Thinking about HE

[Sunflowersmiling]

Hi all. DS is 5 in reception and already had to change schools once. He's struggling in the group environment so badly his behaviour has upset other children and now referred for psychological assessment , with possible autistic traits. (Possible). I'm heartbroken for him, (not because of the possible autism...but how hes so unhappy at school) he really wants to be good and enjoy school but he misreads body language and personal boundaries, and he's been kept apart from the other children last week. I would love to home educate him, but I'm a single mum working full time. With very little support. I just don't know how to juggle it. I have read it's possible, does anyone have any experience of this they can advice me? I make sure he plays with friends regularly, he's so happy and loving outside of school...just seemingly unable to cope in it. Thanks x

I'm really sorry to hear your little boy is so unhappy. That must be hard to see.

The education doesn't have to be done during school hours and it takes far less time than at school when you can give one-to-one attention. So you can do that yourself during the hours you aren't working. The hard bit is arranging for your son to be looked after if you aren't able to use school as childcare anymore.

I guess your options are to change to a job which is compatible with looking after your son yourself, such as running a business from home, or paying for childcare. Do you think your son could be happy with a childminder, if you found the right one?

Thanks, I really can't afford to change jobs I live in an area where there are so few jobs going, and I have just taken on a big mortgage. I guess he would be ok with a childminder, it's the cost that really worries me, and anyone's ability to cope for long periods alone with him and still love and nurture his unique self!!. I have no family close by for back up either. I'm concerned if he stays he will be miserable and if I home educate him it means him spending more time with a childminder than me. Plus we will be broke...I need a car as we live in a little village and I need car for work. What sort of cost would a childminder be? I reckon I could arrange to work one day a week from home.

Thank you for your reply x

Cost of childminders depends where you live. You could contact a few to get an idea. If you are eligible for the childcare element of Tax Credits, that can pay up to 70% of your childcare costs based on your income. Have a look on one of those online benefits calculators to see.

It's true that if you work full-time and send your son to a childminder he would spend a lot of hours with her. He's now spending a lot of hours with his teacher. What's the difference? Here are some differences. With a CM, you can choose the person or change to a different one if he doesn't get on with her. A CM has far far fewer children to look after and can pay him more attention. The CM doesn't have to try to make him engage in structured educational activities, so she can be more flexible about how he spends his time.

I expect your son is very lovable and it's a matter of finding the right person! Why not meet a few? Of course what will also matter is the other children in the setting. His clashes with the other kids might be easier to handle in a smaller more home-like setting but it's still a potential issue to discuss with the CM. Are there certain children or types of children he finds easier to get on with than others? Younger/older ones, for example?

When you contact childminders, be sure to reassure them that you only want them to deliver childcare and you aren't expecting them to educate your son - I understand that some CMs initially balk at the prospect of taking on a home educated kid because they wrongly assume that they have to teach him. You just want the CM to do the same sorts of things she would do with any other older child, only the hours are different to the hours she would look after a schoolchild.

Thank you so much :-)