Partner wants luxury holidays but complains about the cost

[bluepearle]

We are in our early 30s. We have a decent combined income but not £500k a year kind of salary.

DP grew up in that kind of household and was used to travelling business and staying at the Four Seasons for his holidays abroad.

Whenever we travel, he complains how expensive things are. £2,500 for 7 nights hotel? Oh that’s so expensive. £800 each on economy long haul flights? Why are they so expensive? Then he complains that he likes comfort and jokes he “deserves” to stay at the Six Senses or Mandarin Oriental.

I offer to pay more and he says no he wants to pay his own share. This then means we compromise and do a holiday neither of us really want to do.

So it’s I want to stay somewhere nicer, he complains about cost, and then says he wants to stay somewhere even fancier again!

Some people just like to complain. They barely notice themselves doing it.

You could try making a shared game out of it? Let's luxe the hell out of our £300 a night hotel. Feel these towels! Isn't the carpet velvety? I bet the couple down the hall are paying £800 a night for this. Let's order champagne and caviar!

Jesus that's annoying.

My holidays are precious amd I like nice ones but every single holiday doesnt need to be four seasons amd business class.

I'd have a very direct conversation about it.

I would stop going on holiday with him until he was willing to cheerfully pay for a holiday I would enjoy.

Just go away with your mates or on your own until he comes to his senses.

Say I want to go to X, staying at Y hotel. It will cost X. Do you want to come with me? If not I will go with Katie.

As a pp said, some people just love to moan.

You're on here, having a moan 😀

Ha I think I'm a bit like this! When I'm at the booking stage I'm busy trying to find a bargain, but when we're actually there I wish I'd gone for somewhere a bit more expensive! Over the years DH has persuaded me to choose the nicer place and pay a bit more.

Tell him to grow up and stop being a snob! He can’t afford his ridiculous wants and frankly that would be a massive fanny zip to me!!

So he has to suck it up and pay for what he wants, perhaps alternating with cheaper holidays, going less often or for less time, to get it in budget.

Clearly he's too used to his parents paying for things and struggling with the reality of adulting and paying his way, but that's life.

But you need to get past compromising to a degree that you don't actually want what you book. There's so much choice available that there must be something out there that you're both happy with, at a price you're willing and able to pay.

There’s no point cheaping out on a holiday if you end up wishing you had just booked the more expensive place.

Find hotels/ countries that you really want to go to, then save up to make it happen. The cost is just the cost.

I must be a total Philistine - in the hotel sense. A luxury holiday would be wasted on me as one hotel bedroom/bathroom is more or less the same as the next. OK there are some pluses to luxury places but I don't like hushed tones and white tablecloths, and the Oh Dahling sashaying of the fur coat and no knickers brigade around these places!

I have plenty of disposable income, and as a newly retired person can go anywhere I want and stay where I want (within reason!), but I always choose smaller hotels in the centre of the action, with good breakfast and a balcony room with a view where possible. That's all I want.

When you think about it, most people just sleep, shower and dress in a hotel room anyway.

OP, get him to book your holidays. He can't complain then. But keep an eye that he's not booking a flea pit to save some money either. 😊

I doubt this will improve sadly. 💐

I am not sure I fully understand - is the issue that he can't afford expensive holidays, or that he's not willing to pay for expensive holidays? And why would YOU pay more if HE can't afford it? Do you earn significantly more?

I think if the issue is that he cant' afford it - the answer is to perhaps take fewer holidays, but more expensive ones.

If it's that he's not willing to pay (and is horrified by costs overall), I sympathise, but you have to get over it.

He needs to cough up or shut up. DH and I had a bit of a Soneva and Six Senses habit before we had kids but clearly, we're not at a life stage to be splashing out like that right now (2 kids, number 3 on the way, I'm a SAHM for the time being). There are plenty of brilliant 4 star options out there, especially in the Indian Ocean and South East Asia. It would really ruin holidays for me if he was constantly complaining about either the cost or the standard when the standard is absolutely fine.

Does he know he's doing it? Have you spoken to him about it?

Fanny zip!!!!😂😂😂😂never heard that before !!!!

I'm also a philistine. A lot of things people cite as good service in luxury hotels sounds creepy and intrusive to me. Making beds only to unmake them again later in the day, remembering your name and making drinks unprompted with the assumption that you want the same one every time, popping up to clean your sunglasses while you're relaxing by the pool etc. No thank you.

I'm with you about wanting a small hotel close to amenities with a good balcony and possibly breakfast, although SC is also fine too.

@Bjorkdidit Great to have a fellow traveller (pun!) onboard with me!

I travel solo a bit now on my niche trips to the Roman ruins all over Europe (no one else as interested as me!), so I prefer to have a hotel in case of emergencies. Nothing like having a front desk to call if needed, which I would miss in a self catered air BnB type apartment, but they do have their place depending on what you want.

Yeah I stAyed somewhere similar to that once and it felt a bit like a guilded cage. Even to the extent I was visiting alace100 yards down the rd and they were jumping up to offer to take me pna golf cart ol

You don't need to stay in a hotel to have a front desk. It's not occurred to me that I'd need support in an emergency while holidaying alone but the places I've stayed either alone or with DP have typically been self catering apartment blocks which have some 'hotel' services in that there is a front desk, luggage room and room cleaned a couple of times a week - I'm staying somewhere like this in Mallorca in a couple of weeks. Sometimes these are booked direct with the property company and sometimes as a package eg with Jet2.

It’s very much the downside of wealthy parents taking their kids on flights when turning left is by far the norm, don’t do it unless you’re willing to keep paying when they’re an adult …

Yes, that's true, there are alternatives to a hotel that would have someone around in case of need.

Ah but... I forgot to mention that one of the greatest pleasures on trips abroad is a leisurely delicious hotel breakfast! It's also a good opportunity to meet and chat with fellow travellers. TBH the standard of the breakfast is the first thing I look at in reviews 😊

This type of person is so annoying to me. Your boyfriend wants to live a champagne lifestyle on a boxed wine budget. And worse yet: he feels entitled to it. Nobody "deserves" a luxurious holiday. It's not something you get to go on through "deserving" to go on them. You go on luxurious holidays if you can AFFORD them.

DP grew up in that kind of household and was used to travelling business and staying at the Four Seasons for his holidays abroad.
But he can't afford to travel like that himself. So he should just be happy to have had those experiences, and enjoy what he CAN afford now.

Whenever we travel, he complains how expensive things are. £2,500 for 7 nights hotel? Oh that’s so expensive. £800 each on economy long haul flights? Why are they so expensive?
I don't know how you can stand this man-child. I couldn't travel with someone like this, honestly.

Then he complains that he likes comfort and jokes he “deserves” to stay at the Six Senses or Mandarin Oriental.
Judging by your description of him, he absolutely does not deserve to stay at Mandarin Oriental. How is he deserving of it? For just beind his whiney, complaining self? No. He barely deserves a standard room at the Ibis with this attitude.

I offer to pay more
Please don't ever subside a man. Especially not a twat like your's. It sets a precedence that you don't want in your life. Believe me.

This then means we compromise and do a holiday neither of us really want to do.
So holiday less, and save up for the holidays you actually want. It is indeed a waste of money to go on a holiday you hate.

He either needs to pay more or be cleverer with locations - you can get the full 5 star experience for far less in some locations. Failing that try doing trips which are about the experiences and location rather than the hotel bed linen thread count!