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Original poster

Leaving my baby dilemma - what would you do?

30 replies

Sponge · 17/02/2005 14:38

We're due to go skiing on Sunday.
Due to our own stupidity it seems unlikely that we will get a passport for ds (6 months) in time for him to come.
My mum has offered to look after him for the week but he's very little, still wakes up once or twice in the night and I think is more work than she realises, and she'll be on her own as my dad is coming with us.
Another option is to leave him at our flat in London and have his nanny to be (starting March 1st) move in and look after him for the week. But he doesn't know her yet, it will mean leaving him for 8 days and it will be very expensive.
Or I could stay behind and let dh go with dd.
What would you do?

OP posts:

amynnixmum · 17/02/2005 14:50

That's a really hard one. Have you checked that there is no way you can get the passport before then? What if you went into London to the actual office?

stitch · 17/02/2005 14:50

today is thursday. if you have his birth certificate, and the tickets reardy, there is no reason why you shouldn t be able to get his passport reaady in time. i think it will cost about 35 pounds more, but you will simply need to take the stuff to the passport office, and get them to make it then and there.

i would not leave a six month old behind. it would be hard on the baby, and hard on the carer.

stitch · 17/02/2005 14:50

where in the country do you live?

Twiglett · 17/02/2005 14:51

stay

no question

I am not telling you what to do I am answering 'what would you do?'

Beansmum · 17/02/2005 14:51

personally I would stay, my ds is 9 months and there is still no way I would leave him for that long even if I wasn't still breastfeeding.

Original poster

Sponge · 17/02/2005 15:16

I've been to London to the passport office, I've submitted the application with all the information and support materials they need and I've told them we're going on Sunday.
Unfortunately for a first passport they require a week - that's paying the higher fee and everything - and won't guarantee anything faster.
We may get lucky but I'm not holding my breath.

I don't think it will be that hard on him as he's in nursery and used to being with other people, but it would be hard on me.
Dh won't hear of me not going though - an added complication. He insists that if one of us has to stay it will be him but I really don't want to go without ds and him.

OP posts:

clairabelle · 17/02/2005 15:24

Umm I'm with the stays unless you're absolutely sure you can't get a passport.

Original poster

Sponge · 17/02/2005 15:28

I'm not sure we won't get one but I'm anticipating the worst. We'll know by midday Saturday when the office closes and we are due to leave Sunday morning.

Another couple of complications -
it's not just us, we're going with friends and
dd (4) is away this week for half term so if I don't go I won't have seen her for two weeks .

OP posts:

Beansmum · 17/02/2005 15:44

but if you do go you wont see ds for 8 days. I couldn't do it but he would probably be ok if you do decide to go.

Original poster

Sponge · 17/02/2005 16:00

I know Beansmum. It's agonising either way.
Im sure he would be fine but that doesn't mean I'll be fine leaving him. He's so gorgeous.
I just can't believe we were so stupid as to forget he needed a passport!

OP posts:

Trifle · 17/02/2005 16:06

Go.

It will give you some fantastic one-to-one quality time with dd which you possibly havent had for the last 9 months.

It will, perhaps selfishily, make life much easier for you all whilst on holiday.

HOWEVER, when my parents looked after ds1 when he was 9 months old they were understandably exhausted (he was fine). Can your mum look after him at your house so that he can still go to nursery and perhaps you can recruit the nanny to take over some of the shifts. That way you will ease her in gently and your mum will be on hand to supervise.

Also, again selfishly perhaps, at 9 months he isn't really going to get that much out of a skiing holiday so if he's left at home with granny at least his routine wont be too disrupted.

fisil · 17/02/2005 16:08

I'd go. I'd also thought of the plan of having your mum at your house along with the nanny for support.

Gwenick · 17/02/2005 16:08

I think Trifle's idea is very good - I'd go, and if possible have your mum look after at your house with the nanny helping out....

vict17 · 17/02/2005 16:09

I wouldn't go personaaly. I just wouldn't enjoy the holiday because I'd be worried about ds. Skiing trips will come and go, 6 month old ds will only be 6 months once and I don't think it would be fair to leave him with granny or a nanny for 8 days

Gwenick · 17/02/2005 16:10

things is they're alwasy only going to be 'that age' once in their lifes, if he was older there'd be another million things you could 'miss' him doing for the first time = AND if he was older he's going to remember you going off without him.

nutcracker · 17/02/2005 16:18

I personally couldn't go either, i wouldn't enjoy it, and my ds is 2.

Original poster

Sponge · 17/02/2005 16:25

I'm glad a couple of votes for "go" have come in. I was beginning to feel like a monster for even considering it!
We had considered the idea of having the nanny on standby if my mum finds it too much. I think she'd prefer to be in her own house on the whole but she might choose to come up to London for a couple of days and have him in nursery to give her a break.
No doubt that the holiday will be more of a break without him but I still keep seeing his little toothy grin in my head and wanting to cry.

OP posts:

Gwenick · 17/02/2005 16:28

but sponge on the positive side you know he'll probably get spoilt by your mum (because that's what granny's do) and you'll love him even more when you get back. You may even find that once you're enjoying your holiday you're not focussing on him so much. We went away for a long weekend when DS1 about 18 months old. I was DREADING it, but there was no chance to take him at all as it was a prize I'd won and involved going to Old Trafford for a football match. Once I was actulaly there we had a WONDERFUL time, and on the way home I was not only 'elated' from my break, but also really excited to see him.

CountessDracula · 17/02/2005 16:36

I would probably go. I have left my dd twice for a week, when 4 months and 16 months. It wasn't easy (far from it) but I selflessly put my feelings aside and swanned off to the Caribbean

It does do you good to have a break once in a while. As someone said, also lovely for your dd to have you both to herself for a change!

And tbh ds won't even remember.

Original poster

Sponge · 17/02/2005 16:39

I know Gwenick. We've left dd before, although never for a whole week, but not when she was this small.
She's with her gp's this week as this was what she chose to do for half term. She's fine and I'm missing her but I'm also appreciating the time with ds and how much easier it is to only have one child for a bit.
I know I'll have a good time if I do go and although I'll miss him a lot I won't be crying all day and it'll be lovely to come back to him.
One of my main concerns is guilt over how hard my mum might find it although she's of course insisting she'll be fine and we must go.
Oh bugger what a mess.

OP posts:

Original poster

Sponge · 17/02/2005 16:40

4 months CD. You're worse than me - that does make me feel better .

OP posts:

myermay · 17/02/2005 16:43

Message withdrawn

Gwenick · 17/02/2005 16:49

True your mum may find it hard, my mum found it hard having DS1 for the long weekend as my dad's completely hopeless with kids and left her to do it all BUT she also enjoyed it and would probably have been quite upset if we'd decided not to go just because we were worried about her finding it hard work.

Go, enjoy the time with you DD (she'll probably appreciate having mummy all to herself for a week too!)

fisil · 17/02/2005 18:46

We've left ds with my parents every summer (1st summer 6 months, then 18 months). This year I assume they'll beg to have both dses (in fact they've already started asking) - a 2 year old and a 2/3 month old)

CountessDracula · 17/02/2005 21:51

sponge I was so out of it I needed a break!

Had had an awful birth with a 10 litre blood transfusion, 9 hour general anaesthetic and a good spell in intensive care and hdu, I was in bits by 4 months and just needed some R&R. I felt seriously good for it.

No such excuse the following year!

Dh and I always said we would have a week away each year without kids.

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