The purpose of pre-school, and whether or not to send ds

[EggyBreadAndBeans]

Am I right in thinking that the reasons kids go to pre-school are (a) to give them opportunities to socialise with their peers, and (b) to prepare them for school? And I suppose also (c) to give Mum a break.

Ds has a place to start at our village pre-school in April, which we booked up over a year ago. The thing is ...

Ds doesn't seem to enjoy mixing with his peers that much. He ends up losing his rag (big-time) over toy-sharing, gets frustrated trying to communicate with them, and lately has been asking me to make his two- and three-year-old playdates 'go away' . On the other hand, playing with older kids and adults (which ds gets to do a lot) brings out the absolute best in him, and he loves it. So that brings (a) into question.

Also, we've been looking into home education since ds was about one and of course, if we decide to go down that route, then there's no need to worry about preparing him for school (b).

And we lean towards attachment parenting, so I'm not interested in having ds prised off me in tears in order for him to 'get used' to pre-school.

I feel under pressure to send ds to pre-school - it seems expected either these days, or at least where we live - and yet all of the above begs the question, should we just take ds's name off the list and carry on as we are? If we do this, and decide on conventional schooling, will he settle in OK without pre-school? Thanks.

(Also posted on Pre-school board.)

Socialising with his peers is an important life skill that I think you should be encouraging him to do.
This needn't be done at preschool but nonetheless it should be a priority I think ,however you decide to go about it.

The education can certainly be done at home ,but the break for you is an added bonus not to be sniffed at imo.

Message withdrawn

mmm

EBAB,

I'm going to disagree with the other posters here, maybe because I HE.

Your ds I assume is only 2 or 3.

It obviously is your gut instinct that going to pre-school is wrong for your son. In which case, why send him?

The important thing is that he is socialising happily with someone, why does it have to be his peer group?

that answers a.
if you want to HE he will mix happily with children of all ages, at our HE group all the chidren play together well, their age simply isn't an issue!

so b isn't an issue.

c, "to give mum a break" LOL

Maybe I'm weird but I love being with my kids!!

Why do you feel under pressure to send him to pre-school?

peer pressure

I have home educated my children for six years.
I wish that I had found out about long before-then I would never have sent them in the first place. It took so long to get the school out of their system afterwards. My son in particular sounds just like your son and was not ready for playgroup even, let alone pre school.
I envy the home educators who have known all along that school is not compulsary, and who have avoided preschool altogether.
They have managed to avoid/limit the pressure by finding out about the home education groups locally and attending those alongside their children. If you decide that HE is the way for you and did this then you would be there in the room with your son, if he needed you, he would be able to mix with children of all ages-which would suit him and you would get to socialise with other HE parents, who think more like you do.
I run a monthly HE group where we have families with children of all ages coming along from babes in arms to teenagers. All mix and get on so well together.

Yes, socialising with other people is an important life skill-why limit his opportunities by putting him into preschool where he can only mix with people of his own age group?

Many children love pre school. I think you would be making a mistake not to send him. Your son might not be tearful at all.

Most children from attachment parenting families are extremely confident little people. They get over the fear of seperation anxiety at an earlier age because they arent forced to seperate. We half follow attachment parenting and my son hardly ever cried when he went to pre school.

However there is no need to send him at two years old. You might better to wait until four years old. To avoid tears he needs to be used to small periods of seperation from Mum. It also helps for him to have some concept of time and the language skills to understand an explanation. (Like Mummy is going to the shops, Daddy will look after you. Mummy will be back in a few minutes.)

Learning to share toys is an important skill whether you decide to home educate or not. Learning to cope with people with weaker social skills is useful as well. (ie. you don't hit someone just because they wont do what they want.)

Also a good pre school will improve your son's communication skills no dramatically. Small children have to work a lot harder to be understood by people outside their family.

I think if he is in the year before school, and you are going to send him to school, and the pre-school is associated with your school, then pre-school is the perfect way of gently preparing him for school - most importantly by introducing him to his likely peers, so he can form attachments to some of them.

I think pre-school for a couple of hours everymorning at three is lovely. All the children at ds's pre-school (attached to his primary school) loved it, skipped in happily every morning, had a whale of a time playing and learning, and then skipped out happily clutching some home-made artefact at 11.30, and had to be prised away from their playmates to come home for lunch. And my ds has Aspergers! He made a couple of lovely little friends, and did lovely activities like being read The Little Red Hen, then growing a seed in a jar to look at germination, then grinding up grains of corn to see how flour is made, then helping to make - and eat - bread. And they also acted out the story, which he absolutely adored.

I agree with mp and I think that if he doesn't socialise that well at the moment, all the more reason to send him.
My ds1 has developmental problems, and I put off sending him until I felt he was ready, and he was extrememly socially delayed when he first started. He was 4 when he started, and he came on in leaps and bounds, and has now started reception as one of the most popular in his class. So I do wonder if I should have sent him earlier, it has been so good for him.

He may not cry at all, my older two both loved pre-school, and with ds1 I had more problems getting him out of the classroom. I also find that I am a better mummy when I have had a break and then I appreciate the time I do get with them more. I can't wait until April, when my dts wills tart preschool 2 mornings a week, they will be jsut turned 2.

My oldest is only 13, however, when he was 3, he went to playgroup this was a bunch of kids paying, socilaising. There was no 'formal education' I would look around for something like this - All my children have gone to somewhere to play - they may have a little time as a group activity but no enforced sit down stuff. I loked at so many places that talked about 'preparing your child for school' well as far as I was concerned that was what reception was for.

My DS is almost 3 and loves Preschool, he has made some lovely friends, and is cared for by fabulous women who think up wonderful things for them to do. This week they have made envelopes for Chinese New Year with a Thorntons chocolate coin inside, made pancakes and learnt about Ash Wednesday, they also have had activities relating to Eid and Diwali. For me, if I am honest, yes I am glad of a break and DS2 then gets some 1 to 1 attention but ultimately (and more importantly) DS1 has grown so much as a person, socialised and had the benefit of well-trained staff who genuinely love what they do.
Even if your child is homeschooled, he sounds like he would benefit from mixing with other children.

If he likes it fine but if not I wouldn'd keep sending him.
I sent dd1 to preschool who initially loved it. Then she suddenly didn't like it and I just took her back home (despite advise to leave her "she will be allright"). Sometimes I stayed with her for the whole sesion. And after a few months she started liking it. I would not leave her crying. School is still far away (yes, I know time goes fast)and they change so much in just 6 months.
Ds went to nursery and cried a lot. Even when I sometimes picked him up earlier he was still miserable (despite being at that nursery for 2 years)
It is a bit when I hear about nursey being good for babies so they can socialise, yes sure 6 months old young babies love to socialise...(yes, I do send my 6 month old dd2 to nursery and it's for selfish reasons, so that I can go back to work)

Eggy - my DS is 2.5 & will be HE when the time comes....a few thoughts came to mind when reading your post....

Socialising with peers is something I dont consider essential or a life skill. School is the only place children need this skill because they are placed in classes with children all born within the same year and mostly kept separate from children of other ages plus they arent in contact with many adults either. When you go to work you dont just have to socialise with your "peers" you have to interact with people of all ages...and its actually an asset to be able to communicate confidently with people in senior positions....my DS is also happy with other age groups I consider it to be a bonus & I want to nurture that....I find it strange that one of the arguments against HE usually start with the "socialisation" argument because of this....but also because (as an forum addict ) I see loads of messages from parents of school children about how to socialise them, help them make friends, join in more....when thats what we keep being told school is best for ....

I am also a little at the "preparation for school" argument that people use about pre-school....school is supposed to prepare you for life so why should you need to prepare for that...unless it is so alien from real life that it needs conditioning to enable you to get the most out of it....As you can see Im not a big fan of school education in general but I would say that a confident and happy child who has spent as long as they need with their mum and is happy with other adults & chilren alike is more likely to do well at school than a child who has been prematurely separated from their mum & is a shy around older children & adults or is at a completely different academic level to their classmates....

Eggybread, agree with general thrust of responses that it can be positive but depends on his age and state of readiness. He may love it from the off - let him try. `A

I agree it's worth giving it a whirl. Both my daughters have absolutely adored pre-school.

Really well put, terramum.

DS1 loved pre-school. I knew he would.
DS2 hated it. I knew he would.
With the benefit of hindsight, I wish I had trusted my instincts more, and rejected the social pressures of doing something simply because almost everyone else did it too.
Parents know their children best.
Listen to your instincts.

Um, terramum, but lots of children absolutely love it! They LIKE being with other children and enjoy the activities. WHy not try it?

Mine have all gone along happily and really enjoy making friends.

Let DS see what he makes of it, and if it doesn't work out now, try again in September?

I was always unsure as to whether to send Jessica (2.6) to pre-school.

I finally enroled her this week and she starts on 5th March for 3 afternoons a week.

We went for a little taster session yesterday, and she had the best time! She slotted in so easily, sat with the other children nicely when having snack, and played really well.

They were learning about Chinese New Year yesterday and snack was noodles and prawn crackers, and a beaker of milk.

They did "chinese ribbon dancing" outside, and then played for a little while before being given red envelopes with chocolate coins in to take home.

I was so impressed, and it helped me to know that there are only a max of 8 children in her classroom with 2 teachers.

She loved it, I loved it, and I now cant wait for her to start on 5th March.

I think you need to try it and see how your LO will react.

Another one here who thinks you should give it a go (although 2 is too young I think, 3 generally better).

Socialisation isn't just about getting along with children in same age group; it's about learning to deal other personalities, children from different backgrounds etc - and also learning to deal with other authority figures apart from one's parents.

And yes, children can and do settle into conventional school without having attended pre-school.

If it doesn't work out, that's fine too!

I agree with Aloha - my Inferiorettes just like milling about with other kids their own age and generally being a bit of a Gang.

Both my dd's went to pre-school and it was great at preparing them for school, especially dd2 who was quite shy and when she first started pre-school didn't like being left.