Am I unreasonable question.. boys trip abroad

[19Notts32]

My partner has turned round and told me a couple of weeks ago he is going away for 4 nights to New York with a friend. I feel insanely upset that he wants to be that far away from our 4 young kids who are 2 6 8 and 11 not to mention I am so worried about his safety. It comes from not having a big family network around if something happens to him and having to put up with a lot of clearing off abroad before we had kids. I kinda thought those days were done. He has experienced the loss of family members in last couple of years so thinking that may be a contributing factor. His mate has been absolutely relentless about going too not caring that I have said outright im not comfortable. Am I being unreasonable? I just couldn't be that far from our babies for that long and I dont understand him. I feel almost embarrassed it prob sounds insane.

YANBU OP. I understand you’re worried something will happen to him / he’ll get up to no good.

He sounds quite sensible and I’m sure he’ll be fine. You’re dreading it but he’ll be away and back before you know it. Xx

YABU. We need to do things for ourselves as parents. My parents also went away regularly as kids and it didn’t bother us at all.

Try to think of it as a flight to NYC only being about 6 hours. I have family in Yorkshire and it takes me 5 hours to drive there with a short stop.

I know I worry so much about cities and flying and things like terrorism. Im a worrier about worrying. I am also realistic stuff could happen in my own town. He would be ok with it but realistically I wouldn't as I wouldn't feel right and would be too anxious to do it. I guess I've just got to let him go and not say anything. I grew up in a house where my Stepdad never went away from my mum where on the contrary my dad was away all the time hence why they split.

Thank you for lovely answer. I guess it's fear on my part but realistically my kids will want to go places on their own/with friends/boyfriends/girlfriends. I get very anxious and absorbed by news stories to point I have to bring myself back to reality and remember 99.99999999% of the time things are just fine.

YABVU

I don’t really understand why this is a problem seeing as you can afford it, and you aren’t being denied the opportunity to go away yourself, as you say you don’t want to.

His mate historically has got quite stupid drunk. Big cities in generally fear of attacks, crazy people etc. I only went to London 1st time a few years ago

The thing about worrying about things like this is 99.9% of the time they’re not going to happen and you’re wasting precious time feeling this way for no good reason.

I know it’s easier said than done but you need to try and change your mind set to worrying/dealing with things as and when they actually happen because most of the scenarios in your head won’t actually happen.

I guess in our circles I don't see anyone else doing it but maybe it's more regular in others

I guess in our circles I don't see anyone else doing it but maybe it's more regular in others

What did him coming back with photos of girls involve, like, he cheated?

I would love to change mindset life and every day anxiety would definitely be less of a torture!!

I regularly go on holiday with a friend on my own. Time for me to catch up on myself, remember who I am as a person and to just relax. My kids are safe at home with their dad, they enjoy a change in pace and we have lots of family time.

I don’t think it’s good for women to buy into the idea they are more attached or couldn’t possibly be away from their DC.

No photos hilariously taken up his friends sister and mates skirt which apparantly wasn't him or his fault...

I bet it feels nice and you come back recharged. I guess most of my friends are a bit like me or skint/single parent who it's not easy to go dont have the opportunity. Prob would give me huge confidence if I did.

When you put it like that and remind myself flying is safest form of transport!

Thank you❤️

...that's a sexual offence

Have you talked to your GP or tried therapy?

What the fuck? And your issue is him going away for 4 nights?

You should be ringing the police and packing his shit. Or telling his mates sister so she can!

As for this anxiety, sort it out for your kids. Driving to Scotland on uk motorways and doing outdoor activity is a thousand times more risky than flying to New York and spending a few days in the city.

Where i live it's impossible to see a doc when you're really ill let alone something like this!!!

Try You tube or Instagram. There’ll be plenty of pages out there with helpful videos on the topic of anxiety and changing mindsets.

He said it wasn't him and hes def not the sort to do that normally. It was days of camera film needing to be developed and I had misfortune of collecting photos. So it wasn't his mobile or anything. Worst thing is the girls were best friends of his ex so it was a lot for me to think about.

I will remember exactly what you just said about risks thank you it was brilliantly put x

I don’t think so necessarily. I go on way more trips with my girlfriends than my husband has. He’s definitely the worrywart about leaving the children in our relationship. The friends I holiday with also have no hang ups about leaving the children when going away.

He said it wasn't him and hes def not the sort to do that normally. It was days of camera film needing to be developed and I had misfortune of collecting photos. So it wasn't his mobile or anything. Worst thing is the girls were best friends of his ex so it was a lot for me to think about.

I will remember exactly what you just said about risks thank you it was brilliantly put x

I think I would look to go privately if I were you, it could really help.