To not send dc back to school after holidays

[fernTaylo]

Basically the school is too far, I don’t drive, public transport is stressful, busy and takes far far too long
No places at any schools nearer
The dc are tired , im terribly stressed and feel that home education would be better all round as we wouldn’t be travelling for a large part of the day, less stress etc
Socialising can be done at other activities they go to
I’m 99% decision made already as am just so tired

Are you on any meds and recieving counselling for your anxiety, op?

How come you think you can just teach your kids when ‘proper’ teachers do years of training?
Taking them out of school is not the answer.

OP- are you a lone parent? I'm assuming you don't work has I haven't seen that factor in?

Where are people getting a four hour commute from? OP herself had did it's thirty minutes each way, so 60 minutes for DCs and 120 minutes for get if she goes directly home and from home to school and back again for the the pick up. I'm not anti HE and it can be done well, but I think organising everything for multiple children, enrolling and getting them to various classes, clubs and activities, funding a place amongst parents who are assertive and forthright about what their children need from education etc would be more over whelming than getting them to school each day. There's a big risk with OPs mental health/anxiety they'd all become isolated and the DCs education would suffer, HE is being used to mask OPs issues in this situation, not being planned and chosen for their best interests

OP I have MH issues including anxiety so I do have some sympathy. However to be blunt you are being selfish & this is the wrong decision for you all

1. You say you can cope at weekends & holidays so everyday will be like that. But if that was the new routine it will bring new stresses. Also you elsewhere mention your DP looking after the kids to give you a break

2 Becoming the DC's teacher will change your relationship, have you considered this? 3 Are you a SAHP? Have you considered how you will feel not having any alone time? 4 you say the kids have friends out with school & you would nurture their friendships. However what if that doesn't work out?

1. Have you looked at other options - moving house, waitlisting for a closer school, can your DP drive you all part of the way?

I know what it's like to be overwhelmed but that feeling will love to something else when you remove the commute. You need help to improve your MH. This will have a far greater positive impact on you and your family. Go and see your GP, try different medication. Look into CBT, therapy, read MH books or web sites and try to manage your issues

I really feel for you OP as I have struggled with social anxiety (any anxiety!), stress and depression for years and I can see how easy it is to think HE would be the solution to all your problems. However, did I read that Dad takes them to museums etc on a weekend but you don't go as it is too overwhelming? If so I'd be worried that at some point , going to the HE centre is going to become too overwhelming too. Apologies if I read it wrong.

What I can really see happening here is you isolating yourself further and far from being a solution to your problem, you will be making yourself worse. Whilst the children are so young, this may not seem so bad, but once they are older they may want to join clubs, make more friends, have other experiences that are further from your doorstep.

I get overwhelmed and anxious easily if I don't feel prepared for the morning. I'm lucky enough to work now, but I have to ensure packed lunch is ready, uniform is ready, bus fare ready if I need it, breakfast things ready - all the things that need sorting of a morning, but the night before otherwise I do get very stressed.

We now walk 1.5 miles to school and I walk 3 to work, and the same in reverse - I cannot tell you how much this has helped me mentally.

If you feel you cannot do this, could you look into paying somebody to do the school runs for you? Are there any other local parents? It's taken me 3 years of thinking no other family lives near me, to meet a mum on the school run, become good friends and share the burden between us.

I'm sorry but I agree with the others, this seems like a solution to your issue, in which case I thoroughly recommend looking into some CBT or counselling. Yes of course your anxiety will decrease if you don't have to be somewhere for 8.30/3.30 on the dot involving 4 buses a day BUT I guarantee that nothing will get resolved if you use this to isolate yourself further.

Wishing you all the best x

Your OP looks like you've decided to HomeEd on a whim because you're fed up with the commute but your later posts show that actually you have researched and weighed up how workable it will be for your family.
This being the case and if you are sure you can meet your children's educational needs I think its is worth trying to see if it makes things better for all of you.

Have you thought about moving this thread to the HomeEd board?
I don't Home Ed and neither will most of the posters on this thread. If you are looking for practical advice and a more nuanced take on this issue and what you need to consider you might have more of a chance of getting it there.

Hello OP.
What's glaringly obvious is that you have some anxiety issues that you need support with. Rushing into the decision to home school is not the answer, in my opinion. Some suggestions:
-Speak to the LA. They may find you a school place nearer or support with transport.
-Look at your routine in the morning. What could improve it? The kids attending breakfast club so you're missing rush hour? A childminder? Can family and friends help out to give you a break and time to assess your options?
-Stress management. It's your issues around the stress of the journey that you are struggling with. What mental health support are you getting?
-Spend the next fortnight mentally preparing yourself for the return to school after Christmas. Get the kids involved, packing their bags the night before. Have everything ready for the morning. Use reward charts if you need to. In the meantime use Headspace to meditate so that you are in a better place. Make the journey fun somehow. You may find a different perspective changes things dramatically for all involved.

Whatever you decide to do, this isn't a decision you should rush into. Home schooling may be suitable in some cases but I would've thought children miss out on so much and their future prospects will be massively limited.

Unfortunately one of the mundane aspects of parenting is the journeys here, there and everywhere! You just sounds like you need some better coping mechanisms. Good luck.

Are people just completing ignoring the fact that the OP hands the children completely over to their father at weekends and when they want to go to groups? She clearly can’t cope with them for two days a week, let alone seven.

And OP, you suffer clearly with anxiety, but you also say migraines and fainting. So what happens when you have a bad day? Or run of them? I’m a teacher who also suffers with migraine & auras- someone covers my lessons until I can teach again. What happens to your children? Will they have a bank of carefully prepared resources for when mummy can’t teach them? Will you employ a cover teacher (£150 or so a day) to teach them? Force their father to take time out? Or just allow them to roam their local area, educationally?

You’re being supremely selfish. Home education can be fantastic for children when done correctly. You just don’t want the hassle of the commute. Your poor children.

If you are easily overwhelmed then I really don't see how home educating your children will help you. You seem to be putting yourself before your children's education. I think it would be better to try some techniques to get yourself prepared each night for the next morning and to de-stress yourself. 2 30 minute journies don't compare to the word you would need to do to properly educate your children unless you are already a professional in education and have material in advance.

Would it be possuble and less stessful to switch the days with their father?. Maybe he can do the schoolrun weeks and you see them at the weekends?

Are your dc on the waiting list for nearer schools? Have you made an Appeal for a nearer school? If they are in ks2 you would have a reasonable chance of winning an appeal.

Sorry, OP, another vote for selfish. There is no benefit to your children to be educated at home, it's just for you. Big girl pants on. Or pay a child minder to take them. Home Ed can screw up DCs' lives.

I think CBT for you is the solution.

You absolutely do not need to feel like this, or let the anxiety have this much control over your life and impact on your children so much !

It sounds like you are thinking "I can't do this!"
But, you HAVE been doing it. And doing it well. It just makes you feel very uncomfortable.

You need to aim to both reduce your anxiety, and work on how to deal with your feelings when you have them.

Your GP can put you in touch with your local physiological therapies service.

It will be hard to make that first step, but think how much better your life can be when you don't have to avoid so many situations.
When you can wake up at the weekend and think "let's go to xxx today" and just be able to do it!

Tbh, any outing with children (shops, school run, eating out, trips) have the potential to be a bit stressful or not go as smoothly as we like, but you risk missing out on so much by avoiding them, and are just reinforcing your belief/thoughts/feeling that something will go wrong.

I was totally against home schooling - I work in a school myself. I didn’t believe my daughter could receive the same level of education as she would in school. I was railroaded into it in the end and due to all her issues I had no fight left in me.

Turns out to be the best decision ever made. She will be taking 3 GCSEs a year early and more next year. Her chronic anxiety has lessened and we can fit work around her erratic sleeping patterns. I feel like I’m slowly getting my little girl back.

Join local Facebook Home Schooling groups. Their advice and support is invaluable.

Haven’t RTFT but you DO have anxiety OP. Getting “overwhelmed” as you describe it, is exactly how my anxiety manifests.

You need to go to your GP and get help for your issues. Taking children out of school to be educated by an anxious mother is not a good idea. You’re not thinking what’s best for them, you’re running away from your issue.

Is there anyone you could contact at the school to ask for support? School bus that picks them up from home/another child’s parent who you could maybe pay a small fee to drive your children? A family member?

Would a health visitor/social worker be able to point you in the direction of supports? I understand how you feel home ed. Would be easier but I’d be concerned that it would be a first step to isolating yourself further and limiting your DCs potential. It’s really not a good idea IMO

I home educated dd.

I do support home educating. However, I don't think you should.

I think there's a good chance of your anxiety escalating once you decide it's ok for your kids lives to be planned around it

Being indoors most of the day is going to make your anxiety worse and negatively impact in your children.

Are they on waiting lists for nearer schools? They only have a few years to go before they will be travelling to school on their own. I wouldn't pull them out now.

Go to the gp and get help for your anxiety, things will seem easier after that.

Is it really the journey or are you perhaps projecting your feelings from your schooldays onto your dc? Are they on waiting lists for closer schools, can you appeal if "full"? By year 4 class size restrictions are relaxed. If it is more than 3 miles and it s confirmed that no closer school is available have you asked for transport? HE needs to be a positive choice for all concerned, is their father on board with the idea?

Have you had any medical treatment for anxiety? I would treat that first and worry about home schooling later. If you are suffering from mental health problems, the change in routine won't necessarily help as there may be other triggers.

Ultimately without understand what triggers your stress and anxiety, you won't know if a oiding the commute will sort it out or make it worse as you have no time to rest. You need to consider the impact if you become so overwhelmed, you can't à tuslly get on with the level of teaching kids required.

Can you oh help you in the mornings? Help both with the kids but also you in telling you where you are going wrong? You also need to consider 2ndary school. Will your kids go back then when they can travel alone?

term time I feel unwell and overwhelmed and it’s ridiculous but I can’t pinpoint an exact cause it seems to be everything about getting ready and rushing and the journey all of it I just want to remove that stress

The way you do that is by seeking treatment for your anxiety, not disrupting your children’s educations.

You struggle with ordinary everyday activities. That is not normal and your children should not be suffering from the consent of your inability to cope.

You need to see your GP and be referred for therapy. In your case something like CBT would probably help. Meanwhile can you try some strategies for calming yourself: deep breathing, more positive self-talk?

If you are looking for practical advice and a more nuanced take on this issue and what you need to consider you might have more of a chance of getting it there.
She'll get some really good advice on how to make HE work there but will also get the more reckless 'just do it... We left the system and never looked back... the system is awful' type responses too.

I think there's quite a bit of nuance on this thread as most people are saying HE can work brilliantly and can be the right choice for some children, but choosing to uproot a child's education without much thought beyond 'I'm stressed, don't like the commute and there is a group near me, it'll be like the weekends' isn't a good reason.

They're ks2 now. Are they going to go to secondary? If so, how will the OP ensure that they are secondary ready? What if the experiment HE is easy to run with until y6 but they've not covered close to ks2 knowledge so end up stuck in lower sets through ks3 playing catch up?

There's a lot to consider to make the right choice about HE. Doing it because Mum thinks it's easier for her isn't it.

What's best for you isn't necessarily what's best for the kids.
You need to consider paying for a taxi. Also if the school was allocated to you by the lea I think they are obliged to help with travel costs.