An apology and a request for encouragement...

[NumptyNameChange]

I have stated with utter conviction at least a few times on mumsnet, and most recently on the ongoing thread about fines for term time holidays, that homeschooling is not an option for me as a single parent. I was convinced of that as entirely as I would be of the difference between black and white.

It has suddenly occurred to me that actually yes, there possibly ARE ways I could do it that may not be obvious or without complications but are not unattainable necessarily.

So this is partly an apology and partly a big ask for help and encouragement.

It is such a HUGE idea to actually say NO, I won't let you have my son and put him through this whole machine that every instinct in me rejects despite being a teacher myself, and actually maybe i COULD give him something better that didn't leave him screwed or me screwed or us living in the gutter. But there is so much convention and opinion and resistance that it would be easy to lose sight of this or not garner the confidence and conviction to go through with it.

Any encouragement or wisdom would be massively appreciated.

For a little background my son is nearly seven, in year 2 at a village primary and has no SEN or relevant issues. I am a secondary school teacher of Religious Studies and I work three days a week in term time (so obviously some issues to work out there in terms of childcare, affordability etc but suddenly I'm open to the idea that those ideas are potentially not insurmountable and given some of the things i've read on the thread i mentioned before may well be worth surmounting even if it means sacrifice and challenge and massive going against the tide).

i don't have any control over what other people choose, or can choose, for their children's education. i do over my son's. i also have a sphere of influence in job where i can do my best to try and cater for the children who are there and be a decent person within the system. i don't see how these contradict one another.

i work in a system i don't see as perfect and would rather my son didn't have to go through. if i could wave a magic wand and make it right for him and for all kids i would. i don't have magic powers though. so i do what i can for kids in school through my teaching and do what i can for my own child through my parenting. what i 'can' do for my child is obviously much freer given i'm his parent so i can choose to make up my own curriculum or lack thereof and cater it all to him. i can't do that for other people's children as i don't rule the world but in my work with other people's children i can try my best to be a positive factor upon their education.

morethan do you think i 'trotted out' those statements? if i did i'm sorry. i'm literally thinking things through and voicing my concerns i'm in no way setting them up as the capital t Truth and judging everyone else by them. i'm certainly not intending to anyway. HE would not be everyone - it's going to be one hell of a challenge for me as a single parent whose child has zero contact with their father and who has no family support. i'm not going to judge anyone for sending their child to school because pragamatics of society make it utterly the most logical, financially sound and accepted thing to do.

Itsbetterinabox - no way can I relate to that sentiment.
If I become convinced I can provide something better, much better than the local schools can offer my children. Then how could I not afford them that, it would be decided. I have to do what is right by them and no less.

It is such a HUGE idea to actually say NO, I won't let you have my son and put him through this whole machine that every instinct in me rejects despite being a teacher myself, and actually maybe i COULD give him something better

^^ that statement in my OP is what seems to be the one being referred to. i stand by it - every instinct in me does reject the idea of handing over my child to the state to do with as they see fit. and yes maybe i could give him something better.

i'm lost as to how this makes me a hypocrite. i do reject this for my son as it really does go against my instincts to give my child over to a system made for the masses rather than his individual needs and yes i'm perhaps lucky in terms of ability, confidence, earning capacity whatever that i could carve out a better route for his education.

how is this in contradiction to being a teacher committed to giving the best i can to the students who come into my care? not everyone can or wants to home educate. for those in school i want the best possible teachers and advocates available. for kids with dire home situations and socio economic chances school is their best chance of sighting something different and being given the tools to aim for it and i want to help them do that. for my child school isn't, imo, his best possible shot, i'm lucky to be able to offer something i feel will be better for him. not everyone is.

i think i'm wasting my time defending this aren't i?

Morethanpotato - thanks I will probably do that in due course, that's great.

it's like saying how can you be a bus driver and drive your own car. if the bus isn't good enough for you then you shouldn't be driving one.

or if you don't want your children raised in a care home you shouldn't work in one.

or if you're not willing to marry a woman and be gay you shouldn't advocate for civil cermonies and the rights of gay couples. it's a nonsense and it's logical conclusion would be a very fucked up self interested world.

Numptyname - I do not see the problem. There are a remarkable number of teachers that HE on the home eduction uk fb groups. I would suggest you are not in the least bit alone in your views and you may get the encouragement you seek there.

thanks sedgie. i don't see how being committed to education and wanting children to have the best chances they can get makes you a bad teacher what i can give to my own child i give, what i can give to other people's children i give. for the same reasons.

but clearly i have a lot more freedom and scope with my own child than others'.

I get it.

I hope you can make it work for you and your ds. It sounds like you will try. And I might even join you...

numpty

On the contrary, I do believe schools work for a huge majority of children and you sound like you teach in similar types of school as my 2 older dc attended. They did ok, could have had a much better education but it was right for them, they suited it.
I have come across a couple of teachers like you during their schooling and they made the school, helped some children really turn their lives around and were dedicated to this. had they left the profession as I'm sure it is in your case, the school would have lost one of their main strengths.
I don't think you're the type to just trot something out

Oh yes, both of you go for it.
I'm not saying its a bed of roses and we have seen some challenges, but if it really isn't for you, well what have you lost.
This was the conclusion we came to, give it a try, if it doesn't work out you can always re register.
I think our time H.ed won't be for too much longer as dd has her eye on a particular school for secondary, its private and highly selective (not academically), so we'll have to see.

The results at present do seem to be positive though and we have a very confident mature 10 year old, who makes me very proud to be her mum

Morethan - I know what you mean about serving the majority perfectly well ... I'm coming from it from my own angle trying to decide whether to apply for a state place or not. When I think about myself, I went to a 'good' primary school. It was fun, the teachers cared and enjoyed their jobs (I think) I can't really be negative about it in anyway. I'm not saying I had a fabulous education there, that I developed good life skills, that anyone identified and explored my talents with me, and stretched me - but I liked it. It was nice. Do I think there are more schools like that out there today? Hopefully yes, I will look for one I know that. But do I want more than that for my dc's? I think that I do and what is more I am starting to think I can offer them it.

sedgieloo

Oh, dear. That's how I started
For us though it wasn't academic but allowing dd the time and freedom to explore the things she wanted to do.
She loved school and we had no problems, she is still close friends with her old class mates and we visit weekly to collect a friend to play.
I know for certain she would not be the person she is today had she stayed in school. This also wouldn't have afforded her the opportunities she has now, it has been a blessing for us.

NumptyNameChange, my encouragement to you is to look after the needs of your child strictly. This is the best opportunity he has. Leave the rest of the people, the tide, as this should not concern you. You have a road ahead. I always started in this way: My child has rights and nobody should interefere with those. I too have rights and responsibilities as a parent. So your child needs your support and the best is that you consider what you can give him that he needs. You can connect with groups of parents that HE and this is support. Home Education is something like a long experience. You cannot predict predict the next month. We started HE DS from early age I did not have a programme because when I first tried it did not work. DS followed his own pace and interests. The only time we had a plan was with music practice, teaching and performance.

thanks maris.

i've had an email conversation with my eccentric professor from my pgce. asked him if it was hypocritical to teach in state school but to want to spare my son the experience of it. he thinks not and said, 'soliders go to war but they don't take their families with them'

it is something that i am at the minute prepared to fight for (state education) i am prepared to take the shit that comes at me and try and improve things however i can and be there for kids who want to learn or turn their behaviour around. it doesn't mean i have to be willing to put my son through it if i can spare him.

Home education is the best thing we ever did. I know a lot of people, myself included, who were very anxious about taking the decision, but I don't know anyone who regrets doing it once they have taken the plunge :)

Numptynamechange- I do think that there is only one poster on this thread who has suggested you should not HE your own child while teaching in a school- I would not let that get to you if you can avoid it. It's obviously a bonkers thing to say.

My only concern is the hyperbolic language which I think might terrify anyone about to send their child to school - all this "handing your child over to the state to do what it wants with" just does not reflect most people's experience of state education.

curlew

It is exactly what parents are doing when they send their children to school, though, frightening or not.
You like to think that you are doing the right thing though, going and checking out schools, etc. It does work for a large majority of the population, but H.ed imo is a valid choice of education for your children and shouldn't just be considered for when school hasn't worked.

"but H.ed imo is a valid choice of education for your children and shouldn't just be considered for when school hasn't worked."

Of course it is and of course it shouldn't.

But no, I am not handing my schooled children over to the state to do what they want with. That is just hyperbole..

frightening or not it is the reality. 6+ hours a week governed and dictated by the state. looked at square on that isn't hyperbole that's fact.

i'm not saying it doesn't work for a lot of people but it is what it is. it is handing your child over to the state and allowing them to decide what your child should learn, eat, wear, etc. it just is. and if you're ok with that then that's fine but it doesn't mean those who aren't ok with it should pretend it's fine for them too.

sorry - that should have read day not week. over 6hrs a day during which you hand over the education, duty of care and authority over your child to the state. that just is what you do. i'm not sure how that is deniable or can be accused of being hyperbole. home/school agreements, fines for non attendance, national curriculum, etc. the parent is out of control and chooses to give that control over in return for a free education and childcare (though we're never meant to admit that is a part of the role of 'school').

you can however by law withdraw that control by choosing to deregister your child and educate and provide the childcare for your child yourself. thankfully there's still a choice in the matter.

Can I just point out that if your child is awake for 12 hours a day, she/he will spend about 1200 waking hours at school and about 4200 waking hours not at school every year. Just sayin'

"you can however by law withdraw that control by choosing to deregister your child and educate and provide the childcare for your child yourself. thankfully there's still a choice in the matter."

Absolutely you can. And I would go to the stake for that right to remain. Thankfully, there is no sign of the choice being taken away.

Very interesting and informative thread, thanks OP (and other contributers)

Numpty I think you should seize the bull by the horns and definitely go HE with your son.

I worked in an 'outstanding' highschool for 5yrs as a SEN TA and I wouldn't board a dog in that school. Bullying, cheating (from staff, to meet targets), inadequate pastoral care, crushingly low staff morale, violence against staff) All covered up by a very clever, savvy headteacher.

My eldest is in her final year at a very average comp, with a dodgy, 10yrs out of date reputation. I only knew it was a good school because I happened to do a placement there for a couple of weeks. It was like a totally different world. Dd is a very sensitive, emotional child, who has been through more upheaval and trauma than most teenagers. The pastoral care she has recieved at her school has been nothing short of amazing. All her teachers and senior staff have nurtured her and encouraged her at every turn. I've had two babies in the last 3 yrs and so haven't always had a lot of time for her, and I have been able to send her to school each morning knowing that there is a warm, caring welcome and personal attention awaiting her. I don't know how they do it. So I totally get, curlew why you feel the need to defend schooling. For some kids, in some schools it is wonderful.

With my younger two, I am keeping an open mind. They're both massively gregarious, so I'll start them at school and see how it goes. I won't hesitate to change course if itisn't working though, and that's down to brilliant threads like these.