is put off talking about HE though. He should be penpals with my ds. Then they could get it all of their chests!

I'm sure it's because HE = does not compute. I can understand it being irritating when you have attempted to explain, yes, and no, I don't think you're being Judgey McJudge.

It's not so much the 'how's school?' question that bothers me, it's the persistence with which some people pursue it, strangers and family alike.

oh sorry, Tellus, I should have said ds

yes I am slightly rabid

I think I just feel sad that ds's existence at this age is already being defined by his formal education or lack of it

he is 4

I feel really sad about this

FranSan do you reckon? If so, I wonder why she didn't ask what we meant

ooh yes about the minefield

I still comment on people's bumps (pregnancy bumps) and things and then squirm because I KNOW people on here have said how upsetting they find it

It doesn't bother me and I forget it bothers other people. I have to kick myself

If you are tired of getting into converstions about school maybe you should just smile and say hmmmm...
Home Ed is an unusual thing and maybe she didn't understand what you meant.
Tbh It sounds like you were a bit rude
Everyone asks my dd how school was she doesn't particlarly want to talk about it but I don't expect witty banter from strangers.

My DS is 2 and every day at least one person asks me where I'm planning to send him to school. I'm not planning!!! He's only two. It's so dull. I guess I might regret it when he's 4 and I find out there are no places left at decent schools but I can't bring myself to give a f**k at the moment. It seems so far away and so dull. I don't even want to send him, full stop. Lots of Mums have decided where they're going to send them to school even before ther kids are born.

Talking about school to children is just like talking about the weather, my ds used to get it all the time when he was 4 because he was quite large for his age. It is not worth worrying about it because you will get it for at least the next 10years if you continue to HE!

No it doesn't ever stop.

I know how tiring it can be having the same conversation over and over.

They always ask exactly the same questions as well;
Do you go to school?
Isn't socialisation a problem?
Do you have to do exams?
The LA must come out and inspect you surely?
Do you have to be a teacher?
Do you have to follow the curriculum?

Sometimes I jump in after the first question and say "No! the answer to whatever question you are going to ask me about home education is no!"

Sometimes if I see that their eyes have glazed over and they are not listening i just say "no we home educate and have a lovely life, thank you, goodbye"
If they appear interested I will tell them all about it, however old the questioner is-they may have a struggling grandchild out there somewhere after all.

But sometimes I long for a list of FAQ's to keep in my bag to hand out.

I've had the conversation twice today so far.
But there is a new family coming to our home ed meeting tomorrow, after the conversation I had with the mom last week!

had this for years. Sometimes i just say 'keep 'em home to do the housework so I can sit and watch Jerry Springer'
weirdly enough haven't had a comment about ds2 (12) since dd2 got her wheelchair. Too busy saying 'what a shame, least she has nice hair'. I think I preffered the home ed comments!

No, most children do not want to talk about school, but yes they do get asked about it by everyone they meet....so up until the HE part it is the same for everyone.

Interesting and / or deep and meaningful conversations happen with people we know well and are close to...there is a role for polite small talk, and it's not unreasonable for children to learn to repsond to it politely.

IMO.

Are you finding socialisation a problem today, F&Z

People find any 'lifestyle', that is even mildly unusual, interesting enough to ask lots of questions about it.

Dh is a pilot. Whenever we mixed with my work mate he was constantly asked about his job. people find anything different intereting.

His uncle is a doctor specialising in leprosy. You can imagine the tasteful conversations he has at parties!

TBH it is a life skill worth picking up, making semi mindless chit chat.

Why not just print out some cards with FAQ and hand them out if someone asks one!

"Are you finding socialisation a problem today, F&Z"

LOL yes today and most days

I also liked 'schoolin'
may tell next lot we are 'home educatin'

I honestly don't think I was rude though, but am interested to see perception I was

I don't feel obliged to continue aimless small talk with strangers for as long as they want to, no matter what the subject or the situation

I don't feel the woman thought I was rude, she smiled and said goodbye when she left. We had chatted with her for a couple of minutes and then carried on with our own conversation. I don't think that is rude.

MB I wish she HAD asked questions, that would have been fine

people don't tend to ask questions about it, they tend to give their opinion of what you are doing. Not always welcome.

I keep clicking on this thread.

I think it is because I either am, or want to be, an interfereing old bugger making half-witted remarks.

It does sound strangely appealing....

but it's just common courtesy

do you really think the old woman has any interest in your child .. she's being polite .. be polite in return

at which point was I not polite? How long do I have a duty to go on making conversation with her just because we are sitting near one another in a waiting room?

Pagwatch just start slowly and work up to it

Quite twig

when i ask people "how are you?" i rarely give a shit. Yet they all start with their 'aching this' and their 'sciatica that'

Bastards

Franny

I seen to be getting the hang !

I got sucked into an excruciating conversation on a train once.

And the train broke down.

That was a long day.

Curse my sense of social obligation...

sorry franny .. of course you were polite .. you just got the brunt of the rude American bloke I met for the 2nd time ever at the weekend

he is known to a variety of my friends .. he thinks he's funny

I was introduced for the 2nd time to him and said 'oh yes we've been introduced before, how are you?'

'why does everyone always want to know how I am .. do I look ill .. hurrhurrhurr" says he to his audience

'it's just common courtesy" says I and walks away