Teen rejecting holiday

[manywanderings]

So we just got back from a few days in Europe over Christmas. It was a challenge to organise as I need a mobility scooter most of the time, but I had it very well organised, there was a lot to do in a few days, and had all the tickets sorted and transport etc. I thought it went great. Son seemed to enjoy it too. Now I know he thought it "hassle" every time we got on and off a bus with a ramp for me (automatic ramps, not really a hassle), but I know he enjoyed some parts and we had some nice meals.

This is the first time we've had an overseas holiday together (he begged for it!) and also the first time I've had to go on holiday with major mobility issues. But I thought it was a success. It has given me the travel bug and a sense of achievement. Plus we got to have some family time (not easy with teens).

Our main holiday is booked for Easter for a full week and in an area that will be more relaxing - not rushing around being tourists this time - some tourism but a beach as well.

The teenager now says he doesn't want to go - because of the mobility scooter. I am trying to be rational but I am hurt. It is as if he rejected all the positive things of our recent trip - which was quite an experience for him - and rejected me too!

Also what do we do? We can't go and leave him at home? And I want to go on holiday!

He can only grow up and be more responsible if you let him Op.
he'll be 18 soon and legally an adult as you said BUT if you don't trust him now, how can you trust him then- nothing will have changed.

I'd actually go a bit hard on him for those comments Op. it's not okay that he sees your scooter as a hassle- it's rude, hurtful, ungrateful, selfish and entitled behavior.

I get he maybe feeling your vulnerability blah blah blah but he doesn't get to disrespect your disability because he found it uncomfortable for him.

Oh also- he needs to lessen to drive, get a license and a job to afford insurance and a car. He has u til you go away without him next time to sort that out.

He’s not quite 17 yet so can’t learn to drive just yet. I’m sure he would love to be home alone and have gf over. He’d be stuck for transport. It’s us who aren’t keen on the idea for a week.

Agree it was hurtful and I know teenagers don’t have much empathy but …..

Im trying to rationalise it that it’s just not his kind of holiday now things have changed and he’s older.

Will have a further chat about it all though.

So let him do it. He'll be fine. There's some sort of public transport, I'm sure. If not, he'll have to stay at home and make his own entertainment. He's 17, I'm sure he'll be able to manage.

Go on holiday. He'll be absolutely fine and I'm sure he'll surprise you all, once he has to cope for himself for a change.

At 17 I worked, studied, had a boyfriend, and a social life. I could cook, clean, and regularly went away by myself. By the time my brother (ND, by the way) was 17, he did exactly the same. He had his own flat at 19 and has been to uni and worked since.

17 is not a child. It's an age where the majority of people are dating, going out, some of them move out, have part time jobs, so on and so forth. I don't know what your son is like beyond what you've written, but if he's that absent minded then use the time from now to then to get him in bloody gear. Or just realise that when he's alone, he won't leave the rings on because he doesn't want to burn the house down. He does it now because he can, not because he can't function.

Take a step back. Don't create a monster that some poor woman will be on here complaining about in 6 years time.

My 8 year old can boil pasta, add sauce, and put it in a bowl. He also washes the dish when he's finished. The ring gets turned off.

Op my dd2 is the same age and very sensible and practical, I still wouldn’t be comfortable going abroad for a week and leaving her home alone. A night or two when we’re in the U.K. yes, a week where we can’t get back easily if needed. No way. we’re all different so don’t listen to those telling you that you should be happy to leave him at home.

teens are complex. Him not wanting to go now is probably a combination of him feeling stressed that you are in the position that you need to use a scooter and the embarrassment (he shouldn’t be, but teens will be) of getting the scooter on and off transport and feeling people are looking. He will get over it as he matures, but for now if it’s possible for this sort of holiday could you compromise? So he comes on holiday but can stay at the hotel sitting around the pool while you go sight seeing?

Thanks all. I think teens do vary. Yes he does his own washing and cooks but he’s a bit blase about safety aspects (and also forgetful - maybe teen hormones)? And yes a week abroad, for the first time, I wouldn’t feel comfortable with. Nearest public transport is only 4 times a day, 2 hourly and it’s a a one and a half mile walk away - and not accessible in bad weather. So without a car/driver it would be taxis only at £20 a journey - so £40 a day there and back to nearest market town - if he only went one place a day. They are also hard to get! Always booked up. It might be doable transport wise but it’s going to be nearer 10 days with travel so I’d rather try a week-end first. He’s not actually 17 yet either - another few months.

I think people and situations vary. I think he was quite worried about something going wrong - with the scooter. It didn’t but we were turned away from a cafe right at the end of our recent trip (which wasn’t nice) just because of the scooter). Everywhere else was great and that lent a positive aspect rather than it being embarrassing.

I suspect he would quite like girlfriend to come and do their own thing. I doubt she would be allowed and it would make the holiday more expensive than we could afford - with separate hotel rooms.

When one of DD's friends came on holiday with us we didn't pay for her. The girls had their own room, but the friend paid her plane fare and for her half of the room (well, her mum paid)