Husband and I are going away for a week... how much to pay the babysitter?

[LondonLisa]

My husband and I will be going on our first holiday away from our 22-month-old daughter. We have someone from her nursery staying with her for the 7 days we are away. This will mean the sitter will take our daughter home from nursery (6-ish) and stay all night and bring her to nursery the next day. Repeat. This will also overlap 2 weekends.
Any idea what fair pay would be? I don't want to skimp but I also don't want to be... ostentatious, if that makes sense.
We usually pay this sitter £8/hr if that helps.
Any suggestions are appreciated.

no the point wasn;t about missing their mothers - most children will miss their parents if they were away. The research was about permanent behavioural changes as a result of disrupted attachment. If a substitute primary carer is used then attachment problems significantly less likely.

Original video is very upsetting and disturning by the way showing youngish boy (around 3yrs?) trying to "bond with a carer and being dismissed. Multiple changes in carers and significant changes in behaviour not being addressed.

It informed many of the childcare approaches we now take for granted eg keyworkers and helped change the practice of sending young childrne to hospital without parents being allwoed to stay.

In answer to your question I'd say between 750 - 1000 pounds - in cash so she doesn't have to declare it for tax

I think perhaps the book was looking at the reasearch from a particular perspective.

Anyway, I'm not saying that I think the situation described in the OP is a good one. It isn't.

I think some of you are being a little harsh here. OP is an expat with no family here, and possibly (as is sometimes the case with expats) a limited circle of friends, none of whom are close enough friends to call on for some childcare when needed.

Which means that she may have had NO time on her own with DP since DC was born, certainly much less time than some posters with family and friends nearby who are available to help with an evening of babysitting etc.

I agree that the holiday sounds a tad long and the OP might be underestimating how much she misses her child, but, guys, its not a crime to want a break with your DH. Its not always easy when you live a long way from family, you know.

OP - I pay a normal babysitting rate for overnight care. Babysitter is well known to me, and that is her normal charge - she thinks its a good deal since she's being paid for sleeping. Personally, I also always buy her a really nice gift if its a couple of nights away. Of course, you should also pay for all food etc, and provide some kitty money for activities if a weekend is involved.

hmm, good point, we might do that and give the phalanx of child-free aunties and gps their way with the children. dd2 has never been away, but dd1 loves a night away from us.

OP you'd have been better off putting this in the Childminders, Nannies, Au Pairs section I think!

I'd suggest pay of £8 an hour while directly responsible for your DD in the morning and evening, an overnight fee (if your daughter is unlikely to wake) of £30-£50, plus an on-call rate during the nursery day of maybe £4 an hour. But will the babysitter be able to take time off from the nursery to take your DD home if she's ill?

OP post in CMs, nannies and au pairs if you haven't already for an idea of what the PP may cost.

I charge £150/24 hours for the first 6 days and £175/24 hours thereafter because I'm used to working 24/6 and it gets a bit tougher when you realise you won't have a day off, you're not in your own house and they're not your child so you're not as emotionally invested.

We're going to a hotel. Overnight. ALONE.

But the wee ones will be at my sister's and she also has two teen daughters to club in looking after them.

Can't wait.

I'm going to spend hours over one meal.

I think if the childminder has known the child for a good 18 months and spent plenty of time with her, to the DD she will probably feel like a family member (kids are not that hung up on genetics at that age).
And a lot of the criticism levelled at the OP sounds like the usual reverse snobbery (we don't have holidays, we don't have fun now we're parents, it's horsehair tampons all round you know.) But I do second those who say, try leaving your DD over night a time or two first, a whole week is a lot for a small toddler to cope with.

And Kewcumber is right about the focus of the research.

LondonLisa - for what it's worth I'm quite that you are getting such a pasting. I think at worst you have possibly misjudged the situation. I do agree that 22 months is too young to be left for that long, particularly if your dd hasn't been left overnight before. I wonder if you are contemplating this based on the fact that she is fine without you at nursery all day. I can understand how you might make that assumption. We have a 10mo dd who is very happy being left at nursery and with other people, and I can see that if I wasn't in the fortunate position of having family to look after her for much needed brief overnight breaks I may have got to a position where she would be nearly 2 and I might just think I should take the opportunity to have a week off when the chance presented itself. It sounds from your last post that you are taking on board what people have been saying, and I hope you can modify your plans. But I don't think you are the satan's spawn that a lot of other posters are implying you to be.

Of course if you are a troll I now look very foolish, but I think you've had an underservedly harsh response, so I'm prepared to take the risk.

i know heaps of expats round here, none seem to have difficulty forming friendships that would allow for a night's babysitting, tbh. in fact, they have a pool on the go. but if a week is too long for a good friend to look after your child then it is too long full stop.

Hmmm. That'll teach me to quote a quote from a book. Will have a look at the original research...

'OP is an expat with no family here, and possibly (as is sometimes the case with expats) a limited circle of friends, none of whom are close enough friends to call on for some childcare when needed.

Which means that she may have had NO time on her own with DP since DC was born, certainly much less time than some posters with family and friends nearby who are available to help with an evening of babysitting etc.'

Some of us are immigrants. No family here. Limited circle of friends (only now is that slowly starting to change and I have been here 8 years).

Husband works shifts.

No childcare help at all and three children, one with SN.

Break out the violins, folks!

When you chose to move to another country, it comes with consequences. A lot.

You either deal or you don't.

You want a break, you have to go really far to get it.

That's life.

No one forces a person to move to the UK.

I'm always right Madonna.

About everything

But what the hell are "weegies" - are they like midges?

I've been told more than once to change my name, because I'm not an expat, but an immigrant (by my pedant friend Tracey).

Being an expat isnt an excuse imo and I have tried not to be judgy but I cant help it.

DS is 3.1, has never been away from us overnight and in fact I struggle to get anyone to watch him for a couple of hours and if I need to arrange that it has to be WEEKS in advance. I could get friends to watch him I guess but I only know a few people here and my 2 best friends have huge scary dogs. That's life get over it.

'But what the hell are "weegies" - are they like midges? '

They're even more annoying than midgies, yes.

And unlike midgies, they come out all year!

"Which means that she may have had NO time on her own with DP since DC was born, certainly much less time than some posters with family and friends nearby who are available to help with an evening of babysitting etc."

How can you possibly have had NO time alone with your DP?

All children sleep!

I'm serious - my DS1 is nearly 4, DS2 is 14 months. During that time I have had ONE night away (DH stayed with the kids). DH has probably had a total of 2 or 3 weeks, mostly business trips.

We don't have family very close by and both my children are terrible sleepers so I can count the nights out we've had together on the fingers of one hand.

Other than that, zilch. I didn't even get a night away when I gave birth to DS2

But I'm not putting myself up for some kind of hardship award here. This is NORMAL. This is what life with children is LIKE.

We have a wonderful social life - we attend weddings, go on holiday with friends and family, have people over for dinner, go to the pub, and at night, when the children are in bed, we have lovely evenings together just as we did pre-kids.

I'm not saying everyone has to be with their kids 24/7, but to pretend that extended alone time with your husband is some kind of marital essential is just silly. It's not.

lol at weegies being like midges - no comment ;)

what the horsehair tampon jibe ignores is that if i was off spending our family holiday money on a hotel for me and dh, we wouldn't actually have a good time. there's a lot of snobbery around actually enjoying spending time with your children as well.

Will remember that Kew perhaps I'll run future opinionated posts past you in future to check I've got my facts straight - think I'll toddle off back to my ante-natal/sleep threads now and hunker down for a while...

Still think OP shouldn't leave her LO for that long with a paid carer though, and still think she's too young to understand that mummy (and daddy) are coming back.

I don't see the problem with leaving a child for a week with someone they know. Plenty of people do it.

Awful lot of jealousy on this thread

'our family holiday money on a hotel for me and dh, we wouldn't actually have a good time.'

Oh, we aren't! It's an early anniversary gift from my folks.