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Home ed

Find advice from other parents on our Homeschool forum. You may also find our round up of the best online learning resources useful.

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Original poster

Has anyone been in a position where they want to HE and believe in Home education, but their child really likes school?

14 replies

TwinklyfLightAttendant · 20/12/2007 14:09

Help!
Ds1 is 4yo, started reception in September and despite my having grand misgivings about the whole thing, he seems genuinely to enjoy school. He enjoys being pushed around in the playground, doing the same to all his little mates, and he even likes school dinners. I am torn between delight and massive disapponitment, as I wanted to 'put right' my own childhood I suppose, by doing the one thing I wished my mum would have done for me. trouble is, he likes school so much, I don't feel it would be justified to take him out!
Argh!
I guess the answer is evident, I should let him decide, and leave him in school till he starts to hate it - but he may not - even at secondary level, he might love it.
Please has anyone else felt like this?!
Thanks

OP posts:

Runnerbean · 20/12/2007 18:15

If you want to HE why is your child in reception?
If I had known about HE years ago I never would have put my dd in to begin with.
Although my daughter was happy at school I wasn't satisfied with the education she wa receiving so I took her out.
But my dds both have lots of fun lots of freedom and lots of friends which is possible without going to school.

What are your motives for considering HE?

Saturn74 · 20/12/2007 18:19

Maybe you could look into flexi-schooling?
Would give you all a taste of both options, and might make a decision slightly easier.

edam · 20/12/2007 18:19

Simple answer for me would be keep him where he is happy, in school. YOu can't use him to make up for your own childhood troubles.

Why assume he will ever 'start to hate it'? Most people don't!

coldtits · 20/12/2007 18:21

Leave him there. He's not you.

Hulababy · 20/12/2007 18:23

As he appears so hapy I would leave him where he is. There is no reason to think that he will become unhappy at school. Just go with the flow and feed off his enjoyment. Don't let him see that you expect him not to like school, as that may be what happens purely as a reault of him thinking you are supposed to not enjoy it.

Just because your DS is at school it doesn't mean that you can't do other education and learning with him. There are 13 weeks a year holiday time, every weekend, and after school every day where you do activities and fun learning stuff with him, as well as helping him with any homework that comes along.

SueBaRoomForAMincePie · 20/12/2007 19:14

I would imagine it really does depend on your reasons for HE. If it's primarily for negative reasons based on your own experience, then I wouldn't pull him out, there seems little point.

If you want to HE for ideological reasons, then that's down to you, not him. But if your main reason is whether or not your son will be happy, then it sounds like you don't have anything to worry about, so I wouldn't.

Original poster

TwinklyfLightAttendant · 21/12/2007 08:13

Thankyou for some sensible replies. My inclination is to leave him in unless, or until, he decides he would rather be at home.

I realise I am projecting my own feelings from the past onto him, and restraining myself as much as possible when this starts to happen, because as you say it might give him the idea that there is a reason not to like school.

I struggle with the system/ethos of schooling in many ways, but not enough I think to preclude his acceptance and enjoyment of it - my own issues began at home, and I would have dealt much better with school had I been a more secure child and had the emotional 'tools' to cope with it.
I am trying hard to teach him ways of coping, which I learnt during and since my own childhood.
I started him there as I was unsure whether he would like it, doubted my reasons for wishing to home educate were about him...and he seems to like it, which is great, though it is a mixed feeling for me! I guess I always thought I would 'protect' my kids from school, and now it isn't the enemy, what is iyswim.
I need to focus on other ways to be a good parent.
I will do my best to support his choice.
Thanks for answering.

OP posts:

HonoriaGlossop · 21/12/2007 09:07

Totally agree with Colditz succinct post!

coldtits · 21/12/2007 09:37

It just reminded me of the time I got mildly reprimanded at school for writng in crayon. Told something like "Oh we like to write in pencil at school". I have remembered that my whole life, I burned with shame for a week and didn't make eye contact with my lovely teacher for a month!

ds1 got put in time out several times in his first 3 months. He doesn't remember why. If I ask him if he ever gets told off, he looks at me as if to say "How the hell should I remember that? It was days ago!"

And I was reminded forcibly of this when I said to the teacher that the classroom assistant had been a little unfair in her approach to some of his behavior - and when I asked ds1 to tell the teacher what the classroom assistant had said, he rambled on at length about "The naughty dog in the book and read it to me and it was so funny!" And I realised he had actually at least partially forgotten.

He is more resilient than I was, innately I suspect. Ds2 might struggle a little more - he has a greater sensitivity to mood.

What I am trying to say is that the things that you hated so much as a child might not happen, and if they do happen your son might brush them off like so much water. A child who is enjoying school is a happy child - for some children, school is the greatest fun they could ever have. I know that feels like a kick in the teeth for those lovely mummies (us) who were all prepared to fight the system and keep our children safe and happy - but there you are - different personalities suit different approaches. I see one child in the playground who, if he were mine and if I had a choice, would not be going to school yet, if ever, but it's not my child.

You have obviously done a good job of not crushing his innate trust in other people!

Original poster

TwinklyfLightAttendant · 21/12/2007 14:40

Thanks Colditz

I see others there too, who just look so sad and tired. But mine is a real go-getter, sounds like yours is the same - rough and tumble and I-can-take-it written all over them.
Yes I suppose it is a good sign that they have the capacity to deal with it all. I wish I had had the same level of equanimity at that age!!

OP posts:

AbbeyA · 23/12/2007 19:27

I think that you should just be thrilled that he likes school and support him. I loved school at that age, I would have gone at weekends if I could! (My home life was loving and secure so it wasn't that school was an escape). I don't think that parents should project their own negative experiences of school onto their children.I would home educate as a last resort if my child was unhappy but I wouldn't deny them the experience in the first place.I certainly wouldn't dream of removing them if they were enjoying it.

CharlieAndLolasMummy · 24/12/2007 09:33

FlightAttendant-

Have you considered that it might be worth you working through these emotions relating to your own school experience? A great, positive book for this is the teenage liberation handbook.

Also bear in mind-reception and infants can be quite different to later years. He, or you, might decide he is better off at home in later years. You are now in a better position than most to consider this.

FWIW I had a generally good time at school, got a load of qualifications and made friends and all the rest. Dp is the same. Yet we are (for reasons probably too complex to go into, rather rabid unschoolers.

Mehetabel · 01/01/2008 00:07

The thing is, he might equally well enjoy being home educated

There is lots of rough and tumble at our local home ed meeting at an adventure playground, the younger boys especially love to play football for hours. They also love the music group, the drama sessions, the swimming and skating sessions each week, as well as the other visits and workshops which happen most weeks.

Maybe you could start going to the local home ed group in the holidays and have a taste of how it feels to be free from school as well, so that if he does get bored once the focus of school switches from play to formal work he knows another option is available.

AMumInScotland · 03/01/2008 09:40

It sounds like you've already "put right" the issues you had, by raising a happy and confident child who is ready to thrive in a school environment.

All you can do is see how he reacts to school and accept that he may have issues with things you would have been fine about, and vice versa. So long as he carries on enjoying school, I wouldn't push the HE side, but you have the advantage over many parents in that you know it is there as an option. Many parents have no idea that school is only one option, and struggle on with situations when they and their children would thrive in HE, so you're armed if it does become a problem later.

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