Urgent

[Karenola156]

Hello everyone,
I’m hoping for some advice.
I’ll be travelling abroad for three weeks from 25 July. My daughter is 17 (she turns 18 in October) and would prefer to stay in London because she’s preparing for important exams and wants to continue studying.
I don’t feel comfortable leaving her home alone for three weeks, and unfortunately I don’t have any family in the UK who can help.
My maximum budget is £1,500.
Does anyone have any suggestions for safe, supervised accommodation or programmes? I’m open to:

• Residential study programmes
• Boarding schools offering summer accommodation
• Any other reputable options anywhere in the UK (including Scotland)

From July 25

Does she not have any friends who could host her?

There are a few residential teen summer programmes around, but they include quite a lot of academic lessons and/or activities. So not really suitable if your DD just wants to do her own study. Also way over your budget (more like £5k+ for 2 weeks).

I can’t picture anywhere offering what you’re after which is basically supervision but without any activities or lessons included.

What was the plan when you booked - was she going to come with but has now changed her mind?

Why don’t you feel comfortable leaving her? (Not in a goady way, just can you explain precisely what you’re worried about)

would she actually go to one of your suggestions? She’s nearly an adult so could just say no?

A lot of families host foreign teenagers in arrangements just like this whilst they do language courses, maybe contact an agency?

British Trust for Conservation Volunteers or National Trust holidays? She won’t get that much time to study though.

Ok that’s embarrassing - neither of those two options exist any more. Apologies.

I’m sorry she is nearly 18 and should be mature enough to look after herself for 3 weeks, she is being mature enough to say she thinks it is best for her to stay home than study so you should trust her.
If you were going away in 3 months time you wouldn’t have a choice leaving her at home or not.
She is technically old enough to be a mother in change of another human so unless she is vulnerable she should be okay at home on her own.

This - in October she will be the same age as many children starting university and living alone? Is SHE uncomfortable about being left alone - and do you not have any friends who can check on her and be on standby?

I know it’s not the same, but I’ve just left my autistic daughter at home for a week - she’s a couple of years older, only in year 1 of uni in a family flat in term time, not terribly independent but we have three adults on standby to help her if there is a crisis (and there have been several - no water to the building for just under 24hrs, no wifi for 3 days, no idea why, failure of Amazon to deliver the several fans/air cons we arranged so she is baking). She has two friends (hers/ours) to go to if she cannot cope on her own. She has arranged to meet a couple of friends, is checking in multiple times during the day, and we can (and have) been able to contact building services, Bloody Amazon, and broadband co etc from holiday to deal with problems for her. Tech means they are not as abandoned as you think they are.

It’s been really stressful for me, as I really have been battling anxiety (and guilt) over it, but she has taken it in her stride because she knows what the support plan is.

Could this be more your fear taking over and could you put a support plan in place?

She really is old enough to stay alone, however you could get a nanny agency to recruit for a temporary live in nanny/Housekeeper for those dates if you feel it is necessary

I’d line up a few friend’s mums to be at the end of the phone if she needs anything and give the neighbour your number (in case of parties)

Don't you trust her? She's nearly of age, staying in her own environment so I'm not sure what the problem is ?

She's nearly 18, in a years time she could be off to uni and living independently for weeks on end. Unless there's some sort of back story about her having additional needs why wouldn't you leave her?

What about a short-stay au pair? Someone to basically cook and be good company whilst your daughter studies?

She’s 17, nearly 18. If you don’t have faith and trust in your practically adult daughter by now when will you?

Scottish children can be off to university at 17. Admittedly that would theoretically involve some support, but is there something you've not mentioned as to why you are concerned?

Scottish children can be off to university at 17. Admittedly that would theoretically involve some support, but is there something you've not mentioned as to why you are concerned?

I'd have been fine at 17. But the problem nowadays is friends. There are lots of cases of problems where a young person has been home alone and it slips out to one friend-and then the socials tell everyone. Sometimes even really nice, mature seeming kids have been caught out. So comparing it to going to uni isn't the same.
OP, could you pay for her and someone else to stay at a UK hotel nearby? Where she could study in peace?

It’s not about that. As pp said people might invite selves round for a party and trash the place!

What important exams is she studying for that require revision during the summer holidays? If you tell us, someone may know of a preparation course, although they are usually a lot more expensive than your budget.

Can’t she just study wherever you are going? Unless the exams are only a few weeks away, she shouldn’t need to be working that hard over the summer vacation. She needs time to rest too!

She is 17???? She can move out on her own. Does she have some kind of disability you haven’t mentioned?

Is it the 3 weeks you are struggling with or just her being alone in general? Could you suggest she does 1.5 weeks or 2 weeks at home and then fly out and join you or would you feel better if a friend stayed with her?

It was her suggestion to stay at home so must feel comfortable doing so. Why don't you trust her?

OP, I understand your concerns and that you’re in a difficult situation with no backup whatsoever.

Might it be possible to arrange for someone to come and stay with her ? A tutor type person - perhaps a responsible student or similar? If that’s not possible or affordable, could you arrange for someone to come in regularly to check that she’s okay and has all she needs ? Perhaps make contact with a tutor who could come in a few times a week, but would by sympathetic to the idea that you are seeking pastoral care more than academic assistance.

Good luck. Single parenting is hard, not least in situations like this one. All the very best to you and your daughter.

Oh come on!!!!
I had left home at 17 - I'm sure she'll cope!

I left home shortly after I turned 17!