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Original poster

A Rant about daft old buggers making interfering half witted remarks

76 replies

FrannyandZooey · 09/01/2008 20:44

Oh god I don't know how many more years I can be doing with smiling brightly and saying "oh actually we home educate" to strangers who seem OBSESSED with the fact my son is about 5 so muct be starting school. It seems the ONLY topic of conversation any stranger or half-acquaintance wants to bring up with us in the past 12 months, and some people's slack-jawed expressions when I say he is not going to school just make me want to say rude things to them.

One of the best ones today, old woman in the hospital "oooh you will be starting school then won't you?" DS: No
Woman: Oooh but you will be starting SOON won't you
DS: No
Me: we are home educating him, he isn't starting school
Woman: Oooh but you will go ONE DAY
Me: Well maybe
DS: No
Woman: well when you DO go it will be lovely, all the girls and boys to be your friends, ooooh, school is lovely
Me and ds: have other conversation not listening to woman as she is clearly not listening to us

Does it ever stop? I know I shouldn't get so irritated but I do.

OP posts:
Original poster
FrannyandZooey · 10/01/2008 18:34

oh dear yes I see, very harrumph

but a few people have said I was rude Twig - I don't think I was and I don't think she thought I was

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ahundredtimes · 10/01/2008 18:38

Surely the old lady was deaf. Surely?

If she asked well-meaning questions about the future education of your child and then carried on talking in a reverie about schools and didn't listen to the answers, I reckon she was deaf.

ahundredtimes · 10/01/2008 18:40

Though I'm still a little unclear as to why you were so annoyed with her.

Please tick

a) because she talked to you and ds

b) because she didn't listen to you

c) because you were in a hospital and would rather be somewhere else

d) because she didn't want to discuss home education

e) all of the above.

Twiglett · 10/01/2008 18:45

anyway

send the boy to school

Twiglett · 10/01/2008 18:46

snort

handlemecarefully · 10/01/2008 18:48

I think the mildly irritating thing was the lady was having a bit of a monologue and was not listening...

however unless they are actively rude I'm of the school of thought "they are old - cut them some slack".....

ahundredtimes · 10/01/2008 18:48

Because this has nothing to do with HEing has it.

She could have said 'are you starting school soon?'

and he could have said

'No I'm only eighteen months old' and she'd have said

'oh it will be lovely, and there'll be chalk to write with on your VERY OWN slate, and lots friends and girls in pinafores with ribbons in their hair.'

Original poster
FrannyandZooey · 10/01/2008 18:48

ah 100 could be right

erm mostly b), but with a mitigation of a)

I think I just don't like it when people carry on with their own conversational agenda with no regard to your input or lack of it

plus got bored of being polite to old duffers day in day out

it does wear a bit some days doesn't it? or is that just me

OP posts:
Original poster
FrannyandZooey · 10/01/2008 18:49

yes hmc yes

I was all out of slack

OP posts:
handlemecarefully · 10/01/2008 18:50

lol...

SueBaroo · 10/01/2008 18:52

I find my slack is most useful these days for making loops to strangle people with.

But I'm a touch pre-menstrual right now.

Original poster
FrannyandZooey · 10/01/2008 18:53

100 it is slightly to do with HE because it is such a non starter

they say "oooh ooh ooh school?" and your heart sinks because you know you are about to have to reveal something almost personal about your family's life, and the chances are, their reaction is going to be a) incomprehension b) disapproval or c) outright fear and loathing

if people said "well I never what is all THAT about then?" it would be fine, but they don't, and even ds has picked up on it, and doesn't like talking about it now

(although writing this it has occurred to me he could be picking up on my feelings about it)

anyway

off to read stories to the poor uneducated youth

I think I was feeling arsey that day because there was a gender / face paint thing that fucked me off, too. I will come back and bore you with it tell you about it

OP posts:
Twiglett · 10/01/2008 18:55

it's easily solved though if you think about it

refer to your home education as 'school' .. why not after all? .. it's not a big deal and it is school in the correct sense of the word and then you can both answer in the affirmative and let it all wash over you

or not

TellusMater · 10/01/2008 18:55

Am intrigued by the gender/face paint thing...

ahundredtimes · 10/01/2008 19:01

Oh yes, it is boring having to say things to people all the time about your family life, I agree with that.

Though you were cross because she didn't listen not because she challenged you about HEing, so you're probably right that you are feeling generally a bit defensive or sensitive or whatever about it.

Mind you, perhaps it will work like this all the time. People will ask you questions, and then they'll drift off when you talk and you could be saying 'yes, I'm home educating him with a small group of sheep, they are doing algebra at the moment' and the person won't comment or respond at all.

Look on the bright side - could be enormous fun.

pagwatch · 10/01/2008 19:04

Honestly Franny I actually do know what you mean.
I have had this in so many conversations because of my son, because of his weird diet and because of other things.
and with DS it is doubly difficult becausre his condition was not a choice we made yet we get asked questions and people can react with scepticism and fear and all those things.I remember a woman in the chemist asking why he was humming and when I said "he just does that, he's autistic" she picked up her duaghter and fled.
You really do just have to take a breath and let it go and save your anger for the people who are not enquiring but who are intending to be hostile.

I only realised this when I was at my lowest point and a shuffling granny came up and asked about DS and then said " oh bless him , is he retarded".
Obviously I could have got reallyupset but she was sweet and genuinely didn't know. She just said a load of really uniformed , inappropriate rubbish but she was trying to be nice.

A day before I may have been exasperated but the thing I was upset about was a big bloke in Epsom market shouting " will you shut that fucking weird kid up" across the road and half a dozen people laughed and clapped.
I know it is an extreme example but the point remains - you have made a choice and people will be wrong footed and puzzled.

Justthink of it as educating them
ooh and as someone here suggested I actually did get some cards printed to hand out so if someone asked and i couldn't be asked I would hand one over and say "there you are, its really interesting condition, there are some contacts there if you would like to know more"

workstostaysane · 10/01/2008 19:18

hey there franny,
i think it may be that she didn't have a box for HE. she's old and (i'm not being disrespectful) but it takes a lot longer to make a new box at that age and often its easier not to bother.
even when you should know better - i just sat at dinner with a well-educated lawyer who honestly swore till she was blue in the face that it was illegal not to send your child to school.
it really does amaze me how frightened people are of something that they don't have a box for.

workstostaysane · 10/01/2008 19:18

hey there franny,
i think it may be that she didn't have a box for HE. she's old and (i'm not being disrespectful) but it takes a lot longer to make a new box at that age and often its easier not to bother.
even when you should know better - i just sat at dinner with a well-educated lawyer who honestly swore till she was blue in the face that it was illegal not to send your child to school.
it really does amaze me how frightened people are of something that they don't have a box for.

workstostaysane · 10/01/2008 19:20

i only pressed that button once. i promise..

Original poster
FrannyandZooey · 10/01/2008 19:22

"She just said a load of really uniformed , inappropriate rubbish but she was trying to be nice."

well yes and you have shamed me now, if you can put up with that sort of crap then I should be blissfully happy about this

I AM nice and polite and reasonable to the person but you do get an AWFUL lot of comments and advice and uninformed stuff from all around, and I expect that leads to the defensive / sensitive bit. I don't particularly WANT comment on what is quite a private aspect of our family life - I would never DREAM of saying something like "oh no you don't send your child to THAT school do you? Oh don't you worry that blah blah blah" and yet people think it is fine to say things like this to us all the time. I need to moan about it on here a bit to avoid running amok in RL and becoming a "Crazy HE Lady Wrecks Sainsburys" headline

Twig ds knows it is not school and he is too arsey ahem particular to say it is when it isn't. It sounds like it might work when he is older, if we can't be bothered talking about it.

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Original poster
FrannyandZooey · 10/01/2008 19:27

oh the face paint thing

ds asked me to paint his face as a fairy so because I knew we were going out, I did a fairly boyish fairy with a pale blue and white face and sparkly bits and twirly bits. It looked nice, I thought

anyway everywhere we went people said "oooh you scared me, what are you, a monster?" Ds kept having to say "NO I am a FAIRY". It also hacked me off. No-one would say to a girl with a pretty painted face "ooh you scared me are you a monster?", would they?

thank god I didn't post this in AIBU I would have been roasted alive

I admit to unreasonable tetchiness

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pagwatch · 10/01/2008 19:29

oh PLEASE run amok !!!

I didn't mean to make you feel bad , promise.

I'm just saying try and remember people are just used to what they are used to.

And warm yourself with the thoughtthat you and your family are doingthings your way. How cool is that?

(I though DS1 would be harmed by all the neg reactions about DS2 but he actually thinks DS2 is the coolest person he knows - mostly because DS2 really really doesn't care what anyone thinks. Its quite nice.

The path less travelled and all that.

ahundredtimes · 10/01/2008 19:38

Yes agree, running amok always good.

Gawd Pagwatch, that woman in the chemist It's just bizarre, and the man on the street. . .

I'm sorry for ds though that he's feeling it too. I don't know if you do or not have a HE community already? He's only 4 though isn't he? I guess it might be good, because then he'll see what he is doing rather than what he isn't doing - if that makes sense.

Other people are boring. There should be shields available.

Twiglett · 10/01/2008 19:40

I think maybe, if you wished, you could play with words though

to be schooled means to be educated

so he could be 'in school' at home as much as in an educational establishment called a 'school' and you could make that semantically make sense to a bright 4 year old

if you wished

ahundredtimes · 10/01/2008 19:40

Also re face painting - The only thing that finally persuaded ds2 out of his spiderman costume which he wore for years on end were all the people saying 'oooh here's Superman' and he had to keep saying 'No, I'm Spiderman' and then they'd say 'Oh Spiderman is it?' and in the end he couldn't stand it any longer.

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