An apology and a request for encouragement...

[NumptyNameChange]

I have stated with utter conviction at least a few times on mumsnet, and most recently on the ongoing thread about fines for term time holidays, that homeschooling is not an option for me as a single parent. I was convinced of that as entirely as I would be of the difference between black and white.

It has suddenly occurred to me that actually yes, there possibly ARE ways I could do it that may not be obvious or without complications but are not unattainable necessarily.

So this is partly an apology and partly a big ask for help and encouragement.

It is such a HUGE idea to actually say NO, I won't let you have my son and put him through this whole machine that every instinct in me rejects despite being a teacher myself, and actually maybe i COULD give him something better that didn't leave him screwed or me screwed or us living in the gutter. But there is so much convention and opinion and resistance that it would be easy to lose sight of this or not garner the confidence and conviction to go through with it.

Any encouragement or wisdom would be massively appreciated.

For a little background my son is nearly seven, in year 2 at a village primary and has no SEN or relevant issues. I am a secondary school teacher of Religious Studies and I work three days a week in term time (so obviously some issues to work out there in terms of childcare, affordability etc but suddenly I'm open to the idea that those ideas are potentially not insurmountable and given some of the things i've read on the thread i mentioned before may well be worth surmounting even if it means sacrifice and challenge and massive going against the tide).

i reject it instinctively for me and my son. it doesn't feel right for us. there's a big difference between that and thinking everyone should reject it or that it shouldn't exist. you never did answer any of my q's so i'm assuming it was about having a go rather than communication itsbetter.

I'm giving thought to HE. I had found this thread an interesting one and I have read every thread that caught my eye on all 58 pages if this board!

I always assumed my children would go to school. But now I take a closer look at the possibility of HE and the kind of tailored education I could offer my kids one which takes into consideration their individual needs and talents and which is born out of genuine interest and love verses a standard education provided by strangers and a narrow, prescribed focus well...Primary school becomes less attractive.

I can see how the HE family would come to prize this especially given that it takes commitment and often sacrifice. And if they see their children thrive that they would readily defend it and start to question why anyone would chose to take up a state place if the alternative (that they enjoy) is available. I do not condone a judgemental attitude, however I am understanding the passion amongst the HE community. It's not an easy or popular path and I imagine it takes some conviction to go against the tide and follow through. I don't know if I have that, not yet anyway.

There isn't a right answer to many of these questions. I wish more people would leave the judgey pants at home and just accept that we all try do and the best we can with the available resources within our grasp. So many variants on family set up, finances, locale, quality of local schools, child's ability level, family support etc for there ever to be one correct answer that applies to all circumstances.

Many families move between home ed and school anyway as circumstances and their child's specific needs change, that even what's correct for your family today, may not be next year, or the year after that. It isn't a forever either/or choice though many get on their soap boxes and try to make it so.

sedgieloo

I think you have hit the nail on the head tbh.
When you have experience of school and H.ed and you prefer to H.ed you do have to have strong convictions.
For some it is a question of taking children out of school as they are being failed. For others it is a way of life from dc being toddlers and they are totally opposed to school for their own dc.
There are parents like me who took dd out of school for a tailor made education, we had no issues with her school it was lovely. We just wanted to take a different approach.
We have older dc who went all the way through school, so have experienced this also.
It wasn't easy to go against the tide though you are right, we gave it a lot of consideration and I would say we aren't conventional types to begin with.
You seem like you have similar reasons to h.ed as we do, I will gladly respond to a pm if you ever want any support.
Not that I'm an authority or anything.

but who is preaching? i don't intend to be - i'm just voicing my concerns over my child's education and what i see in school and trying to work through how i feel about it and whether i could take another route and how the practicalities of that financially etc would work out.

i don't think it really needs people to come in and point out schools are great/fine/the best/worthy etc - that is the mainstream narrative and the majority route so it almost doesn't need articulating itms - i've internalised that one through my life. he is the minority way and very much against the tide so i can totally understand the need for spaces where one can be positive about it and confirm each other's feelings and reasons without having to have the usual mainstream narrative thrust in.

i don't understand why people are so defensive in the face of hearing negative aspects of schooling - it isn't an attack on parents or criticism of other people's choices but an exploration of one's own views/experiences and a working out of one's own path.

sedgie - i never thought i had that conviction either and it is such a massive turn against the tide. my son is 6 and it is only recently feeling like an actual real opportunity and route that i could actually take and make work and defend myself for taking (because i'm aware it will take some defending not least because some people see it as an attack on their choices).

this is a young person's perspective. worth watching.

to whoever it was that told me i shouldn't be teaching and i reacted to i'd like to apologise. maybe you're right.

tomorrow i will go seeking out the form group of a girl i had to kick out of my lesson last week. i will 'try' to engage her in a conversation and get across that i was responding to her behaviour not to 'her'. i will try to get across that i do give a shit what is going on with her life, that i do have feelings and concerns and drama of my own, that i don't just see her as a number to be dealt with in the face of a class of 30 kids i have to keep under control and on task regardless of what is going on with them and with me and in the world.

i don't hold out much hope. how is she to believe i give a shit when she just sees me making them be quiet, do the work, not swear, not get their mobile phones out, to do as they're told etc? how is she to know that i'm a human being with feelings and personality and tenderness myself when i'm forced to focus only on objectives written on a board and learning outcomes that must be met? why should she believe me - i didn't believe any of my teachers cared about me and tbh most of the time they were so swamped with survival and coping with the environment they had to deal with that they didn't have a spare microscopic particle of energy to actually care WHY i might be behaving like a bitch from hell. how could they? it was 30 to 1 and they had to get through it.

for those who've assumed i'm just a shit teacher i can tell you that sadly that's not true. i was the best on my training course and i have a lot more natural resources than many of my colleagues in terms not only of technique and knowledge but also of experience and compassion for how complex and challenging life can be for young people. sadly the system is set up to be combatorial. so whilst i will go look for this young woman tomorrow, find her, try to talk to her on a level, hope to reach her and make clear to her that i'm there for her if she ever wants to talk i will listen and not judge i sadly doubt it will make a jot of difference. in fact it is quite possible despite these good intentions that it will all go tits up within a few minutes and she'll be aggressive and resentful and attacking and i will be defensive and hurt and resentful and on it goes.

so yes, maybe you're right and i shouldn't be teaching because something in my gut tells me it is actually abusive to take a young person who is going through hell and prioritise not talking when i'm talking and learning the christian perspective on war and how to regurgitate it in the right format for a good mark on an exam and focussing on how to make them behave in such a way that i maintain control over that 30 to 1 environment OVER taking them to get a cup of tea and listening to them and finding some way of helping them cope with the alchoholic mother or the sexually abusive step dad or the resentment over the abortion they feel they were forced into having, or the rage that their mother died or whatever other reality they're dealing with.

you may actually be right. and i suspect it's time for another name change.

That was beautiful Numpty, and sums up how schools can be such an alien part of our culture.

I do wish I could join in this discussion. But people seem to be getting angry so very quickly I don't think I can. For what it's worth, numptynamechange, I do think that the person who said you shouldn't be teaching meant that you shouldn't be doing something that is so alien to your ideology,not that you shouldn't be doing it because you're not good at it. That was how I read it, anyway.

And also, for what it's worth, I do not recognize the picture you paint. My children have had many caring teachers who have thought very carefully about them as individuals.

and so those left teaching would only be those who agreed wholeheartedly with the prevalent ideology dictated by politicians? they would have to be robots. people who didn't care about individuals and the realities of their lives, people who were immune to stress and disheartenment and certain kids were best served by being made to sit elbow to elbow in a small room to be drilled in exam passing techniques?

if it keeps going as it is you may get your wish. if you recall they were talking about bringing in ex soldiers - that would cover it wouldn't it?

you don't recognise the picture. then i suggest you come into work with me tomorrow.

"if it keeps going as it is you may get your wish. if you recall they were talking about bringing in ex soldiers - that would cover it wouldn't it?"

Excuse me? My wish? Where the fuck did you get that from?

you can come with me to talk to the girl i mentioned. you can sit in with my year 11 group of whom a couple are living in care and at least two i know of are carers. you can have a go yourself at teaching 30 16 year olds in a small enclosed space. i would be more than happy to let you come see the picture yourself so you don't have to take my word for it.

I am taking your word for it. I'm just saying that that is not a universal school experience. Why are you so angry with me?

i'm not curlew. you're projecting that onto me. i am not angry with you. and i have never said it is a universal school experience. does something have to be universal to have merit or consideration? i didn't actually share all that to make a point or as anything to do with you to be honest. i shared it because it's kind of heartbreaking for me personally and i feel in a really difficult position. it was also addressed to the poster who said i shouldn't teach, not you.

i have to say though i'm lost as to why you feel the need to react to me on this thread. it sounds like you're happy with school and your choices so i'm lost as to what you have to argue about with me?

i have specifically posted on HE and addressed he'ers and have very clearly been talking about my personal experiences, thoughts, feelings and choices. i'm unclear why that is of interest to you.

So the bit about "getting my wish" when ex soldiers are brought into classrooms wasn't directed at me?

can i ask do you feel nothing about those kids i talk about in that post?

can you really not sense on any level what it is like to have to get into confrontation with young people who are acting out and being aggressive and rude when actually just being in massive need of help in their lives? can you not get a hint of empathy for teachers who have to maintain classroom management in the face of that and push on with the curriculum?

i would also point out, as others have said, that unless your children were in such dire straits or you were a teacher or social worker you would have no reason to recognise that picture of school because you wouldn't see it.

curlew - x posted - i can't be bothered to argue with you. it is so petty and ridiculous in the face of the reality of what i'm trying to express here that.... well. what's the point.

Why did I comment? Because I am a supporter of HE, and thought I had something to contribute. But before I did, I wanted to point put that the usual stuff about people who use school "following the herd" wanting children not to "think or question" and only wanting childcare were all totted out within the first few posts. And people were being terrified of your characterization of school- you were presenting it as a universal experience, and it most certainly isn't. And of course I've got fucking empathy for you and the kids in your school. But hey ho- ironically, you don't seem to like people challenging or questioning you. You might want to sort that out before you embark on HE.

Again. There's a difference between thinking the school system needs improving and working towards that and disagreeing entirely with the school system which is what you stated in the op.
I think we should all be working to improve schools for ALL children and removing your child from state schooling smacks of it's ok for some but not my child. I don't think anyone's child is worth more than anyone else's and having that attitude when you are a teacher shocks me. If even teachers don't see the state school system as worth fighting for then what hope do we have?

Blimey numpty you sound a bit hot under the collar now

That's a hit daft, itsbetterinabox. Lots- the majority- of parents don't want to/couldn't HE. Why shouldn't the OP if she can and wants to? She sounds like someone who would go more than the extra mile for her pupils, so she will be doing the best she can for her pupils and her son if she does both.

itsbetter

I don't think my dc are any better than anybody elses but they are my responsibility, whilst other dc are their parents responsibility.
So yes, it is ok for some children, its rotten for others, and it isn't for my child.
I don't think working as a teacher has anything to do with it, if like numpty you are good and put in the extra time and effort.