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Original poster

Dad leaving children unattended abroad

59 replies

Ms2 · 02/09/2025 20:45

I need to know if i am overreacting before i take this any further…

my ex (been split for 5+ years) has taken our children abroad to Turkey with his partner- which I have absolutely no issues with whatsoever.

I received a phone-call at work from my 9 yr old daughter to say her and her 10 year old brother had made a friend by the pool that they were playing with when this friend started kicking her.
I asked if she had told her dad as I am in England so cannot do anything and her reply was ‘no they’ve both gone to bed as they are tired’ and said she didn’t want to wake him as he would be annoyed that she had woken him.

I am absolutely out of my mind that he would leave our children unattended in a foreign country so that him and his partner could go to sleep and put their ‘tiredness’ before our children’s safety. Also they were waiting for them to wake so they could have dinner.

I can’t concentrate at work, struggling to eat and my heart is physically hurting for them and just want them back with me but that won’t be until Friday.

could anyone please give me some advice as to what I can do going forward as they have his surname but I need to know that my babies are safe whilst they are in another country with the man that is supposed to protect them before he protects himself?? I obviously don’t want them going away with him again until i can be assured this wont happen again.

Thanks in advance from one anxious and heartbroken momma x

OP posts:
samarrange · 02/09/2025 23:25

Well, there's "in a foreign country" and there's "by the pool in a resort hotel in a foreign country". We let our DC go off with their holiday friends within the hotel when they were that age. We probably wouldn't have been sleeping (or "sleeping") in our room at the same time, but if your children are reasonably clued-up and not going to decide to walk into town then I don't think it's a huge safeguarding issue even if it's a bit lazy of your ex.

In any case there isn't much you can do other than give him a piece of your mind. The hotel can't force him to watch the kids all day.

I hope it works out and your ex is suitably contrite, but I don't think you need to worry for your DC's safety. 🙏

ABearInCalais · 02/09/2025 23:29

Personally I think a 9-year-old is a little bit too young to be left unattended by a pool, and I am not a very risk averse parent at all. I’m sorry you’ve got this worry.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 02/09/2025 23:32

samarrange · 02/09/2025 23:25

Well, there's "in a foreign country" and there's "by the pool in a resort hotel in a foreign country". We let our DC go off with their holiday friends within the hotel when they were that age. We probably wouldn't have been sleeping (or "sleeping") in our room at the same time, but if your children are reasonably clued-up and not going to decide to walk into town then I don't think it's a huge safeguarding issue even if it's a bit lazy of your ex.

In any case there isn't much you can do other than give him a piece of your mind. The hotel can't force him to watch the kids all day.

I hope it works out and your ex is suitably contrite, but I don't think you need to worry for your DC's safety. 🙏

I totally disagree, 9 and 10 is too young to leave unattended by a pool while you sleep out of view. And the child is clearly upset and doesn’t feel like they can wake their dad as he will be annoyed. So if a bigger issue happens they probably still won’t wake an adult, it is dangerous.

OP can you phone him and wake him up? Or are you worried he will be even more mad at DC?

puddlegoose · 02/09/2025 23:33

I am so sorry that you are in this situation and I would feel the same as you. So irresponsible. The fact that your children were concerned he would be annoyed if they “woke” him is upsetting on top of the safety aspect.

TomatoSandwiches · 02/09/2025 23:34

Leaving any primary aged child unattended and unsupervised by a pool is fucking ridiculous and disgustingly selfish, anyone who thinks that is ok should probably not have responsibility for any children.

DoRayMeMeMe · 02/09/2025 23:35

Can you phone that lazy fucker and interrupt his “Nap”.
Do you have the number of the hotel?

TheHolyFlail · 02/09/2025 23:37

Yeah leaving them by the pool isn’t ok. There are still creeps that are able to access resorts, too. And obviously any situation could arise that makes them feel uncomfortable or unsafe (like another child hurting them..) A resort we stayed in was like a rabbit warren so no way our kids would have been able to find their way back to the room if they wanted or needed to. Concerning that they’re afraid to wake their dad up! Maybe they tried that before and got in trouble…

I’d be calling the hotel to go and check the children are safe. Or call the phone your daughter had and get her to take it with you on the line to a member of staff in reception. Hopefully they’d take them to the room and have a word with the adults involved about not leaving the children alone.

LadyGreySpillsTheTea · 02/09/2025 23:39

The fact that they‘re in a ‘foreign country‘ is neither here nor there - what’s relevant is that they’re unsupervised around a pool in the evening hours with the supposedly responsible adult fast asleep. That wouldn’t be particularly safe in the UK either.

NoSuchThingAsAFreeHoliday · 02/09/2025 23:43

I’m fairly relaxed about these kinds of things generally but I would be very upset about this. Not ok at to leave your kids alone for many reasons. Very slack parenting. I’d be calling him asap. What is your relationship like generally?

Lavender14 · 02/09/2025 23:52

samarrange · 02/09/2025 23:25

Well, there's "in a foreign country" and there's "by the pool in a resort hotel in a foreign country". We let our DC go off with their holiday friends within the hotel when they were that age. We probably wouldn't have been sleeping (or "sleeping") in our room at the same time, but if your children are reasonably clued-up and not going to decide to walk into town then I don't think it's a huge safeguarding issue even if it's a bit lazy of your ex.

In any case there isn't much you can do other than give him a piece of your mind. The hotel can't force him to watch the kids all day.

I hope it works out and your ex is suitably contrite, but I don't think you need to worry for your DC's safety. 🙏

No I think this is effing insane that he'd leave them in that way. It's massively irresponsible. They could get hurt/drown in the pool any number of things could happen and for me, the key in all of this is that the child hasn't felt able to reach out to the non available parent to the extent they've had to ring a parent in another country for help. Which shows they were not equipped to manage the situation alone. It wouldn't even have been safe in the UK.

Jesus op I'd be so sorely tempted to rip him a new one and I'm sorry you've this hanging over you now. I would actually do as a pp has suggested and get the child to take the phone to a member of staff to identify the parents and you stay on the phone with them. The hotel need to lay the law that the kids shouldn't be unsupervised in this way. And then you can reinforce that when you're home. What a lazy arse.

GingerPaste · 03/09/2025 04:56

He’s totally irresponsible and I’d be upset and livid too.

NJLX2021 · 03/09/2025 05:31

if it were a very safe/secure resort, with great lifeguards and security, and they had built up their confidence over a few days and knew their way around everywhere, and knew who to go to for help...

Nah, even then, I think they are still a few years too young.

chunkybear · 03/09/2025 05:54

Honestly I’d rip him a new one too ! Totally irresponsible FFS! If he wants to sleep etc then don’t bother take the kids just have a holiday with his partner and ensure the safety of his children

Glittertwins · 03/09/2025 05:59

No, that’s totally irresponsible. Why should the hotel staff/ lifeguards be his babysitter?

Thortour · 03/09/2025 06:04

What an idiot. Go get them!

dunroamingfornow · 03/09/2025 07:03

He’s not sleeping. What kind of parent puts a holiday shag above their children’s safety. I’d be fuming. I’d be phoning the hotel to report that your children had called you in England to say they couldn’t find their dad. Also I would be phoning him to interrupt his “nap”.

Hayley1256 · 03/09/2025 07:09

He's been ridiculous! I let my DD9 have a bot of freedom on holiday e.g she can go to lods club woth holiday friends, play around the pool with them etc but I would never leave her whilst I went back to the room to sleep. I normally jave an eyes on approach (even if from a distance). I would ring him asap or as a last resort I'd be flying over there

PermanentTemporary · 03/09/2025 07:15

I’d take a breath and remember that a child informing me about a situation doesn’t always see or remember all the details. I can imagine eg that your ex is on a balcony overlooking the pool or something. Not saying that’s likely, but to some extent you have to believe that he’s responsible.

I am also in the (apparently very small) camp thinking that children of that age can be safe in or around a pool alone. Are they generally pretty good kids, able to swim etc?

Id speak to them again today to reassure yourself they’re ok. For sure have a conversation with your ex asking what was happening and saying it did upset you.

jannier · 03/09/2025 07:39

samarrange · 02/09/2025 23:25

Well, there's "in a foreign country" and there's "by the pool in a resort hotel in a foreign country". We let our DC go off with their holiday friends within the hotel when they were that age. We probably wouldn't have been sleeping (or "sleeping") in our room at the same time, but if your children are reasonably clued-up and not going to decide to walk into town then I don't think it's a huge safeguarding issue even if it's a bit lazy of your ex.

In any case there isn't much you can do other than give him a piece of your mind. The hotel can't force him to watch the kids all day.

I hope it works out and your ex is suitably contrite, but I don't think you need to worry for your DC's safety. 🙏

Pools abroad are not usually lifeguarded to our standards. Kids of 9 drown in pools and holiday accidents are not unheard of. Neither is abduction

myplace · 03/09/2025 07:48

Ring him up and ask if he can see the kids because you’ve had an odd conversation with them.

Original poster
Ms2 · 03/09/2025 08:10

Thanks for the advice.

I am not able to contact him as he has blocked me on all forms of communication for some unknown reason. I have not been given any information on hotel etc to contact them (which is probably naive on my part but if i allow him to take them away again i will make sure i get this info).

I will certainly be letting him know how its made me feel and ask why the children feel they cant wake him when something is wrong.

thanks again for the advice its much appreciated, I just wanted someone to clarify that im not being a ‘crazy ex’.

they are coming home today to their mommas loving and AWAKE arms 🥰

OP posts:
myplace · 03/09/2025 08:14

Ms2 · 03/09/2025 08:10

Thanks for the advice.

I am not able to contact him as he has blocked me on all forms of communication for some unknown reason. I have not been given any information on hotel etc to contact them (which is probably naive on my part but if i allow him to take them away again i will make sure i get this info).

I will certainly be letting him know how its made me feel and ask why the children feel they cant wake him when something is wrong.

thanks again for the advice its much appreciated, I just wanted someone to clarify that im not being a ‘crazy ex’.

they are coming home today to their mommas loving and AWAKE arms 🥰

It’s good they’re home soon.

I wouldn’t make this about ‘how you feel’ though. That isn’t his business. Keeping the DC safe is. They shouldn’t be unattended by the pool and afraid to go back to the room.

Bear in mind they may not have been unsupervised- they could have been doing something reciprocal with the parents of the other DC. (You watch ours this afternoon, we’ll watch yours this evening.)

Goatblu · 03/09/2025 08:19

They're home today? That's good as you originally said Friday which I think I'd have driven myself mad with worry.

jannier · 03/09/2025 08:20

Assuming he's not violent or abusive I'd have rung him and asked why his children were calling you with issues that were worrying them because they were too scared to wake him

NoSuchThingAsAFreeHoliday · 03/09/2025 08:21

Glad you’re getting them home. Being blocked from all kinds of communication also seems like a bit of an issue to me. Again, irresponsible on his part. Good luck.