Those with young kids - are holidays a nightmare for you too?

[Solsticestar1]

Just back from family holiday with 3yr old and 9m old and omg it’s hard. The number of times I asked my DH to F off…. The number of times I questioned my life choices. Please tell me it’s normal and will get better. I have never been through anything more mentally and physically challenging as this.

The flight was brutal

@Historian0111101000 I totally disagree that parenting styles are relevant when it comes to a toddler sitting still for 4 hours or not.

With an older child it’s a skill they learn to sit when they have to but toddlers are not rational humans yet, it’s nothing to do with parenting in terms of them wanting to move around and everything to do with their temperament.

I think it’s hard work at those ages. Same as home to be honest. Sometimes worse if they’re out of routine and won’t sleep, eat or whatever. Sometimes easier if there’s a lot more to distract them. Probably depends on your child!

Mine are 8 and 10 now and holidays are pretty awesome. I’m enjoying the golden years before they become stroppy teenagers. No problems with the flight, sleeping or eating. They can swim, play independently, walk decent distances, interested in things, like to try new foods, read, watch iPad etc so I’m not up at 5am with a bouncy toddler or following them constantly in the pool. Helps a lot that DH will play with them in the pool or beach loads so I get some chill time too. They are just easier to manage than babies and toddlers.

We’ve done AI or half board hotels abroad last couple of years and it’s been lovely. Usually just get a one bedroom apartment with a sofa bed for the kids. Prior to that until youngest was about 5, apart from visiting family, we mainly stuck to self catering in the UK when kids were smaller as I found being restricted with meal times and having to eat out for every meal more hassle than it was worth. Also we swore off hotel rooms after a fairly torturous experience where my toddler just would not sleep and we basically had to sit in the pitch black in the hotel room all evening. Much preferred something with a separate bedroom or some kind of space where we could put them down to sleep and then have a couple of drinks or whatever in peace.

As a single mum, I passed on holidays between the ages of 1 and 3.

Camping in France when they were 8 and 3 was....interesting. Their personalities are very different though- DS1 has always been "lively" and "challenging", whereas DS2 is a far more placid soul.

The incident where I misguidedly allowed DS1 to buy a pen knife at the supermarket for woodcraft and under supervision only, and then he ran off at the campsite when I was still unloading the car and started waving the knife gleefully at his little mates, and then while I was busy confiscating the knife and bollocking him DS2 was calmly laying a turd on the manicured lawn in the centre of the exquisitely middle class campsite will haunt me forever.

It does get easier though when the small one is old enough to run off and play with their friends on a campsite.

(DS1'S bloody awkward nature hasn't been such a quick fix unfortunately- his prolonged outburst in a tiny studio apartment in Romania last year at the age of 15 has scarred me forever).

Hey, I'm no fan of unnecessary flights either, but it's perfectly possible to enjoy* a family holiday by car, ferry, or train.

*or suffer

Holidays with babies and toddlers are generally more trouble than they are worth. Holidays with kids aged 4/5 and up are great, but you need to train them a bit - you can't expect them to walk happily for hours if you spend all your time slobbing out on the sofa or ferrying them around by car. Likewise with food; if you feed them beige rubbish at home they're not going to turn into adventurous foodies abroad. It's largely a parenting issue.

We stayed at the voyage belek. It’s AI. My friend has a gluten allergy (not celiac levels). When the staff heard this they wanted her to arrange an appointment with the hotel chef to discuss it which I was impressed with.

Yes, some children are more active. But why does that have to be a negative thing? They want to walk around on the plane? Then walk around with them! I did that a lot when mine started walking and didn’t want to sit down. So what? They weren’t bothering anyone by walking up and down the aisles.They can be active and still pleasant at the same time. That’s when parenting style comes in. Kids can be active and still easily entertained and well-behaved, or they can be active and a nightmare.

I didn’t say it was a negative thing, it’s not at all. But not is sitting still at 1-2y the result of good parenting.

I think it all comes down to what you did pre children. When I do enjoy a holiday hotel breakfast, I also enjoy having a villa or a apartment where I self cater, I either go out for breakfast to a café or I just walk to a bakery grab some stuff while the other person is doing coffee.

For me resort holiday was never really worth the money. Pre children we did it in Europe 2-3 times and never really thought this was the ultimate thing to do.

I enjoyed hotels and guest houses when we went long haul to Asia and Canada and that was really nice but again it was more of a place to sleep and having a nice breakfast and maybe some drinks after dinner but we are still up and about all day.

I traveled quite a bit with my young children. My son was a handful as he was either full on or asleep. My DD was a fussy baby and moody as a toddler but much more biddable (she pretty much did as told, whereas my son always did the opposite). I do remember it being stressful, not so much the actual holiday though you had to stick to their schedule and we found one outing for about four hours then the afternoon by the pool worked best, with dinner much earlier than us adults would like and early nights. And I often concluded that holidays were harder as same amount of work but without the convenience of home comforts. But I’m glad we did it - there were so many great times.
But I never had to tell my DH to F off, he was great at taking my son off for an explore if I was getting overwhelmed with my fussy girl. Or taking her so I could get a nap. Though I do remember one holiday he brought a stack of books to read and I barely got through one article in an old Vogue magazine (he didn’t get much chance to read, but the fact he thought he would)!

My best advice if two-parent family; get one parent to do the childcare for one morning or day whilst the other has childfree me-time, and swap roles another day.

@mondaytosunday my DH didn’t do anything wrong tbh. He is very hands on but I was so stressed out that it came out when he’d say something a bit stingy like ‘oh you’re so naggy’ etc

mind you I heard a mum at the AI buffet yell f’s sake at her toddler! I think it’s hard. End. 😅

I think the key when they're that young is keep travelling to a minimum, short flight, short travel from airport to hotel and go for a hotel/resort that is very family friendly. The hardest bit is your expectations of a holiday need to change!

I can't say that was my experience at all. Ours have a 3.5 year difference and we have been taking them abroad since the youngest was 9 months old.

We never did resorts or hotels. Always did self catering villas with a pool as having our own space was important to us. Mornings were for sightseeing, water/safari parks or aquariums etc (never more than an hour's drive away) then we'd make sure we were back for a couple of hours in the pool to tire them out.

We nearly always ate out and DCs either shared ours or ate starters or at the worst a bowl of chips. Then we'd come back, put them to bed and sit out drinking wine.

We took books and small toys and always sticker books for meal times.

Of course we had some awful moments - I remember DD having a tantrum in Florence and having to push her around screaming in the buggy.

But overall I have fond memories. Saying that, we never did long haul which I think would be a struggle.

Now they are late teens/early 20s and still enjoy coming away on holiday with us.

I always love holidays but I did rely on going to the UAE and Oman a lot. Clean, 5 star, all-inclusive with amazing kids clubs & in-room babysitting. Not sure what I’ll do now.

Agreed, self-catering is banned in my family too.

But four+ times per year is surely excessive....

@pottylolly oooo Oman sounds lovely! But too far away for my kiddos rn

Ah solidarity @Solsticestar1 and also here to say it gets easier - we have found the biggest life hack though, going away with friends who have kids the same age (now, not so much when they were as small as yours) ours are 10 and 5 now, we've done holidays with friends 3 times and it is life changing (we tend to cross over for around 4-5 nights of our 9 night holiday so we still have family time too) Tbf - when they were the age of your toddler and got restless - we'd let them wander. DS1 loved nothing more than walking up and down the plane saying hello to every person in every row, waiting patiently if someone didn't say hello back hah. I absolutely agree that AI is the easiest option for you to at least get a break from the monotony of cooking and cleaning, we found a few places in the canaries that had kitchen areas in the rooms even though they were AI which was a best of both worlds as we would have snacks at hand for eg on a morning as we got ready, the kids could have a criossant in the room. Then all head to breakfast together, however now DH and I take turns to go eat breakfast alone in a separate area of the restaurant to the other one who takes the kids - another little moment of peace before the day begins.

I find it totally depends on the type of holiday and whether you have help available! We just did a 3 night trip to Germany with our 22 month old DD and it was challenging in parts (she was much fussier and grumpier than at home - usually she is an "easy" toddler) but I would still say overall we enjoyed it.
We have been to the south of France for a week twice (and we are going again in summer) and we bring my DM which is a total gamechanger. We stay in a big apartment, and me and DH go out for dinner every night whilst my DM is happy to chill at the flat with DD asleep. A lot also depends on the kid's temperament! We are lucky in the DD is good on flights and enjoys travel generally, but I have friends who find that aspect hellish.

Holidays with young DC are hard work and judging by my friends' experiences, nearly all parents feel like this! However, being at home is hard work as well. If you can afford it, I'd still choose to go on holiday because at least you get a bit of a change.

Why not actually expect your husbands to do some of the childcare?! Sure they can manage for a morning at least 😀

I love taking mine away (now 3 and 5 but we have been every year since COVID allowed). They're pretty calm kids and I'm very laid back - if they're eating something and happy, that'll do!

I was going to say the same as this. I’ve loved ours. We travel long haul to see various family, we travelled for weeks for both mat and pat leaves. Ours are 2 and 4 now and I love the time out to swim with them, get them in the sea, explore, go on boats, try new foods (not always successful).

Same as a PP we don’t do AI, and we’ve always liked exploring. We ditch the routine. It’s not always perfect, long haul flights with delays aren’t always fun, driving to Europe can be easier. Air bnbs can be easier, as not worrying about noise disturbing others and can put them to bed then drink outside with snacks after dinner

I never went abroad. We just went to the seaside to a holiday park lots of things to do and entertainment in the evening. I don't know why people do that with small children and my Mum and Dad came with us so we could have a break too.