Daughter alone in Paris after falling out with friend on holiday

[Bollard]

My DD is in Paris with her friend. They are only there for a couple of days. They have fallen out and the friend has ditched her. DD is in the hotel room, wanting to come home. She doesn't feel confident going around Pars on her own and feels the trip is ruined. Any ideas for anything she could do alone, any group thing she could join? She might feel able to do something in the day, but I don't like the thought of her being out alone at night. I don't know Paris at all. She's staying centrally.

She’s not an adult. She’s an adult in law - so she is able to vote. But would you seriously make no distinction between an 18yo girl and a 30yo woman? If you were hiring her for a role where she had responsibility for vulnerable people, for example, would you expect an 18yo to be able to weigh up the complex inputs required to assess risk?

the very fact that she’s run off demonstrates that she is deeply, deeply immature.

as is your analysis.

If this was me I would look at reviews for hostels and pick the best ones for socials and mixing and go check in there tbh and meet some people. Do some walking tours and then she will probably connect with people her age and be able to do evening stuff as hostels usually arrange things for young travellers. I did this in Budapest I was there a few days before I met a friend and it meant I could go out and about and not feel vulnerable. Hostels are good at helping young travellers mix and keep safe. Hope she is ok. What a shit friend!! Xxx

If the other girl hasnt come back for her things I would be quite worried about her

I would get in touch with the other girl's mum

Only on MN can OPs daughter at 18 be too scared to leave her hotel, catch public transport or go to a museum by herself, while her friend also 18 who has left all her stuff in the hotel room and not been heard from for 10 hours after an argument be an adult who no one should bother to check is ok.

Any word from the friend or has she turned up yet?

@Bollard / OP,

Do let us know how it all goes/went today ... hope both girls have made up and are Ok ...

HTH (Here To Help).

x

I think you / your dd should let the mum of the other girl know if your dd hasn’t heard from her.

Yes, this. My ‘bravest’ most independent friend at 18 was the one who was very far from safe at home, and who had such a traumatic childhood that she committed suicide at 30. I have had this discussion with my daughters, when on occasional there has been eye rolling about some safety issue I am concerned about, that because there is nothing I care about more than their welfare, sometimes I might misjudge and be too protective, but that it’s better to err on the side of over-protective than under.
18 is really young, and being suddenly and unexpectedly alone in a strange city would be scary for many.

She could cause the other mother to worry, cause the friend to be very angry - I would be if a friend's mother did that to me! Especially is she uses language like used on this thread, claiming the girl is missing when she's just not with her friend!
Also, it's just none of her business.

OP if the friend hasn’t been in touch since last night, you need to let her mum know.

Not necessarily. There's often one person who does the planning on holiday. We don't know what the falling out was about, do we? Falling out is really common on holiday when people are spending a lot of time together. It could be about anything.

Has she 'run off' or has she just gone to have time alone? I've done that on holiday and every adult has a right to spend time alone, whether 18 or 30.

Hi @ThatPlumSwanyou have posted in the middle of another thread and will get better advice if you start your own in the Relationships topic.

I am sure Mumsnetters will be able to help you, your partner does not sound very nice but you have taken the first step to realise that.

I think you probably ought to start a new thread. 🙏

A few days stuck together is enough to get on each other's nerves.

And quite often planner type people like taking on that role and the other traveller naturally falls into a follower role. I don't think age changes that much.

Oops, I’m sorry! Thanks!

I get why she’s upset but at 18 she can occupy herself alone in Paris. Lots of 18 year olds go travelling alone as part of a gap year at that age. It will be a good learning experience for her.

How can you say this? None of us knows what has happened to the friend, she may be in danger for all you know.

"I can’t say I have ever every been annoyed with a friend on a holiday let alone a city break"

Then you are a rare type of person!
Being stuck with someone 24-7, even sharing a room when you're used to just seeing each other for a few hours at a time can definitely lead to tension. I know a lot of people who have friends they'll never go away with again for various reasons.

We have no reason to believe she's in danger.
And going off for some time alone is not 'being a bitch'.