Having a wobble

[Tiredsoverytired]

I have decided to home ed my oldest as she is having trouble at school.
I have spoke to school they say she is happy after leaving me.
She is 8 and just went into year3.
The problems started 10months ago.
The school say she is ok but she is on a smile chart (tick every time she smiles) and a communication book.
She has said she got no friends school say she does. When I walk past she is alone.
She has gone from a bright and talkative little girl to a shadow of her normal self, during the summer I saw glimpses of the old dd. School started and she went back to how she is was.
School believe she has Aspergers and needs bereavement counselling (her dad died a few years ago). They were supposed to do the referrals in July. Neither have been done.
My wobble is what if what teachers says is correct and dd is playing me? What if I don't pull her out and what she says is happening and her mental health takes a hit with it?
I have sorted the de reg letter to hand in but in two minds what to do.
I believe home ed is best for her.
School say she is going to be a child who struggles with change as she is doing. Problem is she is going to get settled into the teacher and then she is going off to maternity leave which makes more change.
Also next year I'm planning a move for support reasons so again more change.
Dd has asked to go to a new school as she doesn't like it at her school and she has no friends and no one will play with her.

I would listen to her and pull her out until you move and then possibly put her into a school that is more suited to her needs.

You can get her referred for counselling through your doctor....I would do that as soon as possible. My daughter needed counselling after witnessing her father's attempted suicide at 10, it has really helped her.
Really shocked at school doing a smile chart with her...never heard of such a thing

I'm worried if I pull her out as school strongly advised against it.
2 years ago we had as involvement and they closed the case so worried they may come back as she is not in school.
She's very unhappy there she has no proper friends. She has 1 girl who I have tried to say isn't a friend she will play with DD while no one else is about then shout and scream at her when there is people about which then means I have an upset dd as her friend won't be nice.
I plan to move 6-8months time with saving the cost and finding a house where we are moving to.

I also don't agree with a smile chart and only found out as dd asked why she had one. I never heard of it before. She also gets a tick if she calms down straight away when I've left her. Some days she is in tears at leaving me. I feel it is a cruel way to do things.

Smile chart as a tool for school covertly tracking whether she seems happy? Could be good. Or do you mean they are actually rewarding her for faking happiness when she is miserable? If the latter, that makes my blood run cold. How barbaric. You could hardly dream up a more effective way to produce a dysfunctional adult if you tried. You can't leave her with people who think this is appropriate.

Take her out, it sounds awful. She can always try a new school after you move, or maybe HE will suit your family for longer, but take her out for now.

I found out about the smile chart when I spoke to another teacher.
Dd was sat at the table unhappy another teacher went over and mentioned smile chart and dd smiled for her.
I am going to take her out as she is very unhappy. Plan is until we move unless it goes well and she might be home educated until she is olde enough to leave "school"

OP have you looked into what home ed groups there are in your area? They can be a brilliant source of support with any doubts or questions you may have and also with dealing with any LA or SS involvement. Facebook is a good place to start, most groups are on there or if you want to PM me your general area I'll have a look at what's in your area and send details if that helps

Smile chart?! WTF? So as long as she fakes happiness they're satisfied? Disgusting! I'd pull her out.

TBH whether your DD is correct or school is correct re her having friends is irrelevant, her perception is of loneliness and isolation, so that's her experience. And if they're having to bribe her to fake happiness she's obviously unhappy.