Regretting taking kids out of school.

[apocketfulofposy]

Posting here for traffic,sorry.

I have 5 children ranging from aged 6 to 10 weeks old.

We always planned to home educate after reading a book about it when ds1 and 2 were toddlers,then when ds1 was about 4 and a half,and i was pregnant with baby number 4,i decided to give our local primary a go,partly because it was just that time where he would of been going and partly because i was finding it hard with them all at home (no family on either side for 3 hours,husband who works away monday to friday,rural ish area,i cant even drive!).

Anyway reception was ok,he liked it,made plenty of friends,dc2 and 3 went to the pre school and liked it,except dc2 had lots of issues with hitting other children and just general destructive behaviour.

When ds1 started yr1 last year he hated it from the word go,he still liked seeing his friends but he really noticed the change between mostly play to mostly lessons,plus his teacher left after a term and the new one was very strict and spoke to the children like she was some kind of prison officer.

Ds2 started reception and seemed to enjoy it but after a few weeks i was called in a few times about his hitting and destroying things,they said he just physically wasnt ready to be at schoolt hat much so put him down to half days,which was a bit of a faff for me as i was in and out all day but it was fine.It didnt seem to help though and he was behaving worse and worse at school,especially at lunchtime,but strangely his behaviour at home was getting better.

Add to this the fact i was finding it hard carting them all around everywhere and i felt crap because i kept forgetting to reply to things and i kept hearing all this micheal gove stuff,i just decided to pull them out,id been thinking about it on and off for a while and just thought do it,and id id it almost on a bit of a whim.

The first few weeks were great and we all loved the novelty of not rushing around in mornings and the kids have been playing all day,and actually one good point is that they have been getting on so much better.

But apart from that i am starting to regret taking them out,i miss the routine,i miss being able to take the babies to their groups and talking to my "mummy friends"(cringe) i miss being able to go to the shop quickly with just the double buggy,i also just dont know what to do with them,and the house is just such a mess!

I know these are'nt huge things but its starting to feel chaotic and i can feel it going back to the way it used to be,before school,and it hink i underestimated how much it did for all of us.I just dont know what to do!

Help and advice please!xxxxx

I am actually a bit bonkers-I take it as a compliment! I tell the children I shall be even more bonkers as I get older!

The world would be a boring place without any bonkers people

I am boring and conventional, but that is just how I like it (My mother was so bohemian and I just wanted to fit in. This is my act of rebellion!)

It seems arrested development to me.
In 2012 Sandra Dodd did an interview where it started
'Sandra Dodd has been unschooling her children Kirby(26), Marty (23) and Holly (20) for 22 years'.
I wonder that no one has pointed out that they are not children and they can live life without mother!
She doesn't appear to want to move on- maybe it is a scary prospect for her to admit that she can do other things with her life- she appears to be defined as being a mother.
I wonder how long she intends to go on? I can imagine the same sentence 10 years on with the numbers changed!

I see that she has actually left them at the moment and she is in Australia but when she gets back she is off to an unschooler's camp with Kirby who must be 28 now!

Something that somebody said on one of the radical unschoolers sites really interested me. I can't remember the details but what she said was in the context of her as an adult boycotting Nestle. She said that while she personally would continue the boycott, if her child asked for a Nestle ice cream, she would buy it because her chilld's delight in the ice cream was more important than her desire to continue the boycott.
My immediate response is that no, she should explain the reasons for the boycott and buy her child a different ice cream. But is that me imposing my values? And if it is, should I? Isn't important to explain the wider implications of actions to children?

I think that you take a middle road, you explain the wider implications and say that if you are buying the ice cream then you refuse and they will have to have a different make. If, having explained the wider implications, they still want one then it is their choice as long as it is their own money and they are doing the buying.

I find Sandra Dodd quite peculiar. She says that when her eldest comes with her to the unschooling camp, he may bring his 'roomie/partner/girlfriend with him so they can hear more about unschooling- he is hoping'.
Is this the same person, is he living with a woman and his mother doesn't take it seriously or are they 2 or 3 people. It sounds as if they will resist. Who would want to go to that sort of thing with a 28yr old and his mother?
At that age I had no more than a passing interest in how my DH was educated. I think she can't bear to let go. She makes him sound about 14 yrs. If he should ever manage to get married and have his own children ( if he can ever afford it) she will be the MIL from hell! This sort if woman is never going to take a backseat grandmotherly role. Imagine if her children wanted to bring up her grandchildren differently?! The DIL will have to be very strong minded and blunt!
I would like to thank OP who kept on insisting I google the woman. It has been an eye opener. I previously thought such people were fairly harmless - she seems dangerous- she is now in Australia where she appears to have quite a following- although I see that one 'disciple' is disappointed that her son insists on going to school!

Even I don't understand how you can still be responsible for the education of a 28year old. Unless he is going to camp as a mentor or something, to be an example and leader for the kids who are there.

Surely by that age you have to take responsibility for yourself. DS2 was 20 before he went to uni, but he has AS and took a wee bit longer than usual to be emotionally and psychologically ready and it was his decision to delay. He was learning all the time, though, pretty advanced, uni level stuff a lot of it.

Are the Dodd family particularly well off? Because we could never afford to keep supporting our kids at that age. I would be mortified if they expected me to do so, anyway. I would feel like I had failed and my kids are autonomously educated.

although I see that one 'disciple' is disappointed that her son insists on going to school!

See, I think that if you want to autonomously educate, you have to respect your child's wishes. If any of mine wanted to go back to school, I would be apprehensive (to put it mildly) and, probably, upset, but I wouldn't stop them, nor would I be "disappointed". If that were to be the choice my child made then I would support it to the best of my ability. It's very unlikely in here, though, as they all had such horrendous experiences at school.

Perhaps Sandra Dodd is one of these people who need to be needed and is defined by her role as a carer. Quite sad, really. Although, how do you measure success in life. Surely a successful live is one where you are happy and at peace with yourself. I'm not worried about my kids being high flyers, as long as they can support themselves to a liveable standard and they are happy, then that's all that matters to me, really. Perhaps, she is just an extreme example of that outlook?

Martorana, I boycott Nestle & never suggest Nestle products to my son (eg I call generic choc beans MnMs rather than Smarties) but I haven't talked to him about Nestle yet and don't plain to until he's a bit older. He is 5 and still sees the world as a wondrous and mostly safe place. I buy the ice cream he wants and trust that when he's a bit older he'll be receptive to hearing why I don't buy Nestle for me.

So you give money to a company you personally wish to boycott rather than mildly disappointing your son?

Yes.

Though introducing the idea of people prioritising money over lives of poor people would be more than a mild disappointment to my child, he'd be very upset.

I meant mildly disappointed about the choice of ice cream! So at what age would you tell him that some big companies make their money in ways that hurt other people so we don't buy from them?

Yeah but he'd ask why. And I never lie to him, though I guess I could tone it right down.

Idk but vaguely thought 6-7, depending on his maturity.

I think Sandra Dodd has to feel needed- she must fear the empty nest syndrome more than most. While I can fully see that some DCs take longer to fly the nest 28 is a bit late by anyone's standards- if they have no SNs.
She also has lots of money because the middle one is shown driving around in a jeep like motor very young- he couldn't have financed it himself.
I find it strange that OP doesn't see anything wrong in this. She must be youngish because earlier she said that anyone over about 35yrs who has a baby not only wears pearls but clutches them! I can't see her tolerating her MIL telling her how to bring up and educate her children- and yet she champions Sandra Dodd who won't let go! Imagine her eldest marrying a civil engineer or solicitor etc who wants her children in nursery and school so that she can persue her career! However- she has made him unmarriageable unless he cuts the apron strings. He could only unschool any future children if his parents are still financing him.

In context, I'm not sure my boycotting Nestle is harming them much. I still don't want a part of it though.

How can you put on a website that you radically unschool your children of 26yrs, 23yrs and 20 years?!!

Sandra Dodds kids will likely never be financially independent from her thanks to their "unschooling" so yes they will all be at home with mommy unless they find a mug to support them...

This is Marty, her middle one-aged about 20yrs in his new jeep-not his families jeep -his jeep (she does point out it is second hand!)
here
Generally I find that when you want to find the children of parenting/educational 'experts' they sensibly keep them very private. Sandra Dodds gives them a lot of publicity-all I can say is that I am glad they are not mine! I feel sorry for them because she, and her methods have made them what they are.

I wouldn't buy mine cars even if I could afford it.

I don't know much about the Dodds but from reading the following, it seems to me that their children are possibly reasonably independent. The older two seem to be working (presumably paid) and the youngest seems to be working towards employment. So maybe their futures won't be as bleak as some on here think.

"14. Rashmie: Tell us some more about your children. Did they choose to go to university? What are they doing now?

Sandra: Kirby has worked for Blizzard Entertainment for five years. It’s the company that owns and runs World of Warcraft, and other international online games. They moved him to Austin, Texas, to work there. When he first took that job, at the age of nearly-21, he already had seven years of experience on his resume, having been asked to work at a games store when he turned 14. He had also taught karate as a teen.

Marty is 23. As a teen, he worked making leather boots and pouches, in a grocery store, and at a Persian restaurant, over the years. Now he has an early-morning job in a department store, and takes math and economics classes at a local college.

Holly is 20 and has worked in retail, at a flower shop, and doing child care locally and for families out of town. She’s involved in yoga, art and music, but none of that involves money at the moment.

From: www.mommy-labs.com/inspiring-interviews/homeschooling-inspiring-interviews/interview-with-sandra-dodd-unschooling-homeschooling-india/

juule

thank you for the link, very interesting reading.
It is true, people don't really worry if their children are learning what they should do at school and those that do have very little chance of changing this.

Your link says 'unschooling mom for 22 years'-she still sees herself that way! Posters on here would go mad if their MIL still saw herself this way!

Marty may have had odd jobs but not enough to buy and run that jeep.
They are all financed by the bank of Mum and Dad.
I couldn't afford it. The comparison with my children is huge. Mine are adults out in the world-not delayed adolescents in odd jobs.

While I can be quite happy with HEing and even go along with 'unschooling' if people want to make new terms, I can't see how anyone at all can justify 'radical unschooling', especially when you see what Sandra Dodd has done to her children and how dependent they are on her. Would you really go out with a man of 28yrs who was living in the past and going to unschooling camps with his mother-when he has no children of his own? Justifying it is like trying to make out that playing computer games for hours on end is good for them!