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Original poster

Teen rejecting holiday

58 replies

manywanderings · 04/01/2025 00:48

So we just got back from a few days in Europe over Christmas. It was a challenge to organise as I need a mobility scooter most of the time, but I had it very well organised, there was a lot to do in a few days, and had all the tickets sorted and transport etc. I thought it went great. Son seemed to enjoy it too. Now I know he thought it "hassle" every time we got on and off a bus with a ramp for me (automatic ramps, not really a hassle), but I know he enjoyed some parts and we had some nice meals.

This is the first time we've had an overseas holiday together (he begged for it!) and also the first time I've had to go on holiday with major mobility issues. But I thought it was a success. It has given me the travel bug and a sense of achievement. Plus we got to have some family time (not easy with teens).

Our main holiday is booked for Easter for a full week and in an area that will be more relaxing - not rushing around being tourists this time - some tourism but a beach as well.

The teenager now says he doesn't want to go - because of the mobility scooter. I am trying to be rational but I am hurt. It is as if he rejected all the positive things of our recent trip - which was quite an experience for him - and rejected me too!

Also what do we do? We can't go and leave him at home? And I want to go on holiday!

OP posts:
GreyBlackBay · 04/01/2025 00:52

I am surprised you are not more upset. The scooter is an essential aid for you. It's not like you were wearing an embarrassing hat.

What an arse for not even trying to find a different reason.

I vote you book your holiday and he can stay in the hotel if he likes.

NewZealandintherain · 04/01/2025 01:08

Sorry to hear that. How old is he?

Bodybutterblusher · 04/01/2025 01:13

Having been a disabled mum in a scooter for a while, I think you have to accept that you don't know his journey and how he's affected. Disabilities are often most apparent on holidays. He may say he doesn't like the hassle when he actually doesn't like being reminded you are vulnerable. I'm not saying his behaviour is acceptable but I respect this as possibly more than you know. I hated all the staring and awkward waiting with a disability as a grown adult.

Original poster
manywanderings · 04/01/2025 11:16

16 - nearly 17. Bodybutterblusher - I take the point there. But it all went so well - we were treated amazingly everywhere we went and people were so helpful. Until right near the end of the holiday when one rude, small cafe owner, refused to let us in because of my scooter. That's the only thing I can think of.

I did say right at the start, that it would be a bit more restrictive than if I wasn't on a scooter, and I did feel a bit guilty that it wouldn't be quite so spontaneous in that respect - transport had to be used to get from a to be to save the scooter battery - but we had such a good time.

I'll just add also that he does have a girlfriend - which he didn't have when the holiday was booked. And he was quite happy when we got back - until he saw his girlfriend.

OP posts:
ImmortalSnowman · 04/01/2025 11:18

He's nearly 17 why can't you leave him at home?

Original poster
manywanderings · 04/01/2025 11:19

Yes I'm tempted to go ahead with it anyway. And we are not leaving him home alone. I don't ask him to help with the scooter - I'm quite independent on it. But he did seem to feel like he was responsible and kept trying to help with it. Which sometimes got a bit annoying actually and I had to say, it's ok I can sort it out myself, you don't need to worry about it. Some of that was impatience though I think - wanting things done quicker - he is quite impatient generally.

OP posts:
Original poster
manywanderings · 04/01/2025 11:21

ImmortalSnowman · 04/01/2025 11:18

He's nearly 17 why can't you leave him at home?

We just can't really. And I think if we did he might regret it as well.

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CaptainCarrotsBigSword · 04/01/2025 11:24

When you say you can't leave him at home, is that because he would have a party and wreck the joint? Or because he'd a danger to himself and accidentally set fire to the house? Does he have additional needs and can't look after himself? Really at 17 he should be fine at home for a few days - in Scotland he'd be off to uni!

RupertCampbellBlacksEgo · 04/01/2025 11:33

He's nearly an adult man, of course he should be left at home. He doesn't want to go, which is fine, go and enjoy your holiday.

arethereanyleftatall · 04/01/2025 11:36

You might need to say why you can't leave a 17yo home alone for readers to understand it.

Original poster
manywanderings · 04/01/2025 11:41

I think the former reason Captain Carrots - we would worry about it.

OP posts:
Original poster
manywanderings · 04/01/2025 11:44

He forgets to turn the rings off on the cooker. I also had my own flat at 17 and nearly burned the place down!

OP posts:
Original poster
manywanderings · 04/01/2025 11:47

Also it's a whole week and we'd be out of the country. On the other hand it would be significantly cheaper with only two ha ha. Different hotel room. Less tickets.

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Comedycook · 04/01/2025 11:50

I have a ds16, nearly 17 and I wouldn't leave him if we went on holiday. He's not badly behaved or untrustworthy, just totally absent minded and I'd be worrying the whole time about things...so I totally understand and agree with you op.

My first thought about your ds and his reaction was, that at that age a lot of them are incredibly self conscious and perhaps he felt like the mobility scooter drew attention to you all. Now, we as adults, know this isn't true and doesn't matter anyway....most people won't give it any thought and if they do, not in a negative sense at all. But I'm wondering if that was the issue. My ds absolutely hates if we even dare to laugh in public as he feels it draws attention to us!

RupertCampbellBlacksEgo · 04/01/2025 11:50

...yes, that's fine? He's almost an adult. If he's not disabled or has special needs, I can't understand why he needs a parent with him at all times?

BusyPoster · 04/01/2025 11:50

TBH teens of this age often start rejecting holidays, all three of mine did. Then about five years later two them wanted to join in again.

1AngelicFruitCake · 04/01/2025 11:51

Are there three of you? You, his dad and him? I agree about the mobility scooter, it might have reminded him you're vulnerable or made him feel different to others if his age. It's something he has to accept but it's hard being a teenager.

Is offering to have a friend come an option?

Wildwalksinjanuary · 04/01/2025 11:57

He can stay with relatives or friends. I think you deserve a proper holiday op!

Original poster
manywanderings · 04/01/2025 12:04

Thanks all! He was the one that wanted the holiday! We don't normally go abroad. He was looking forward to it. But maybe the reality of this recent few days holiday with us and a scooter has changed his view. Not the same thing - a few days is rushing around - a week isn't. Plus I think having a girlfriend has something to do with it now. We did say no to taking a friend because it was just going to cost too much and to be honest I don't think I could handle it - it's hard enough handling two males!

OP posts:
Notimeforaname · 04/01/2025 12:05

Leave him at home he's 17 not 7.

Do you think between now and the time he turns 18 he will suddenly become responsible and not be at risk of burning the place down? Will he not be allowed to stay home alone at 18 either?

Original poster
manywanderings · 04/01/2025 12:06

I think we need to have a further discussion. At 18 he's a legal adult - that's different - still a lot of growing up to do in the next year and a bit. Technically he can't go abroad on holiday himself until he's 18.

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Original poster
manywanderings · 04/01/2025 12:11

Just to add also, it's practically quite difficult for him to be home alone if he can't drive - we live out in the sticks. If he wanted to go out every day (as usual) it would cost a fortune in taxis.

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RupertCampbellBlacksEgo · 04/01/2025 12:13

Time to let him figure things out, he's completely old enough to do this. He does not get to dictate that adults deny themselves a holiday to sit at home babysitting him and ferrying him around.
He can work out what friend to stay with, or get someone to babysit himself.

EwwSprouts · 04/01/2025 12:13

We're a family of three too. At 17 the answer was to take a friend of DS so they could have time to do their own stuff eg have a wander without the oldies, watch a football match in the hotel. Plenty of family time on the beach and meals together.

MaxMaxy · 04/01/2025 12:13

manywanderings · 04/01/2025 12:06

I think we need to have a further discussion. At 18 he's a legal adult - that's different - still a lot of growing up to do in the next year and a bit. Technically he can't go abroad on holiday himself until he's 18.

Edited

Yes he can. My ds went on his first lads holiday at 18 and there were some in the group still 17