To not send dc back to school after holidays

[fernTaylo]

Basically the school is too far, I don’t drive, public transport is stressful, busy and takes far far too long
No places at any schools nearer
The dc are tired , im terribly stressed and feel that home education would be better all round as we wouldn’t be travelling for a large part of the day, less stress etc
Socialising can be done at other activities they go to
I’m 99% decision made already as am just so tired

Please read @FuzzyShadowChatter post thoroughly, it is everything you need to consider. Home Ed can be amazing if you do it right, which is why it is legal, but if you get it wrong you will fuck their future up!

How old are your DC? do you plan to home ed throughout or are they going to have to try and fit back in to mainstream eventually? if they are at home throughout will you put them in for GCSEs? what happens next?

I do a 50 minute commute each way by public transport with DD each day, I work at her school so I don't have to leave and come back but I do get how shit morning buses are and how hard it is to get DC to the bus stop on time (because no DD, the bus won't wait for you!!!) but that is nothing to the stress of trying to teach her things she doesn't want to learn!

OP this sounds hard. You catch eight buses a day? I would find that draining. Might any of the following help:

1. Sounds like you have a DH? Could he drive them to school on his way to work. Could he adjust his hours, or they attend before-school care, to make this work?

1. You say the closer schools have no spaces. As per a PP, if you called the local authority and said HE was your only alternative, they might find your kids a space.

1. Is there a parent close by whose child is at the same school, for a small fee they might be happy to drive your kids too? Even if it was just say every Wednesday, so you had a break.

I’m not sure if you are necessarily looking for ideas or just needed to vent but either way

Single always. Is correct too about your local authority they in general have limited or no idea about home schoolingas the whole system is designed to stick you on the treadmill at 4.5 and you fall off at 16 the other end anything inbetween that is irregular causes them headaches and they hate it

I think anxiety is the problem but I could see you ending up very reclusive. Being indoors everyday could make your problems worse.

I'm all for home ed, but you're not pulling the kids out of school for the right reasons.

There are many solutions to being stressed with the journey that are not pull your kids out of school.

You don't mention their education, just that they won't see you stressed.

I support the op regarding home ed, as long as her children are OK with it.

She says she has home education groups near to her.

Give it a go fernTaylo, it won't hurt and it might be good for all of you. I have great respect for home educators.

@JohannahTS sounds like she has a very specific sports skill which benefits from home schooling so she can focus on her sport. It’s wrong to recommend this path for those without this type of focus, unless you have prior experience of this,

Read the entire thread. I don't think it's a good idea.

You need to get on top of your MH issues. GP, CBT, meds, counselling, etc. whatever it takes.

Keeping your DC at home because of your untreated MH issues will just put your issues on to them and I suspect they will end up developing the same anxiety, avoidant issues.

Can they go with another child and their parent a couple of days a week?

This kind of sounds like OP finds putting dishes in the dishwasher too hard so wants to wash them by hand. I.e. can't cope with something straightforward so wants to do the alternative which is much harder.

OP, maybe you can find a "bus buddy" for them, an older child that can help them negotiate getting onto the right buses so you don't have to travel with them every day. Or ask your husband to start work later and drive them to school, so you only have to do 1 trip a day. 8&9 is old enough to get the bus by themselves anyway. I used to have an hour and a half each way to school with a change in the middle when I was 16-17 (plus a 3km walk from my house to the bus stop and back), there were primary school aged kids doing the same thing (aged from 6) who managed to get themselves into the right bus at the change over every time.

Utterly selfish :(

If you're the type to get overwhelmed easily ( I am too ) then I can think of nothing worse than having the responsibility of my children's education on my shoulders.

We do a lot at home as it is to support our dc through school ( year 3 and year 11 doing GCSE's ) and that is with fantastic teaching at their respective schools.

Op you need to do this for the right reasons.
Why haven't you said if you're willing to try and get them in closer schools? Surely there is an alternative.
If you're not willing to explore that option then it suggests to me that you struggle with getting up/mornings in general and maybe envisage lazy mornings ahead with a bit of "teaching" thrown in for good measure. You're in for a shock if that's the case as the HE people I know are totally and utterly committed and their reasons for HE actually involved the children.

What does their father have to say?

@PinkAvocado

lmao not teaching the curriculum? Wave goodbye to their chances at high school and uni.

Did you move out of area? Why are your children not at schools within your catchment area? I agree with others- this all seems based a lot more on your needs than your children. How long have you had to do this journey for? Are they down on the list for a more local school? Due to your health and being overwhelmed, you won't be able to take them anywhere, husband will do that on the weekends. What happens if you get overwhelmed with the children being at home? HS is not an easier option- it's a lot more work ensuring that they don't miss out, and that they don't fall behind their peers. Have you looked into that, or juts more ooh, there are people doing that round here. How often would you be able to link in with these groups, and to do what? You've not discussed it with the children, they are settled and happy at school, although you assume the eldest would like it. How about your husband? Does he support HS? Is there nothing you can do to make the morning routine easier- given it's the same routine, 10 times a week?

OP, you sound pretty set and decided and I think fair enough. I honestly dont know why it upsets people so much. Although personal experience tells me that when I had these conversations (in the UK) face to face with people they showed absolute horror and told me only excluded kids are home educated & I wish I’d not listened to them. Go ahead it will probably go really well.

You are thinking of having the kids HS because of your needs, not theirs, and because of that I’m not convinced you have their best interests at heart. What will HS give them that school won’t? Are you sufficiently well educated and disciplined enough to give them the sort of education they need when they get older and need qualifications? Would it not be better to think about:

Moving closer to their school?
Seeing a GP to help you get on top of your anxiety issues?
Putting them on a waiting list for closer schools?

I think you are looking for solutions in the wrong way in the wrong place.

The problem lies with you. Why would you not look at addressing this problem with professional assistance instead? That’s the sensible solution, not withdrawing the kids from school.

I would worry about what will happen when home Ed becomes overwhelming. What’s the next step then? Just pack that in as well as it would be ‘better for the kids’ that YOU have no stress whatsoever. Where’s this all going to end? Life’s stressful, you need to go and get assistance so you can adequately deal with it.

I also worry about the message this will embed in your kids. When it comes time to get a job, they have learned experiences that will colour their thought processes - can’t travel for 30mins, can’t do this, can’t do that, all too stressful and we solve it by not bothering. I just can’t see all this ending well for them.

if you are finding this as hard as you are with your anxiety then trust me.like any other illness it wont stop just by changing your movement.its an illness and will find a way soon to shove itself on another problem in ur life.so home ed which seemingly seem like the greener grass.will soon have the anxiety you feel insdie for whatever reaoning shoved onto it.
working on those problesm comes from working on them.from the iside out.this isn't belittling your wanting to change schools op.im tyring to say you need and deserve support and help.what if this could be ok.and you felt strong enough to manage.wouldnt that be worth it.
I am sorry this stuff has gotten to you.it sound reall difficult to deal with and must make every day quite scary.

Home schooling would be much more stressful for you than getting them organised for a 30 minute journey to school.

I think the commute sounds terrible to be honest. I can image it’s a close to a 2hr round trip by the time you’ve got to the bus stops, changed buses taken them to school etc. you’d have very little time in the day to get anything else accomplished as it would be 4hours total out of the day. I think some posters are being quite unreasonable towards you OP

The system is flawed. In Australia your local school with predefined boundaries, which won’t accept out of boundary children (unless the area is not highly populated). If you live in the boundary they have to take you, and they have to deal with being oversubscribed by either adding extra streams, extra EAs split grade classes, demantabld classrooms. Class maximums are maintained. It’s not perfect and many people have their complaints but at least no one has insane commutes to get their children to school.

Like others, it feels like you are doing it for the wrong reasons. From your posting, it doesn’t seem like you’ve looked into how to folllow the ciriculumn or how you’d provide an actual education rather than visits. For some children, home schooling is the right path but your reasons aren’t child led. Are you confident that your children could eventually access qualifications like GCSE’s? If not, you might be limiting their future career options because of your travel anxiety which is deeply selfish.

Can you look at other solutions re the commute? Could you find a student that would help out a few days a week or find a way to reduce it by paying for a few taxis a week (not every day if you can’t afford it). Is there anyone you could ask for a lift?

Not against home schooling altogether.

Your reasons for wishing to HE are deluded, including feeling like it will be "like weekends and educational activities" and "you want them to have a calmer/less stressed mum".

You've had lots of encouragement from successful HE. However, they appear to be in both good physical/mental health. You have unaddressed MH issues which you are yet to acknowledge, and physical problems such as regular migraines which take your sight... how will you teach on those days?

I agree that x4 buses (2hrs) travelling for your children is excessive (4hrs and 8 busses for you) but HE IMO will not fix this. It is the ingredients to make you more unwell and put your children at a disadvantage.

OP I sincerely hope SS will keep a very close eye on your family if you do decide to HE. It sounds like a recipe for disaster in your case.

Surely a taxi or childminder for drop off and pick ups can't be too dissimilar in price to 8 child and 8 adult bus fares a day?

Good point about the taxi... have you looked into this OP?

It doesn't sound like a good idea or very fair on the kids, sorry. 30 minutes is not a long time time. I don't know what to suggest but taking them out of school and away from the friends and potentially negatively affecting their future doesn't seem right. I'm a teacher and I wouldn't even feel confident to home school my kids

It sounds as though tackling the issues around getting stressed on a 30 minute commute would be really beneficial here. I agree that it’s not good for your DC to see you stressed, but on the flip side don’t think that home schooling is the answer that has your DC best interests at heart.

Regardless of whether there are lots of home education groups near you, the onus is on YOU to educate your children if you decide to home school. You have to ask yourself whether you think you can handle the huge stress and responsibility of preparing lessons/activities/educational trips/social skill activities involved in home schooling? And also whether you think you can manage it so that you are enhancing, not limiting, your DC options for their future? For example, ensuring they are literate, numerate, resilient, socially prepared, etc, for whatever they choose - high school, college, university, the workplace. It is a HUGE responsibility. One which, in my mind at least, is far greater than getting them to a school 30 minutes away.

BTW, I say this as a primary school teacher. Personally, there is no way I’d home school (I understand this is my own choice though and respect others have different views). Good luck with whatever you decided to do.