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Original poster

Dad leaving children unattended abroad

59 replies

Ms2 · 02/09/2025 20:45

I need to know if i am overreacting before i take this any further…

my ex (been split for 5+ years) has taken our children abroad to Turkey with his partner- which I have absolutely no issues with whatsoever.

I received a phone-call at work from my 9 yr old daughter to say her and her 10 year old brother had made a friend by the pool that they were playing with when this friend started kicking her.
I asked if she had told her dad as I am in England so cannot do anything and her reply was ‘no they’ve both gone to bed as they are tired’ and said she didn’t want to wake him as he would be annoyed that she had woken him.

I am absolutely out of my mind that he would leave our children unattended in a foreign country so that him and his partner could go to sleep and put their ‘tiredness’ before our children’s safety. Also they were waiting for them to wake so they could have dinner.

I can’t concentrate at work, struggling to eat and my heart is physically hurting for them and just want them back with me but that won’t be until Friday.

could anyone please give me some advice as to what I can do going forward as they have his surname but I need to know that my babies are safe whilst they are in another country with the man that is supposed to protect them before he protects himself?? I obviously don’t want them going away with him again until i can be assured this wont happen again.

Thanks in advance from one anxious and heartbroken momma x

OP posts:
zaazaazoom · 03/09/2025 08:21

I am on the very easy going end of the parent spectrum and I would never do this.

Original poster
Ms2 · 03/09/2025 08:38

Goatblu · 03/09/2025 08:19

They're home today? That's good as you originally said Friday which I think I'd have driven myself mad with worry.

They are back in the country today, I was originally getting them back Friday but i am going to ask to get them back today.

OP posts:
Hayley1256 · 03/09/2025 08:38

Agree, this isn't about how you feel. It's about the children's safety

Original poster
Ms2 · 03/09/2025 08:43

Can I just state that all I care about is my children’s safety!!

OP posts:
TheFairyCaravan · 03/09/2025 08:48

I’d be absolutely furious.

He didn’t go for a nap, they went for a shag, and I’d bet it wasn’t the first time either. No responsible parent leaves their primary school aged children around a swimming pool by themselves, wherever they are. The thought of what could happen, yes it’s rare but it still could, fills me with absolute dread.

99bottlesofkombucha · 03/09/2025 08:48

samarrange · 02/09/2025 23:25

Well, there's "in a foreign country" and there's "by the pool in a resort hotel in a foreign country". We let our DC go off with their holiday friends within the hotel when they were that age. We probably wouldn't have been sleeping (or "sleeping") in our room at the same time, but if your children are reasonably clued-up and not going to decide to walk into town then I don't think it's a huge safeguarding issue even if it's a bit lazy of your ex.

In any case there isn't much you can do other than give him a piece of your mind. The hotel can't force him to watch the kids all day.

I hope it works out and your ex is suitably contrite, but I don't think you need to worry for your DC's safety. 🙏

What??? You wouldn’t be allowed into a local pool here at 9 and 10 without parents with clear instructions on children must be in parents view at all times. No fit parent lets kids that age play unattended where they can access a pool.

TheHolyFlail · 03/09/2025 08:49

Ms2 · 03/09/2025 08:43

Can I just state that all I care about is my children’s safety!!

I think it’s pretty clear that the reference to the foreign country was simply context as to why it was so difficult for you! It’s very different when your kids are abroad and you’re worrying versus being in your/their home country with them. It’s not like you can hop in a car and be there in a few hours. Communication is generally more difficult and you feel more helpless when there’s thousands of miles between you and your kids. Hope you get them back today x

Hayley1256 · 03/09/2025 08:49

Ms2 · 03/09/2025 08:43

Can I just state that all I care about is my children’s safety!!

I get that OP, when speaking to ex though try not to make it about how worried you were and keep it focused on their safety xx

CoralOP · 03/09/2025 09:12

I would never leave my child at that age.

I did go on holiday once with another couple and their 10 year old and they didn't know where he was 99% of the time, they were both pissed as farts most of the day and completely ignored their child...safe to say they were absolutely shit parents.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 03/09/2025 09:25

You can ask your child to ask a staff member for the name of hotel and text it to you, then you can call the hotel and ask them to keep and eye on your kids and tell off their father and call the ex’s room repeatedly and interrupt their shagging.

put everything in writing - at the very least texts to your daughter to get her to confirm what happened, and you telling daughter not to go in the water until she finds dad.

what can you realistically do as he could take
them
to Centre Parcs without your consent and be just as irresponsible around water - all you could do it block unsupervised contact but that puts all the childcare on you and he can go to court to have that removed pretty easily

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 03/09/2025 09:25

You can also call him from a friends phone

themoirarosee · 03/09/2025 09:50

TheFairyCaravan · 03/09/2025 08:48

I’d be absolutely furious.

He didn’t go for a nap, they went for a shag, and I’d bet it wasn’t the first time either. No responsible parent leaves their primary school aged children around a swimming pool by themselves, wherever they are. The thought of what could happen, yes it’s rare but it still could, fills me with absolute dread.

This. My ex would do something like this, pure selfish. They aren’t sleeping at all.

I would be furious and so upset by this, I’m on holiday with my kids now. Younger at 8 and 6 but still, the hotel is a maze. Huge with 5 pools, piss poor lifeguards that barely turn up, no gates or fences as it opens right on to the beach. If I took my eyes off them for a second they’d be gone.

The risk of drowning is still so high at these ages. I cannot believe he thinks this is acceptable.

I’d have very strong words with him!

NaiceBalonz · 03/09/2025 10:55

"if i allow him to take them away again"

Says it all, doesn't it.

jannier · 03/09/2025 11:01

Ms2 · 03/09/2025 08:10

Thanks for the advice.

I am not able to contact him as he has blocked me on all forms of communication for some unknown reason. I have not been given any information on hotel etc to contact them (which is probably naive on my part but if i allow him to take them away again i will make sure i get this info).

I will certainly be letting him know how its made me feel and ask why the children feel they cant wake him when something is wrong.

thanks again for the advice its much appreciated, I just wanted someone to clarify that im not being a ‘crazy ex’.

they are coming home today to their mommas loving and AWAKE arms 🥰

Personally even if I was still living with someone I want to know flight and accomodation details. Things can happen like emergency or death home or abroad. My adult kids who live away still send flight tracker info shit happens.

Doseofreality · 03/09/2025 11:04

He’s left them to go for a shag. I’d be fucking furious and would be waiting at the airport on the return to call him out publicly.

99bottlesofkombucha · 03/09/2025 11:06

NaiceBalonz · 03/09/2025 10:55

"if i allow him to take them away again"

Says it all, doesn't it.

Yes , it says that fortunately there are mechanisms by which parents who are concerned for their children’s safety can restrict their co parent from taking them out of the country. Or are you supportive of parents leaving young children by a pool and telling them not to disturb them so they can go have sex??

99bottlesofkombucha · 03/09/2025 11:07

Doseofreality · 03/09/2025 11:04

He’s left them to go for a shag. I’d be fucking furious and would be waiting at the airport on the return to call him out publicly.

Absolutely. Shout it with a megaphone.

BigBirdOfPrey · 03/09/2025 11:10

I’d be fuming- anything can happen, kidnapping, drowning.
so they can go have a quick fumble!! I doubt it’s a nap they went for.
This find the truth first.

BigBirdOfPrey · 03/09/2025 11:16

Should have told the kids to go hide for a few hours, that would put the shits up him!!!

BigBirdOfPrey · 03/09/2025 11:17

Doseofreality · 03/09/2025 11:04

He’s left them to go for a shag. I’d be fucking furious and would be waiting at the airport on the return to call him out publicly.

Then you would look crazy, people see reactions and not the actions that caused it.
that would have no impact on the main concern at all.

Lookylooper · 03/09/2025 11:29

9 and 10? Nah. That's too young to be alone, pool or no pool. If they parents were by the pool and the kids wanted to wander to the bar to get a drink on their own then maybe but to leave them outside while you go to 'sleep' and don't even know where they are? That's shit.

BluntPlumHam · 03/09/2025 12:38

Don’t let him take them away again. It’s irresponsible and no caring parent does this. You’re right to panic.

Original poster
Ms2 · 03/09/2025 12:38

NaiceBalonz · 03/09/2025 10:55

"if i allow him to take them away again"

Says it all, doesn't it.

Does it?
Please feel free to elaborate???

OP posts:
Stressymadre · 03/09/2025 12:42

@Ms2 I am so sorry you've had this stress. I just wanted to say that I understand as I have the same issues with my Ex. They went away, in UK, but every morning my two DC were told they had to stay out so him and his GF could "rest". And... like yours, mine are too scared to say anything. It happens at home too, that they go to bed to "rest" and the kids aren't allowed to disturb and I have the stress of the kids messaging me saying they feel unwell etc at times but can't speak to daddy. It's horrible isnt it? These men dont deserve to be parents

R0ckandHardPlace · 03/09/2025 12:44

NaiceBalonz · 03/09/2025 10:55

"if i allow him to take them away again"

Says it all, doesn't it.

I wouldn’t let him. He’s obviously irresponsible and not able to keep them safe.