I really want to HE but I'm a single parent and need to work too! How can I work round this?

[JingleBellsJuliet]

Ds is nearly 9 and is having a hellish time at school. He's currently being assessed for ADHD/ASD/dyspraxia, has made no real friends, is always in trouble, has been excluded for his behaviour and just generally doesn't enjoy the whole being in a group thing. On a one to one basis, he's generally great, and I can get more out of him in an hour than school do in a week, as he's more relaxed at home.

I really, really want to home ed, but, as a single parent and therefore the only breadwinner, I need to work to survive. I do two part time jobs, which is the minimum I need to earn to pay all bills, and I'm looking at options for retraining and working from home, which would make life easier. I feel he would benefit from HE so much, even if only for these last two years of Primary, as it would let us press the reset button and get him away from the main cause of stress (he HATES school).

So, is there anyone out there in my position and managing to work and HE successfully? Interested to hear others experiences!

I'm not in the same boat as you, but it's a very common scenario so I'll stick my oar in to get things started.

Forgive me for stating the obvious... It sounds like you have realised that the education side of things doesn't have to take much time at all. So if you are working, the challenge is essentially all about childcare. While you are at work you don't need anyone to educate your son, only to look after him. You'd be turning your back on the free childcare which state school represents and making other arrangements instead. Here are a few possibilities.

Do you qualify for the childcare element of Working Tax Credit? That might cut childcare costs considerably.

You might increase your working hours to finance the new childcare costs which you'll now have.

You're already thinking about getting a job which is compatible with looking after your son yourself, which is another option.

Finally, if it's impossible to find suitable affordable childcare then you might have to give up work and rely on benefits. You cannot be made to use school as childcare, because the government line is that school exists purely to provide an education and school's role in providing childcare is only incidental.

I'm fairly confident I could get someone to look after him while I work, but is that ok to do? It would make life easier actually, as I'm currently getting at least one phonecall a week from school calling me in to discuss the latest incident, and it's making work very difficult, as I'm just not a reliable employee.

My friend keeps trying to dissuade me by pointing out how much he will miss out on the social side of school, and how he will never learn to mix unless he's forced to, but he's managed 5 years in school so far, and is no closer to being sociable than he was before! He does football and has friends outside school, so I think he would be better in that respect, as we wouldn't have the meltsowns every morning at having to sit in a class of 26 other kids who don't actually like him very much :(

*meltdowns. Damn autocorrect!

You can hook up with your local home ed group (i guess there will be one dependent on where you are) which will help with the social side of things.

"I'm fairly confident I could get someone to look after him while I work, but is that ok to do?"

Totally! The only way there could possibly be any issue at all is if it is an unregistered childminder, i.e. you pay someone to look after your son at their own home who hasn't been approved as a childminder.

Are you thinking that if your son is home educated, he has to be educated by you 9-3 on weekdays and so you couldn't leave him with anyone else? It isn't like that at all. You can educate your son at whatever times suit you. It doesn't have to match a school timetable. This is specified in the government guidance on home education in England, and the principle is the same in other parts of the UK.

That means that for you to leave your son with a childminder (or friend or family member) every Wednesday morning is no different from doing it on a Saturday afternoon.

The person who's looking after your son can help out with his education, if they are willing and you are happy about it - you don't have to educate him personally - but equally they can just look after him and you can do the education yourself when you aren't at work. It's probably simpler to reassure them that it's only childcare you need, and see if they offer to do any educational activities when he's with them. Some people would find that daunting; some would find it fun.

I agree with you that school is not essential to your son's social development or social happiness. It may even be harmful. Spending many hours a day with people who don't like you is not a positive learning experience.

I HE. My ds could be "socialising" every hour of the day if we could fit it all in, there's so many groups and activities going on. As it is he attends two Parks Groups a week and two sports where he sees his mates and loads of other HE kids. Then there's additional "lessons" and workshops. He has autism too and there are many similar children and parents in the same boat i.e. could not manage in mainstream school, it's a surprisingly common situation.

If you can find someone to look after him while you work, would they be willing to take him to local HE activities?

I'm sure my dad, who's retired, would have him whilst I worked. He currently lives several miles away, but is in the process of selling him house as he wants to move closer to us, so would be ok logistically. He wouldn't be up for going far with ds though as he's not great on his feet, but he loves teaching ds new things (They can very often be found studying the stars through his telescope, or building electrical circuits!).

I'm going to speak to ds's dad and see how he would feel about me HE'ing. Thanks for all the input :)

Fantastic. That sounds ideal!!

hello

Yes, we have several children in our local HE groups who are with Grandparents whilst parents work. But if Grandad isn't very mobile you'll just be aware of getting your son to join clubs or getting over homeedders to visit so that he can spend a bit of time with his peers. Usually the beauty of home edding is that children experience a wide range of trips and environments which simply isn't possible at school.

Another solution would be that a home ed family may allow him to join them on their trips. However any payment (even in kind) means this would be classed as childminding and be illegal. You can pay expenses obviously.

Using an actual childminder for just one day a week could be another solution to getting out and about, especially if it is a home edding childminder.

Then there is the time you spend with your son but if this is weekends, then home edders, like most families use this time to do purely family stuff and don't tend to meet up.

Sorry to seemingly harp on about this, but those against home edding always cite lack of socialization so I thought you might want to plan how to answer this.