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Original poster

Are there any benefits of Primary school that HE can't usually provide?

613 replies

carolinecordery · 03/06/2012 19:52

Hello all, I haven't registered my DD for Reception, which she would be eligible to start in September.
I was just wondering if you thought there were any benefits of primary school that HE can't provide. What things are good about primary school that are only available through attending?
I'm planning to HE and am convinced of the benefits of doing so, but want a rounded picture. It's easy to think of loads of things that would be, relatively, a bit crap about primary school, but is there ANY really good reason to go? DD's non-resident dad would rather she went.
Thanks, Caroline

OP posts:
exoticfruits · 03/06/2012 22:00

I didn't think she was asking about HE she was asking about the good part of schools.
I also found it on 'the last 15 mins' - I didn't look at the heading. Not that I think it matters- I might not even be a mother - all of MN is open to all.
Perhaps people should start with 'I want you to tell me that HE can do anything that schools can do- just confirm it for me'!
I thought it was a genuine question.

NarkedRaspberry · 03/06/2012 22:01

Daily separation from parents and siblings - the child is away from family, they learn to be independent. That also gives them a social group and experience that is completely theirs. Whatever is going on at home and within the family, they have a independent constant. They learn to get along with lots of different adults and children - some of whom they won't like.

NarkedRaspberry · 03/06/2012 22:02

'What things are good about primary school that are only available through attending?'

So you think the OP only wants the views of those who Home Ed?????

StarlightMaJesty · 03/06/2012 22:04

The question was wrt the benefits. There would have to be a discussion about whether being in a class of 30 was a benefit, as indeed gym apparatus was (although it's pretty easy to get hold of actually).

exoticfruits · 03/06/2012 22:05

I am glad that you read it the same NR- how can you answer if they don't attend? Confused

NarkedRaspberry · 03/06/2012 22:05

'It's easy to think of loads of things that would be, relatively, a bit crap about primary school, but is there ANY really good reason to go?'

I think the OP has the drawbacks covered.

Cabbageflowers · 03/06/2012 22:12

But your lists included lots of areas you thought home educators would be missing out on. You didn't all confine your lists (sorry, I'm not addressing all here) to the postive aspects of primary school, in your own experience. Some of you decided to guess at where home education might be lacking.

And many of us here do have experience of schools, as I've mentioned. Presumably, that's why the OP didn't post in Primary Education topic.

StarlightMaJesty · 03/06/2012 22:15

Lol, I don't even homeschool!

EclecticShock · 03/06/2012 22:16

Peers, groups activities, socialisation.

StarlightMaJesty · 03/06/2012 22:18

But you can get all of that easily HEing!

BertieBotts · 03/06/2012 22:21

I don't think there are that many, to be fair, but one which I thought of is that if she goes to school, she will have that shared experience with almost every adult she comes across in later life, whereas fewer people will be able to relate to being home educated.

Also, the biggest one for me (sorry :() - not having to explain your choice to everyone all the time, because it's the expected one. (And yes I realise this is not a very good reason.)

StarlightMaJesty · 03/06/2012 22:25

I agree with the 'shared experience' Bertie.

I think not having experienced school can be a very small barrier to later social interaction. In a similar way to being a SAHM can sometimes be a problem when trying to interct with people who spend all day in institutions that can at least partly define them.

PeaTarty · 03/06/2012 22:26

I have experience of both in that I have always moved in home ed circles, and with increasing personal interest when I became pregnant. I have only recently decided not to home ed and would return to home ed if there were problems at school.

I don't think home ed types need to kid themselves that there isn't a single benefit to school. There are plenty. It's not necessary or possible to replicate those benefits as home eding provides other different benefits.

It's a bit like comparing living in a city or the country. City types can say they've got a garden or they don't value some outdoor pursuits or they do them at weekends but they are different worlds. So in relation to the question v.do yes there's lots of benefits to primary school that won't be matched but that doesn't mean you need to pretend they will or go on the defensive as there can be so many positives with home ed. Just as there are a lot of disadvantages to both.

exoticfruits · 03/06/2012 22:27

I will stick to the positives of school then.
Most important - you pick your own friends from DCs your mother might not know and you see them 6 hours a day, 5 days a week for about 32 weeks of the year.
You learn to get on with all sorts, adults and children, including ones that you don't like.
You learn to share and take turns.
You learn that it is important to listen to others.
You get other DCs to inspire and bounce ideas off and you discover that they have backgrounds very different from yours.
You can play games like parachute games, tig etc
You have a hall set up with wall bars, ropes etc.
You have adults with many different experiences who have a wide choice of books etc
You can do group work for things like science.
You can make music and sing with a whole class and whole school.
You can take part in drama.
You are part of a community and have a life that is just for you, your mother only knows what you want her to know.

Of course you can get a lot of it from HE - I wasn't saying that you couldn't. I was giving the best of schools, as asked by OP.
Number one is the most important to me.

Original poster
carolinecordery · 03/06/2012 22:27

Thanks all- the things from your suggestions that I think are really good things to think about (personalised challenges of doing HE rather than school) are: DD being dependent on me to see her friends, not getting enough break from her sibling (DS is 13 months now), not having enough of a regular opportunity to try music, drama, sports in big groups (although we do live in a major city so probably could find something). Gaining experience in speaking in front of a group is an interesting one too.
I'm not worried at all about the social aspect. I don't think optimum socialisation is what happens in school, and particularly at the tender ages of 4, 5, 6... I don't like to think of them having to cope with conflict on their own. (By the way, I had a perfectly happy school life, so this is not autobiographical).
Having a sibling will go some way towards helping both my DC learn to get on with others and manage conflict, and if they have conflicts with other children elsewhere, at least they won't have to see them every day as they would if there was bullying etc at school.
I'm not a single parent and I do work, and luckily both DP's and my work are flexible so there is always at least one of us at home. I consider us very lucky to have this arrangement so that we can consider home education as a real and practical choice that is not open to so many for that reason. Some people have said 'free childcare' is a bonus of school, but luckily I don't need that. DD's dad has her on weekends, Friday eve to Sunday eve, so if she did go to school I wouldn't see her much!
As for fitting in shopping, cleaning and going to the dentist- massive learning opportunities in all three- so these activities done by mum/dad/stepdad would not be necessarily be exclusive of learning, but also, home education does not entail non-stop school-type learning activities; the school day doesn't either.

OP posts:
exoticfruits · 03/06/2012 22:33

Glad that you have taken a balanced look at it caroline- good luck with whatever you decide.

wolvesdidit · 03/06/2012 22:33

It all depends on your child. I home ed (my son was at school for over a year). Some children thrive in school - some do not. I was a teacher in my former life and have witnessed both ends of the spectrum. I asked my son why he preferred to be home edded and he said 'Simple! I get freedom!' - something which is very important to him. For him, the benefits of school were nothing compared to the benefits of being home educated and he says he will never return to school. I wouldn't have minded him staying at school at all but I can see for myself that HE suits him much better.

mercibucket · 03/06/2012 22:34

Well you can mix with others when he if you are so inclined but some people aren't all that sociable
Also, and I know you will all now flame, it is about mixing with those you would not have anything in common with, rather than a self selecting group of people who he and also socialise - so v similar philosophies
Anyway, just trying to answer op's question regardless of where it was posted - bit picky to say if its in he, you can't answer if not he

I still think expense and lack of childcare are major disadvantages unless you are independently wealthy or on benefits. I would he at secondary as I could still work around it - kids don't need constant supervision - but at primary it must be a lot harder. I couldn't do my job for example

BrittaPerry · 03/06/2012 22:37

I very very nearly HE'd, but the clicher towards school for me was the stability. If I got ill and the kids were schooled, they would at least have somewhere stable to go.

Good luck whatever you choose!

PatsysPyjamas · 03/06/2012 22:42

Does your DP want to home ed though?

And the comment you make about only seeing your DD during the week - this sort of doesn't seem like a good reason to home ed to me. You can always rearrange things with her dad.

exoticfruits · 03/06/2012 22:43

That was it for me Britta- I might die and then they have no other life. It has always been a real fear - having had a perfectly healthy husband one morning who was dead by tea time.I expect that people think you can't live your life by that sort of thought- but it does change you. I live for each day at a time and take nothing for granted. I am so relieved to have got them to an age where they can manage without me.

PatsysPyjamas · 03/06/2012 22:45

exoticfruits, that is very sad. I hope your fear is waning now.

Original poster
carolinecordery · 03/06/2012 22:46

In my original post I was expecting to get replies from people who HE, but replies from school-route people are welcome. I think that many if not most HE families have experience of their children being in school, with HEing form the start being less common (I THINK, not sure about that).
I think it's a good analogy to talk about living in the countryside or city- each has its own pros and cons and to an extent its down to personal opinion and precisely which bit of which city or which bit of the countryside you have experience of. There are probably benefits of school that HE can't provide, and definitely benefits of HE that school can't provide.

I'm not really sure that getting on with people you don't like is a pro.

OP posts:
exoticfruits · 03/06/2012 22:47

Sorry - I shouldn't have mentioned it - it is somewhat morbid. It just makes me very keen on 'it takes a village.....' The youngest is now an adult and I am still here!

exoticfruits · 03/06/2012 22:48

A good preparation for life caroline!