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Original poster

Don't HE, go to a councillor?!

17 replies

Thinking2014 · 02/07/2014 09:59

I've told my friends my intention to HE....now suddenly they're telling me that maybe my daughter should go for councilling instead?! Apparently not being able to fit into this school system means she's messed up. I'm completely shocked by their admission and they say they're not against me but they haven't once said they support my desicion either.

Its quite amazing how scared people become when they realise that school isn't the only path!

....I shouldn't be that surprised, none of them have kids and one is an assistant teacher! Shock

OP posts:
Saracen · 02/07/2014 10:36

What I find odd is that people so often seem to expect a uniformity of personalities and needs among children, though they would never make the same mistake with adults. Children, apparently, have "unformed" personalities and must be made to conform. Allowing children to be themselves apparently turns them into oddballs.

If my job made me unhappy and I decided to go find a different type of work, my friends would support me in figuring out what sort of work suited me. They wouldn't encourage me to seek counselling just because I found that particular job stressful.

If I couldn't get on with a partner and decided to split up with him, no one would tell me to get counselling. They'd encourage me to think about what sort of person I might get on with better, and what went wrong with the current relationship, so I could make better choices in future.

Don't children deserve the same respect for their individual differences as we give to adults?

Your friends may come around eventually, or they may not. On the other hand you may well find support from unexpected quarters: people you'd expect to disapprove sometimes turn out to be very positive!

Original poster
Thinking2014 · 02/07/2014 14:08

Ooh I have an update...the latest advice from friends is to not dereg now...but "try" HE over the summer term and if it doesn't work return to school in September...or if it does "just don't go to school" :-\ I think someone doesn't quite understand the slightest thing about what is required or even the disruption that would cause to my daughter...not to mention the complete upheaval of buying new uniform for September...for what? As an assistant teacher she really has no idea...kind of worrying...

OP posts:
Hakluyt · 02/07/2014 14:11

Some people don't understand HE. Who knew?

Not sure what you're looking for......

Velvetbee · 02/07/2014 14:40

She's just chatting, Hakluyt.

AMumInScotland · 02/07/2014 15:04

Honestly? Treat it the same way as you would treat parenting advice from a non-parent. Smile and nod, consider if they have any knowledge of the issue which might actually be relevant, then feel free to ignore and carry on as you planned.

A lot of teachers have next to no knowledge of HE. They don't have to know about it to teach. Assistant teachers even more so. Unless you're the headteacher of a school and have to deal with the Dereg letter, it's just not something you need to know about.

Nigglenaggle · 02/07/2014 20:07

I get a slightly sick feeling when telling people we plan to home educate. I would just like one person to say 'OK that's interesting' and leave it at that. I just get bored of justifying myself and then still having people not get it... Some people seem offended, as though we are doing it solely to comment on their life..

Stripeyhenry · 02/07/2014 20:09

Why do you need to visit a local politician?

Original poster
Thinking2014 · 02/07/2014 20:49

Thank you Nigglenaggle, AMumInScotland & Velvetbee, I agree. I've decided to simple get on with it, I know what I'm doing so the input of others (who don't understand) isn't important. I've had great help & support here which is lovely and very encouraging :) thank you Thanks

OP posts:
morethanpotatoprints · 04/07/2014 20:20

I've had people ask me what my dd has done wrong, they think we H.ed because she is naughty Shock
I've had others who openly suggest I am doing her a disservice by not allowing her to attend school.
I wouldn't mind but when we are out and about she is radiant like a pig in muck.
Others argue or you know they believe it isn't a proper education. It isn't broad enough, how can you teach so many subjects.
How can you teach if you aren't a qualified teacher (I am) but they don't want to believe that has no bearing on what we do.
You learn to ignore.

Hakluyt · 04/07/2014 20:28

It is horrible when people make judgements about the way you raise your children.

But can I respectfully and gently suggest that HEers could sometimes be more tactful in the way they talk to those of us who use school? I have been told that I want my children to be compliant sheep, that if I really loved them I would HE, that I am palming my children off on schools because I don't want to look after them all day...

It works both ways, you know!

Original poster
Thinking2014 · 04/07/2014 20:33

Gosh, this is why I'm trying to limit the amount of people I tell. I would love to tell the world but not if I'm going to get ill informed questions and comments back. Its part of the reason I'm trying to get to know lots of other HEs

OP posts:
Original poster
Thinking2014 · 04/07/2014 20:36

Hakluyt that's the first time I've heard that! If I speak about my reasons for wanting to HE I always say its not for everyone, and I understand usually finance is the main reason people simply can not do it. I would never be harsh about someone's decision to send their kids to school. Everyone is different.

OP posts:
Hakluyt · 04/07/2014 20:52

"I understand usually finance is the main reason people simply can not do it"

But that is suggesting that everyone would do it if they could. They wouldn't. Some people actually think school is a good idea!

And if you haven't heard comments like that, I suggest you have a read through some threads on here..........

Original poster
Thinking2014 · 04/07/2014 21:00

I think you misunderstood me, when I said it isn't for everyone that's what I meant, for whatever reason, be it financial or they simply feel school is the best place for their child. Everyone is different and feels differently for their own children. :)

OP posts:
morethanpotatoprints · 07/07/2014 21:32

Hakluyt

In fairness, if I have ever seen comments like that they are usually in response to those painting H.ed in a very negative way and attacking the parents who choose to.

Or, it could be their own philosophy of what school is like.
My own dd found them very rigid in terms of subject, timetable, lesson time, dinner time, when to go to the toilet etc.
Of course this is the norm for those attending school and fair enough for parents who are happy with this.
Of course this is just one example there are numerous positives and negatives for both sides.

Nigglenaggle · 08/07/2014 19:14

I haven't heard too much of that on mumsnet Hakluyt, but I have in local home ed groups and you are right, it shouldn't happen. I think it's hard when you are constantly having to defend your own decisions about your child, not to get a little counter attack inSad

AtiaoftheJulii · 11/07/2014 10:14

Thinking I think a lot of people just have a knee-jerk reaction without any real thought behind it. One friend of mine was very anti at first, and now is incredibly positive about HE. Don't get into arguments and don't take their comments to heart.

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