I’m going to give up on holidays…

[solidnwardar]

We’re going home early again from another holiday - 3rd year on the trot. DS is autistic and despite him knowing everything about holidays and really wanting to go, he becomes a rude, horrible person to be around and refuses to do / see / eat anything and once again he’s complaining that he never wanted to come and we forced him and this was the worst holiday ever.

Holidays are SO expensive. I feel really sad, flat and unhappy that another year of saving up and endlessly thinking about everyone’s needs has still left everyone miserable. We haven’t seen much of where we’ve been and are skipping one whole segment of the holiday to fly home early.

I'm done. I would say I’m saving for when he’s left home but he probably won’t. Holidays are overrated aren’t they?!

@BillyWinddo you have a local parent/ carer forum? If not then there are facebook groups that are useful. I’d strongly suggest that speaking to parents who are ND themselves will be very helpful as well because I have found that sometimes the comments made by parents who are NT about their ND kids - even though they are lovely people and trying really hard to understand and support their children - often betray some serious lack of understanding about what’s underlying the child’s behaviour/ struggles (not saying you’re like this! But speaking to people like that isn’t much help).

You sound like a great parent. I do think there is some wilful ignorance from some people. It’s one thing just not knowing much about autism but if they’re family members and you’ve explained DS’s difficulties to them and they still “don’t understand” to be honest that is them choosing not to listen to you or do any research themselves to read about autism and how it affects him, even as a member of their own family. It’s hard to excuse that, if his diagnosis isn’t new.

Of course they won’t comprehend just how much you need to make adjustments to every aspect of life but for them to believe that he can somehow just “try harder” and that will make his sensory issues etc vanish indicates they don’t even understand the most basic things and that this is like telling a child in a wheelchair that if they just wish hard enough their legs will magically work again. Or that if they just tried a bit more they’d be comfortable eating their lunch in a room with music at 125 decebels, or in temperatures of -10°C without a jumper or coat. It shows that the research is correct in that autistic people tend to be the ones with more empathy for others, on average!

I'm really sorry you've had a shit time.

My oldest is 13 and has been diagnosed since he was 4 and my youngest who is 10 is on the waiting list and I am pretty sure he has PDA which is a whole new ball game compared to the oldest.

I've not had an abroad holiday since we got married in 2010, we've just put it off due to their needs. My and the hubby have realised that we are probably neurodiverse too when going through it with my two you realise that all the questions asked are you down to a t. Husband is waiting for an ADHD appointment.

My oldest doesn't do noise or busyness, my youngest is always bored no matter what he is doing. Like you I just crave those holidays where you get to do what you want and be looked after :(

We've only done short 4 night breaks or 2 night breaks in caravans or hot tub lodges so far. Even some of those over the years has been challenging for us all been stuck in a small space together. It has got easier over the years though and I think we're ready to try something else and have been looking.

It's hard constantly having to meet someone else's need whilst yours gets pushed down because I "cope" better.

Run a bath, light a candle, get a face mask a good book and close yourself away for an hour, eat some chocolate and hopefully you can at least recharge your batteries before you go back to work.